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 Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2011 8:20 pm
So I have a boyfriend. He is really cool and we have a lot in common. The only thing is that he isn't a Christian. The Bible says that the two people need to be equally yoked..and I agree that it's better to date a fellow believer, but I really like this guy and he treats me well. He's not against God, he's just not for religion in general because he was raised in a bitterly forceful Catholic family. That's what lead him away from believing in God.
I'm not the type to "convert" people, but I do like to share my faith with others so they can understand why I am the way I am.
What should I do? Advice? Comments?
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2011 9:33 pm
The verse about being "unequally yoked" has nothing to do with marrying or dating a non-believer. In fact there are verses counter to this: 1 Corinthians 7 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. I honestly wouldn't push it on him. The Lord comes in patience not in force. Christ entered the world as babe not as military commander. If you want to have religious dialog don't go in trying to convert or "win souls" because then it's not dialog any more. My fiancee was a pagan when we first got together. When I started back with Christianity I didn't expect her to convert with me. I just answered questions about my religion when they came up and explained why I did the things that I did or why I did things differently from other Christians. I didn't expect her to practice what I did because I did not want to "unequally yoke" her. About a month or two ago after being together for 4 years now, she said that Christianity was where she felt most drawn to because it was what she was looking for in a religion. Now this does not happen in every case but yeah relationships with members of different religions can and do work. It will take respect for your partner and communication though to say the least but that is important in any relationship though.
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2011 9:37 pm
Good point. thanks for the advice, it helps ^^
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Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:06 pm
I have to say thank you as well. This really helped me in a personal issue.
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 6:17 pm
Update
I got into a discussion about this with one of my Christian friends. She said that dating a non Christian is something that God doesn't want, and God wants the best for me. I told her that I can't help my feelings if I fall in love with a non-believer. I also said that maybe someday he'll see my actions and one day believe in God too. I even showed her that verse in 1 Corinthians that you showed me. She said that I had a good point.
I feel right about this relationship but I notice how so many other Christians would say it's wrong. I know it doesn't matter what they think...but it's still kind of hard to stand up for what I think. I'll definitely pray about this...
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 9:13 pm
"You don't have to stand up, but you shouldn't lie down either."
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 6:50 am
I know what you mean. It was a big issue with my Dad when he heard that my fiancee "might" not be Christian (he didn't know she wasn't at the time and I know what sort of s**t storm that would have caused if he did know). It's tough to deal with social pressures especially when it's within your own community. Remember that other Christians are human just like you. Sometimes doing what you think is right will get people upset. Why? I don't know it varies from person to person but what I've seen it's most often personal insecurities. They might be afraid of losing from their fold you but Christ is with you so the fear of losing you is pointless. But yeah like Jaden said, "you don't have to stand up, but you shouldn't lie down either." If you can, just don't bring up that he's not a Christian, it's none of their business if he is or isn't. You're doing what God wants you to do on your end and showing Christian love to one "undeserving" (not literally, but from their point of view from what I've gathered from you). If they are so worried about his soul, remind them of the parable of the sheep and the goats, God knows who his are and aren't, we don't know anything about anyone outside of ourselves.
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 6:00 am
I wish it was possible to "like" a post xp . I think rmcdra's advice can be applied to all interactions with non-Christians. Actions speak louder than words.
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Lord Alucard Ere Casanova
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 11:00 am
I've already shared that verse with several of my friends and family members, RMC. Thanks for posting it.
Orange, I'm in that kind of relationship as well although my faith has dwindled a bit due to what I've seen. My wife (married her yesterday) isn't a Christian, but we have a healthy and working relationship. I've actually seen and been given more respect from her and her family than I've gotten from fellow Christians I've met. I won't get into that though, my point is I don't see anything wrong with being with someone who has different beliefs.
The important things are: 1; you love each other (or early in the relationship at least care about each other) and get along, 2; you can work together and respect each others differences, and 3; you both feel right in the relationship. Those three in no particular order.
From all has been posted it sounds good to me. My mom, a very faithful Christian, often says that you'll know best when what you're doing is right or wrong based on how you feel when you pray about it. Talk to God and if when mentioning it everything feels right, it may not be wrong. If when telling God about it you feel bad, it may not be so good.
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 8:44 pm
Decide how important it is to you to share beliefs with your partner. Do you want someone you can pray with? Or do you want someone you can have a good rousing religious debate with? Or someone who is just content to live and let live. You really need to look within yourself and decide what you want in your partner, that's really the answer to you question.
My boyfriend identifies differently than me, but we have very similar beliefs. He would probably be uncomfortable with me asking to pray together, because his ex was a crazy, religious nut, but we can still discuss religion and we see eye to eye. That makes me happy, but it wouldn't make everyone happy.
Also, I do believe Paul says somewhere an unbelieving husband is saved through a believing wife, and a unbelieving wife is saved through her believing husband.
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 3:07 pm
freelance lover
[ ... ]
Also, I do believe Paul says somewhere an unbelieving husband is saved through a believing wife, and a unbelieving wife is saved through her believing husband.I often think about what Paul said in this specific scenario. Even though much of my Bible study group would disagree with me, and admonish me stating that as a "responsible Christian should seek other Christian males"--even while knowing you can easily turn that argument on its head--I think such a relationship is possible and permissible and does in fact "redeem" to an extent the non-believer in the relationship, provided we are being proper Christians in every other sense of the word.
I think God would see the love and respect your boyfriend/husband/so is giving you and would know that he therefore has the ability to love and accept Him. What's that famous line again? God is love.
And whoever doesn't know love doesn't know God. And as a Christian, one of Christ's disciples, and a mini embodiment of the living Word, by loving you your boyfriend is in turn loving God.
But like I said, that's just me. And I know people who will try to shame me, but love negates all shame in my world.
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Posted: Fri May 20, 2011 3:12 pm
Gjornia X freelance lover
[ ... ]
Also, I do believe Paul says somewhere an unbelieving husband is saved through a believing wife, and a unbelieving wife is saved through her believing husband.I often think about what Paul said in this specific scenario. Even though much of my Bible study group would disagree with me, and admonish me stating that as a "responsible Christian should seek other Christian males"--even while knowing you can easily turn that argument on its head--I think such a relationship is possible and permissible and does in fact "redeem" to an extent the non-believer in the relationship, provided we are being proper Christians in every other sense of the word.
I think God would see the love and respect your boyfriend/husband/so is giving you and would know that he therefore has the ability to love and accept Him. What's that famous line again? God is love.
And whoever doesn't know love doesn't know God. And as a Christian, one of Christ's disciples, and a mini embodiment of the living Word, by loving you your boyfriend is in turn loving God.
But like I said, that's just me. And I know people who will try to shame me, but love negates all shame in my world.
I read Blue Like Jazz a while back, and I remember in the book the author talks with his married friend who says that he feels God shows his love to him through his wife, and his wife shows him God's love to him through he love. I think that can easily extend beyond a non-Christian SO. I've always been of the opinion that love comes from God and when we love others we are showing them God's love, so by loving a non-believer you're showering them in God's love, and they do the same whether they acknowledge it or not.
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Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 4:37 am
I heard the same thing when people found out that my husband wasn't Christian.I was even approached by 2 different couples in our church who told me I should divorce my husband and the sex we had had could be forgiven. LOL
I refuted with 1 Corinthians 7:12 as well... that was over 10 years ago now.
Anyway, I knew that I was with the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and he treated me better than any of the Christian boys I had dated. I had ONLY dated Christians before I met him. Actually, he never pushed me to do things I wasn't ready to do yet, I can't say the same about anyone else.
I spent allot of time in prayer the night before our wedding, and I came out of prayer with peace and resolve I had never known before, and I knew I would be happy...
I suggest that you pray and listen to what God places in your heart about this. Try to clear your mind of your own desires and see what God has to say. Don't take your own fears and doubts lightly, but don't let others add to them either. If it's meant to be, God will help you address your issues and give you peace on your decisions.
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Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 1:58 pm
freelance lover Gjornia X freelance lover
[ ... ]
Also, I do believe Paul says somewhere an unbelieving husband is saved through a believing wife, and a unbelieving wife is saved through her believing husband.I often think about what Paul said in this specific scenario. Even though much of my Bible study group would disagree with me, and admonish me stating that as a "responsible Christian should seek other Christian males"--even while knowing you can easily turn that argument on its head--I think such a relationship is possible and permissible and does in fact "redeem" to an extent the non-believer in the relationship, provided we are being proper Christians in every other sense of the word.
I think God would see the love and respect your boyfriend/husband/so is giving you and would know that he therefore has the ability to love and accept Him. What's that famous line again? God is love.
And whoever doesn't know love doesn't know God. And as a Christian, one of Christ's disciples, and a mini embodiment of the living Word, by loving you your boyfriend is in turn loving God.
But like I said, that's just me. And I know people who will try to shame me, but love negates all shame in my world.
I read Blue Like Jazz a while back, and I remember in the book the author talks with his married friend who says that he feels God shows his love to him through his wife, and his wife shows him God's love to him through he love. I think that can easily extend beyond a non-Christian SO. I've always been of the opinion that love comes from God and when we love others we are showing them God's love, so by loving a non-believer you're showering them in God's love, and they do the same whether they acknowledge it or not. All of you are giving such great advice! freelance lover, I couldn't have put it better.
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:21 pm
Yeah, I had a 3 year relationship go down the toilet because the person I was with converted to Christianity. We had a great relationship. Then about 2 weeks after conversion, I was told, "well, you either need to convert, or we're done. I can't be with anyone godless."
I was like, really? For real? Wow...
Free will ftw I guess. XD
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