Oh, you know. Life takes a nosedive and I'm not sure what to do anymore. I guess I should start at the beginning.
I started a romantic relationship with my best friend, a year ago. We've only just recently celebrated our one year "Anniversary" (April 6th of this year), and yesterday in the heat of yet another emotional outburst I told him goodbye. Now I don't mean the, "Goodbye for now I'm pissed leave me alone", goodbye. I mean the "I'm seriously fed up"...goodbye.
Here's the catch; this has been a long distance relationship from the start.
I know, a lot of people are completely against such things, and I understand why. There's too much room for doubt, misunderstandings, and of course the idea that one or the other could obviously be unfaithful to the other. They're not here, how would they know.
I fell in love with my best friend. We've known each other for seven years this coming July, and romantically involved for one of those years. We tried pretty much everything to maintain some sense of normality through all of this but, I think we both got lazy. There is just so many things, two people can talk about until there isn't much left to say, and I think I realized that a few weeks ago. We didn't talk like we used to, and not as often. Our small "Things" we did to see each other, stopped months ago and he seemed far more interested in other things over the past one to two months.
Escaping maybe? Or just got bored? I'm not sure but there was just so much I could take, and only so much I could understand about the stress he and I have both been under and I snapped. I snapped epically. To the point where I don't think this is going to fix.
I did this to us. I understand that and take full responsibly for my major freak out and resulting complete blocking out of him. . . and I mean completely removing him from my world. Now, I'm sitting here, thinking that he at least deserved a chance to say something about all of this, weather it was good or bad but, I'm scared to. I mean, I'm really, really scared to and I'm honestly not sure how to approach this in a manner that isn't going to make me vomit.
I'm lost. So very lost and I don't know what to do. I'm not going to off myself or do something drastic, I'm beyond that petty bullshit so, no worries there just...what do I do? If I can't be his lover anymore, can I at least be his friend again? Can I at least have my friend back or is this just beyond repair in any sense. How do I . . . ******** up my ******** up? Is this even worth me trying to fix it or should I just let sleeping dogs lay?
Total pro for reading this rambling nonsense too. Total props. xd Thanks for any advice.
I started a romantic relationship with my best friend, a year ago. We've only just recently celebrated our one year "Anniversary" (April 6th of this year), and yesterday in the heat of yet another emotional outburst I told him goodbye. Now I don't mean the, "Goodbye for now I'm pissed leave me alone", goodbye. I mean the "I'm seriously fed up"...goodbye.
Here's the catch; this has been a long distance relationship from the start.
I know, a lot of people are completely against such things, and I understand why. There's too much room for doubt, misunderstandings, and of course the idea that one or the other could obviously be unfaithful to the other. They're not here, how would they know.
I fell in love with my best friend. We've known each other for seven years this coming July, and romantically involved for one of those years. We tried pretty much everything to maintain some sense of normality through all of this but, I think we both got lazy. There is just so many things, two people can talk about until there isn't much left to say, and I think I realized that a few weeks ago. We didn't talk like we used to, and not as often. Our small "Things" we did to see each other, stopped months ago and he seemed far more interested in other things over the past one to two months.
Escaping maybe? Or just got bored? I'm not sure but there was just so much I could take, and only so much I could understand about the stress he and I have both been under and I snapped. I snapped epically. To the point where I don't think this is going to fix.
I did this to us. I understand that and take full responsibly for my major freak out and resulting complete blocking out of him. . . and I mean completely removing him from my world. Now, I'm sitting here, thinking that he at least deserved a chance to say something about all of this, weather it was good or bad but, I'm scared to. I mean, I'm really, really scared to and I'm honestly not sure how to approach this in a manner that isn't going to make me vomit.
I'm lost. So very lost and I don't know what to do. I'm not going to off myself or do something drastic, I'm beyond that petty bullshit so, no worries there just...what do I do? If I can't be his lover anymore, can I at least be his friend again? Can I at least have my friend back or is this just beyond repair in any sense. How do I . . . ******** up my ******** up? Is this even worth me trying to fix it or should I just let sleeping dogs lay?
Total pro for reading this rambling nonsense too. Total props. xd Thanks for any advice.
