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 Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2011 8:42 pm
Can anyone help me with my english sonnet? I would like someone to double check if it's in the correct Iambic Pentameter. It's a Shakespearean Sonnet, 14 lines, ABABCDCDEFEFGG format. I'm pretty bad at figuring out if it's in Iambic, so a bit of help would be nice. ^^ It's also a bit of a weird poem, i can't write very well. Here is it: The night’s shattered windows, long jagged shards
A broken mess of scattered pieces here,
Living here in this town of disregard;
Alone, a slow deep breath, I stood by there
What would it take for things to be quiet?
Tired with all these, for restful death I cry,
All through the fearful tragedy, a riot
O silence, how I look to the dark sky
If only I could forget and rewind
O but the clock ticks on, indifferent
However, in the back, a key I find
Unlocks the path, my fingers all held bent,
Picking up the pieces, I’m moving on
All the dreaded thoughts pushed aside now gone
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Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2011 9:41 pm
Tired with all these, for restful death I cry,
All through the fearful tragedy, a riot
Debatably these lines have 11 syllables instead of ten.
The first line has the majority of the empahsises on the second syllables of words, which is not idea.
Otherwise I don't know heaps about sonnnets but it looks pretty good to me. I like the mood you've created =)
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Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2011 9:32 pm
MissNightingaleCat Tired with all these, for restful death I cry, All through the fearful tragedy, a riot Debatably these lines have 11 syllables instead of ten. The first line has the majority of the empahsises on the second syllables of words, which is not idea. Otherwise I don't know heaps about sonnnets but it looks pretty good to me. I like the mood you've created =) Thank you! They do? Hm...I counted 10....but I might be wrong...my first sonnet ever written ^^' Thank you again for your advice! xD My friends said that my sonnet was...quote "Deep" lolz... Thanks~
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Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2011 10:00 pm
It can't be Shakespearean. Only Shakespeare poems can be that. xD (pet peeve..)
Okay, so for an English sonnet (yes, Shakespearean) the iambic pentameter is like this: stress, unstress, stress, unstress, repeat.
Or: duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH..
"The night’s shattered windows, long jagged shards"
Incorrect: duh-DUH-duh-duh-DUH-duh-duh
"What would it take for things to be quiet?"
Correct: duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh..
Most of your poem is in correct pentameter =)
Sure, some of it is a bit off but honestly, your teacher would have to be a bit loony to take off points for that.
Shakespeare is one of the rare poets that can pull off stressed and unstressed perfectly.
It also varies by speech patterns; weirdly, all of Shakespeares poems naturally translate into the correct syllables, no matter the language or accent applied..
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yuko the space time witch
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2011 5:15 am
Huntress_Lena MissNightingaleCat Tired with all these, for restful death I cry, All through the fearful tragedy, a riot Debatably these lines have 11 syllables instead of ten. The first line has the majority of the empahsises on the second syllables of words, which is not idea. Otherwise I don't know heaps about sonnnets but it looks pretty good to me. I like the mood you've created =) Thank you! They do? Hm...I counted 10....but I might be wrong...my first sonnet ever written ^^' Thank you again for your advice! xD My friends said that my sonnet was...quote "Deep" lolz... Thanks~ I don't know much about meter, like you are talking but I count 11 syllables in the fist line listed here and ten in the second....
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Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2011 5:20 am
Huntress_Lena Can anyone help me with my english sonnet? I would like someone to double check if it's in the correct Iambic Pentameter. It's a Shakespearean Sonnet, 14 lines, ABABCDCDEFEFGG format. I'm pretty bad at figuring out if it's in Iambic, so a bit of help would be nice. ^^ It's also a bit of a weird poem, i can't write very well. Here is it: The night’s shattered windows, long jagged shards
A broken mess of scattered pieces here,
Living here in this town of disregard;
Alone, a slow deep breath, I stood by there
What would it take for things to be quiet?
Tired with all these, for restful death I cry,
All through the fearful tragedy, a riot
O silence, how I look to the dark sky
If only I could forget and rewind
O but the clock ticks on, indifferent
However, in the back, a key I find
Unlocks the path, my fingers all held bent,
Picking up the pieces, I’m moving on
All the dreaded thoughts pushed aside now gone I checked the ending part rhyme and you got that right for sure. Over all I like the poem... the only part that I get hinged on is the lines "A broken mess of scattered pieces here, // Living here in this town of disregard;" the word here is used twice really close together and for me when I am reading the poem this breaks the flow of the words sorta.... but that just might be me. Other wise the poem seems to read well, I don't know much about pentameter. i don't write poems for school...only for myself and I don't always follow the "rules" I focus more on the flow of the words.... smile
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yuko the space time witch
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 9:02 pm
THANKS! ^^ Oh, thank gawd...I was pretty sure that basically the whole poem wasn't in iambic. At least it seems like most of it is. THANK YOU FOR THE HELP! ^^
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