[FIN] Wherever I Stand (Nemanja'janan & Veri)

[Uta]

The lion had made his way back to the mountain. Exactly why he had come remained a mystery, even to himself, but here he was. And here he was going to stay . . . for awhile anyway. It wasn't because he wanted to be around other immortals, it wasn't because he desired to reminisce in the memories that the mountain granted him. He was here because it was where his paws had lead him, and he wasn't going to leave (yet) because he just didn't feel like walking. In fact, Nemanja didn't really feel like doing much of anything at this particular moment, and so he sat, partially hunched over, his wings fallen to his side. His ebony gaze stared out before him, though it was almost as if he were blind; no recognition entered his gaze, no emotion, no feeling.

This had been his home once, many, many years ago. This was where he had grown, this was where he had romped and felt all sorts of emotions and feelings; love, affection, anger, sadness, hurt. . . but this place also reminded him of a time he wished to forget, a time he refused to acknowledge. What did those times matter, anyway? What was done was done and none of it mattered. All it served was to hurt and cause emotion, emotion which was unnecessary and unneeded. Life happened. Death happened. Everything in between was just clutter.

So for now, he'd sit, and contemplate. He looked mostly like a statue, his mane giving away the only sign of life as it wafted in the wind. There was no reason to move, no reason to speak, no reason to interact with the immortals and spirits of the newly dead. No. The memories he recalled were just that, memories, and he did his best to keep them away. This land was nothing more than rock, stone, ice, snow, shrouded in clouds and spotted with various gods. Objects. Things. Bits and pieces of the world. To find recognition or remembrance would stir nothing but feeling, and Nemanja'janan had quite enough of that.

 

[Annchen]

Veri had also returned to the place where she grew up, but for a different reason and with a different purpose guiding her steps. If she was going to take a trip to the diseased pride in the company of the mortal Mith (Oh Mkodi, what had she been thinking?) she wanted to travel light. And her companion, best friend or not, was a bit too heavy to lug around. Oh, she could easily carry him, but when she used her smaller mortal disguise he looked too big and heavy for her. It unsettled some of them she met and she could do without that distraction right now.

She slowed her steps, unsure what to do now. When she left Mith she didn't have a more complicated plan than to take her snake to the mountain, and now she was unsure how to carry on. She couldn't very well drape him over a pile of snow and expect him to stay put. He'd get cold! Oh, what was the use of it all... She might as well just sit here and do nothing. Why should she bother showing a mortal the way to a pride she didn't care about, and... Hey... Wait a minute! Veri recognised the feeling that had swept over her like a chilly wind.

"Nemanja," she called, shaking off the feeling of apathy, "I know you're around somewhere! Get your furry behind in motion and come meet me."

She wasn't sure he'd care to move, but when they were younger it sometimes worked to call him over. He didn't seem to mind that she reeked of blood when she got really excited over something, and she remembered him as a good friend. She also remembered enjoying to try to taunt a reaction out of him, but just as she had become more... well, blood... as she aged, she guessed he might have become even more apathetic.  

[Uta]

"Nemanja,".

The large lion gave no reaction as his ears picked up the command. In fact, he was seemingly oblivious to absolutely everything. Still, the black maned beast couldn't rightly ignore being summoned, could he? Even though it mattered very little whether he responded to the call or not, he had been raised with manners and knew there were rules about such behavior. Hadn't his mother raised him to be a gentleman? Besides, it was different to have someone speak to him, especially so informally.

Shifting from where he had been hunched over, slowly, ever so slowly, he turned his head in hopes to locating the source. Winds so high up in the peaks had helped coat some of his feathers and mane with snow, and Nemanja was too uncaring to shake it off. Picking himself around a small bend and outcropping of rock, the lion came in to view of the source of the voice.

For a moment, he said nothing, considering the blood stained creature before him. There was that familiar scent upon the wind, that warm scent of a fresh kill. Blood. If he had any doubt before, her scent alone was a dead giveaway. How long had it been since he'd last seen her? She had been much smaller - they both had been -- and life had almost seemed so full of hope and promise. She had been one of the few who had tolerated his occasional lack of care or interest in things. Of course, he had also been much more talkative and outgoing, and hadn't completely dismissed all feeling. Not like he was now, of course. How times had changed him. . . had they perhaps changed her as well?

"Veri." He sounded her name in response, giving a small dip of his head in greeting. No smile, no inflection, merely a statement. His ebony eyes did lock upon her though, and he didn't turn away. "It's been awhile." As if that wasn't the understatement of the year. A large, greasy feather fell from his wing, looking as gnarled and unkempt as its owner. If her memory struck any sort of emotion, any sort of feeling, it was well hidden and kept far from Nemanja. Joy, gladness, excitement. . . it was all dismissed. The poor bloke was about as emotional or exciting as a wall of stone.
 

[Annchen]

He came around the corner, snow cowered as if he had just emerged from a snow storm, and she couldn't help but grin at the sight of him. Most people might not smile at the sight of Apathy, but even his aura of indifference couldn't smother the genuine happiness she felt when seeing her old friend. It was surprising, but she welcomed the feeling. She couldn't see or scent any trace of emotion from him, but he had at least come to meet her. And he remembered her name.

"A while," she said with a wry grin, and gave him a gentle head butt-greeting that made some snow fall down on her too, "Yes, you could say that. What have you been up to?"

She shook her head to remove the snow that had fallen from the God. It was really nice to see him, and she felt herself relax in his company. Sure, part of it was that he made her care less about certain things, but it didn't matter. She could still feel, it was just easier to let go of the things she worried over and the questions that had bothered her recently. Part of it might just be that he was someone from her past, from way back then when she didn't worry so much. She had been young and naive, but happy. It was strange how easily that feeling returned.
 

[Uta]

The smile that crossed Veri's features was almost surprising to the thick maned lion. How many smiles ever greeted him? Not many, but that was expected. Still, the lion couldn't help but allow his thoughts to drift back to times when there had been more to life than just existing. He remembered getting in to trouble with the blood-scented female, running around like little helions all over the mountain. He remembered laughter, a foreign sound to him now, but he also remembered the feelings. He didn't feel them now, but he could accept and remember the feelings Veri had once held over him.

She had been one of his few friends, and hadn't minded his occasional loss of feeling. Part of Nemanja'janan wondered if she might have changed, if she would reject his complete lack of emotion and feeling. Call him a coward, call him a fool, but not feeling made everything in life so much easier. The complications, the guilt, the negativity . . . . No. This way was easier for everyone and everything. Physically he might very well be strong, but emotionally he failed. Long ago he'd given up trying. . . and the result had been rather liberating.

But that was neither here nor there. As the winged lioness gave him a friendly head butt, he actually reached out a wing, half-heartedly, and let the tattered feathers brush a bit of the fallen snow from her mane. It was a miracle. It was the most movement he'd allowed himself, directed at another, that he'd accomplished in months. But Veri deserved that much, at any rate. She had been a friend, and it really had been a long time.

Blinking, he studied his friend for a moment before finally allowing himself to speak. What had he been up to? " . . .not much. Getting snowed on." If he'd allowed inflection, one could almost guess he was teasing. On the other hand, this was the God of Apathy. He could have answered 'potatoes' and been just as serious. He really didn't care what words fell from his lips, not really, for what did his answer matter? It didn't. The lion had taken her words at face value though. He really hadn't been up to anything, outside of existence. . . and most recently, getting coated in snow.

". . . and you, m'lady?" Females were ladies, males were sirs. Despite his lack of inflection or care, no one could fault him his polite demeanor. Even if he might not truly mean it. Nemanja had always bee respectful to others, and that was something even his lack of feelings could shake or dislodge.
 

[Annchen]

She briefly wondered what it was like, to sit and be snowed on. Veri usually didn't stay still that long, and if she stayed put or got too comfortable she'd get the itch to move. Perhaps it was a case of restless blood, perhaps something else. She liked to blame it on the blood. Her love of running until all she could hear was the roar of blood in her ears, and all she could feel was the metallic taste of blood, was probably because of her domain at least. Perhaps it would be as hard for Nemanja to understand that as for her to understand sitting still and allowing the snow to fall.

"I can see that," she said and smiled, "You're becoming more you perhaps. Ah, I suppose I've become more... me, as well"

She assumed he'd understand, and she fell silent thinking about what she had done lately. Spending time with mortals... A slight movement around her neck brought her back to her reason to be here. She had to find someone she could trust enough to... Hmmm. Was the answer sitting in front of her?

"I've travelled a lot," she said, "Found a snake... Met a mortal I've promised to help. However that happened..."

Her companion poked his head out as if on cue and flickered his tongue in the other God's direction. When had he started to hang around? He must be very old for a snake, or very rare. It had been years and years and she hadn't even thought about it since she didn't stick around mortals much and had her own sense of time.
 

[Uta]

Nemanja'janan listened as Veri spoke. This had to be the longest conversation he'd had with someone in quite some time. It wasn't as if many needed Apathy, and those mortals who did approach (and even some immortals) were often distanced by his residual ring of apathy. Those who spent time around him often grew distracted, uncaring, and lost any desire for real conversation. How easy it was to slip in to that numbness, an inability to really feel, to complicate matters by emotion and care. It was so easy.

Unfortunately though, it meant any solid conversation was rare. Too often mortals were affected strongly by his presence, and very few fought the sensation. Maybe it was a sort of relief. Ultimately, it didn't much matter. They came, they left, they came, he left . . . .the faces and colors of the mortals blended in to one another. There was very few out there Nemanja really remembered.

Thankfully though, Veri was one of the few to color his memory. "It is good to be who you are. It will keep you from questioning who you think you should be." How very poignant of him. Maybe. Still, it seemed the right thing to say, and as far as the ebony eyed lion could fathom, he'd much rather know who he was, and what he was, than constantly wonder. He knew his place. It seemed Veri understood her role as well.

His tongue tasted of crimson, of blood, a sensation that used to surprise him when younger. Veri always had a way of giving him faux-hunger, if only due to the taste and scent of blood that lingered around her. He never would act on these sensations, of course, but he had almost forgot how her presence had felt like. If he had more care, he might have called her presence refreshing, but . . .he didn't.

Veri spoke briefly of her life, summed up in generalities. Travel. Found a snake. Fraternized with mortals. It sounded interesting, and part of Nemanja'janan considered his next words. His black eyes drifted slowly from the other immortal to the red and orange snake that lifted his head and flicked its tongue. Color. Strange really to see another creature living on his friend . . . it was almost as if he'd never truly considered a snake before. Perhaps, in a way, Nemanja never had.

" . . . sounds active. And . . . fulfilling." Maybe. He wasn't lying, but it was difficult for him to understand the whys of travel. He travel, but he had no reason or destination. He went when his paws decided to go. He went where his paws decided to take him. Everything else was coincidental. Even his meeting with Veri and returning to the mountain. "Does the snake have a name? Or your mortal?" He might as well inquire.
 

[Annchen]

The snake moved and settled again, burrowing in her fur to stay warm. She hadn't named him, and he hadn't told her his name. He was a snake and up to this point he had stayed mute. She hadn't thought much about him, just accepted his company, and despite Nemanja's influence she started to ask some questions she had never thought about before. How could he have accompanied her for so long if he was a mortal snake? Why had she never bothered to name him, really?

"The mortal is called Mith," she said, answering the easier of the questions first, "I haven't named the snake I suppose. He does as he pleases anyway, and I'm no good with names. I named both my daughters 'blood' after all..."

She paused. Her daughters. That should have been a relevant part of her recent history, but she had forgot to include it. Or perhaps it was a purposeful edit from her unconscious mind... Veri had left them early, for their own good. Had she been afraid that Nemanja of all gods would judge her for that? He wasn't a judging sort, but on some level she wanted his approval. She was proud of her strong daughters, even if she hadn't been there to raise them.

"I never did tell you about my daughters," she said softly. "They are mortals, Hoeh and Geith."  

[Uta]

Nemanja's ebony gaze studied the snake as it disappeared and burrowed within Veri's fur and hair. It didn't bother him though, as he frequently had things crawling through his mane. Nothing as visually striking as the snake, but down in the mortal lands, he'd woken with cubs climbing upon him. . . birds picking out various forms of lice and other insects that he had been far too apathetic to think about. His hygiene was poor for a god (well, poor for any living creature, actually) but he just couldn't bring himself to care. He wasn't out to impress anyone, anything, and was surprised he remembered to eat from time to time. Exactly how he'd lived so long was beyond comprehension as most often than not he'd collapse in a heap and linger there for days . . .weeks even . . . . Existing clearly wasn't Nemanja's strong point and it had only grown worse with age.

"Mith." He repeated the name for no particular reason, testing it. A mortal named Mith. Nope, he'd never heard of him, but whoever Veri chose to spend her time with was her own business. There had been many mortals he'd crossed, as he often chose to live amongst the mortals for no reason other than he happened to be there. . . but somehow, for some reason, he'd made it back up the mountain. He held no feelings for or against the mortals. They were just as important and useless as the gods . . . what did he care what they did or didn't do?

As for the nameless snake, somewhere Nemanja could approve of a lack of name. Names required effort, and effort often mirrored a sense of care. It was too much work.

But what truly captured his interest (what little still secretly existed) was the mention of daughters. Veri? A mother? "And the plot thickens," he murmured, expression calm but the faintest trace of what could almost be a smile. Expressing emotions wasn't new to Nemanja'janan, they were often just a mask and something he did around mortals to keep them from gaping at his stone-like expressions of apathy. But it was there, if only for Veri, and if only for a brief instant, just like old times.

"Hoeh . . . Geith. . . Veri . . . Fitting, quite fitting. Though I think perhaps, if I actually felt things, I might express a moments surprise. But then again, cubs often come with such feelings." His spiked tail gave a little flick in the snow. "Or so the mortals I met often expressed." He had spent so much time in the mortal lands, it was difficult for him to think of any other sort of life. It was great to see Veri again but . . . daughters? Had that much time truly passed?

To Nemanja, a breath could take an eternity, and night and day held no time. Everything was a bit of a blurr for the lion, as if everything was out of perspective and skewed. "I have no cubs. Most living cubs that linger near me die." And that was that. It was a statement, he was being honest. A handful of times some young thing thought it a good idea to follow him, or adopt him. Unforutnately though, sometimes he went weeks without eating or drinking, and the cubs would weaken and die. Or wander off and be picked up by jackels or hyenas or larger beasts. Sometimes Nemanja witnessed the act and did nothing. Sometimes he just knew their fate would end poorly. . .

Neglectful. No. Just too apathetic to truly care. To hear the pride in Veri's voice though did cause part of the lion to ponder his true feelings. If he had the ability to feel guilt, perhaps he would. But for now, it was what it was. Nothing. Death was interesting as life, and just as dramatic. Nemanja truly was the ultimate neutral. Sometimes his lack of care did good things. . .sometimes his lack of care allowed for horrible consequences. But nothing ever seemed to effect him.
 

[Annchen]

The Goddess could still read her friend reasonably well. She was used to him being expressionless, so that little almost-smile meant a lot to her. His emotions showed if you really looked, but never in any big way. She smiled back at him.

"It does," she agreed, "You know where cubs come from... I make sure my needs are met from time to time and then one day... Surprise! A happy surprise, and they do fine on their own now."

Veri seemed to shrink into herself as Nemanja talked about cubs dying around him. She sat with her tail tightly wrapped around herself and wings folded. She knew that feeling all to well. And before she had managed to figure out why it happened... She had done it again. It didn't happen to everyone, so when she finally managed to figure out what had been causing her playmates to die or get hurt she had plenty of blood on her paws, so to speak. Veri couldn't protect herself with apathy, and even here and now the guilt reared its ugly head.

"I've figured out some more of my powers," she said, her good mood gone, "You know of the scent, and that I could give another God cub a nose bleed for a little while if I got really angry... Well, there are more. Mortals that stay with me for too long have a tendency to bleed to death if they are weak or get injured."

There, she said it. It was like poking a hole in a pus-filled abscess. Not pleasant, but it was probably not healthy to just let the hurt and guilt fester inside either.  

[Uta]

Nemanja'janan did know where cubs came from, but it wasn't something he'd really approached. Needs. What of needs, anyway? For a moment he'd thought of some of the mortal females he'd met, and while he remembered the start of their advances, often they soon gave up and forgot about their desire. His apathy would overwhelm them, turn them from their desires, which meant he was often left alone.

That was just as well, at any rate. Even without his presence affecting those around him, the truth was Nemanja'janan had absolutely no interest or intrigue in anyone. Why would he go through the trouble and effort? It was just too much work. If he had needs, it would meant he had feelings, and in reality he had none. He could mirror emotions he'd witnessed, but that often was too difficult. Anger, defiance, joy, even desire . . .they were lost upon him, feelings he did his best to keep far away.

Part of the god couldn't help but wonder about Veri's girls though. It was something to think about either way. For some reason he just didn't expect others to go through such motions. But then again, the emotions and feelings others possessed were always different to the pale lion. The thought of cubs . . . of being part of Veri somewhere in the mortal world . . .hmm. It was what it was.

Unfortunately though, Nemanja noted the sudden change in his friend. She went from seemingly content to suddenly closed off, cold almost, and small. Had he touched upon something sensitive? Perhaps was she regarding him in a new light with admittance of his involuntary cub-killing? His head tilted a bit, his brows almost knitting with what could be looked upon as concern. He was a gentleman, after all, and while he didn't like to admit feeling, he still possessed the ability to feel all emotions. He just so frequently chose otherwise.

Her words weren't what he had expected to hear though. Veri had . . . killed others too? It was logical to make such an assumption. She was a predator, a powerful predator. Blood had always been her domain, and it stood to reason that others might die due to blood loss while around her. it was her reaction though, that change of emotion that was most surprising though. Obviously, unlike Nemanja, she cared about that fact, that detail of death. She felt it.

The lion said nothing for a long moment, his gaze lingering over his friend. ". . .it is unfortunate you have discovered such a fate. It is true that our powers can be just as much a curse as a blessing." He wasn't the best at reassurance, but he hoped she understood that he did not judge her, or blame her. And that cub-death, as well as mortal death, was something he experienced frequently when he didn't move. Perhaps that's why he kept walking, perhaps that's why he wasn't collapsed in a heap somewhere. Those who would get trapped in his apathy soon became apathetic to all things, even living . . . . His paws were just as stained red with blood.

Slowly, slowly, he reached out one of his massive wings, intent on brushing one of his molten feathers against her. It was a gesture that could be considered laced with comfort, though his features had yet to change, nor his words color with emotion. Still. He had to admit he didn't like the look of her so . . .forlorn . . and small . . . . That wasn't the Veri he had grown up around.  

[Annchen]

Veri closed her eyes as Nemanja touched her. It was a tiny gesture, but it comforted her. A blessing and a curse, that was very true, and she wondered how her friend coped. There was more going on behind those black eyes of his than one might think, she knew that. But his domain was different than her domain, and in the past he usually remained calm or indifferent when she got angry, or passionate, or simply carried away. Some found it odd that they got along so well when they were younger, but it made sense really. There was balance in there somewhere. If she had played with a cub as hot headed as her she might not have survived to adulthood... And Nemanja, she figured it had been healthy for him to get teased into doing other things than sitting around too.

"Yes," she said, with a shaky smile, "I suppose I wouldn't have learned to use my blessing without the curse."

She had really, really wanted to save that one, and the energy from that strong desire helped her find a way to give her own blood to him. She had felt drained for months afterwards, and she hesitated to do it unless she knew it wouldn't be in vain. She could count the occasions on the claws on one of her paws, really. Should she tell him? Ah, why not. She was already feeling miserable about it and talking might help.

"I can give my blood to a creature in need," she said, opening her eyes and trying to compose herself again, "Wouldn't have known that if I hadn't nearly bled one to death first. But I didn't come here to tell you that... I actually need to ask you for a favour."  

[Uta]

Nemanja'janan wasn't entirely sure why he had reached out with his wing. It was disconcerting, really, to come to the knowledge that he had responded to her words. He tried so hard not to feel, and very often succeeded. But for some reason, being reunited with his old friend had brought with it the memory of times past. Back when he had been young and more impressionable; back when she had been a spitfire. Strange how things had changed over the years . . . and yet some things remained the same.

Oh well. Allowing his feathered wing to flop back to his side, the black eyed god watched as Veri continued to speak. Not only could she cause one to bleed to death, but she could gift her own blood to save them. It wasn't terribly surprising now that she admitted such a thing. She was the goddess of blood, after all. But, at least there was a sort of good she could do with her powers.

"You don't just take . . . you give. That is a good thing." And it was. At least it balanced itself properly. For all the damage she feared causing, there was a redeeming factor within her powers. What of Apathy? It was neither good nor evil . . .but traditionally, if he were to consider what the world might look upon his powers as, the good wasn't so easily found. His powers took away feeling, and while the relief could be immense, it was just an escapist's route. His powers, his inability to feel, was nothing more than a cowards shield.

Oh well.

So he was a coward. What did it matter to him?

The large lion did tilt his head a bit as Veri continued. A . . . favor? If he could feel surprise, he would have shown it, but his features remained still as stone. It wasn't often anyone sought out Nemanja personally. In fact, he'd never truly been summoned by any mortal, so this was truly a change. Who ever needed Apathy for anything? Not many. Still, the god knew how to be a gentleman, and he certainly knew how to be friend, deep down, even if he didn't often acknowledge such a thing. "I will do what I can if it is within my ability." He encouraged her to continue, though his words were without inflection or tone. "But remember with whom it is you speak." Was that . . .was that some sort of joke?

Possibly.

It was hard to tell with Nemanja (unsurprisingly). Still, he was the god of apathy. . . . such a name was not often high on the list of those seeking out boons.  

[Annchen]

"Mmm... I suppose," she agreed. "I wouldn't want to give up my powers... they're who I am."

She couldn't even imagine not being connected to her domain anymore. It would feel worse than suddenly losing her fur or her tail. She’d rather lose a limb than her connection to her domain. Blood was her and she was blood, and if she couldn't feel its steady pulse she would rather cease to exist. Oh, she might be bothered by what she did to the mortals around her, but that didn't mean she wanted it to end.

"I wouldn't ask you if I didn't trust you with this," she said and smiled, "You see, I plan to travel in mortal disguise, and the presence of a huge snake seems to be off-putting."

She changed her form to prove her point, taking the appearance of a normal sized white lioness. Her snake emitted a short and slightly annoyed hiss and started to shift around on his much smaller perch, it looked huge on her new daintier form, as if she shouldn't really be able to carry around all that weight for very long. It could really freak out some creatures, she had noticed, and since she had intended to help the mortal Mith'ando and not scare anything in their way she needed a solution. Guiding him as a Goddess was not an option, since that tended to be at least as distracting to mortals. She told himself she'd be able to help him better if she didn't attract too much attention.

"In short," she said, and slowly started to shift back, "I'm going to need someone to hold him for me until I've showed this mortal his way."  

[Uta]

The male watched as the goddess suddenly transformed herself in to the guise of a mortal. The difference was staggering, and Nemanja'janan was almost surprised. Sometimes he forgot that even he could switch to a mortal appearance, though honestly, he couldn't recall ever attempting such a thing. Why should he care whether or not he drew attention to himself? Why should he put forth the effort to change in to something else? It didn't make much sense to the God, so he had never attempted such a transformation.

Witnessing Veri though was an unusual sight. She was so much more delicate than her larger size as a goddess. . . and 'delicate' and Veri weren't exactly paw in paw. It wasn't that she was a brute, but she had always been strong willed and had a temper. To see her look so simpler in design was just a little disconcerting. Of course, he could still sense the power in her, and his tongue and throat still tasted of copper but otherwise, she was indeed slight. And the snake she possessed was quite big.

On some level, there had to be a moment of humor. Veri was entrusting the snake to him while she was away? Considering how he'd let cubs die on his watch, part of Nemanja wasn't sure this was such a good idea. But, on the other paw, this wasn't just a snake. It was Veri's. And whether Nemanja liked it or not, past his wall of indifference, there was a pool of emotion there. He wasn't completely heartless, and Veri was . . . well . . .important. Maybe. Just a little.

Dipping his head, allowing his bang to flop haphazardly over one eye, Nemanja gave a small nod. "I will take him, if you wish it of me, until your return. My coat is thick enough to keep him warm and he can feast from my kills if necessary." Hopefully the snake would keep itself curled up and out of the way of the spikes that ran down his neck. And with luck the snake wouldn't try to flee. That was all Nemanja needed - to lose the snake, or let it get away.

This was going to be a lot of work for the male, but . . . .he was polite and a gentleman. He'd do what was requested of him for her, at the very least. How unusual. "I may roam while you are away. But I shall always return here." At least this would keep her from having to travel the savanna to seek him out! Until Veri relieved him of this snake, he'd dutifully make sure he kept his end of the deal and keep himself available for her to find him.