[Q]Xander Jacobs --- Shangri-La Page of Pluto[Crit/Mark!]

[Kaori_luv]

Shangri-La Page of Pluto

Name: Xander Jacobs

Age: 26

Birthday: August 14th

Sign: Virgo

Gemstone: Peridot

Blood Type: O+

Fav. Food: Fresh out the oven pie (fruit pie, meat pie), chicken salad wraps

Hated Food: Greasy food, noodles, asperagus

Schools: Azure Valley Academy (Graduated with honors) [if this is okay]
Destiny City University (Graduated with honors)
Destiny City Memorial University --- the hospital uni [totally made this up if thats okay] (ER Pediatric Residency)

Occupation: Currently working to complete his ER pediatric residency (yeah he's paid for this), he is in his second year.

Hobbies:

Checkers: He has loved to play since he was very young and is a fairly descent player. He has participated in a few tornaments and even recieved 3rd place once. Checkers relaxes him and is a wonderful distraction when he is stressed. He will play you even if he knows you will wipe the floor with him. He is currently attempting to learn chinese checkers, but has had little success thus far. An added bonus is that it doesn't require much talking, but it is an easy way to get Xander to warm up to people without realizing it.

Piano: He loves to play and considers it his most treasured talent. Much like his sisters, he had had many lesson (though not nearly as many as Lily) and was abysmal at almost all of them. He cannot sing, or dance, and sports may as well be alien to him. Piano lessons were the last lessons he recieved and the only lessons he excelled at. He often plays for Lily and Rose, especially for Lily whose voice is lovely.

Swimming: There is a pool in the backyard, so he had to learn to swim. Fortunately for him, he did and rather enjoys it. It is a great way for him to unwind as well as stay fit. He knows he will never be an olympic swimmer and that is perfectly fine with him. He hasn't the stamina anyway, though he may have the endurance. Also, he is no athelete and mostly abhores sports because he is so bad at them. He is a social swimmer as well, preferring water parks and community pools to the solitude of his home pool. He tries to swim at least twice a week.

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Virtues:

Dependable: Xander is not one to break a promise and if he did he be at your door with flower and an apology card. He is dorky. If he says he will do something, you can trust he will do in and in a timely manner. He the type of guy you can always go to for a favor. However, this does not mean he is a doormat. He does say no from time to time, afterall he had a rather busy schedule. He not going to make a promise, he knows he cannot keep, not intentionally anyway. Don't worry though, if you really need him Xander will try to squee it in somewhere.

Encouraging: Xander is the type who thinks you should shoot for the moon. He well on his way to acheiveing his goal of becoming pediatrician, having started his recidency and believes everyone else should try to make their dreams come true as well. This is of course is within reason. Xander is not going to encourage someone to attempt to take over the world or bomb a school, but he would likely a suggest that the person try the military for there particular mindset. If you want to be president, he tell you the one day you certainly could be. He encourages his sister's everyday, helping with a auditions and practice. He would do the same for any friends he gains.

Well mannered: He is extremely well manner, having learned from his grandparents when he was younger and they were still alive. He holds door for young ladies, tries to always remember to say please and thank you. He does not eat with his elbows on the table or rest them on the table at all. He stands up straight and almost always where a gentle smile. At first, he hated lessons in etiquette, but grew to believe they were necessary and he was happy for the opportunity to be such a great role model to his sisters once they were born. He was estatic when Lily began to emmulate him, which really cemented his manners into place. It made him realize that his action do infact affect people and his wishes to make good impressions upon people he meets. It is one of those things that people admire about him and one of those things that attracts people to him, I'd say especially girls. Also people respond more readily and more kindly to polite language and gesters. Xander does not like to fight.

Flaws:

Socially Oblivious: Xander may be book smart and he may be able to tell you what exactly you need to do to make your little one better, but in most other things he is oblivious. If a girl is flirting with him, she could hold an sign saying as much and he still wouldn't get it. She could blatantly ask him out and he wouldn't understand why she wanted to go anywhere with him. Same goes for guys as well, Xander really has no clue what homosexual is and wouldn't understand if a boy was hitting on him. He is not asexual, but he doesn't really get how he feels any more that he understand how other might feel. This leads to hurt feeling without Xander realizing, why, or knowing what to do to fix it. This is not to say he can't love, he loves his family very very much. Likewise can be said if one was trying to make friends with Xander, you pretty much have to force ones self onto him, he won't automatically understand why you want to 'hang out' and will often excuse himself from it. The same can be said for if someone doesn't like him, like if he sat next to someone and the cafeteria and they were giving him death glares, he'd hardly notice. He's not trying to make conversation and is usually happy you aren't either.

Conversationalist NOT!: If you do not know anything about Xander he can seem a bit distant. Despite being very polite and seeming openingly friendly, he is not likely to strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to him. He doesn't like talking about things he thinks that most people enjoy talking about, like dating, sport, and 'fun stuff'. He doesn't date, is bullocks at sports, and currently doesn't do a lot of fun stuff, aside from ice skate (which he isnt very good at and doesnt do very often any more ... his bottom thanks him). The things he enjoys talking about are school, work, and the future. Which two of those he thinks most people would rather not talk about, which cause him to often avoid them. His conversations tend to be awkward and he doesn't really know where to go with them, so he mostly stays quiet and listens. If asked a question he responds tend to be short, and to the point or a babble that ends of making no sense. This leads to conversations that generally go no where and makes it hard to talk to him about something he has little interest in. He's young and doesn't really realize that maybe he's just talking to the wrong people, that and he is far to busy to think about it.

Liar, Liar: Be it to help or protect someone or just to avoid conflict Xander can be quiet the liar. It is something he does with ease and he can lie to you with a straight, just as easily as he can tell the truth. If it will keep him from trouble or trouble from him, it will spill from his mouth. If there is a nasty rumor going around about you, you shouldn't ask him, he will lie to avoid any sort of confrontation. He does not want you asking if he tried to stop it or stood against it because he does not want to be involved in it. He wants to keep trouble from himself and others he really cares for, but his way of doing it can lead to more stress and more troubles. In the end it is often not worth it, but it is a rather ingrained part of him. Thankfully, in most other situations he would be honest.

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PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Skin Color: caramel brown skin (bit darker than Liliana)

Eyes: bright eyes that are sapphire blue and fade to emerald green around the iris inside (same as Liliana)

Hair: Impossible curly red (Like Liliana's) pulled back into a ponytail and off to his left (so side ponytail but at the base of his neck), decent sized braid that hangs down of the right side of his face.

Face: He is very handsome (though he isn't aware of said fact) ... up to you ... no freckles  

[Kaori_luv]

Knight Title: Shangri-La Page

Challenge: "Peace Awaits You.”

Uniform: ELEMENTS TO THINK ABOUT FOR UNIFORM

PLEASE THINK OF YOUR PLANET THEME(S) BEFORE GOING INSANE~!

Top -- something to this effect though it should be a vest (no sleeves), no stripes ... , shirt underneath, with cuffs part way down the forearm to make them puffy, collar up not folded down

Bottoms -- something to this effect, they go into the boots, one button should be above the boots

Gloves -- fingerless

Belt -- ... see shoes

Shoes -- these almost knee high, made manly (less heel, shorter), with belts going across too, starting above the side buckle

Shoulders -- like these

Accessories --
Page: golf cap style cap

Page: stethoscope: would be loved, but not needed

Knight: monocle: like this with the magnifying lens but simpler, not elaborate, not buckly, hooks around ear unstead of strapping around head, should be very simple please (this is mostly so I do not forget)

Colors: Dark green, red brown

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Weapon -

Page: Reflex Hammer.

Yes it is actually metal and contains the simply rubber mallet. At the this stage it does not do much of anything, save bunking someone on the on head with it. It more for momentary distraction than anything else.

Squire: Simple Rod based off the Rod of Asclepius

The reflex hammer has now evolved into a what appears to be a rod about 15 inches long made of metal (wood if metal not allowed) with a raised snake carved onto it. The snakes head rest on top of the rod and there is a small green glass orb inside it opened mouth.

It has gained a magical effect in this stage in, that when it comes in contact with its target they temporary loose any reflexes that have become ingrained to them. It makes them have to thinking about how to fight basically. They wouldn't automatically guard or duck because a fist was thrown at them, it pretty much slows all reactions for about 10 seconds.

It can be used 3 times in battle for a total of 30 seconds of magic.

Knight: Small Staff based off the Caduceus

His weapon is now a staff about 2 feet long, still made of metal (wood if not allowed), now with two raised twined snakes carved onto it, from half way down to just below the orb which is incased in wings and sits on top of the snakes bowed heads fitting perfectly in place. The orb glows slight now.

It retains the magical effect it had in the first stage only now the magic can be released through the weapon and now longer has to touch the intended target, it just has to be aimed at it.

If it comes in contact with the target it causes the opponent to see things slightly slowed, so it appears everyone else is moving slower that they are. The magic effects last for 10 seconds.

Magic attack can be used 3 times for a total of 30 seconds of magic.
 

[Kaori_luv]

What is Shangri-La?

Is a mythical Himalayan utopia, rumored to be an earthly paradise. It is supposed a very happy place, isolated from the outside world where it inhabitants live long lives, almost immortal, aging very slowly.

Links: [wiki] [pbs]

Why Pluto?

I feel Pluto's themes are a very good match for Xander personality and even his career. Being a soon to be full flegded doctor takes a lot of time and patience. As for solitude, Xanders can be a bit introverted. Not only does pluto fit well with Xander it, Shangri-La fits very well with Pluto as well. I love the immortality myth of the people aging and how it fits in with time and patience, as well as how the isolation fits with solitude. It seems very well rounded to me.

Fighting style.

Xander will rely heavily on his knowledge of the body and how it works in his fights. He isn't the most athletic or coordinated person, so usually he will be aiming to do as much damage as possible, hoping for 1,2 knockout fight. Kidney shots, eye poking, he's gonna fight dirty.  

[Kaori_luv]

Flaw rewrites:

Unwanted Advisor, Constant Reminder: Tell Xander all you deepest darkest secrets, lay out your problems, and he will take them to his grave. That wonderful right, that what one would think. It would be great if he was mentioning just how to fix it and how you shouldn't have gotten it in the first place. You want Xander's advice, you got it. You got want Xander's advice,you still got it. Xander is the type to nag, even while he is helping you write a paper due at noon and its midnight. He would be saying if you got it a month ago, you should have went straight to the library and started it then. He wants to help you get out of a bind and his advice is often well warranted, but is it really worth it. Not if Xander is going to pick at you over it until the issue is resolved. If you ask for his help or tell him your problem, pray they are resolved quickly.  

[Akina Tokuwa]

FOR THE CIVILIAN:

Quote:

Loyal Confidant: If you are close to Xander, really close to him, you can tell him just about anything. He will not judge you and he will take your secret to his grave. Even if it is illegal, he will stick by, though he would be all for reprimands and making the decision weigh heavily on you conscience, which will probably make the situation worse and his friend highly annoyed. His friend would get an earful of his opinion quite often, nagging, even though he does nothing to stop the act. He often feels almost duty bound to protect the ones he cares for, even when there secret is dangerous and could very well cause them harm. The closer one is to Xander the worst this aspect becomes apparent. He seems to forgo his conscience when it comes to this aspect of his personality. Of course like everything else this has it limits, such as endangering others, not themselves. Unfortunately, he can be easily pushed about by this aspect, for he is dependable and adding a terrible secret will have Xander running about to help at all hours of the night, to do all sorts of ridiculous things. Good thing his conscience flew out the window with the secret. While it could be seen a good to thing it makes him very annoying, while seeming like a big of a pushover.

This reads much too like a virtue to be counted as a flaw. It is almost entirely focused on the good. Instead of calling it "Loyal Confidant," I would perhaps call it "Unwanted Advisor" and focus on how Xander tends to offer advice to others, or otherwise try to tell them how to fix their own problems even when they don't ask for it. Or call it "Pushover" and focus on how he is a bit of people pleaser, and therefore tends to hold his tongue when he knows he shouldn't just because he doesn't like to cause waves. Right now, I'm not sure what you are trying to say in this trait. The wording is really confusing. Just make sure that his flaws are NEGATIVE in their presentation. These are the things that make Xander difficult, unpleasant, cause problems, etc etc.

FOR THE KNIGHT:

I usually don't comment on appearance, but I don't think it makes any sense for him to have a random stethoscope on his outfit in the squire stage!

Otherwise, I really enjoy the theme of these attacks. =)

And just to be clear, his Knight attack is the same as his Squire attack, but now when he strikes, he gets a quick snapshot of the most vulnerable parts on his enemy. This could be a really cool attack, but you would need to ask every player OOCly where their character's most vulnerable spots were, which could be tiring. But! I think this is a very interesting aspect of it and worth exploring.  

[Kaori_luv]

Changed his flaw to play up the fact that he is a liar.

As for the attack, yes thats the idea. I do not mind asking, I though it would be a cool attack to play with. It fits him well.

And the stethoscope, is not necessary, just thought it would be cool with his weapon.  

[Akina Tokuwa]

ON THE CIVILIAN:

The LIAR LIAR flaw is written really confusingly. There are a bunch of words that are left out. I recommend going back and proofreading it to help clarify things. Regarding the content, I think that it fits with his personality to say that he is the type to lie to avoid a confrontation, but -- is he generally a dishonest person? There is a malicious aspect, I think, implied in the way you have it now, but in reading his virtues, I think it would make more sense if he lied to get out of trouble or to avoid problems, not because he is just a total liar. To me, this would conflict with him being such a good doctor. I also have no idea how lying would help him have a better career as a doctor. I would think the opposite would be true. Please refine this one to make it a little clearer what you mean and make sure you don't write a malicious trait that contradicts the virtues you have established.

ON THE KNIGHT:

The GMs have an implied rule -- which is totally our bad, we are going to fix this -- about Knight weapons being timeless compared to their Nega counterparts. So whereas a Nega might fight with jumper cables, a Knight would start with a simply weighted chord. Right now, I think the 'reflex hammer' is a touch too modern for the Knight aesthetic. Again, this is totally our fault. We should have been more explicit. x_x

It can potentially start as a reflex hammer, but it should develop into something more refined, more timeless. Your current progression feels too much like a Nega progression. Remember: it is very rare for a Knight to have a weapon that actually deals an excessive amount of physical damage. A giant hammer sounds much more like a Negaverse weapon!

I am sorry I didn't give you this feedback the first time around.  

[Kaori_luv]

All fixed i think <3  

[cibarium]

CIV SIDE:

I'd like to see his Romantically Oblivious trait expanded to aspects of his life other than romance so it can apply in more types of situations than the specific kind you have laid out here. Does his obliviousness to romantic hints extend to him being unable to detect hinting in general? Or does his lack of receptiveness to romantic advances also mean he isn't very receptive to invitations and offers made by potential friends?

Conversationalist NOT! does not come off at a flaw to me. Everyone has their own preferences on what they like to talk about, and it's rare for someone to be able to contribute to every kind of discussion. Some other characters in the shop might enjoy talking about school and work as much as he does! If you're going with him being selectively interested in a narrow range of topics I'd focus less on the interests themselves and more on the way he behaves when a conversation takes a turn he doesn't prefer. You mention that he "stays quiet and listens," but does he respond much when prompted to answer? Maybe he tends to to give a lot of noncommittal empty responses just to be polite and doesn't make an effort to add much, which makes him just plain hard to talk to until the topic becomes something he's interested in. If you added in something to that effect it would round things off quite nicely!


KNIGHT SIDE:

Looks fine, so you just need to fix the civ portion!  

[Kaori_luv]

Yeah I doubt he'd get that someone was trying to make friends with him and can he take a hint, probably not Xanders not one for skirting around topics. He'll lie about it, but not dance around it so if someone else is doing that he probably wouldn't get it.

As for the conversation thing, yes he'll answer question. Either straight forward and kinda clipped or like over explained blabbling, more the former than the latter. So either you either have a conversation that mostly goes no where or a conversation you just wish would end.

Um I'll try to fix it up.  

[Kaori_luv]

Changed romantically oblivious to socially oblivious, adding the friends bit from mouse.

Added mouse's suggestion to conversationalist not.

Hopefully he is good to go XDDD  

[zippedsiren]

Really minor crits. It looks like you've already come a long way with the help of Mouse and Akina! I only have a tiny note.

Socially Oblivious- Currently only applies to positive situations (flirting/friend building). It would be helpful to see it applied to negative interactions as well. I’m just curious to know if it also applies to when people might not like Xander?, I.E. if someone made strong hints they don’t like him/want him to go away/talk about him from a few feet away, would he also be oblivious to that?

Super, super minor thing. But ‘completing’ his residency makes me thing that he’s almost finished it, when likely he’s actually just starting. 3/4 years of undergrad + 3 /4 years of med school puts him at likely being in his first (possibly second) year of residency (also generally 3-5 years). You might want to just change the wording there. You really don’t have to; it’s just a thing that tripped me up.

Since it's really small fix, you can quote me when you make the change(s) and I'd be happy to give you a stamp!  

[Kaori_luv]

zippedsiren

For the first thing he probably wouldnt notice if someone didnt like him, I didn't really think it matter since he wasn't the most social person, but I added an example, that I think works.


For the second, I ran into this before with my old quest thread, never really though about the wording, just used completing to mean he's working at it and not that he is nearly done. I originally had it at 4 years, but I had forgotten to change it when I changed a few details, so it is a 5 year residency. I changed the wording a bit and added that he is in his second year of residency, just started in September.  

[zippedsiren]

 

[cibarium]

Sorry for the confusion / retroactive ruling here, but after a secondary look your Knight's magic needs to be fixed up a bit as per the guidelines.

For starters, you cannot have a fixed 30-second time interval for the use of his Squire spell. Since Knight magic is channeled, he would be able to slow an opponent for up to a total time of 30 seconds if his channeling went on unbroken. If you went with this option, you would need to state a mechanism for how he casts his spell (e.g. does he have to keep his rod pointed at his opponent?). He would also have no extra uses of the spell: once the 30 seconds of channeling time have been used up, he is out.

An alternative would be that he hits an opponent and the effect lingers for only ten seconds, and you could give him the ability to use this three times in a battle.


The Squire spell is just fine because it's a slowed reaction time, but the Knight spell does not seem to be well-connected with time, solitude or patience. ^^; Being able to see an opponent's weak points would be more in tune with a Mercury Knight. An appropriate Pluto spell would be to limit a target's ability to see any farther than a very short distance around them (following the idea of solitude), or to warp their perception of people's movements around them so everything seems to be moving a bit faster or slower than they actually are (following the time theme). You are not limited to these ideas, however.

Since this is from an administrative mistake, you don't need to repost when you make your edits. Just let us know when you've fixed your attack concept and we can take a second look! c: