Safimoto:If Safi had felt a little lacking in her usefulness before, she felt doubly so now. Gremio had helped her back to the dens after the encounter with her "cousin," where she had collapsed within, unable to walk anymore on her three good paws and the sprained one. She was immediately ambushed by Aila and her new little friend, who curled up around her with worried mews and maybe even a few sniffles. She had nuzzled them both affectionately, glad that she was back home with them and that they were safe. But they couldn't stay, they had other things to do, and she was left alone again, curled up as she thought about all that had happened.
She could have cubs. She could have a family.
But after all that had happened, did she really want one anymore?
The confrontation with Baridi had showed her that she couldn't even protect herself, much less her own cubs. Why wasn't she like her father? She remembered when a pair of cheetahs had attacked them when she was younger. Well, no, only the male cheetah had attacked her father, the female had looked a little lost and afraid. But her father had fought and she had scared the female off, the male following after her, calling her name. She should be strong, like her father, brave, with a fighter's spirit buried beneath the softness of her heart, just like her father.
Instead she was just soft. Like her mother.
Gremio had saved her, but at what cost? He told her never to go off on her own again. That was absurd! She was a grown female, she could leave the Troupe if she wanted to, that what her brothers and sisters had done.
And yet she knew nothing of her siblings, if they were even still living. And yet, she had stayed behind. Had she been fooling herself all this time, telling herself that she stayed in order to make her father happy? Or had it really just been that she couldn't handle herself out there on her own, and a part of her subconscious knew that?
And even worse. He now knew that she couldn't take care of herself. Would she even be worth the affections she wanted from him?
She placed her head on her uninjured paw and stared at the floor at the den's entrance.
Gremio:Gremio had gone to find some healing plants and some scraps of cloth to wrap Safi's paw in. It had taken him all morning to find the aloe plants, the fabric, to clean and shread it- and then wait for it to dry. He managed to carry it all in a small makeshift pouch he'd made out of a pelt several weeks back. It worked when he had a dens worth of rabbits and other small bites for the cubs to carry back.
He entered the den, his mouth burdened with a large pelt pouch. He paused, glancing from one side to the other before his eyes settled on the sad, wounded form of Safi curled against the back wall.
Safimoto:
Safi's eyes flicked up for a moment when someone came into the entrance of the den, only to flick back to the ground when she saw it was Gremio. He looked like he had something for her, food perhaps, or something for her paw, but her mind strayed from wondering what was in the pouch in his jaws.
Would he lecture her? Would he remind her that she couldn't really take care of herself? Would he be mad?
She tried to smile, but she couldn't get her ears to rise up like they should when she was happy. All she managed was a small tilt of her lips upward.
She wanted to say something. Hello. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone alone. I didn't think something like this would happen. All those seemed like something worth saying. Even, 'I went to see a Seer because of you, I care for you Gremio, in a way I've never felt before,' was starting to seem a better thing to say that the crushing silence.
But nothing came out when she opened her mouth to say something.
She closed her mouth and the smile faded away.
Gremio:
Gremio made his way across the floor and quietly laid the bundle down. Pulling it open to reveal his found medical supplies, he laid himself down in front of her and gently took one of her paws in his.
He had said everything that needed to be said shortly after the angry confrontation. While his expression was still grim, his eyes had softened. For the moment, he remained silent.
With suprising tenderness, he began milking the aloe leaves of their gel and smothered it over her wounds.
Safimoto:
Safi flinched when he took her paw, mostly because moving it at all hurt it, no matter how gentle he was. But her heart softened as he cared for her with plants she didn't know of. She wasn't a healer, no one in her family had been. It seemed like a useful thing to have around. Warrior, caretaker, healer, was Gremio not something?
She glanced up at him for a moment, seeing that the warrior had left him for now. He was back to the Gremio she knew. The Gremio she had grown to care a great deal for. Not that she didn't care for the warrior as well, but it was the caretaker, the devoted troupe-member who she had...
She looked down again, watching his paw on hers.
"I had a personal question, I couldn't ask the cubs to try to See this for me and I wouldn't have been able to ask it if you had come with me," she finally said, tone soft. She would have been... What would she have been? Embarrassed? Probably. If she had been told no, she would have wept, probably most of the way home. She couldn't have been able to do that with someone else beside her, it would have hurt too much for someone to know that she was incomplete. For Gremio to have come with... Gods, she didn't know what would have happened if he had known and insisted on going with her.
Gremio:
He sighed as she explained herself. It still wasn't any excuse. Not in his mind... not after she had just told him about Neclord's return. Not after her haunting encounter at the boarders...
He sighed and began wrapping the paw up in the clean, still slightly damp strips of fabric.
"...If I'd have been late, Safi. Just a few moments late...."
Safimoto:
Safi nodded slowly, her eyes hooded. Though, she probably wouldn't have been dead. By the way the crazed male had spoken, he probably would have tried to keep her alive for as long as possible, doing... She closed her eyes to rid herself of the mental images that had momentarily flashed there, of what that hybrid might have done to her if Gremio hadn't come to her aid.
She probably would have made him kill her, though. Even when she had fallen, she had been readying herself for another attack, ready to claw and bite at him the moment he came near her.
Eyes still squeezed shut, she bit her lip, trying to figure out what to say to him, how to respond.
"I had to know if I could have cubs of my own, or if the rumors were true." That... had not been what she had in mind for the conversation. But it was too late now, the words had been said.
Gremio:
Gremio fell into silence, his paws gently working on her injured paw, even as she explained further. He wanted, badly, to scold her for her actions. That answer could have come to her when the time was right... but perhaps she had other reasons.
"Safi... such knowlege is not worth such risks. I never would have been able to live with myself... "
Safimoto:
Safi's face tightened slightly, knowing he was right. The encounter with the lioness, the story she had told, she should have been more careful, should have taken her father with. The leopard she had met, who had told her about his son in the brief passing, it could have been a trap. But her father had let her go, had believed she would be safe... But she hadn't told him about Neclord. Would he be mad, too? How could she tell her aunt about the leotah that had attacked her, the one who called Kweupe aunt?
Her features softened, slightly defeated-looking and she finally opened her eyes again, looking up at Gremio.
"The last thing I wanted to do was cause you more grief. I didn't want..." she looked down again, letting out a sigh.
"I didn't want to stay on the path my heart was taking me down if I wasn't... If I couldn't..." It was all a lie. She'd been fooling herself all over again. Even if Blaise had told her no, that she would never be able to have cubs of her own flesh and blood, she wouldn't have been able to stamp down her feelings, no matter how hard she tried, she needed Gremio. He stressed out too much, worried after everyone to a point she was sure would damage his heart someday, worked too hard, was kind, caring, intelligent, stubborn, over-protective, and brave.
She'd been lost a long time ago.
Gremio:
Gremio pulled the knot tight against her bandages and looked over his handiwork. She was going to have to stay off her paw for at least a week... perhaps longer. Hopefully she wouldn't have any long term damage to her paw... stars willing.
He gently tucked her paw back up against her. "You should never doubt what your soul tells you, safi... hope is...very fragile. Sometimes it can shatter on a breath, in a single moment, or even with a simple thought. But that does not mean that you abandon it..."
Safimoto:
"It was silly of me to think otherwise. I realize now no matter what the seer had said, I wouldn't be able to stop feeling the way I do..." Safi trailed off a bit, looking down and shaking her head as he tucked and she pulled her paw back against her. Whatever it was that he had put on it, she would have to ask him to teach her about it. She didn't want to be a healer per-say, but to know how some plants could help a wound could come in handy.
After a very short pause and a slow intake of breath, her blue eyes rose again, ears back slightly as she prepared herself for what she was about to do.
"... About you."
Gremio:
He opened his mouth, ready to make another comment, likely a cryptic and vague proverb about feelings but her final statement froze him. Mouth gaping, eyes growing wide.
"...me?" He squeaked.
Safimoto:
Safi's ears fell back with her uncertainty, but she didn't look away, didn't falter. She had to be brave, if just this once.
"You," she confirmed, nodding ever so slightly. It was hard, so difficult to really say this, she was so afraid that things would go wrong. She knew Gremio would never want to hurt her, but what if he just didn't see her that way? What if she was a burden on him? What if- Oh, she was sick of what ifs.
"You're over-protective and you worry too much sometimes, but I understand why, now, and you're caring and I like being around you and I care about you and... And I'm going to stop talking now before I make myself look foolish." Her mouth clamped shut and she just watched him, hoping for a reaction that would take away the pressure she felt around her heart.
