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Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 12:03 am
*Everything that has been changed is in Green* Name: Melinda Chumana Reese Nickname: Mel or Lin Age: 17 Birthday: August 25 Sign: Virgo Gemstone: Peridot Blood Type: AB+ Fav. Food: home baked bread, apple pie, chickens and dumplings, baked potato with sour cream and butter, country fried streak, and classic peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Hated Food: beets, pickles, lemon tarts, shrimp, liver and onions, and split pea soup. School: Crystal Academy Hobbies:Playing the Flute - She been playing the flute since she was six years old. Its a way of relaxation for her, as she is able to lose herself within the melody of the notes. She doesn't count herself as one of the best, but she does count herself good. She practices everyday after school for an hour. Bike Riding - Another passion of hers, as she always finds time everyday to go bike riding. She enjoys just the thrill of seeing something new as she bikes by people or scenic area. As of late, this is also her way of escaping herself, and just needing to break free of everything going on around her and within herself.Hanging out at the park - Much more of an outdoor girl, the moment Melinda can, she leaves the academy. She heads down to the local park, where she can just hang out. It reminds her alot of home, and she just seems to enjoy much peace it brings her. Watching Football - Now this isn't what people think. She actually loves watching what people call Soccer, she just knows it as Football. It became a passion for her, as it was an all time favorite thing to do with her father. When the season started, they would never miss a game. And as she grew older, she found she continue to have a love for it. This year she is hoping her favorite team Peterborough United, will win in the CC Championship. Virtues:Miss Independent - Melinda often does things on her own, as she rarely needs help from others. She the type of girl that works well by herself, you just tell her what needs to be done and she will do it. She often seen by herself, but this doesn't mean she antisocial. She simply finds it easier to get things done, when she doesn't have to rely on another for help. I'm the One Who Speaks First - She will be the first to step up to face anything, whether its dangerous or just simply helping out a new student. She is also the girl who will stand up and state something is wrong. She is known for speaking her mind now, and refusing to back down if she knows she is right. If she knows something is wrong, she will do everything in her power to hopefully make the other person see this.Patience - Melinda the type of girl, that no matter how long it takes. She gets the task done. Her patience knows no end. She can wait for hours upon hours, and this will never upset or angry her. This comes from having to deal with a little brother. He drove her up the wall all the time, but she learned that she just had to remain calm with him. When she remained calm, things went far more smoothly and she found she was able to have a great time around him.Never Let Go - Her friends have become everything to her. She will do everything in her power to protect and always be there for them. If you need a shoulder to cry on, she is more then willing to lend her shoulder out. If you just need to rant, she the one you can come to just to get the anger off your chest.Flaws: Closed Off - With the lost of her brother, Melinda emotions have shut down. She can fake being happy around people but she can't muster more than that, its a tad off-putting as she doesn't seem to be the same person she used to be. She has buried the pain she is going through, as well as the anger, sadness, guilt and fear. Locking this away she basically exists and goes through the motions of life. These emotions are eating away at her every day, making her more and more depressed. At the moment, she is very distance. You can talk to rant to her about your problems all you want. But the moment you ask her about her, she will simply tell you she is fine. Will this change in the future, only time can honestly tell.Perfection - To her, when doing a task or simply just having fun. Everything must be perfect. If its not, she is very determined to make it that way. She will try and try until she is either forced to or she honestly believes she can't. Take Me Instead - This is a major flaw, because she doesn't think twice anymore about placing herself in danger, just to make sure others are not. The way she see it, she just one less person who dies, if it means ten or more will live. Stupid move, maybe. But the way she see it, what could honestly be taken from her at this point when she has lost the one thing that was her light?PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: Dark green, and full of life. They always seem to hold laughter or a gentle look to them no matter what she is actually feeling. Hair: Really light blond, often found up in a braid or just down around her face. To her shoulder layered. She doesn't wear anything in it, as she believes there is no need to. Face: Oval shape, she has no freckles. But she does seem like she blushing all the time. Her skin is very light, so she often has a rose hues to it. Her ears are small-medium. Each one has a single silver hoop hanging from the lobes. t. Clothes: Her fashion isn't crazy, but it isn't the normal either. She the girl who wears jeans under skirts, or a couple layers of shirts. Its not to hide anything, its just how she likes dressing. Its rare to see her in a dress, without jeans under them. She does know how to dress up, often wearing a simple black cocktail dress with heels. But most of the time, she dresses to feel comfortable. Makeup is very little if at all, as she likes that even now she still very young looking for a sixteen year old. When wearing makeup, its normally very little eyeshadow, some eyeliner and lip gloss. The only thing that is new, would be the silver cross that is held around her neck by a simple leather string. It was her little brother's necklace, that her parents gave her before she left home.
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Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2011 12:24 am
Only Adding this in, because I wanna make sure they would be okay before bringing her back out into the senshi world. Attacks:Sailor Scout Attack:NAME: Serpents Kiss ACTION: Her hands start to glow a bright green, and from them a snake forms. The snake will look to her, before she turns it towards the opponent. The whole time the snake will rear up into a attacking position. It then lashes out at the opponent, and its fangs sink into the opponent. EFFECT: The snake injects an enemy with a toxin that makes them lethargic, or slowed down for thirty seconds. NUMBER: She can only use this power once. STRENGTH: This is great defense skill, as she can stop other from double teaming on a senshi. WEAKNESS: In cold temperatures, or dealing with the cold in general. The powers are render nearly useless, as they seem very lethargic. Its to the point that the snake will seem like its not moving at all. Super Sailor Scout Attack:NAME: Serpents Strike ACTION: An upgraded version of Serpents Kiss. Only in this case she actually has two glowing green snakes that attack. But instead they wrap lightly around her body. Then when she calls out Strike, they lunge towards the enemy, attacking one after the other. EFFECT: When the toxin is injected into one part of the opponent body, that place will become paralyzed for thirty to forty-five seconds. NUMBER: She can only use this power once. STRENGTH: This is great defense skill, as she can stop other from double teaming on a senshi. WEAKNESS: In cold temperatures, or dealing with the cold in general. The powers are render nearly useless, as they seem very lethargic. Its to the point that the snake will seem like its not moving at all. Eternal Sailor Attack:NAME: Snake Charm Strike ACTION: With this attack, she starts off playing what looks like a flute she creates. As she plays her whole body starts glowing green as a huge Snake manifest around her. Closing her eyes the flute disappears as she lifts her hand above her head. As she calls out the strike the snake will lift from her body, into the air and come down onto the enemy. EFFECT: With this one, when injected with the venom, the longer the person stays to fight her, the more the venom spreads. Eventually the person could end up collapsing. In order to break the cast, one would have to break eye contact from her and run away until the effects wear off. NUMBER: She can only use this power once STRENGTH: With this power, it can allow herself and anyone else to retreat if needed. It can also allow no double teaming to occur on a person. WEAKNESS: In cold temperatures, or deal with the cold in general. The powers are render nearly useless, as they seem very lethargic. Its to the point that the snake will seem like its not moving at all.
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Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 11:47 pm
Quote: Hides Behind a Mask - With the lost of her brother, Melinda emotions have shut down. Yes, she knows how to be happy around people, but that is it. She doesn't show the pain she is going through, the anger, sadness, guilt, or fear. This is all buried deep within her, locked away so she just doesn't have to deal. She basically turned somewhat into a robot, and all she knows is happiness. Unhealthy, very much so. This revision could use some tweaking. Right now, you have written it as a coping mechanism for the pain that she feels, but you need to go back and point out why this is a huge flaw for her. Do her friends feel like they don't know her? Does she find herself despondent and unable to care about anything? Is she depressed and just going through the motions of life? Are all these bottle feelings making her miserable? Make it a touch clearer WHY this is so bad. In regard to her powers, 45 seconds is an incredibly long time to be completely paralyzed in a battle for just a regular-level attack. It would be more realistic to say that her snake injects an enemy with a toxin that makes them lethargic, or slowed down for 30 seconds. Complete paralyzation at this stage is too powerful! I have the same criticism for the super-level. If a Nega was ever struck by her attack as you have it written, it would be a death sentence. They would be completely at her mercy for an entire minute. Perhaps, instead, this attack can paralyze one part of the enemy's body. So the snake strikes a left arm, and it is paralyzed for 30-45 seconds. So if she is fighting someone wielding a staff, she could paralyze the hand that wields the staff to give herself the advantage for a short time. Her eternal attack is also too strong! If it ever hit an opponent, it would be an automatic KO, which would make her impossible to battle. I would recommend toning it down to fall more in line with a partial paralyzation theme. Perhaps her strike now can paralyze both their legs to make them fall? Perhaps she strikes enemies with a gradual venom. As time goes by in the fight, the person gets more and more slow-moving, and if the fight lasted long enough, they might end up just collapsing from the creeping paralyzation. And the only way to break it is to stop eye contact with her and run away from her until the effects wear off? It could perhaps have to do with how long she is able to hold on to someone. So long as she is touching them, the paralysis gets worse over the course of one minute. These are just ideas to help get your creative juices flowing. For all of these attacks, I think they should only happen once per battle. Serpentarius has some very powerful mojo. Paralysis is a hard core effect, and for this reason, I think you should tone done how much of a person's body it effects and for how long. Otherwise, she is just too tough to fight. If you have changed your mind about playing up the venomous aspect of snakes, you could potentially do something with agility? Dunno. This is just an idea I'm throwing at you if you dislike what I presented above. These powers could be for the senshi of snakes or the senshi of venom, but I like the theme you're going for. Good luck!
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 3:56 am
I see what you're saying hun. I updated that one flaw you pointed out, I hope it sounds right this time.
I'm glad I added her powers into this, as I didn't even realize how strong I had her. This too has been updated, and thank you for the help. You nailed actually what I wanted to do. I just wasn't too sure if I was correct in how to do it.
So she had been updated.
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:12 pm
Just a note:
Her flaw of being an underachiever and then being a perfectionist seems to be conflicting. As someone who is sort of a perfectionist myself I know how much it can drive someone and that's a lot of work for someone who enjoys and prefers "doing the minimum"
It's just a thought.
Also, there's a lot of reference to losing her brother and obviously she's not over the death but yet we don't know when it happened or how. Did I miss that somewhere? If not it should probably be included somewhere since it has such a bearing on her life and how she's living it.
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:51 pm
Powers look good. I would just delete that bit about "TIME" in all of her descriptions. You already say she can only do it once in a battle and how long it lasts. That is the only sense of time we need.
The revision to that flaw looks good. Just a thought though: you are writing Melinda as a shell of a person in the wake of her brother's death. Her depression and sadness is so great that she just pretends to be happy, even if she isn't. There are definitely people like this, but I just wanted to make sure this is the kind of character you want to play. If her new character flaw is that she is a completely hidden behind this mask (under which there is only sadness), then that is something you will have to stick with. If you plan for this sadness to be a temporary thing, then you might want to revise it to "Protected" or "Closed Off" and then point out that, while she is always happy to hear other people's problem, she will not discuss hers with anyone -- and therefore comes off as distant, unreachable at times. Just a little cautionary note!
But -- if you delete that "TIME" stuff from the attacks, I can stamp this.
[edit] I do agree with the point that Zaia raised about Underachiever v. Perfection, but since that was a part of your previously approved profile, I did not offer criticism on it. However, if you are looking to revise that, I would also recommend scrapping one of them since they seem to conflict.
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:28 pm
@Zaia: As far as the losing of her brother...its a solo I wrote listed in her journal on page three. I'm in the process of trying to get back into the shop after being gone for a year due to having a child.
I see what you are getting out, so I went ahead and took one out.
@Akina: I see what your getting at hun. It makes sense, and I would have to agree with you. I went ahead and took parts out, then changed it up a little.
So she is updated once again.
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Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 11:33 pm
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