Monochrome. The world was in monochrome, which could only mean one thing. Behnam was having a vision. The last time he had had a vision he had been a juvenile. It had had something to do with his father, but he couldn’t even remember what had happened in it now. He looked around, wondering why he was seeing this now, this barren, lifeless land that stretched out as far as the eye could see.
Even the few clumps of grass that he could see looked dead. It was a pitiful place, one where death ruled. He didn’t even want to be there in a vision, he thought as he got to his feet. He looked around, feeling something tugging him to the south, and started forward. Each step took him a mile, eating the ground as if it weren’t even there. He was moving so quickly that he almost didn’t even see the lioness.
When he did, his heart stopped. All the pain of the past few weeks slammed back into him, and he cursed himself for a fool. His Koko. His precious, beautiful Koko looked as if she was going to die at any moment. Her once beautiful eyes, the eyes he had looked into deeply and confessed his love for, they were closed. Her beautiful coat, the fur he had admired so dearly, was dry and ugly, looking as if it would fall out with a strong breeze. And her chest was barely moving, shallow, pathetic breaths that could easily stop at any moment.
He headed for her, stopping at her side and reaching down to nose her neck. “Koko--“ But his nose touched nothing. She didn’t respond to his voice, she didn’t even realize he was there. This was a vision.
He hated his father in that instant. It was illogical to hate him because of this, but he did. Being a seer was agony, because he couldn’t do anything even though the situation was so horrible. He laid down next to the female, whispering softly to her words that he knew she couldn’t be able to hear. Then he stopped, watching as a lion headed towards them. He got to his feet, standing over the female in a futile motion of protection.
Not noticing him, the male crossed over, his nose going through Behnam’s leg to nudge Koko’s shoulder.
“Behnam?” she asked. The word tore through his heart, ripping open the barely crusted over wounds that her leaving had left him. Silent tears poured down his cheeks and he wished, desperately, that he was there. His mind was so full of self-loathing that he barely realized that the lion had replied to her. He only came back to himself as she started speaking again. "Behnam, I thought you would never come after me, I knew you loved me, Behnam. I knew you loved me and only me."
And the male replied. It made Behnam sick to his stomach as the male spoke, pretending to be him, claiming to have done something that Behnam hadn’t. "I could not bear to live without you. My life was so meaningless without you." Of course it was, dammit! He was lonely, even with his banu around him. His heart was empty, but she had wanted to go! She had claimed she--she had wanted her freedom more than she had wanted him, and that--that still stung, he admitted.
But did that matter? he wondered as he watched her get up and walk with the lion pretending to be him.
"I waited for you. I knew you would come for me. I knew our love was strong enough. You were my first," she said wistfully, hoarsely, "my first lover, my last lover. My only love."
The tears were pouring down his cheeks. “You lie,” he whispered hoarsely. “You lie about waiting. Why didn’t you stay with me? If you had, you wouldn’t be--you wouldn’t be in this position! Koko, my love--“
"And you are my only love," the lion carrying her--the lion that had taken his place--had taken his identity--said. Behnam, usually so calm, roared with rage, his claws unsheathing as he started to attack--
He woke, his heart pounding hard against his chest. Wildly he looked around, seeing his comfortable, peaceful den, hearing the gentle breathing of his two banu, and feeling the tears still falling silently down his cheeks. He let out a choked sob, trying not to wake the two others. He wasn’t angry at the lion. If anything, he should be grateful to the male that was there to do what he should be doing. To take his place. But he couldn’t be. The only feeling he had was self-hatred and a sickened feeling in his stomach. He barely managed to keep from throwing up.
Slowly he stood, his legs feeling shaky, his eyesight blurry from his tears. He walked around the females, padding as silently as he could and trying not to hit anything that might make a noise. He needed fresh air. He stepped out into the breezy, balmy night and headed for the lake, looking over it with despair. If only she was here, with him. She would still be healthy and beautiful, kept safe at his side.
He should have gone with her, he thought. But it wasn’t too late. She wasn’t dead. He could go get her... if he could find her. Her words echoed in his mind, taunting him, teasing him shamelessly. “My only love."
But he couldn’t leave like this. He would have to tell his banu, to ask his father to take care of Scheherazade and Fara, and then see if anyone knew of a dry land with a lake that was mostly dried out. His jaw tightened and his shoulders squared. He would find her. He had to.
The moon hung low and heavy in the sky above him, seeming far too large. It reflected on their large lake of fresh water. He could imagine wild dogs howling at a moon like that. But it meant nothing without her sitting next to him.
(Small excerpts taken from Pinch's SRP Near Death. WC: 1,022)
