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 Posted: Fri Feb 03, 2006 7:39 pm
I am 14 and recently, my bf has been talking about sex. I know for a fact that he's not ready, and I have done it before, but I didn't really care about the person I did it with. I really love my current bf and I don't want to take it too fast. A little help with that prob. will be nice. But heres my question, is 14 too young for sex?
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Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:58 am
XxxSmoochesxxX I am 14 and recently, my bf has been talking about sex. I know for a fact that he's not ready, and I have done it before, but I didn't really care about the person I did it with. I really love my current bf and I don't want to take it too fast. A little help with that prob. will be nice. But heres my question, is 14 too young for sex? Hmm, i dont think so. I mean, if u havent done it, then i could have sed something like "u maybe dont know the real meaning of doing it", but since u have done it already, u know what it is. And since u say yourself that the first time was with someone that u didnt love so much, wich means that u care about having more passion in it, means u know what u are doing. biggrin So yeah, why not?
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Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:01 am
I'm going to disagree with Andreas Ohagen's advice.
Just because you've had sex before doesn't mean you are ready. Personally, I DO think 14 is too young to be having sex mainly because of the statutory rape laws, which is something you need to consider if you love your boyfriend.
Yes, your first time wasn't what most do or filled with love, but definitely learn from it. Are you educated about STDs? Are you taking anything for birth control? Have you discussed birth control and STD control with your partner? Have you been tested and had pap smears with a Gyn? Are you prepared to take that chance that something might go wrong and deal with the consequences (even with being the safest) of an STD or pregnancy?
Also, what do you hope that sex will do to your relationship? How long have you been dating? If you don't want to take it too fast as stated and truly love this boy, why go for sex if it's not what you want right away?
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Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:40 am
Other things to consider:
Getting pregnant, which is a whole can of worms on its own. If you get pregnant, where will your boyfriend be? Will he stick around? Will he help you out financially? What about your family and his - will they be supportive if you get pregnant? Can you afford an abortion? Can you afford to give birth to a baby and raise it? If you choose adoption, can you live with giving your child to another family?
What about birth control? How will you decide which method is best for you? What if your parents find out you're on birth control? If you can't get it covered by insurance, and you don't have a job, how will you pay for it each month?
As lunashock said, have you been tested for STD's? Has your partner been tested? Have you talked with him about birth control, sex, and what you two will do if something goes wrong? (Pregnancy, abortion, etc)
And yes, age DOES matter when it comes to sex, especially concerning statutory rape laws. If caught, he might get in trouble with the law (depending on what the laws are where you live), and could go to jail. If you two really love each other, then you can wait until it's legal. Seriously.
Sex can screw up a relationship. Yes it can bring people closer together, but often it can throw a wrench into a relationship, and can make things complicated.
Also, what if word gets out that you're having sex at 14? You're still a kid. What if people start calling you a whore or a slut at school, can you cope with that? What if people start to think you're easy?
Due to all of the factors involved, it's often better to wait until you're older before having sex. A lot of 14 year olds are unable to cope with an abortion, an unplanned pregnancy, or even just being sexually active. Having sex and being sexually active involves a LOT of responsibilities, and it also involves a lot of risks, because even if you DO go on birth control, you can still get pregnant.
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Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:24 pm
lunashock I'm going to disagree with Andreas Ohagen's advice. Just because you've had sex before doesn't mean you are ready. Personally, I DO think 14 is too young to be having sex mainly because of the statutory rape laws, which is something you need to consider if you love your boyfriend. Yes, your first time wasn't what most do or filled with love, but definitely learn from it. Are you educated about STDs? Are you taking anything for birth control? Have you discussed birth control and STD control with your partner? Have you been tested and had pap smears with a Gyn? Are you prepared to take that chance that something might go wrong and deal with the consequences (even with being the safest) of an STD or pregnancy? Also, what do you hope that sex will do to your relationship? How long have you been dating? If you don't want to take it too fast as stated and truly love this boy, why go for sex if it's not what you want right away? Well, the first time I had sex, I didn't exactly want to have sex. I didn't think of all the risks. I have not been to a doctor since I had sex because I am afraid they might tell me something that I don't want to hear. Me and my bf have been dating akmost 3 years on and off. Thanks 4 the help
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Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:32 pm
Nikolita Other things to consider: Getting pregnant, which is a whole can of worms on its own. If you get pregnant, where will your boyfriend be? Will he stick around? Will he help you out financially? What about your family and his - will they be supportive if you get pregnant? Can you afford an abortion? Can you afford to give birth to a baby and raise it? If you choose adoption, can you live with giving your child to another family? What about birth control? How will you decide which method is best for you? What if your parents find out you're on birth control? If you can't get it covered by insurance, and you don't have a job, how will you pay for it each month? As lunashock said, have you been tested for STD's? Has your partner been tested? Have you talked with him about birth control, sex, and what you two will do if something goes wrong? (Pregnancy, abortion, etc) And yes, age DOES matter when it comes to sex, especially concerning statutory rape laws. If caught, he might get in trouble with the law (depending on what the laws are where you live), and could go to jail. If you two really love each other, then you can wait until it's legal. Seriously. Sex can screw up a relationship. Yes it can bring people closer together, but often it can throw a wrench into a relationship, and can make things complicated. Also, what if word gets out that you're having sex at 14? You're still a kid. What if people start calling you a whore or a slut at school, can you cope with that? What if people start to think you're easy? Due to all of the factors involved, it's often better to wait until you're older before having sex. A lot of 14 year olds are unable to cope with an abortion, an unplanned pregnancy, or even just being sexually active. Having sex and being sexually active involves a LOT of responsibilities, and it also involves a lot of risks, because even if you DO go on birth control, you can still get pregnant. About a week after I had sex, I started feeling bloated and I would throw up every morning, and I started gaining weight. I was too scared to tell my mom. But about a month later, the pains, sickness, and bloating had gone away. Do you think that has anything to do with me having sex? The word already has got oiut. The boy who I had sex with video taped it and put it on his website. He had me tied up 2 his bed and was doing stuff to me. I finally found out about it and threatened if he doesn't take it off then I will take him to court, and explain what happened, and I would let word out about his little secret he has. People were calling me names because he bragged to his friends about it. But hte thing is that he made me do it. I am scared that my bf will find out and dump me. I never knew there were so many risks of just having a few hours of fun.
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Posted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 9:16 pm
As you are a minor all you have to do is let the police know there is pornographic material of you on the internet and it will get taken down and taken care of. Get your parents involved and it will be taken care of so fast you won't know what hit you.
Not going to the doctor because you're afraid of what they'll say is one of the stupidest reasons not to go. If something is wrong, it's just going to get worse, so do yourself a favor and get a full check up. And throw in some counseling while you're at it.
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Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 2:10 pm
You should be seeing a gynocologist at least once a year from the very first time you have sex. As Pirate said, not doing so because you are afraid that they will find something wrong is... awful.
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2006 7:16 pm
That's really too bad. In all honesty, if you're going to have sex at 14, then your parents SHOULD know. You're a child, a minor, and you're legally under their protection. If you get pregnant, they're going to play some sort of a role, whether you get an abortion, adoption, and especially if you decide to keep the child. I've been down the route of not telling my parents when I became sexually active, and it was really hard. I had to pay for my birth control all by myself each month in cash, I had to book my own doctor's appointments and physicals, and I had to get to & from them on my own. That was at 17 - so imagine how hard it'll probably be for you if you try doing the same thing at 14. Not telling your parents when you're sexually active so early is irresponsible, and just not a smart thing to do. If you let them know that you're interested in having sex at your age, they can help you go on birth control, and might even help you pay for it. By the way: Quote: Get your parents involved and it will be taken care of so fast you won't know what hit you. That was Pirate Dirge's reply to getting the porn of you taken off the internet, not being sexually active.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 1:35 pm
Well by law your pose to be atleast 16 but thats just the law.
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Posted: Tue Feb 07, 2006 8:49 pm
evilsweet Well by law your pose to be atleast 16 but thats just the law. For what? To have sex? That varies state by state. Not to mention that there are countries in this world where it is perfectly legal to have sex and be married as early as 9 (or whenever the girl starts her period).
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Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 5:43 pm
Nikolita That's really too bad. In all honesty, if you're going to have sex at 14, then your parents SHOULD know. You're a child, a minor, and you're legally under their protection. If you get pregnant, they're going to play some sort of a role, whether you get an abortion, adoption, and especially if you decide to keep the child. I've been down the route of not telling my parents when I became sexually active, and it was really hard. I had to pay for my birth control all by myself each month in cash, I had to book my own doctor's appointments and physicals, and I had to get to & from them on my own. That was at 17 - so imagine how hard it'll probably be for you if you try doing the same thing at 14. Not telling your parents when you're sexually active so early is irresponsible, and just not a smart thing to do. If you let them know that you're interested in having sex at your age, they can help you go on birth control, and might even help you pay for it. By the way: Quote: Get your parents involved and it will be taken care of so fast you won't know what hit you. That was Pirate Dirge's reply to getting the porn of you taken off the internet, not being sexually active. Okay, so I have decided to tell my parents. It won't be easy, so any advice on how to tell them?
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Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 7:29 pm
"Mom, Dad, I did a stupid thing and I need your help..."
And then go from there; it's all you can really do but if you tell them and get the police involved the ISP will be contacted and the pornography will be taken off the website.
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Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 11:33 pm
Or if you were referring to telling them about going on birth control... xd
"Mom, Dad, I am thinking of having sex. I want to protect myself as best as I can, and I want to go on birth control. I'd like your help in deciding what method would be best for me, and if possible, help with getting it in case I can't pay for it myself."
O something along those lines.
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