|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:48 am
Name: Erik Aloisius Nihls
Nickname: Nihls ((also Al and "Niki" But only if you want that little vein in his forehead to start pulsing.))
Age: 50
Birthday: June 23
Sign: Capricorn
Gemstone: Garnet
Blood Type: B
Fav. Food: Smoked Salmon, Bacon-Breakfast Sandwiches. ((He could eat these all day)), and Pork Chops in Sauerkraut, and pickles (he occasionally attempts to make his own.))
Hated Food: CABBAGE. This b*****d cousin of Lettuce only becomes vaguely interesting as Sauerkraut. Cole Slaw, Stuffed Cabbage and the rest... ugh. Forget it. Cucumbers likewise are off the list unless they've been vigorously pickled.
School: NA ((Career: Mortician))
Hobbies:
-Death Rituals: Nihls has the slightly creepy habit of being fascinated by death rituals from around the world. He's not sufficiently well versed to teach a course, but he's sufficiently well versed to spout off interesting and gory trivia, such as 'Sky Burial', involving feeding corpses to vultures, a slightly horrifying but hygienic means of disposing of a body. He's actually perfectly aware that -most- people aren't interested in this sort of thing, and if he starts discussing them at length, it probably means that he either has taken you for a exception to the rule, or he really wants you to go someplace else and stop bothering him.
If you're especially 'fortunate' he might even expound on the Western Cultures heavy fascination with the beautification of the dead and our attempts to make them look as though they were alive and sleeping. Almost as though we were attempting to entomb them alive.
-Speaker to the Dead - when he's at work he has a curious and morbid habit of speaking to the corpses. He addresses them as though they are somehow able to answer him, He tells them of his day, and asks them questions and nods as though they answer. He makes up stories for them based on the traces of what he learns from family, from the clothes they are brought in, they clothes they are given and the flowers that are sent.
He never writes down these stories, feeling that he's worse at writing than at music, but he'll continue them even in front of an audience, once he's grown accustomed to them, making him potentially rich fodder for those with strong stomachs and rich imagination.
-Gardening: Nihls isn't the best gardener out there... it's only in the last five, ten years he's managed to pull out more weeds than flowers. He especially enjoys roses, trying to breed modern full bodied roses with much older, full-scented varieties. He hasn't been particularly successful so far, as he's still a pretty poor horticulturist, but he tries, reasoning that it's a bit less impossible than trying to breed a real 'blue' rose. Generally, most of the roses in his garden are white, pink, or yellow, the romantic associations of Red he figures will just draw too much attention from garden raiding goons.
-Music be the Food of Love: One of the things that draws Nihls out into larger crouds, instead of sitting in his garden brandishing pruning shears at young people reaching to snag a rose for their sweetheart, is music. Techno... not his scene. Too energetic and insufficiently musical, but he loves stringed instruments. The violin and electric violin are his favorites, and in his dreams, and only his dreams, he's good enough himself to Own a Stradivarius.
Although he plays on an ameteur level, his skills with the violin are something like the dressed up corpses he prepares for burial. Everything looks pretty, and seems alright, but there's something intangible missing that he's never been able to capture. He can pluck a few strings on a guitar, but the problem is the same. Although he can parrot the notes, the spark of life just isn't there.
He envies that in others, but in spite of this envy, his love of music draws him out to all manor of concerts, and many are surprised when he'll even turn up at the occasional rock concert, though he prefers selections of 'Classic' rock. Not simply because it tends to be more melodic than some of today's tunes, but because at fifty, you stand out pretty considerably surrounded by young, relatively attractive people wearing "Candy and Glowsticks" as Nihls describes the situation, which has probably lead some to wonder EXACTLY what kind of concert he wandered into once, but Nihls doesn't seem inclined to discuss it.
Virtues:
-Observer: Nihls likes to build stories based on the dead, and he does this based on the details that they come with. For Nihls, it's their version of speaking to him, telling him things about themselves. Their perfumes and lotions... expensive or store bought? Their nails, painted or unpainted? What color? Were they stressed? Pick their nails? Scratch their skin? Injure themselves in any of a thousand subtle ways, or were they injured by others? Did they like to eat, or read the newspaper? The dead are books written in a strange and silent tongue, and even living people carry the same writing on them. He loves to 'read' that language, even though he makes errors in reading it, he still finds it a relaxing and quiet pastime.
-Meticulous: Nihls is highly detail oriented, and when possible, he likes to do things by the book. While not diagnosed as OCD, he prefers to know how things are going to play out, and finds his personal routines relaxing. Departure from his rituals results in a shortened temper and an increase in sarcasm and short snippy comments, directed at the living more than the dead but there are occasionally comments and accusations as though they, the dead, are the ones making life 'hard' for him.
Although this trait definitely has it's down sides, and can occasionally be frustrating, it does also mean that he's less likely to miss a step in a deliberately ordered plan, at least in so far as it's possible to avoid missing a step. Sometimes things just decide to -happen-... dreadfully inconvenient though that is.
-(Reluctantly) Adaptable: For someone who enjoys order as much as he does, ((exactly two cubes of sugar in his tea cup. Never put tea in the coffee mug... so on and so forth...)) He's surprisingly good at coming up with round about solutions. He generally applies this to things like his work, which has become increasingly challenging these days. In such his cunning comes around more from 'time to think about it' rather than 'on the spot solutions', but with an increase in the number of young adult deaths, some of them alarmingly 'messy' it's a skill he has been forced to develop.
Flaws:
-Morbid: This one is a fairly obvious flaw, Nihls is morbidly fascinated by death. He doesn't feel repulsed by it, he's always been clinically fascinated, even by the effects of putrification, since while an unpleasant reminder of our own mortality, it's also a natural force. Nihls tends to see it as the way in which we rejoin the earth, but tries his best to respect the fact that many others don't see it this way. He doesn't, however, always succeed.
-The Living and the Dead: Nihls is... Socially Awkward. This is a somewhat mildly way of putting it. He's good at talking to the dead, but the living? The living talk back. They get annoyed. They get OFFENDED. They -look- at you with that really obnoxious look of dawning horror. That one's the worst.
-Won't/Shant/Can't: Technically it's not impossible to make Nihls change his routines, such as what container, for example, tea goes into as opposed to coffee, but it's not without drawbacks, and makes Nihls short tempered and sarcastic, and generally unhappy. This tends to make others unhappy, and the cycle of unhappiness tends to continue until things are back on track.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes: Dark, pumpkin orange, usually slightly narrowed from habitual squinting.
Hair: Wind tunnel chaos: Nihls hair is thick, steel gray, and tends to look as though it were blasted back from his face by a gale, rather than by his habitual tendency to brush it back with his fingers. It's perpetually disorderly, and stands back in wild spikes.
Face: a Rather triangular face with jutting cheekbones and a strong, arched nose. His mouth is thin, usually slightly turned down, and his slightly sunken cheeks are scarred and pitted from an unfortunate and awkward youth. His skin also tends toward a slightly unhealthy pallor, as though he himself had formaldehyde in his veins instead of blood.
Clothes: Clothing that hasn't been updated in some time, and a chaotic assembly of it. When he's not dressed to meet clients in a respectful steel gray tux and black shoes, he's usually wearing button shirts that are half tucked in, khaki's or dress pants that have seen better days, and sneakers, and a large men's signet ring with a black stone, though he never wears it while working -inside- a corpse. It would be far too disrespectful (on many levels) to loose it inside a body.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 11:20 am
Knight Title: Necropolis Page Challenge: "Out, Out, brief candle." Uniform: ELEMENTS TO THINK ABOUT FOR UNIFORM PLEASE THINK OF YOUR PLANET THEME(S) BEFORE GOING INSANE~! Top -- Something like this would be amazing, with a light amount of purple-black trim and buttons. Bottoms -- Pants (preferably in the purple to contrast the top), straight, pressed with an white sidestripe Gloves -- Black gloves Belt -- None, or mostly not visible under the coat. Shoes -- Boots, with low, semi soft soles, just below the knee. Skull buttons. Shoulders -- None Accessories -- Skull pin on the shirt front, maybe a small pocket watch. --------- 1: Skull- Hand held bashing Damage. ((Alas, poor Yorik, I knew him, Sailor Horatio!)) 2: Modified Skull on a chain. Skull appears to be a lantern, but the candle inside (red) is not lit. Blow from this weapon creates a temporary illusion that the struck area is decayed and rotting, as though long dead. Complimenting the illusion is a sense of numbness, without tingling, and a detached chill. The effect is short lived, but may have lingering psychological effects, depending on the target. 5-10 seconds. ((Power: can only successfully/safely be used four times in a battle. Further uses become draining enough to cause longer term more dangerous exhaustion)) 3: Skull on Chain with burning (red) candle inside, incidental damage possible from hot wax, or by sticking your finger in the interior flame, but primary damage still comes from being hit by a swinging skull on a chain, or psychologically from the power. -- Same as before, but the 'spread' of the numbness and 'rot' lasts longer and goes further faster. 10-15 seconds. ((Power: Used 5 times per battle, same rules as above.)) 4: ...Not entirely sure, would have to consider this or leave it to artistic discretion. Possibly a burning skull? At this point the effect creates the illusion that the entire body is in a state of rot and decay, lasting for 20-30 seconds. The numbness is likewise temporary, but combined with another more dangerous attack, could create a dangerous situation of being unaware of a more grave injury, even temporarily. Likewise, psychological effects may linger, depending on the subject, long after the actual magic has dispersed, but this depends on how the subject responds to the image of themselves as a rotted corpse. -This attack, in spite of numbness, does not prevent movement, but it may cause disorientation due to an inability to feel your limbs, or what they're doing, or even if you've backed into or struck something. ((Power Can be used up to six times, but using it seven or eight times brings a risk of coma or even death.))
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 11:41 am
Q/A: Q: He's Fifty! Won't that be a problem? Surely he'll be slower than a younger page. A: yep, he will. And he'll probably have some fun with the 'Sore in the Morning' problem, and his reaction times will never be the same as a spry young whippersnapper. Truthfully all around he'll probably try and fight more with his head than with his weapon, and use direct contact with the enemy as a last resort. It'll take a while for him to learn to adapt to being creative outside his place of work, but he'll do everything he can. Although his weapon is capable of doing damage, he's more likely to use it to try and do a 'scare and run', than he is to try and sit there and whack you with it. Q: Business must have seen quite a boom with all the death and chaos, how does he feel about that? A: Money wise, it hasn't hurt his feelings, but he doesn't like seeing young corpses in his morgue, especially in numbers. Although death is natural, it's also tragic, and in many cases, pointless. This would actually be a large part in making someone (especially at his age) want to step in to help out, since he'd feel he'd already 'lived', and would want to protect people who had yet to fill their potential. Fascination with death is one thing, but such wholesale death is another. --------------------------Where the Hell did you get this idea?? Nihls is based on an old character of mine who's been through pretty much all walks of life...or...unlife. These are some examples of how he's looked before. x - x - x - x - x - x - x .... yeah I might kind of have a thing for little glasses and funky hair, but these are more for fun and ideas than true 'references'. <3 Enjoy!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2011 10:53 pm
The first thing that really jumps out at me is the idea of a fifty year old man who is very, very creepy getting much RP as a civvie (since the RP base is mostly teenagers...)? Like… beyond the novelty of it, do you have any idea what kind of a RP life you’re looking for for him? Right now, he kind of seems like a ‘you know what would be funny’ moment that’s been fleshed out but maybe not applied to the world of the shop itself, if that makes sense? Like RP when powered up seems like it might be easier to come by, or maybe that’s just my brain not wrapping around the idea.
As far as virtues go, I kind of think about the ‘things people look up to’ blurb that’s on the form. When people see him being Meticulous, it reads like he might be short tempered and cross with them instead, which might be more of a flaw than a virtue? I like the Observant trait, but it almost feels like a hobby more than a virtue as well, because it is more what he likes to do rather than something someone else might see in him, or what might come across as a true virtue. I think he needs a bit more roundness in his characterization. Not to say that it’s bad right now, but I think a little more would help: finding things in him that aren’t directly linked to him being creepy. Focusing too much on one trait or one idea might leave a character feeling a little flat.
The flaws fit the headline better, definitely, and being creepy (sorry I can’t seem to shake that word: it’s really just the overall feel I get from him, and that’s not bad) does seem to be the main focus of him so far. The morbid trait expounds on this, and outlines another tie back to death/the dead/and dying. I do like that him being socially awkward can be applied to outside the death theme, but once again I feel like everything is so focused on the one idea that it would be nice to see some other aspects of his character, as well, to give him more life and character.
As for the weapon, I knew him, Horatio!
I like the idea of the magic, and the psychological implications of being wrapped up in something like that. The short time seems fitting, and it’s a good distraction tactic. Like, that would be really freaky, thinking your arm or face is rotting, or where ever you get hit, and I think it would be really dynamic to RP with! I would like to know more about his fighting style. Does he use those precious seconds to gear up another attack, or does he head for the hills? Since magic drains their energy, can he use the hit once, more than once, in a single fight? (same questions for as he powers up, too) I’m not sure I fully understand the design of the spine and skull, but I don’t think well without pictures. Do you mean like a staff with a head on it, that looks like a spine?
This might not be a very coherent post, and if it's not I'm more than happy to chat about things with you!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:19 am
I'm going to pop in and say that with no offense meant to Lith, I really like the fact that he's fifty. I'm sure you could get someone to drag out the old civilian base for him (Why did those ever go away? They're the only ones appropriate for adults!) and it would a add a lot of diversity to the RP. You'd probably have to manufacture reasons for him to meet people other than "tour of the funeral home" but I'm getting there.
I think that you've done a good job building him around his profession, but it also feels like that's where you stopped. I'm getting a good sense of what Nihls does for his day job, but nothing about how he spends his free time - does he have any hobbies outside of his work? (All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, remember!) Maybe he needs to get a dog, or join a fan club, or turn on his television, or go to the gym, or make a point of not going to the gym. Just suggestions. Basically, while hobbies aren't the most important part of a character, they add a lot of texture and you'd be well-served by giving him a few more.
I feel like your "cunning" virtue is misnamed - it sounds more like "clever." Cunning has a more devious aspect to it that I'm really not getting from the way it's reading. Also, how does this apply outside of his work? Is he good at coming up with solutions for every day problems?
Think about giving him another flaw. A good rule of thumb is a 1:1 ratio on virtues to flaws. If you have more of one than the results are a little bit lopsided.
Appearance looks well and fun. On to the powered form!
Everything looks good here. Love his weapon, love the progression, love his powers. Awesome. Go make some people think they're zombies. Question on his powers: does this work on everyone who is hit? if he's in a battle and over the course of the battle he strikes ten different people, do they all experience the same effect at the same strength? Knight magic is energy based - the more you use, the less energy you have to keep using it. Does he get tired from using it?
I think there's a really solid base here and what you should focus on now is putting some texture and detail on top of it. Good start and good luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:36 am
I don't have much to say in terms of crit, since he looks fine to me, but just wanna drop this -
The old civ/SH templates arn't completely retired, depending on the artist you get, you might just need to ask for them. Matthew is on the old temps, as well as Xavier's civ, and both were done after the new schoolkids temps came along
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2011 2:40 pm
So far:
Keeping Nihls age... It will limit some of his social interactions, at least outside of uniform, but there are other adults in the shop, plus going Page will create some forced, if awkward, relations with people he's not sure he has much in common with, or who like MuCephei, he might actually have a fair amount in common with.
-Added a new hobby (Gardening), And expounded on Meticulous, since it's really a flaw-virtue combo.
-I did know that Knight form used energy, I just managed to not elaborate terribly, other than to show how short a span the effects of his powers last for. As it stands he's not going to ever be the most toe to toe fighter, so he'll definitely be driven to go seek out a partner who he can compliment, (and to find out more about this craziness) which will also cause some interaction.
Although he's awkward I really think it will be fun to PLAY that awkwardness and see how it affects his development.
Thanks everyone for dropping through my quest so far, I'll continue to try and improve him. smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 1:57 pm
He seems like one of those old men you see on their front porches that the neighborhood kids try to avoid. He's a curmudgeon and I'm interested to see how that plays out with him being a knight.
He seems pretty well developed to me. I'm not sure how he's going to manage to interact with many people given his job and his flaws. The only main drawback I see is that you might have made him a little too internal and not enough external to get lasting RP.
Also, quick question because I'm curious: Has he ever considered sharing/writing these stories he's come up with for the dead?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2011 4:03 pm
Thanks Zaia!
I added a bit to his Speaker for the Dead Hobby regarding weather or not he writes things down ((He doesn't, but that doesn't mean someone else who does write couldn't use him as a font of ideas.))
And I also added another hobby to bring him out among people more. smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 4:31 am
Further edits: Added an potentially alternative weapon. ((Scythe seemed just too cliche.))
Oar kind of a 'Creepy Styxian Boatman' sort of idea.
Potential third alternative might be "Yorik" as a skull to Skull on chain, to a Skull-lantern on chain.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 8:13 am
First thing I wanna say is, if I get Lorne, these guys so need to meet. Both being of Saturn, and gardening, social awkwardness, yadda yadda. <3 Despite the age differences, I can certainly see Nihls being some sort of not-quite-role model for Lorne.
All in all I love him. Then again, I have just recently watched The Rite, and he makes me think of the dad from that. XDDDD
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 8:20 am
Interaction = AWESOME. biggrin
I haven't gotten to see "The Rite" yet but I think Ende saw it and liked it. Nihls is based on a old OC of mine who I love for his awkwardness. <3 (goes to read Lorne)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2011 5:28 pm
Copy paste from aim like a boss :
Ryu: and I kinda like him with some form of polearm, but I also thought a lantern/skull might be fun, sort of a morning star thing
Zero: I have no idea what an oar even is XD
Ryu: Like the things you use to paddle in the water. XD
Zero: *guilty of staff-ness*
Zero: OH
Zero: XD
Zero: I really like the lantern/skull idea
Zero: Since most psychopomp/guide to the dead idea carry lanterns ?
Zero: It would fit really well
Ryu: I like it because it fits the "Out out, brief Candle" quote too. C_C
Zero: Yesssssssss
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 2:50 pm
Posted my little creepy dude up for crit <3 still open for non staff crit <3
And yes I -do- have a thing about playing challenging characters. c_c
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 7:42 am
ON THE CIVILIAN: The tone for Nihls starts off very clearly: death. I am totally cool with characters who have morbid fascinations. Hell, I wrote a character who had a hobby of wikipedia-ing freak accidents and strange deaths. However, right now, my largest gripe about Nihls is that you have written him with an extremely strong, almost distracting focus on how much he loves death/darkness. He is a mortician who talks to dead bodies and loves learning about death rituals -- and he is a Knight of Saturn, planet of deeeeath. I'm not saying that people like this don't exist; they totally do. I just want to caution you against making him too one-note, if that makes sense. Right now, he reads to me like that creepy old guy who lives in the scary house down the street where you might dare your friends to go ring the doorbell. If this is what you want to play, then you definitely can. I just don't want you to build yourself into a box, if that makes sense. This is just food for thought though! His SPEAKER TO THE DEAD hobby makes him sound a little crazy. I think you can definitely have him idly chatter with the bodies as he works, but right now, it reads like he thinks he is having a conversation. I would reword it so that it is clear he is really just rambling at them, not actually making friends with the corpses. His OBSERVER virtue is only written in regard to dead people. If this is an intrinsic trait of his person, you should open it up and describe how he is observant all across the board and not just at work. I think giving this trait maybe only one sentence on how it relates to the dead bodies at work (and then filling the rest with other details on his life) would really help you rein in the creepy-death-guy factor too. METICULOUS is written more like a flaw than a virtue. I would take out extensive details about how he has a short temper when people upset his order and instead focus on how it helps him. You can detail the negative side of it in his flaws, since I do think your flaws could use some more detail. Quote: Departure from his rituals results in a shortened temper and an increase in sarcasm and short snippy comments, directed at the living more than the dead but there are occasionally comments and accusations as though they, the dead, are the ones making life 'hard' for him.The bolded part of this line makes him sound legitimately crazy. I would get rid of it. RELUCTANTLY ADAPTABLE is a little unclear to me. It seems like you say that, given time, he is capable of coming up with out-of-the-box solutions, but I am not sure. I would restructure this to either be about how he can solve problems, how he is good at finding ways to take disorder and turn it into order, or something else that just streamlines this trait. Quote: In such his cunning comes around more from 'time to think about it' rather than 'on the spot solutions', but with an increase in the number of young adult deaths, some of them alarmingly 'messy' it's a skill he has been forced to develop. The bolded part is another bit that makes him sound off, even though you are just referencing that he gets some messed up dead bodies onto his table from time to time. It's just the suggestion of what he does with these messy cases that I think it probably unnecessary and puts too much focus on the deathdeathdeath part of him. I would get rid of it just to overall help tone down the creepy-death-guy thing I mentioned previously. Compared to his virtues, the flaws are pretty sparse. MORBID should definitely be in there, but I think you could combine it with the socially awkward things you mention in THE LIVING AND THE DEAD. Perhaps it could be called "Unsettling" and just discuss how his morbidity and fascination with death tends to alienate him from other people. Right now, MORBID is really just written as a virtue. You don't discuss how it hurts him, or how it causes problems for him. Definitely add that in. You have written Nihls as having a series of weird quirks, and there needs to be a tangible, well-developed consequence to that within this profile. WON'T/SHAN'T/CAN'T needs to be a lot stronger. I would definitely rewrite this to have more of a focus on how it negatively affects his personal relationships and how he can fly off the handle when pushed. So far, none of these flaws really sound that terrible. When you go to revise, figure out what his MAIN flaw is and really, really flesh that out. From reading your profile, I would guess it would be something like "Failure to Connect" and focus on how he has a hard time relating to anyone because of his fascination with the dead (which is creepy and pushes people away) along with his desperate need to do things in his own way with his own order (which pushes people away). It seems like Nihls would be pretty terrible at making or keeping friends. You should explore that a lot more than you currently do in his flaws. ON THE KNIGHT: A 50-year-old can totally be a Knight. It is definitely on the unusually old side for this shop, but I'm not going to stomp through here and tell you that you can't do it -- because you can. I will say that he will be interacting with a majority of 15-22 years olds, and that could get weird or difficult for you. But if you want to play him as the old guy who gets stuck saving the world with a bunch of children, then you definitely can. This is just more of a food for thought thing! Side note: I adore his challenge. I think the progression of skull --> skull on chain --> skull on chain with lit candle works. Just remember that Knight weapons should not be terribly weapony. Nihls would be much better at kicking a** with his hands and feet than he ever would with the item that channels his magic. As far as magic goes, I think the general theme of it is solid and fits nicely with Saturn. Also, instead of phrasing it is as 5-10 second effect that can be done 4 times (which is more of how senshi stuff is framed), you should probably say that he can do this for a total of 40 seconds maximum in a single battle. Knights channel magic so he could either let it last for 40 seconds on someone, or 5 seconds on eight different people. I hope that makes sense! Also, you say he casts by blowing on the candle. How close does he have to be to someone for the effect to take hold? I'd define in it there. In order to avoid it, would someone either did to get out of his direct line of sight or knock it from his hands? These are things that you probably need to add in to round out exactly how this attack works. Add those things for both the squire and knight stage please. Otherwise, the magic looks great! You can go ahead and delete the fourth stage description from this form. Fourth stage is not guaranteed, and honestly, very, very few people will get it so you don't need to describe it at all!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
