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 Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 2:51 pm
well, here's the thing...i have a "boyfriend" although i'm not sure it could ultimately be that considering we rarely talk to each other anymore. granted, it is long distance and there could simply be connection problems, but the problem is here is a guy i used to like in my class that has recently started to flirt with me, and admittedly i've flirted back, but i feel kinda guilty for it because i'm already in a "relationship". i've tried reaching my "boyfriend" but he won't respond like when we first started talking, which was constantly.
who should i go with? my "boyfriend" with who i'm trying to reconsider the relationship, or the guy in my class whose flirting could be really innocent (despite the things we say to each other)?
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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 3:40 pm
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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 3:43 pm
well, i want to, but then i feel guilty for just considering it even though the relationship seems practically over
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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 3:48 pm
What you need my good friend is a piece of cake.
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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 4:29 pm
You've tried contacting your boyfriend, and it seems like he has made no attempt at contacting you! If he isn't going to make an effort, why should you?
My advise would be to leave your boyfriend a message that says if he doesn't answer it's over (gives him incentive) and then give him a chance to redeem himself...but if just isn't worth the effort and there is someone else who truly wants you and cares about you, go for it!! heart
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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 5:21 pm
Nicole The Chemist You've tried contacting your boyfriend, and it seems like he has made no attempt at contacting you! If he isn't going to make an effort, why should you? My advise would be to leave your boyfriend a message that says if he doesn't answer it's over (gives him incentive) and then give him a chance to redeem himself...but if just isn't worth the effort and there is someone else who truly wants you and cares about you, go for it!! heart
that's a good idea, although i'm kinda the person that jumps to conclusions, it might end up like that soon. i hope it doesn't, considering i'm horrible at reading people close to me.
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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 5:59 pm
Long-distance relationships are very hard to maintain, for obvious reasons.
However, keep in mind that your "boyfriend's" lack of communication could be for a large variety of reasons (hasn't paid the cable/phone bill, his family is being difficult, he's busy with work or school, etc). Although you said you're the type of person that jumps to conclusions, I highly suggest you don't, especially for relationships. Give your "boyfriend" at most two weeks to re-spark the relationship [not vice versa; you already have the passion needed to make relationships work]. If not, then drop his a**.
Now, for this new guy... ... I noticed you put quotation marks around the word "boyfriend." This implies that you're not officially in a relationship, which, in turn, implies that you and your "boyfriend" are just dating. Since you're just dating, it's okay to talk and flirt with other men. If this guy is actually taking his time to flirt with you, then ********, what the hell are you waiting for? Take the chance, but always be cautious.
Igtenos' Opinion: Relationships are a two-way street. One person should not be the sole drive in the relationship. Rather, both partners must effectively communicate, adjust to behaviors, accept differences, and manage conflicts to make it work. If efforts are not reciprocated by both partners, then a real relationship cannot exist. My opinion: your "boyfriend" had his damn chance.
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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 6:21 pm
lgtenos Long-distance relationships are very hard to maintain, for obvious reasons. However, keep in mind that your "boyfriend's" lack of communication could be for a large variety of reasons (hasn't paid the cable/phone bill, his family is being difficult, he's busy with work or school, etc). Although you said you're the type of person that jumps to conclusions, I highly suggest you don't, especially for relationships. Give your "boyfriend" at most two weeks to re-spark the relationship [not vice versa; you already have the passion needed to make relationships work]. If not, then drop his a**. Now, for this new guy... ... I noticed you put quotation marks around the word "boyfriend." This implies that you're not officially in a relationship, which, in turn, implies that you and your "boyfriend" are just dating. Since you're just dating, it's okay to talk and flirt with other men. If this guy is actually taking his time to flirt with you, then ********, what the hell are you waiting for? Take the chance, but always be cautious. Igtenos' Opinion: Relationships are a two-way street. One person should not be the sole drive in the relationship. Rather, both partners must effectively communicate, adjust to behaviors, accept differences, and manage conflicts to make it work. If efforts are not reciprocated by both partners, then a real relationship cannot exist. My opinion: your "boyfriend" had his damn chance.
hmm, i love this perspective, truly clears it up for me, considering how usually closed-minded i can be. i do appreciate the response and will definitely use this. i agree about the two-way street concept. i also have to work on the whole "jumping to conclusions" habit i always tend to fall into. call it impatience or simply a limited perspective, but i definitely need to stop with that. thank you!
smile
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Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 7:18 pm
I shall tell you about a friend of mine. Let's call her A.
She had a long-distance boyfriend, let's call him B. She went to visit him twice. Then neither of them could afford to travel anymore and she did not see him for over a year.
Practically everyone kept telling A that she should dump B. B was unemployed, didn't study, basically lived in his mom's basement. A is highly intelligent, multitalented, and a former child prodigy as far as maths and astronomy are concerned.
A lived in the long-distance relationship for over a year without seeing B. A is, I think, pansexual and polyamorous. She calls herself bisexual, but she also calls herself other things she isn't, just because those things have a bad reputation in our society. She wears a badge that says 'Evil and Proud of It' and another one that says 'Rude Girl'. She practices witchcraft, yet goes to Church.
During this year, both A and B were depressed and unhappy. A kept flirting with people on the internet, men, women, transmen, transwomen, basically everyone. She told B about all of them, and considered her flirting to be 'roleplaying'. In real life, she told those who flirted with her that she had a boyfriend already, and never flirted back.
Finally, one night, the flirting went too far and A had online sex with a friend.
As soon as B was online on the messenger again, A told him the whole truth. B said 'I trust you 8 out of 10, because you told me about it, but I only love you 5 out of 10 now'.
They stayed together for some months or weeks, I'm not sure how long, I only learned about it recently. Finally, A realized B would never forgive her, so she told him the relationship was over.
Since then, A has enjoyed the single life, and has discovered that she is polyamorous. She denies being pansexual, but unless she lied to me, the person she had online sex with is a mutual friend of ours, who is a transman. There was a big, traumatic mess in that person's guild about this. Somehow, though, it felt a bit fake, as if that, like the act of online sex that supposedly took place, too had been 'roleplaying'. I am talking about people who never show their true personality on Gaia, or anywhere on the internet, so it's hard to be certain.
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Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2011 12:16 am
Yavanna of the Green I shall tell you about a friend of mine. Let's call her A. She had a long-distance boyfriend, let's call him B. She went to visit him twice. Then neither of them could afford to travel anymore and she did not see him for over a year. Practically everyone kept telling A that she should dump B. B was unemployed, didn't study, basically lived in his mom's basement. A is highly intelligent, multitalented, and a former child prodigy as far as maths and astronomy are concerned. A lived in the long-distance relationship for over a year without seeing B. A is, I think, pansexual and polyamorous. She calls herself bisexual, but she also calls herself other things she isn't, just because those things have a bad reputation in our society. She wears a badge that says 'Evil and Proud of It' and another one that says 'Rude Girl'. She practices witchcraft, yet goes to Church. During this year, both A and B were depressed and unhappy. A kept flirting with people on the internet, men, women, transmen, transwomen, basically everyone. She told B about all of them, and considered her flirting to be 'roleplaying'. In real life, she told those who flirted with her that she had a boyfriend already, and never flirted back. Finally, one night, the flirting went too far and A had online sex with a friend. As soon as B was online on the messenger again, A told him the whole truth. B said 'I trust you 8 out of 10, because you told me about it, but I only love you 5 out of 10 now'. They stayed together for some months or weeks, I'm not sure how long, I only learned about it recently. Finally, A realized B would never forgive her, so she told him the relationship was over. Since then, A has enjoyed the single life, and has discovered that she is polyamorous. She denies being pansexual, but unless she lied to me, the person she had online sex with is a mutual friend of ours, who is a transman. There was a big, traumatic mess in that person's guild about this. Somehow, though, it felt a bit fake, as if that, like the act of online sex that supposedly took place, too had been 'roleplaying'. I am talking about people who never show their true personality on Gaia, or anywhere on the internet, so it's hard to be certain.
the example is good and solid, something that gives the outcome of what i've been kinda looking for, what i want to avoid should the flirting become anything past innocent. to be honest, should my boyfriend do the same thing, i probably would lost a great amount of trust in him. innocent flirting may be okay, i guess, but maybe that's all it should be ultimately.
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Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 6:54 am
reflection_of_static13 Yavanna of the Green I shall tell you about a friend of mine. Let's call her A. She had a long-distance boyfriend, let's call him B. She went to visit him twice. Then neither of them could afford to travel anymore and she did not see him for over a year. Practically everyone kept telling A that she should dump B. B was unemployed, didn't study, basically lived in his mom's basement. A is highly intelligent, multitalented, and a former child prodigy as far as maths and astronomy are concerned. A lived in the long-distance relationship for over a year without seeing B. A is, I think, pansexual and polyamorous. She calls herself bisexual, but she also calls herself other things she isn't, just because those things have a bad reputation in our society. She wears a badge that says 'Evil and Proud of It' and another one that says 'Rude Girl'. She practices witchcraft, yet goes to Church. During this year, both A and B were depressed and unhappy. A kept flirting with people on the internet, men, women, transmen, transwomen, basically everyone. She told B about all of them, and considered her flirting to be 'roleplaying'. In real life, she told those who flirted with her that she had a boyfriend already, and never flirted back. Finally, one night, the flirting went too far and A had online sex with a friend. As soon as B was online on the messenger again, A told him the whole truth. B said 'I trust you 8 out of 10, because you told me about it, but I only love you 5 out of 10 now'. They stayed together for some months or weeks, I'm not sure how long, I only learned about it recently. Finally, A realized B would never forgive her, so she told him the relationship was over. Since then, A has enjoyed the single life, and has discovered that she is polyamorous. She denies being pansexual, but unless she lied to me, the person she had online sex with is a mutual friend of ours, who is a transman. There was a big, traumatic mess in that person's guild about this. Somehow, though, it felt a bit fake, as if that, like the act of online sex that supposedly took place, too had been 'roleplaying'. I am talking about people who never show their true personality on Gaia, or anywhere on the internet, so it's hard to be certain. the example is good and solid, something that gives the outcome of what i've been kinda looking for, what i want to avoid should the flirting become anything past innocent. to be honest, should my boyfriend do the same thing, i probably would lost a great amount of trust in him. innocent flirting may be okay, i guess, but maybe that's all it should be ultimately. I'm glad the story of my friend was helpful. I tend to use examples from the lives of others, because in my own life, I'm strictly monogamous, it wouldn't even occur to me to flirt with others when I'm in a relationship.
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Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 11:29 am
Yavanna of the Green reflection_of_static13 Yavanna of the Green I shall tell you about a friend of mine. Let's call her A. She had a long-distance boyfriend, let's call him B. She went to visit him twice. Then neither of them could afford to travel anymore and she did not see him for over a year. Practically everyone kept telling A that she should dump B. B was unemployed, didn't study, basically lived in his mom's basement. A is highly intelligent, multitalented, and a former child prodigy as far as maths and astronomy are concerned. A lived in the long-distance relationship for over a year without seeing B. A is, I think, pansexual and polyamorous. She calls herself bisexual, but she also calls herself other things she isn't, just because those things have a bad reputation in our society. She wears a badge that says 'Evil and Proud of It' and another one that says 'Rude Girl'. She practices witchcraft, yet goes to Church. During this year, both A and B were depressed and unhappy. A kept flirting with people on the internet, men, women, transmen, transwomen, basically everyone. She told B about all of them, and considered her flirting to be 'roleplaying'. In real life, she told those who flirted with her that she had a boyfriend already, and never flirted back. Finally, one night, the flirting went too far and A had online sex with a friend. As soon as B was online on the messenger again, A told him the whole truth. B said 'I trust you 8 out of 10, because you told me about it, but I only love you 5 out of 10 now'. They stayed together for some months or weeks, I'm not sure how long, I only learned about it recently. Finally, A realized B would never forgive her, so she told him the relationship was over. Since then, A has enjoyed the single life, and has discovered that she is polyamorous. She denies being pansexual, but unless she lied to me, the person she had online sex with is a mutual friend of ours, who is a transman. There was a big, traumatic mess in that person's guild about this. Somehow, though, it felt a bit fake, as if that, like the act of online sex that supposedly took place, too had been 'roleplaying'. I am talking about people who never show their true personality on Gaia, or anywhere on the internet, so it's hard to be certain. the example is good and solid, something that gives the outcome of what i've been kinda looking for, what i want to avoid should the flirting become anything past innocent. to be honest, should my boyfriend do the same thing, i probably would lost a great amount of trust in him. innocent flirting may be okay, i guess, but maybe that's all it should be ultimately. I'm glad the story of my friend was helpful. I tend to use examples from the lives of others, because in my own life, I'm strictly monogamous, it wouldn't even occur to me to flirt with others when I'm in a relationship.
hmm, i understand that, and now that i've actually had the time to think this out and take in all that's been said, i think i'll stick with what i have, because, who knows, for all the flirting that exists, it could be quite innocent, and furthermore, why jeopardize a good thing?
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Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 1:17 pm
I personally agree with Nicole The Chemist. If you tried contacting him and he's not listening to you then what I think you should do is ignore him for a while. See how he likes it to be ignored, and pushed to the side. Good Luck<3
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Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 3:20 pm
reflection_of_static13 Yavanna of the Green reflection_of_static13 Yavanna of the Green I shall tell you about a friend of mine. Let's call her A. She had a long-distance boyfriend, let's call him B. She went to visit him twice. Then neither of them could afford to travel anymore and she did not see him for over a year. Practically everyone kept telling A that she should dump B. B was unemployed, didn't study, basically lived in his mom's basement. A is highly intelligent, multitalented, and a former child prodigy as far as maths and astronomy are concerned. A lived in the long-distance relationship for over a year without seeing B. A is, I think, pansexual and polyamorous. She calls herself bisexual, but she also calls herself other things she isn't, just because those things have a bad reputation in our society. She wears a badge that says 'Evil and Proud of It' and another one that says 'Rude Girl'. She practices witchcraft, yet goes to Church. During this year, both A and B were depressed and unhappy. A kept flirting with people on the internet, men, women, transmen, transwomen, basically everyone. She told B about all of them, and considered her flirting to be 'roleplaying'. In real life, she told those who flirted with her that she had a boyfriend already, and never flirted back. Finally, one night, the flirting went too far and A had online sex with a friend. As soon as B was online on the messenger again, A told him the whole truth. B said 'I trust you 8 out of 10, because you told me about it, but I only love you 5 out of 10 now'. They stayed together for some months or weeks, I'm not sure how long, I only learned about it recently. Finally, A realized B would never forgive her, so she told him the relationship was over. Since then, A has enjoyed the single life, and has discovered that she is polyamorous. She denies being pansexual, but unless she lied to me, the person she had online sex with is a mutual friend of ours, who is a transman. There was a big, traumatic mess in that person's guild about this. Somehow, though, it felt a bit fake, as if that, like the act of online sex that supposedly took place, too had been 'roleplaying'. I am talking about people who never show their true personality on Gaia, or anywhere on the internet, so it's hard to be certain. the example is good and solid, something that gives the outcome of what i've been kinda looking for, what i want to avoid should the flirting become anything past innocent. to be honest, should my boyfriend do the same thing, i probably would lost a great amount of trust in him. innocent flirting may be okay, i guess, but maybe that's all it should be ultimately. I'm glad the story of my friend was helpful. I tend to use examples from the lives of others, because in my own life, I'm strictly monogamous, it wouldn't even occur to me to flirt with others when I'm in a relationship. hmm, i understand that, and now that i've actually had the time to think this out and take in all that's been said, i think i'll stick with what i have, because, who knows, for all the flirting that exists, it could be quite innocent, and furthermore, why jeopardize a good thing? If you think the relationship you have now is a good thing, then yes, you should stay in it. Even if you went into a relationship with the guy you're flirting with, there's no knowing whether you'd be happy in that relationship until you're already in the relationship. You never know the princes from the frogs until you've kissed them.
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Posted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 8:29 pm
reflection_of_static13 well, i want to, but then i feel guilty for just considering it even though the relationship seems practically over That's totally justifiable. If you think the long distance thing is unrealistic, I would take your chances on the boy in real life. It's all about experience my friend - and there's no rule that states you're not allowed to end something that isn't working for you.
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