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Notes: If it is quoted, it is simply extra information that doesn't really belong on the form.


Name: Lorne Benoit (Lorn as in 'forlorn,' Ben-Wah)

Nickname: Lor

Age: 16

Birthday: January 12

Sign: Capricorn

Gemstone: Garnet

Blood Type: AB+

Fav. Food: Trail mix

Hated Food: Anything with a vinegary flavor. So, pickles, for one!

School: Meadowview High School

Hobbies:
Reading - Lorne will read just about anything from biographies to smutty girly romance novels. Ummm, but no one needs to know about those, okay!? He likes books set in nature, and books that deal with human nature. His favorite books are Classic novels, like Call of the Wild, Paradise Lost, Of Mice and Men, To Kill a Mockingbird, and Letters From Earth. Why does he like to read? Aside from playing out doors and doing work around the house, it is all he really had to do when he was little. He lived in bum ******** middle of no where, where the only internet was dial up - not that his family could afford a computer - and he was never really in to sports.

Nature Walks - Growing up, Lorne lived in a mountainous region of the country side, where there were acres of fields and lush forests to explore. Actually, that was just about the only thing to do, aside from help around the house and go to school. Now a days he still drives out to the country for a good hike every now and again. (The family moved in to the city because of job reasons.) He finds nature truly beautiful, and will often pull out a copy of Thoreau or Walden's work and read while out in the wonders of nature.

Conservation - Lorne is active in conservation efforts, as well, because of his love of nature and his belief that it should be preserved and treasured. In fact, it is probably the most assertive and pro-active he is with anything. If there was something that one could say truly drives Lorne, it is conservation efforts. He is active in the local chapter of LEAF (Leaders in Environmental Action for the Future). Lorne has taken it among himself to place recycle bins around school campus, put up signs, etc. No one ever suspect that it is the quiet, reserved, loner guy doing this sort of thing. At home, he also recycles and has set up a compost pile in the back yard, much to the neighbors chagrin. Lorn has dabbled in botany, and tried keeping a garden, but despite all his efforts, he doesn't really have a green thumb.
Also, just because he believes in conservation, that does NOT mean he is a vegetarian by any means. In fact, he would gladly inform you of how cows produce most of the methane found in the air. So - help the earth, eat a steak. And while he doesn't condone poaching, be is not against legally hunting animals. Just..he'd prefer you eat it and not use it as a trophy. And don't over hunt, k?
Show Choir - Lorne is a tenor. He was only in show choir because his regular Choir teacher all but begged him to join. It throws Lorne really far out of his element, but he finds some enjoyment in it. Some of the few and closest friends he has are from here and LEAF.




Virtues:
Considerate - Lorne likes to believe that you should always be considerate of others in order to achieve harmony, so he is very mindful of other people. You shouldn't stand in the middle of an aisle looking for something because you might be in the way of the lady coming this way, you should walk at a decent pace so you don't irritate people behind you by being too slow, etc. Basically, Lorne doesn't like to rock the boat. This might make him easy to push around, and he might be labeled as a total sheep, but you'd be hard pressed to find a better harmonizer than Lorne, who will usually try and come up with the most agreeable solution to a problem, or at the very least and ideal one.
He falls short on this when he gets to talking to someone and he winds up talking mainly about himself or his ideals, because he doesn't notice he's doing it. Although surely once he realizes it he will feel horribly and try his best to correct himself.
He tends to get rather upset when other people aren't also considerate, and might speak up and suggest that they try and be at least a liiiiiitle nicer, but most of the time he'll keep it to himself because he doesn't want to rock the boat.

Got it together - Lorne is just about always on top of his work. He is obsessively organized (chronological and alphabetical order, please!) and must have his things in order and looking just right. His world falls apart when the house is messy, or when someone has made a mess of his notes or binder. He is good with deadlines and plans things so that he doesn't get stressed or overwhelmed with the work. He makes a schedule and tries his best to stick to it.
He actually has one of those huge paper calendars like you usually see in an office where he writes down everything he has planned for the coming weeks. He likes to plan at least two weeks ahead. And any deadlines or important events he goes ahead and writes in. He has multiple alarms and reminders programmed in to his cell phone too, to help him remember things. It's not that he has a bad memory, just that he likes to have all his ducks in a row.

Excitable - It isn't hard to get Lorne motivated. He is always willing to try something new at least once if it looks like fun. Even more so if it is the cool 'in' thing. (Barring things like drugs and drinking. Because that's not cool no matter WHO you are.) It's not unlike Lorne to get so excited by something that he can get carried away and maybe a little too excited. When Lorne gets excited, he tends to show it. Even if he is trying to keep it quiet, there is that wide-eyed starry gleam in his eyes, a light to his face. His excitability makes him a pretty good motivator. Or it would, if he knew how to do it right. If he was to try and motivate others, it would probably just end up being really awkward for the other party involved.


Flaws:
Peculiarly Shy - Lorne is one of the quiet kids at school(having learned that usually when he opens his mouth, he often says thing people find weird). He is the kind of guy who sits on his own because he is shy when it comes to approaching others and keeps his nosed stuffed in a book. Like wise, he isn't usually approached. Whether or not it is simply because he is over looked or because people think he is weird, who knows. His solitude is largely self-imposed due to that particular shyness. Simply, he isn't the kind of guy who will randomly go up to someone and introduce himself. In fact, he is rarely, if ever, the one to do something first. In fact, even if he is the first to finish a test, he is not going to be the first one to turn it in. Even if he has to sit and wait 15 minutes on someone else to turn theirs in. And although he is a decent student, he seldom raises his hand to answer a question. Things like that.

Social Fail-u-r - Lorne wants to be liked. He wants to be part of the in-crowd and one of the cool kids. However, Lorne is incredibly awkward. His lack in people and social skills play a major role in this, as he is always saying the wrong thing, spouting TMI, missing social cues, or just not making all all-together good impression, despite how he tries and tries. And when he looks back on his failures and tries to see what he did wrong, he can't tell, because to him, his behavior is acceptable.

Clingy a**.u.me - Occasionally someone will give him the acceptance he looks for, but then you have to deal with a really clingy Lorne. He thinks just because you've treated him so, that you're going to be his friend, that you'll totally let him sit with you and your BFFs at the lunch table, and wanna hang out after school. He is quick to assume, and sets himself up for rejection. Because we all know what they say about assuming. It makes an a** out of u and me.
This may seem out of character with his usual considerate nature, but this is evidence of how his hope for acceptance and friendship can get in the way of his otherwise virtuous nature.

Emotionally Immature - Beneath the odd shyness, and outwardly 'emo-ish' appearance(something he has adopted because he thinks it looks cool), there is a truly wide-eyed, happy, boy there; High energy, and excitable. However, part of his problem is that Lorne is incredibly expressive to the point of being almost melodramatic, and over-reactive. He also lacks a proper TMI-filter. Really, you'd think the boy has no secrets the way he just so openly admits some things that...it would probably be better not to even consider mentioning. His concept of love and friendship are also rather immature, and idealistic. The stuff of books and old movies.




PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION



Eyes: Butter yellow, normal shape, dark lashes, usually with eye liner.

Hair: Black choppy layers. Short in the back, parted to the side. One side is long and to his shoulder, and the other side just frames his face. See ref.

Face: Oval face, small-ish nose, small lips, trimmed brows

Clothes: Generally darker colors, and stuff that is comfortable. A lot of thrift store stuff, so it isn't always real good quality. He is somewhat attracted to a grungy scene style.

His closet pretty much includes:
Several pairs of black stone-wash jeans, usually with something written on them with pen (nasty habit when he has no more arm left)
T-shirts, usually with some vintage, skull, or wing design on them. They are usually worn over long sleeve shirts.
A couple hoodies.
A pair of old combat boots. These are from his brother who used to be in the National Guard. Lorne might as well not own any other shoes, because these are the ones he wears the most.
multiple belts and chains.
And of course, the Meadow View Uniform. Which he hates.








Knight Title: Mont Blanc Page

Challenge: "Silence! I Keel you."

Uniform: Gothic theme - don't feel like you need to stick too stricktly to the refs - feel free to embellish and alter as you want?



Top -- This, only with a collar like in the ref. It'd in the main color, the lining of the collar in his secondary color, as well as a few accents (hemlines, maybe?) The cross on his collar in the reference pic would actually be Saturn's symbol, I just didn't have it handy on me at the time.
Bottoms -- regular pants tucked in to his boots. Can be either main or secondary color.
Gloves -- No
Belt just for show on his shirt. the buckles would be silver.
Shoes boots like this. Colors up to artist.
Shoulders -- Black fur on the shoulders, a a small silver chain drooping down the front connecting the two.
Accessories -- I would love some sort of cape that drapes over his back and one shoulder. Yay, lopsided-ness! In his dark red.

Weapon --
Stage 1; a simple ball-point pen. no magic.

Stage 2; Wand with a fountain pen tip.
Writes the Saturn symbol on his opponent to cast the magic. Of course, a simple way to avoid the attack is to not let him get close enough to write on you. Also, washing the symbol off. It's also harder to cast on higher level opponents for obvious reasons; 1, their stronger and 2, their faster. The magic generally lasts a little over half a minute, unless you wash the symbol away, or at least smudge it so it is unrecognizable.

Stage 3; Staff with a large fountain pen tip. Magic works just like the above, only the effect lasts longer - a bout a minute and a half.

Magic: --
Stage 1; None

Stage 2; Silence - foe is rendered unable to speak. This means a Nega would not be able to call out for help..or make any snarky a** remarks. And a Senshi wouldn't be able to call out their attack.(say a senshi was about to use their attack and an innocent was about to be in the line of fire, or the attack would have a bad adverse effect.) Lasts for about a half a minute.

Stage 3; Silencega - Same effects as last time, but opponents might also find themselves unable to hear their thoughts clearly, as if even those have been muted. Lasts a minute and a half.



Color; Dark, desaturated, purple.
Secondary color: dark red





And because I am a dork;

Connections with Mont Blonc and Saturn;
Old article is old
Not as old but...

Hey Yuna! <3

For his third virtue, what about something about being open to others? I'd imagine he would be enthusiastic about almost anyone approaching him due to his desire to be liked, and then cling to them once they got close enough.

Sorry, it's not much of a crit. :<

updated

o 3o hey.

1) i loveloveloveokaklksdjf his hair. oh god.
2) his birthday is the day after mine 8D
3) trail mixxx.
okay actual crit time.

agreed with ltih, it would be nice to see some of his hobbies that don't revolve around nature, but then, it might be that you're focusing on one thing. lith pretty much summed up how i felt about that xD
and conservation = awesome. save the planet man >:C <3

just a stupid thing i notice, you put "Lorn has dabbled in ..." instead of lorne. dumb, i know. just kill me now xD
and again "middle of an isle" should be aisle. 8T;;;
and again again, "schedual" should be schedule.

for his considerate virtue, what happens if someone like ... disses his ideals? like says global warming is fake, and ima litter 24/7. does he get worked up, since he's passionate about it, or does he just calmly explains the cons? i would think it's the latter, but it's something to think about.

DAWW. AWKWARD SHYNESS IS SO CUTE.
but what kind of weird things does he talk about that people get ... well weirded out by? xD

hmmm. i like "wants to be liked" but ... i cant help but feel this is something everyone shares? let me just say, i really like the awkward silences and what not. but i think the idea of wanting to be liked is really common, especially in teens, so i dont exactly know if you needed to spell it all out.

furthermore, it seems like you have two flaws in one, as at first you're talking about an awkward need to belong, and then later you talk about his manipulative...ness ? maybe split this into two flaws? combine the second half with clingy? your choice though o 3o

agreed with lith though, i think his personality is very true of teenage people, i can think of at least one or two high schoolers at my school who fit the bill to some of his traits xD

now as for his knight side
just sort of nitpicky, but does he really ... like? wearing fur on his shoulders? i mean ... i know its probably faux, but it seems a little out of place for his character? but seriously, thats SUPER nitpicky, and you can ignore it if you want; the character won't die if you have fur shoulders.

agreed with lith again, his knight magic ability seems a bit more leaned toward the deterrence of senshis. though i dont really know how you'd prevent a nega through silence. 8T;;;

also, this is just my own curiosity, and has nothing to do with the crit, but why a whip ? ouo

anyways, i hope that helped <3

I changed his 'weapon' to something I felt better suited his personality. However, I am having trouble thinking up its progression. Hmn.... And I doodled a better picture of him. Gonna scan it later, yus.

Uniform all worked out, along with references. Mmmm, I don't see that there is much more to do other than fix possible inconsistencies with personality?

I am basically looking to start him out meek, and not really good with people, but as he progresses to become better able to deal with people, and even maybe develop a bit of a back bone. He'd never really be a true leader type. Maybe he'd become more confident in his own self and abilities and learn that he doesn't need the validation and approval/love of others, yada yada.

This is close to getting a stamp. I just need you to clarify a few of the flaws/virtues.

FOR THE CIVILIAN:

Also, in these paragraphs, I edited the structure a little to make it more easily read!



Both of these flaws are confusing to follow the way they are written. I really like what you have going for Lorne at present though! He is this idealistic, passionate guy who is never really able to show it because he is highly socially-awkward and unsure of himself. And then when people do give him those glimmers of friendship, he has a tendency to ruin the chance by being super clingy and too open right out of the gate.

I think you might want to write one of these as "Failed Social Butterfly" and maybe one as "Emotionally Immature." The way you describe it now, both of those sound like they are actually MANY flaws all under one heading. If you rewrite those chunks under these new titles, I think it could help. "Failed Social Butterfly" could cover how he TRIES AND TRIES to be accepted, but he is constantly missing the social cues, saying the wrong thing, and otherwise failing to make a good impression. "Emotionally Immature" might cover how he blurts things out like a kid because his filter is low and he has a really immature social concept that tells him what would be normal to say. He can't schmooze, he takes everything literally, etc etc.

Let me know if this is confusing! I think you are saying these things in the two flaws above, but it is really convoluted for me, personally, to understand it.



I keep coming back to this virtue. Your whole profile is about how cripplingly shy and awkward Lorne is, but then, here, it's like this backdoor that says, "Actually he is open and excitable and fun!" I feel like this trait is actually a flaw about him being Too Open -- and that he basically spouts TMI all the time, which can both alienate him from people and make him annoying. (You could tie this into "Failed Social Butterly" or even "Emotionally Immature.")

You could turn this into two different virtues: Excitable and Open. Then, in those, you could talk about how he is around his friends, and how he is actually very open and upbeat. It just isn't always obvious since he is pretty reserved in large groups/around strangers. This might help clear up a spot in your profile that feels a little contrary to me at present.

FOR THE PAGE:

I adore that his weapon is a pen. It's adorable!

For his duration, I would define it in terms of battle length. As in, he can silence someone for 45 seconds total during a battle as a squire. And then at Knight, maybe he can silence people for 90 seconds? Also -- how can his attack be avoided? How can it be stopped? If someone knocks his pen out of his hands, do the effects end? Add those tweaks in there to add some more checks and balances to the powers. Since Knights work on energy consumption, you might add in a caveat that it takes more energy for him to do it to higher-level opponents, or maybe it doesn't last as long. That is a minor thing though.



Let me know if you need any clarification!

Quick Question:

So does his social awkwardness not come into play when he's in his own element?

When I was reading through It seemed like his merit "A Place To Bloom" seems to conflict with his social shortcomings. Is it because the people don't mind his sometimes inappropriate behavior or does he simply not exhibit the signs of it because he's not trying too hard to impress them since they already have something in common?