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 Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 3:25 pm
Anika's feet pounded the cobblestones;she could feel her heart against her chest and she could fel her assailant breathing down her neck.oof!She cried as she fell against a security guard.
"You'd better come with me missy,"said the security guard gruffly. Anika had just enough breath to stick out her tounge at her unown assailant before she fell into a swirling blackness.As she slept she thought,
Who was my assailant? was that security guard one of his accomplences?Its not like i stole anything today.
When Anika woke she was in a room full of people.She was in a nice warm bed next to a window in a cabin.
"Ahhh! finally she was awake,"cried the security guard who'd caught her.Then all of a sudden there was only Anika and the securiy guard in the room.The security guard shook his head with amusement at Anika's stunned face."sorry to frighten you Anika but I'm Tamson The Magician and i new all about you and your incredible power as soon as I saw you in that alleyway .I'd like to present you with DreamBreaker.For you are the rightful Mistress of Dreams." Tamson presented Anika with a beautiful sword.the hilt was studded with diamonds and the and the blade was like ice ,just as cold, but much stronger.
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Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 10:56 pm
Ok, you have quite a bit of grammatical problems. You need to put a spce bewteen periods and commas, also use quotation marks (these things--> "" ) when someone it talking. It should look more like this:
Anika's feet pounded on the cobblestones; she could feel her heart against her chest and she could feel her assailant breathing down her neck. Oof! She cried as she fell against a security guard.
"You'd better come with me missy." said the security guard gruffly. Anika had just enough breath to stick out her tounge at her unown assailant before she fell into a swirling blackness. As she slept she thought,
"Who was my assailant? Was that security guard one of his accomplences? It's not like i stole anything today."
Or something like that. Other than that, you just need a bit of practice.
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