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I realize it is normal for female's to have, what I and many others like to call, "maternal pangs". But lately, I feel like I am actually ready. Like there is a small hole in my heart that I am ready to fill. Sure, I've had these feelings before but none have lasted this long. I think I first realized this over a month ago.

I catch myself doing things that I usually do not do. I find myself smiling when we pass the baby section of a department store, more curiously looking at babies, feeling jealous when I hear the toddler next door yell "MOMMY!" Yes, this is getting insane- at least for me.

So, I have brought this up to my husband on several occasions. Probably not in the most mature manner. (Most of the time I am ready to cry.) We have the financial stability - we do not live pay to pay- , we are responsible, mature, he is about to get promoted, we live in a fairly good sized apartment, we are happy with eachother and all the good things people tell you to ask yourself first. His flight is no longer undermanned and he will be getting an 8 hour work day! xd

He isn't ready. He wants to wait another year or two.
neutral "But why?" I ask.
My husband wants to be promoted first, he wants to be more settled into our new place, he wants me to be in a situation where I can at least still take classes towords my degree... and so much more.

Ok. I understand waiting for promotion. More extra money. That would give us well over 1000 extra a month. But it's not like he has to wait till next year. By the time the baby was born, he would already be promoted.

It is hard to explain to him that my schooling just does not matter to me anymore. It used to be a big deal only because everyone else made it be. Now, I see that I would absolutely LOVE to be a stay at home mother.

However, he says that if it were to happen on accident- he'd be completely fine. That we are in a good situation to handle it. I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

I am really starting to believe there is something deeper. Maybe I am just crazy? I feel guilty for even talking about it.

AF is similiar to the Army in child respect. I see them everywhere. We live in the housing area full of pre-schoolers to 5th graders. That is how I feel EXACTLY "The only thing I really want, I am not getting." And what drives me insane is seeing mothers who are younger than me by two years.



I could most definetly see him thinking something similiar to this. I am hoping it really is that simple. He's extremely patient and always knows how to brighten someone's day. I am afraid he may think he would make a bad father.



Was what you were doing similiar to a Hope Chest? Where you collect things for the future and keep them in a safe place until they can be used? I started something similiar after I graduated HS. I have mostly books and a classic pooh binki. I have asked him if I could continue on it and he has said it sounds like a good idea.



LOL. I know I must be miserable to live with right now. I mean, I feel like all I do is long for a child. Er. It drives me even more insane that I KNOW I am driving him insane.


Exactly. And with the way the university is set up here, I can take Live Distance Education class. Which is where they set up a chatroom for the classroom and the instructor talks through a mic. It's great. One of my classes is like that right now. It isn't like I would quit school forever. I value education- but right now I feel like it isn't my Number One.

Ok, a lot of that isn't true, Presea. Being male doesn't make someone less likely to be a nurturing and good parent nor does being female mean that you will be.

I know plenty of younger dads who are 'velcro daddies' and they always have their babies and are cuddling them, taking care of them and doing a great job, even without having had fathers who did so. What is changing is societal attitudes about what their proper place is and men are being allowed to express those feelings moreso then in the past.

But that's not what this topic is about: Please stay on topic or we'll have to delete posts or lock this.

I don't think him being afraid of children is so much his concern. He is great with children. Robert coos, plays with and such just as much as I do.

I have found that his main concern is he doesn't want to be a young father. He sees it as a negative thing, where as I do not. Most of the people in his family were older when they began having children. (Late twenties/early thirties.) However, he doesn't want to wait till he is in his thirties. lol. Men are confusing beings.

Yi Min, you sound a lot like me. Holy crap have I been having maternal pangs, and I'm only 19. gonk My boyfriend is only 20.
(Pirate Dirge can explain to you, because I ended up PM'ing her one day to vent.)

I've touched upon maternal urges with my boyfriend, but I don't think he understands quite how serious they are. So I haven't gone into them in detail, and am just leaving things as they are now. I want a baby, even though I know full well that we'd have trouble supporting one. With my family's help, and with his parents' help too, I think we'd be ok.

My boyfriend and I have talked several times about what would happen if I were to get pregnant, and we've already come to the conclusion that I'd keep the baby. I've already stresssed that I am pro-life when it comes to my body, and I refuse to get an abortion. I also am not ok with the idea of adoption for me personally, and would not give up my child unless absolutely necessary. So the last option is keeping the child, which is the one I decided on. Before anyone calls me selfish or anything like that, I gave him the option of not being in my life if I were to get pregnant and have the baby. He then said that he would not abandon me to raise the child on my own, and said that he would at least play some sort of role in my life and in our child's life.

Though for us, it's not just a matter of finances. We're going to move in together in the fall, and relocate to another part of BC so he can go to university and get a degree in a university. That way, at least 1 of us will be able to get a good job with a decent pay. My own education will be put on hold for a few years, but I have no problem with that.

The thing is, as much as I want one, I have several issues that are managing to keep my maternal urges at bay:

1) I refuse to be labeled a statistic. I don't want to be labeled a "teen mother" and then have people look down on my automatically for being pregnant at 19, and giving birth when I'm 20 (this is presuming I were to get pregnant now).

2) My boyfriend has said that he wants kids later in life, like mid - late 20's. He didn't say with me (we're not looking that far ahead yet xp ), so it was just a general comment. While he has said that he would not abandon me if I were to get pregnant now, it's not a responsibility I want to push upon him. I put his welfare above my own, and while I don't mind being pregnant at my age, I don't want to force him to make a choice like that.

3) Both of us are persuing an education of our own. His is happening to come first, but we've talked about how I would get mine after he gets his. Having a baby would put a financial, emotional, and educational strain on us and our relationship. Presuming we were together through the pregnancy and continued to date after the baby was born, one or both of us would probably have to put off our educations until at least one of us was available enough to go back to school part-time or full-time. Obviuosly that would be a hard thing to do, and might result in one or both of us having to take a lower-end job to support each other and the baby.

4) Financial issues. Iv'e been working part-time, but I barely make enough to cover rent. I'd have to stop going to school entirely and start working full-time to have any hope of scrapping together enough money to help provide for a baby. My boyfriend is going to return to his summer job (which pays an obscene amount of money, because it's a union job in the educational field), but the money is going towards our rent once we move in the fall. It's also to help cover his future tuition once he starts going to the new university (we're both in college right now, but he's in his last semester). So while I'm guessing that my family wouldn't just abandon me and not help support my baby and I (and presuming my boyfriend's family would help out a little too), I am not sure how much they would help contribute. There's also the issues of things like them possibly baby-sitting for me, etc etc.

5) I'm presuming it would cause some stress and tension within my family if I were to get pregnant, and I'm presuming it would cause some within my boyfriend's family as well. To a certain degree at least. While my mother has expressed extreme anxiety and nervousness about me getting pregnant at my age (my dad didn't say anything, but I don't know if he heard my mom at the time and what she was talking about), I don't know how my boyfriend's family would feel. His father talked to us both, and we told him we're taking the necessary precautions, and we left it at that. So far, we've been lucky. Depo is extremely effective against pregnancy (well for me at least), so I'm going to sticky with it for awhile longer.


I could go on, but those are just some of the main issues for why I am not getting pregnant right now at this point in my life. I want a baby like you wouldn't believe, but the cons outweight the pros right now. I've told my boyfriend that I will not purposefully get pregnant without his knowledge (like we'd have to both agree on wanting a baby first before I were to actually get pregnant), and that I would never, ever do something as low as go off birth control to get pregnant on purpose without telling him. So we've agreed on that much.

Don't get me wrong though. If I happen to get pregnant accidently (unplanned basically), I would be happy. I would be very, very happy to have the chance to be a mother. As I've already mentioned, my boyfriend has said he wouldn't abandon me, nor would he force me to get an abortion. My body, my choice he said. So if it happens, then we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Not much else we can do besides that. I'm planning on going off Depo at some point before the end of the year, and I'm a little worried about the effectiveness of the Patch corresponding with the Depo wearing off, even though the Patch effectiveness rate is still about 99%.

Though there's still the little voice in the back of my head which just absolutely gushes at the though of a child resulting from a union between my boyfriend and I, and seeing what such a child would grow up to look like. 4laugh But that's just my maternal side talking.

I can see where you're coming from, since you're only a year or so older than me I think. A lot of what you're saying rings true with me.

But I don't just want to "gush about having a baby with him", and that sort of thing. As you said, it's like there's a hole in my heart. There's a part of me that isn't complete, and won't be complete or fulfilled until I one day become a mother.

Sometimes I feel my pros outweigh my cons. But I know my boyfriend isn't ready, and so I will attempt to wait patiently. If I happen to get pregnant after I switch to a slightly less effective method of birth control, then so be it.

Well, I'm guessing there might be medical risks (in case it might be a complicated pregnancy), and stress to deal with, and money concerns too. I mean if you were spending money yto go to Texas or Mexico, that'd be money that would take away from the money for the baby, no?

I wish you both the best though. heart

arrow Update thingie...

So, we have actually talked more about it. He says if he gets promoted before the end of this year, that he would love to start trying for a child at the beginning to middle of 2007. I am good with this xd . I can see why he doesn't want me to be with-child when we visit his parents. His uncles are throwing us a first year anniversary party in Mexico and he wants me to be able to Part-eh and not feel left out.

Other than that we are going to start a hope-chest. My mother sent me things from when I was a baby. My first nightlight, my first music thingie (it twists, plays music and spins), and a picture of a teddy bear that was in my nursery when I was a baby with the "Now I lay me down to sleep" prayer on it. I think it's a good start. All of it is 20 years old though.