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 Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:20 pm
 Her children were getting older...
This realization had made Gutu'bufuu extremely uneasy as of late. Her children were steadily growing into juveniles and even adolescents. Their happy faces, while still in her life now, threatened to abandon her with each passing moment. At least that's what it felt like to her as she watched them play, watched them practice hunting, watched them talk about things they wouldn't have thought about otherwise. Like girls.
Her sons, all her sons, had mentioned girls at some point or another today and it ruffled her fur. At the moment women of any kind were what she focused on driving away, even if they were younger than her children. She wouldn't hurt them, or at least she tried not to, but the farther away strange women and girls were the better. They would be the temptation that stole away her boys and she didn't want that...
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:29 pm
 Dosari had never once found his new life difficult. One day he had a mother who looked on him with mild disgust, the next a Nanny waiting for some unknown figure to appear, and now his new mother. It didn't bother him that he was thrown away like the remains of a carcass or ashes scattered to the wind. In the end he found a new home, a loving home, albeit an extremely odd home.
He was convinced there was something seriously wrong with his new mother. Not that she was a bad soul, not in the slightest. She cared for each of his siblings and didn't seem to mind the differences in their species and age, but he could tell there was something off in her mind. When they'd move along from den to den and pass other mothers she would stare, almost as if she were fixated on something. Like there was something the other mother had that she needed. On occasion he'd hear her mumble about finding her children, even though they were all sitting right there.
The biggest indicator to him that there was possibly something seriously wrong with her was the things he saw sometimes when he was near her. Lately he had these flashes, almost like the bright light from the sky when it was storming. It'd show him others with their expressions and reactions, or he'd feel emotions and not actually see any figures. When he got them he'd shake, like he had the chills, and Gutu would simply quirk her head at him, ask him if he was cold, and without waiting for a response drag him over to be made warm.
When he was with her and had these flashes, he'd feel pain. Endless amounts of pain. It hurts his heart sometimes and while she wanted to drag him in for a cuddle, he wanted nothing more than to run away and spare himself. It sounded so selfish in his head...
"... Mom." Dosari said forcefully as he shoved Gutu with one paw, "Mom, you ok?"
She looked like she was zoning again. The way she did when she saw other mothers with their cubs.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:38 pm
A sharp push against her hind legs snapped Gutu out of her daze for the moment. She turned her head and looked down to see Dosari and stared for a moment, as if trying to regain her ability to communicate with the little cub before her. Like something had her tongue...
"Oh... Dosari. It's you..." She said almost atomically, like the life had been drained from her voice, "Is something wrong?"
She gazed down at him unwaveringly for a few moments more, before shaking her head slightly, like her thought processes simply needed a little jiggle to begin working again. She offered the dark colored cub a warm smile and bent over to lick his multicolored head tuft. It'd be a big mane one day and he would look so handsome with it... Than he'd leave.
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Posted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 8:46 pm
"... I was gonna ask you the same question," Dosari said with a slight wrinkle in his nose.
Dosari wasn't a bad kid, but he had quite a mouth on him. Blunt and merciless at times, even when he was being nice. If you didn't know to take the kid's attitude with a grain of salt you often times found yourself on the verge of tears talking to him. He was too sharp tongued, too rough around his edges... but he was still a good kid. Gutu's good kid.
"You look like something's on your mind, Mom. Is something on your mind?" He asked, looking at her quietly with sincerity.
Sometimes he thought if he could just get her to speak openly about whatever it was she was thinking, maybe it wouldn't plague her as much and she wouldn't go all silent and void-like on them. His previous attempts at getting her to open up had all failed, mostly because he was certain she thought he wouldn't understand. He was just a baby to her and she didn't know that he lived through others and what they showed him. Still... he hoped maybe she would open up, if only a little.
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Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:16 am
"Hmnn? What? No. Mommy is fine, sweetheart. Don't worry your little head over her," Gutu said, giving Dosari a smile and grabbing him to give impromptu bath time.
Dosari was such a serious soul and it worried Gutu sometimes. She was a fierce believer that a child should be a child, so to see that one of her own children, or any child for that matter, was acting so adult or dealing with adult things bothered her greatly. Adult ordeals are things adults should handle, not children. She tried to break him of this habit, trying to get him to play more and to stop acting like the serious worry-wart he was, but nothing worked on him.
"The only thing that could ever be on my mind is you babies," Gutu said with a smile as she went in for the kill and started cleaning behind Dosari's ears, "You're my world."
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Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:34 am
Dosari expected that response. Gutu was never going to outright answer his question. She was too much of a mother to allow any of her children to worry, and with the rest she could get away with this, but he knew better. He sighed and submitted to the impromptu bath. He was seen as her baby, and no mother wanted to burden their babies. They were supposed to be the best at everything, or so he heard in passing. Gods knew she tried and he could see it.
He decided to change the subject. Since she was going to deflect there was no reason to push the issue with her, not at the risk of making her extremely upset, "Isoba caught a really big beetle the other day. He says it was as big as both his paws combined, but I think he was telling a fib."
Both his brothers seemed happy and content with considering Gutu their mother. The thoughts of the woman who gave them life didn't seem to come to them as much as it came to him, but that was probably for the best. Who would want to remember such things anyway? They did mention their missing brother every now and again... Dosari wasn't even sure he remembered his name. All he knew was that he was golden in color and seemed very upbeat. He only ever saw him once in his visions, but he looked happy, so he was happy for him.
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Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:42 am
"Did he now?" Gutu asked, contently grooming Dosari as he spoke to her.
She liked this, she really liked this. Bonding was the best part about being a mother, despite how many cubs she had to take care of in the long run. Giving them this undivided attention, and receiving it in return was so beautiful to her. Being a mother was all about these moments. The precious times before they grew and left. She never wanted them to grow up and leave her.
Gutu sighed and stopped grooming Dosari mid-way through and hugged him, "Don't ever get any bigger, ok? Don't ever get any bigger, so you won't have to leave me."
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Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:00 am
Dosari looked up at her, a little surprised by her words. Was this why she was so sad today? She was afraid they were going to leave her when they grew up? Dosari sighed and gave his mother a lock on her cheek. All she wanted was them nearby and it was a little saddening to think about. Her words made her seem so lonely. He knew that Haamoni was a big boy now, and ideally he should be on his own, but Dosari knew he would stay.
"We're not gonna leave Mommy..." Dosari said, returning her hug and giving her some kisses.
Even with the difficulties he suspected plagued Gutu, he never wanted to see her like this. He never wanted to see her sad. She was his mother, regardless of whether or not she carried him around in her womb. She cared for him, fed him, made sure he was ok and happy. She was everything a cub could ever want in life. Someone who's unconditional love was always present.
"I promise you. We're not gonna leave." He murmured quietly.
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Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:32 am
Gutu held Dosari close to her. She had to remain strong. She shouldn't cry in front of her baby. She should not be worrying her baby, and yet with his concern for her and the love he returned she couldn't help but break down a little in front of him. It wasn't much, but it was visible as she stifled a small cry and held the noise in, the only indicator of her sorrow at her own thoughts being the silent tears that fell down her dark cheeks.
How could she break down like this in front of him? Now he was going to worry over her even more. The most grown-up of her children, even though he was one of the youngest. All he thought about was if she was ok. He was so selfless. He was a good son.
"Mommy's sorry, Dosari. She shouldn't be crying like this in front of you. Forgive me?" She asked, looking down at her son with a sad smile.
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Posted: Sat Feb 26, 2011 8:42 pm
Dosari looked at her, his dark purple eyes full of sorrow. There was no reason for her to be apologizing to him, now or ever, but she would never believe him if he said that. She'd continue on to think she had done something terribly wrong and keep asking for him to forgive her if he said otherwise, so it was better to give her what she wanted.
"I would forgive you for anything, Mommy," He said with a sad smile, giving her cheek a lick. He only hoped his words would soothe her soul some, her heavily plagued soul. "I would forgive you for anything..."
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