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 Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 6:02 pm
Name: Daniyah Nejem Nickname: None, but call her what you will at your own risk. Age: 20 Birthday: August 13th Sign: Leo Gemstone: Peridot Blood Type: B Fav. Food: While she doesn't claim to have a sweet tooth, cheesecake far outweighs anything else when it comes to food. The more, the better. Chocolate cheesecake would secure you any service she could provide (minus the illegal or inappropriate ones!) Hated Food: Pizza. They simply don't make it just the way she likes it, despite her express and specific instructions. Fluffy and chewy crust, light mustard sauce with salmon and pineapple. Is that so hard to do? School: DCU, currently majoring in history Hobbies:
Tinkering - Daniyah loves to simply take things apart just to put them back together again. She's very interested in how things move, change and operate in general. Her favorite things are watches, clocks and other devices with small moving parts. How these parts all fit together into a working whole is incredibly fascinating to her. When her mother allows, she even takes apart some of the appliances around the house in order to fix or upgrade them in some fashion. Dani will even go so far as to go to garage sales and pick up old, worn or broken items just to sit at her desk and tinker with them. She's made a few completely new items out of parts of old ones, or added to existing items with extra parts.
Running - Not only is her love of running showcased in the track team, Daniyah runs simply because she loves running. She's better at distance than at speed, and adores her place on the Cross Country team. Her position in the ranks isn't as important to her as the fact that she can get out there and put the pedal to the medal that makes her happiest. She loves the feel of the wind in her hair, as cliche as that sounds, and simply loves the fact that she's going somewhere. Exercising is something that helps clear her mind and keep her everyday life in perspective. She runs a route around her neighborhood every evening after school and every morning before breakfast. An iPod in one ear and a bottle of water in her hand and she's happy as a clam.
Mazes, Puzzles and War Games - Dani cannot get enough of mazes and other games that involve the use of the brain. She owns every book of puzzles she can get her hands on, along with every iteration of puzzle video games she can afford. She thinks of it like training in a way, but training for what, she isn't sure. If she can't run and she doesn't have homework to do, she's got either a puzzle on the table, a puzzle book in her lap or she's at her computer, playing the latest version of Command and Conquer. The idea that one commander can organize a huge group of sub-commanders and underlings to win a war makes her simply giddy. She likes to think of herself as General Daniyah, and everyone else in her little war game is a working part of a whole machine whose primary goal is at her discretion.
Virtues:
Brave - Very little makes her fearful, and Daniyah much prefers to dive head-first into new situations than to take too much time to deliberate. If there's a scary place in town you need to visit but can't go alone, Dani would accompany you and plow through the area first and with pleasure. She likes the idea of being a pioneer - discovering things for the first time to report back to everyone else. If people think there's a shark in the lake, you bet she'd be one of the first in with a snorkel and camera to prove whether Jaws escaped the local zoo or not. After spending a few years in therapy after suffering from a dog attack when she was little, she realized that she's pretty tough when it comes right down to it, so why not take advantage of that? Naturally, she's gotten hurt or gotten in trouble because of her willingness to dive in. She's broken a few bones here and there, fallen out of her fair share of trees and pissed off a neighbor for jumping into their backyard to get her friend's baseball, but it's all life's wear and tear in her eyes.
Hard-working - Productivity is one thing she can't get enough of. Whether it's getting her latest batch of homework for history class or finishing her final lap in track practice, Dani loves crossing things off of her to-do list and relishing in the fact that she's done a good day's work. The only problem with her attitude is that she quickly runs out of things to do and becomes bored and agitated. She's slowly learning to invent things for herself to do instead of relying on others to provide her with tasks (like teachers or coaches), but it's still in the works. When she's got her nose to the grindstone, she concerns herself not with speed, but with quality. There's no point in rushing to finish something only to find a multitude of errors littering your paper. Besides, the sooner she gets it done, the sooner she could possibly become bored. This leads her to take the "slow and steady wins the race" approach to most things, and she does her best to allot herself enough time to finish something with the quality she wants without it being late.
Respectful - Being respectful goes a very long way. With a military upbringing from her father, Daniyah treats everyone as if they were one rank (or more) higher than she is, no matter who they are. Strangers, teachers, family and friends are all treated with the utmost care. She uses her sirs, ma'ams, miss's and other honorifics like people use toilet paper, but to her, it's all out of her respect for you. If you ask her to stop, she will, and she realizes it bothers some people (or makes them feel old!). You can quickly fall out of favor with her if you are disrespectful to her or someone she admires like a teacher. If you lose respect from her, she can become downright vicious if she has to interact with you in any way. She won't go out of her way to put you down, but if you're an a*****e, she won't hesitate to call you out on it and treat you like she thinks you deserve. If you're a respectful enemy or rival of hers, she'll still treat you the same as a family member. Respect begets respect in her book.
Flaws:
Ruthless - Piss her off, and combined with her tunnel vision, this can be something scary. Her morality in gray at best and when it comes to finishing a task and very little would stop her. If someone it caught cheating during a track race, she will hunt them down and threaten to expose them to the school board if they do it again, or try blackmailing them in some other fashion. If faced with a choice of trying (and possibly failing) to save everyone over saving a select few people by letting some of them die, she's opt for the latter. It's like a battlefield hospital - amputate the arm to save the rest of the body. She thinks about a great many situations in the fashion, and doesn't see a problem at all with it. If you beat on a friend of hers or someone she knows, she'll stop just short of assault (or will assault you outright if she knows you won't call the police) to get even. If she were in Mortal Kombat, she'd finish everyone off with a Brutality.
Tunnel Vision - Once she has something in mind, be it a goal, an action, target or a position, she'll not stop until she's either incapacitated, the opportunity is no longer available, her method is invalid, or some other catastrophic event occurs. She simply hates to leave things unfinished, but more often than not, she cannot let this thing go. For example, if you offend her, she will get in your face to intimidate you into apologize and if you don't, she'll continue to do it until you relent. If she gets it in her head that a particular tinkering project must be finished that night, then all other priorities get pushed aside. She's missed school assignments and other important dates. She's been known to pull all-nighters to get a paper done just to spend the next three days in Rome: Total War attempting to finish a level flawlessly. She's had her school hiccups, but adding more things to her list of tasks is a very dangerous proposition.
Obedient - One may think of this as a virtue, being that she would do as she is asked to do, but not so much in this case. If you are above Dani in rank, position in a group, age or she simply thinks that highly of you, she'll do most anything you say without a single thought. She reverts instantly to a mindset of "minion" and assumes you have the greatest, most logical or best of intentions with your request of her. She considers herself as someone who needs to climb the ranks in order to make suggestions or give her thoughts to people she views like this, much like a private in the military. The morality of the act she is committing for someone else is of no concern to her - if anything, she thinks of herself as the weapon, not the wielder. If you have a problem with what she's done, take it up with the manager. She'll keep her thoughts to herself and will sometimes politely ask to speak her mind, but more often than not, you'll find she's a very vicious and very obedient guard dog (oh the irony).
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: Bright cyan in color and usually with narrowed or severe. She's often regarding someone with a very serious look on her face. Hair: Dark brown and straight, her hair ends at the apex of her thighs. It's thick and is almost always loose and down. She doesn't put any accessories in it aside from an occasional hair tie, which serves a purpose, she assures you. Face: Heart shaped, though her features tend to be a bit more angular. Corvus' face is similar to what Dani's face shape is. She also has some clawlike nicks across her face and body. She was the victim of a dog attack when she was younger. It's more severe on her arms and chest than on her face. Her skin is very dark and she almost looks Arabic. Clothes: Daniyah opts for simple jeans and a shirt most days. Anything she can easily run in and isn't too bright, distracting or formal is preferable to her.
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Posted: Thu Feb 10, 2011 6:04 pm
Senshi: Sailor Iapetus, Senshi of Glass Challenge: "What a mess, this town's in tatters..." Fuku Colour: Main Color: A dark Payne's GreySecondary Color: Pale blue Fuku: Mostly colorist's choice - I'd just like elbow-length gloves and the overall look of the fuku to be sharp or severe! Sailor Scout Attack: Silicate Screen Iapetus calls out the attack name and points at the sky, a wall of glass about one inch thick forms from the ground up in front of her. It's as tall as she is and about as wide as her shoulders (maybe three feet or so). The wall can withstand one good physical attack (like a punch or a kick with some umph behind it) or one magical attack (basic or otherwise) before it shatters. If the attacker is close to the wall when it breaks, the shards can damage them in a very minor way. The glass shards disappear after a few seconds. Iapetus can use this attack twice per battle with a one post cooldown. The wall is stationary. The wall stays up for 30 seconds before shattering and disappearing. Super Sailor Scout Attack: Silicate Stockade Iapetus calls out the attack name and points at the sky, a wall of glass about three inches thick forms from the ground up in front of her. It's as tall as she is and about six feet wide. The wall can withstand two good physical attacks (like a punch or a kick with some umph behind it) or one magical attack of Eternal/Super (or Nega equivalent) power before it shatters. The wall could take two standard senshi attacks. If the attacker is close to the wall when it breaks, the shards can damage them in a very minor way. The glass shards disappear after a few seconds. Iapetus can use this attack twice per battle with a one post cooldown. The wall is stationary. The wall stays up for 45 seconds before shattering and disappearing. Eternal Sailor Attack: Gliding Glaze Calling out the attack name, Iapetus runs forward and sweeps her arm in an arc across her body. A glass wall much like her Screen attack forms from the ground up and charges forward at a fast pace. The wall is intended to slam into someone/something and shatter upon contact, creating very small pieces of glass. It's more of an interrupt/distancing attack with minor damage if it connects with something. The shards that appear after the glass shatters disappear after a few seconds. The wall can travel about 20 feet. If it does not connect with anything, it shatters and disappears. If the wall hits someone, it's like a strong punch and knocks them down with a rain of glass shards for minor cuts. Iapetus can use this attack twice per battle with a one post cooldown. The wall travels in a straight line and cannot change direction. (ilu Kumo!)
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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:20 am
Updated a few things. >_>
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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:26 pm
Ohoho, that birthday looks familiar! Yeah I have nothing constructive to add.
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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 9:08 pm
Antikythera Nerva Ohoho, that birthday looks familiar! Yeah I have nothing constructive to add. *COUGH* ninja Who better but a Leo?
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:30 am
Indu Disclaimer: I can see you put a lot of energy into this profile, and I'm sorry about the wait for one of us to look it over! Let's get right into it, shall we? My goal here is to take the hard work you've done, and help guide you to a finished product! My critiques are long, but that's not because of anything you've done wrong, just my efforts to be thorough.
CIVILIAN:
Her hobbies check out just fine!
Virtues:
I'm interested in how her organized and brave virtues interact. While there's certainly nothing wrong with being both organized and brave, the way you write her brave flaw makes it seem as if it's going to put her into positions where she feels very uncomfortable, and flustered due to the disorganized nature of her environments, in which case… It's hard to be brave and adventurous while also being upset.
You also mention that she is organized and meticulous with her strategy, both in her war game hobby, and in her organization hobby. How does that work, if she's constantly diving into things without a second thought?
Take a look at these quotes, to see what I mean:
Quote: Kali tends to get flustered if things are out of order or a complete mess and will stop and fix everything up before proceeding.
vs
Quote: Very little makes her fearful, and Kali much prefers to dive head-first into new situations than to take too much time to deliberate. If there's a scary place in town you need to visit but can't go alone, Kali would accompany you and plow through the area first and with pleasure.
Ruthless would be extremely powerful, except that after stating "she'll stop at nothing" to complete her goals, you begin to point out instances where that is not the case. Additionally, you state that she'll do "something horrible," but leave it at that. Too ambiguous! What we want to know is how she shows her ruthless nature. Give specific examples. If you don't want her to act out physically, then specify that she is emotionally ruthless, and go into detail.
Serious, as it's written, is not a flaw, as you simply present it as 'Kali's way of doing things'. Her friends have grown to accept it, and while it's a defining character trait, it's completely neutral. If you want to use it as a flaw, you'll have to spin it in a a negative light. Is Kali so humorless and fun-hating that friends stop inviting her places? That people don't want to hang out with her? Is she a loner? If you can't embellish it and make it something that clearly effects her negatively, it's not going to work.
Tunnel Vision is another trait that is written like a fact, and not a flaw. It would be a flaw if she didn't finish that homework assignment, because she needed to marathon Rome: Total War. Show us how it effects her negatively now, not how it might become a flaw in the future. If she's got a handle on it, and uses it positively, then it no longer counts as a flaw.
Obedient This is, likely, her strongest flaw, and you've done a great job of painting it as negative, rather than going the "Loyal" virtue route. Brava. This is an example of a flaw that can be played off of in RP, as you've given multiple examples of what she considers to be a 'superior' in rank. Just make sure when she's actually in play that you remember to stick to it!
A BRIEF note on her appearance: That much facial and body scarring from a childhood dog attack? That seems quite severe. Additionally, not all of the template artists may be willing to do the scarring. Just another thing to keep in mind.
POWERED: I'm sorry, but we are not allowing weapon spheres for senshi, no matter their alignment. If you would like to wield a weapon, magical or otherwise, you're going to have to make this character a Negaverse Agent, as even Knights are not allowed weapons that are overtly offensive/for dealing damage.
Luckily enough, if you don't have your heart set on a senshi, she'd make a great negaverse agent! Just something to think about.
ALTERNATIVELY, none of your attacks do slicing damage! So they are definitely salvageable. Perhaps the Senshi of Impact/Force, and perhaps leave the energy waves, using her arms/hands or feet in a bladelike fashion instead of a magical knife.
Feel free to QUOTE ME when you've completed all your changes, and I'll add you to my list to go through again!
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 9:50 am
Thank you very much for the thorough crit! I think I've fixed her up enough to have you look her over again, if you're willing to do it. biggrin I changed her sphere from blades to glass, and changed all of her attacks. I also took out the weakest flaw and virtue since I couldn't figure out a way to make it all cohesive. I also added more specifics to her flaws to make them meaty (and actually negative!) I would really appreciate another go through whenever you have the time. And thank you again, Indu! n_n
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Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:58 pm
I cannot wait to see this girl come to life, nuff said about that.
One little thing though. She's not going to have to change identities unless someone outside the Dmc(and possibly negaverse?) sees her awakening, or unless she was an existing white moon senshi, which I'm assuming she's not.
The few DMC that had to give up their former lives did so because former team mates or straight up enemies witnessed their corruptions or awakenings. <3
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Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2011 8:08 pm
Beejoux I cannot wait to see this girl come to life, nuff said about that. One little thing though. She's not going to have to change identities unless someone outside the Dmc(and possibly negaverse?) sees her awakening, or unless she was an existing white moon senshi, which I'm assuming she's not. The few DMC that had to give up their former lives did so because former team mates or straight up enemies witnessed their corruptions or awakenings. <3 .....OH that makes sense! Now I just have to decide between the names HMM. Thank you for letting me know, Bee! heart heart heart
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Posted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 10:34 pm
Her super attack could almost be deadly, if hand-sized pieces of glass are flying at her opponents, causing sharp, slicing damage. Are they thin enough to break on contact, or are they substantial enough to rip through skin? Consider that if they struck an opponent in the neck, it could sever their arteries! On top of that, the glass stays there, to be stepped on at a later point. It's too powerful.
Her eternal attack will not work, because an explosive glass bomb thrown into the midst of anyone, ally or enemy, can kill them outright. Glass is a very dangerous sphere to work with, since it could almost be considered a weapon, and in this instance, the attack is just too powerful.
My suggestions would be to look into the properties of glass to find more influences to take powers from, or to make it a dual offensive/defensive attack, like a "House of Glass" type ability, where she throws up progressively thicker "windows/walls" of glass around herself that the enemy will have to burst through to reach her, as well as a time limit that they will disappear if they aren't hit. This accomplishes the shard damage if they do try to attack her, without throwing in velocity of a speeding/thrown shard of glass! The glass should disappear at the end of the attack, otherwise her opponents will have lasting, dangerous damage such as glass imbeded deep in their flesh.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 5:06 am
That makes perfect sense. Thank you, Indu! I'll fix that up. heart
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Posted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 1:35 pm
Everything looks completely amazing to me! Daniyah sounds fantastic, and she definitely has lots of plot potential. I'd love to see her in play! <3 I have literally only one question! For her Ruthless flaw, there's this one line that seems to conflict with the rest of the trait: While she wouldn't do anything that she thinks would jeopardize her standing with the track team or the school, or something that would be considered against the law, she'll come very close to it. In the rest of the flaw, you describe how she might try to blackmail someone who's done something wrong, or even assault them if the conditions are right - I feel like this doesn't really work with the line above? I think you could easily just strike that line and have the rest of the flaw the same, but if you want to keep it, I'd like a bit more explanation on how this works with the rest. <3
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Posted: Wed Sep 05, 2012 4:33 pm
Thank you for looking everything over! I was skimming through and taking out contradictory statements and I happened to miss that one. XD I'll take it out! <3
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Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 12:40 am
<3 Alright, then I feel confident that you're ready for a - 
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Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2012 5:58 am
Looks good to me too!
You are ACCEPTED, good luck getting her.
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