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 Posted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 11:50 pm
Just like the setting sun... I'm not in the mood to go into great detail at the moment, but basically.. I'm in a long distance relationship, and things are really difficult. I was wondering if anybody had any suggestions as to how to make it... I don't know. Easier?
Things to keep in mind:
- He is totally worth it. Most people's imediate response is to ask me if the relationship is worth it, and it completely and totally is. I'm 100% possitive of it.
- His dad makes things pretty difficult. It's not that he doesn't like us together or anything, it's just that he doesn't really understand. My boyfriend has made zero friends at this new place, and his dad says he's on the phone constantly.
*1. He's not on the phone constantly. He's on the phone about two hours a day, and considering his dad ripped him away from his entire life, that's not that bad.
*2. Even if he WAS on the phone constantly, what else is there for him to do?
- He isn't really allowed on the computer at all. He doesn't have a cell phone, so he has to talk to me on the house phone, which is attached to the wall in the kitchen, and we never have any privacy.
- My parents offer to buy airplane tickets for him to come visit me as presents for us, but his parents say, "We feel bad having them pay for everything." but at the same time, they refuse to pay.
I don't know. I just feel like all of this is way harder than it really needs to be. Any help, suggestions, advice, encouraging words, whatever... Would be appreciated. ...is returned to the Lonesome Ocean.
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Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 12:49 am
1. What is it that makes the relationship worth it?
2. What can he do? If he's in school, study for school. If he's working, try to manage, save, and invest his money. If he's not working or going to school, find a job.
3. No comment.
4. I can understand why they would feel that way. They'd feel like panhandlers, crooks, poor folk, etc. if they allowed your parents to pay for the tickets but at the same time may not have the finances at the time to buy him a pair of tickets. But if it really means that much to him, I'm sure he could make the money somehow.
As for making it easier, try writing letters? It's something that's been neglected lately due to E-mail and text messaging, but I find it's an exciting way to keep in touch with friends who have moved away.
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Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 9:15 am
Parents always make relationships like that hard.
In every case I've seen anyway.
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Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 5:43 pm
We write letters back and forth already, but that certainly doesn't make it easy. Easier, though.
His parents have plenty of funds, they just don't want to buy him the ticket. He's looked for a job there countless times. It's a small community, and there's no jobs for anybody still in highschool.
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Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2011 11:31 pm
Oh, I know this all to well.
If he's worth it, then you must be willing to wait. It may take some time.
Talk to his parents. Just ask simple things "How are you? How was your day? OH! Happy Birthday!....ect" Instead of him seeing you, since his parents wont pay, why don't you go there, since your parents already offered tickets? There are worse things than talking on the phone, just be glad that when you do talk, it makes the wait so much better.
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Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:15 pm
Bonus Bam Oh, I know this all to well.
If he's worth it, then you must be willing to wait. It may take some time.
Talk to his parents. Just ask simple things "How are you? How was your day? OH! Happy Birthday!....ect" Instead of him seeing you, since his parents wont pay, why don't you go there, since your parents already offered tickets? There are worse things than talking on the phone, just be glad that when you do talk, it makes the wait so much better.
Thank you. You made me feel a little better about things. :3
What makes you say you know all too well, if you don't mind me asking?
I know what you're saying about how if he's worth it, then the wait is worth it, but some days it just gets so hard, you know? I make small talk with his dad on the phone, but it's mostly his step-mom who is rude to me. She doesn't like me because this teacher (who is extremely gossipy about her students) HEARD that I was trying to find a way for Matt (boyfriend) to stay when they were moving, which isn't true. So the teacher told his step-mom, and I think that's one of the reasons why she doesn't like me, though I can't think of any other reasons. His parents usually say they don't care where we go, whether it's his place or mine, all they say is that they're not paying for it. Ever. And that was a fine deal before he moved, because we assumed there would be jobs up there, but there wasn't. I make money, but where I live a plane ticket is near $600.
So, yeah. It's not so much the wait, or anything. I mean, I realized that aspect of our relationship would happen when we found out he was moving. It's just all the extra baggage, and how to keep things exciting is what I wanted help with, especially being as he isn't allowed on the computer. :3
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Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:20 pm
don't they have public computers at a library near him?
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Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:28 pm
maui boy no ka oi 1. What is it that makes the relationship worth it? 2. What can he do? If he's in school, study for school. If he's working, try to manage, save, and invest his money. If he's not working or going to school, find a job. 3. No comment. 4. I can understand why they would feel that way. They'd feel like panhandlers, crooks, poor folk, etc. if they allowed your parents to pay for the tickets but at the same time may not have the finances at the time to buy him a pair of tickets. But if it really means that much to him, I'm sure he could make the money somehow. As for making it easier, try writing letters? It's something that's been neglected lately due to E-mail and text messaging, but I find it's an exciting way to keep in touch with friends who have moved away.
Doing this thing in order. :]
1. Um.. The short answer for that, is that I love him. And I don't want to be rude or anything, but if this is leading to the whole "Do you REALLY love him?" talk, you just have to trust me that I really do.
2. All his dad really allows him to do is study and play the guitar. And he's looked for jobs plenty of different times, but there just isn't anything there for anybody his age. There's no part time jobs, and there's no job that doesn't require some sort of qualifications that you'd get at college to do. He is on the "waiting list" for both of the stores in the town for a job, or to come in if someone is sick, but that list is also pretty lengthy with kids in the same situation. He gets pretty good grades, his lowest I think is a C, and he stays after school an extra hour every day doing extra or working on homework.
3. I don't know what this no comment was even towards, so. No comment. Lol.
4. I would understand it to, if there WERE in a situation where they were tight for money, but they're really not. You're just going to have to trust me, that these people are pretty selfish, and they treat my boyfriend like dirt. I mean, it could be a lot worse, but if there was a simple solution like "he can make money for the ticket by doing -fill in the blank-" we would have thought of it by now. His dad DID make a new rule that for every good grade he gets, he gets $60, which is pretty generous. And that should be handy, being as his grades are really great lately. :]
And we write letters and send care packages often. Thanks for all your suggestions, though. smile
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Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:30 pm
bislas don't they have public computers at a library near him?
No, they don't. Even if they did, he wouldn't be able to get there. His dad won't let him take his driver's license, and nobody is going to drive him. And.. he's not going to walk, being as it's negative 50 degrees, and about three feet of snow on the average day this time of year. But I'll ask him today if there is any other way he could get a ride...
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Posted: Mon Feb 07, 2011 5:34 pm
Deathgod of Legend Parents always make relationships like that hard. In every case I've seen anyway.
Yeah. Honestly, when I hear myself talk about it out loud, I feel like I should be exaggerating. I mean, there's just all these little things that should be so easy to do, and would make things just that tiny bit better, and it's like.. there's always something in the way, you know?
I think it's just that when he lived here, we were inseparable. Like.. literally, always together. And then I'm just not used to the fact that he's not around everyday, even though it's been six months. I just really need help coping, and finding ways to make it easier, because I know I can't keep living my life moping around.
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Posted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 2:10 am
I know this well probably because I was just there.
Though, mine didn't end as an happy ending.
But please, don't let that put you down.
You have to remember, all parents act... I would say "Protective" of their children. I don't know the stepmother, but I would just say "Kill her with kindness"
So you two were together at one point in time?
And he moved?
Yes tickets are expensive.
Maybe suggest a split? You pay half, he pays half?
Or take up small jobs here and there, they may not pay much, but it adds up over time. Plus, keep looking for tickets, they tend to fluctuate over time. You could probably find a good deal.
I'd like to tell that teacher to go get bend and mind her own business.
It's one thing for students to start gossip, but a teach too? Ugh. Disgusting.
Why isn't he allowed on the computer? Not even to do homework? Has he tried using the schools computers?
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Posted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 5:52 pm
Bonus Bam I know this well probably because I was just there.
Though, mine didn't end as an happy ending.
But please, don't let that put you down.
You have to remember, all parents act... I would say "Protective" of their children. I don't know the stepmother, but I would just say "Kill her with kindness"
So you two were together at one point in time?
And he moved?
Yes tickets are expensive.
Maybe suggest a split? You pay half, he pays half?
Or take up small jobs here and there, they may not pay much, but it adds up over time. Plus, keep looking for tickets, they tend to fluctuate over time. You could probably find a good deal.
I'd like to tell that teacher to go get bend and mind her own business.
It's one thing for students to start gossip, but a teach too? Ugh. Disgusting.
Why isn't he allowed on the computer? Not even to do homework? Has he tried using the schools computers? Just like the setting sun...
I guess the protectiveness is probably true, but if you knew his parents, you'd know they are anything but protective. They're selfish, is all it is. I mean, I could understand protectiveness, but that's.. not them. I could go on forever ranting about his dad, but.. Basically, to sum it up, he is probably one of the worst fathers I've ever heard of. But, I know there's nothing I can do to change him, so I'm not bothered by it most days.
We're still together. We talk everyday on the phone for about an hour, two hours if we're lucky. We fight a lot more lately, but I think that's just because we haven't yet adjusted to the whole being apart thing. It's a totally different way to approach a relationship, and it gets tricky being as we need to find different ways of making it work. On the sixteenth of this month, it'll be our two year anniversary.
I live in a tiny tiny town. There is one airport, one airline, and.. if there's ever a fluctuation in prices, the whole community knows about it. So I'm always on the look out for that. smile
I know. This teacher is a psycho, now she's trying to give me zero credit in her class for no apparent reason, but that's.. a different story all together. :/
His dad doesn't have a reason as to why Matt can't get on the computer, honestly. It's just his rule. School internet has every mail site (gmail, yahoo, hotmail, etcetc.) and social networking sites blocked. :/ I can't use Skype because, like I said, I'm from a tiny village in rural Alaska. We have terrible internet, lol.
...is returned to the Lonesome Ocean.
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Posted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:23 pm
Ahhhh, I see I see.
Hmmmmm..
I'm trying to run through my mind with ideas.
As to the arguments and fighting, you will have those.
Sometimes it's best to just say "Why are we fighting?"
Laugh it off and try a different subject.
Ugh selfish parents.
Sounds like my mom.
I wish there was more advise and ideas I could give you, hun, but I'm all out.
All I can say is try your best.
=/
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Posted: Wed Feb 09, 2011 11:40 pm
Bonus Bam Ahhhh, I see I see.
Hmmmmm..
I'm trying to run through my mind with ideas.
As to the arguments and fighting, you will have those.
Sometimes it's best to just say "Why are we fighting?"
Laugh it off and try a different subject.
Ugh selfish parents.
Sounds like my mom.
I wish there was more advise and ideas I could give you, hun, but I'm all out.
All I can say is try your best.
=/ Just like the setting sun...
Well thank you just for trying. :] It made me feel better, I pinky swear. We're doing much better, lately.
Do you mind if I add you as a friend? It's just sort of rare I meet people online who are.. well, pleasant for longer than a few minutes. Lol. :]
...is returned to the Lonesome Ocean.
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