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Reply 11. ✿ - - - Poems And Writing
Just a little short story I wrote

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thomlina

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2011 3:13 pm


Hello y'all! So I wrote this short story for a french project but I have translated it to english and tweeked it a little of course.

WARNING: THE FULLOWING IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY ABOUT THE HAITI EARTHQUAKE AND IF YOU ARE NOT OPEN MINDED THEN I SUGEST NOT READING.

Enjoy!

Elisabeth Joassaint 15 days old


Isn’t she beautiful?

Not as beautiful as you. She smiled up at her husband and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

They had been married for just over a year when the good lord had blessed them with their daughter Elisabeth, Elisa for short.

Okay ,okay stop with the cooing. We have things to do today you know. Her older brother interrupted.

She frowned up at him. He hadn’t been happy with her choice of husband. Since he had been almost like her father since her real one died when she was still too young to remember. He had expected her to marry higher but she had chosen her nazer for she loved him more than anything. No matter what her brother says.

Just hand elisa over to me I’ll take care of her. Michelet said walking up behind them.

Thanks ma. Nazer kissed her forehead.

Fine. She said with a hint of sorrow in her voice. She had grown quite attached to her daughter over the last few weeks and hated every moment that they were apart. She leaned down and kissed her daughter’s forehead. We’ll be right back elisa. She handed her off her new mother in law. She liked her at least.

Come on Nazer, don’t want to be late. She took his hand.

The child watched them leave with curious eyes as if she knew that she would not see them for longer than just a few minutes.
~
The couple walked hand in hand down the street occasionally waving at a friend or saying a pleasant hello to the people in the market place. The place seemed happy but that was before. The ground began to shake. The people ran for shelter. The smiles wiped from their faces and replaced with fear and worry.

Earthquake! Someone shouted.

We have to go back- for elisa. She shouted above the sound of the rumbling.

Nazer almost had to drag her to shelter. Her shouting the entire time.
Save my baby- my elisa.

He had to stop her from running out of the shelter a number of times. Motherly love can just take over your need to think reasonably.

They spent nearly a week in a collapsed building waiting for rescue. When rescue finally did come. They were taken to a large tent where nurses and doctors were already treating patients. Her eyes scanned the tent for any sign of elisa or adam or even her mother in law. But she found no one.

Where’s my baby. She asked a passing doctor. Is she alright. She asked franticly.

The nurse not wanting to upset her just said. We are doing the best we can. We will find your baby. but really she wasn’t all that sure. It had been days since the earthquake there was no way a barely fifteen day old baby was alive but she wasn’t going to tell her that.
The days went on like that for a while. Her and her husband suffered only minor injuries but were forced to stay in the tent to make sure that they were completely okay. She would ask for updates and beg them to search their house.

One night Adam and Michelet came though the door on stretchers.

Where is she. She asked.

She fell from my arms marie I’m so sorry.

Marie reached out her hand and took hers. There were no need for words. They both knew it wasn’t over.

Michelet suffered only from a broken leg and a lack of water. Adam however was much worse. Both his legs had to be cut off. All marie could think of was how much he loved to run and how hard this would be for him when he woke up. But still for days on end there was no news of their daughter. This worried marie constantly. She would often yell out in the night and that worried the doctors.

As soon as they would let her walk she ran back to her house nearly five blocks away. Her husband and mother in law followed her to make sure she didn’t hurt herself. The house- couldn’t even be classified as a house anymore it was just a pile of rubble. The rescue team dug with shovels trying to find her. Marie dropped to her knees and started digging with her bare hands. Nazer and Michelet helped her. None of them said a word. There was nothing to say.

Her husband laid a hand on her shoulder. It’s time to go. He said after they had been digging for several hours though.

The others nodded clearly exhausted.

We can’t give up. She said confidently.

The sun was setting on the fifteenth day and marie was giving up hope.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she fell to her knees to pray.

Oh lord, bring me one miracle.
Bring my baby back to me.
She never had a chance to live.
My lord,
I will serve you for life and never question you again.
If you bring her back to me,


By the end of the prayer she was in tears and her husband was comforting her. The rescue team stopped and kneeled down beside her saying silent prayers of their own.

Suddenly the cry of a newborn child pierced though the air. Her eyes sprung open and using the last of her strength she dug though the last few feet. And there covered in cement dust was her little girl. Elisa didn’t have a scratch on her and looked perfectly healthy. She carefully lifted her into her shaking arms and held her against her chest. She almost didn’t believe it. She cried happy tears onto her head.

Thank you, lord thank you. She whispered to the sky.

Elisa looked up and her crying stopped she merely looked up at her mother. She smiled and buried her face in her mom’s shirt. As if she understood at that very moment -only a month old that she understood the true power of god and the heavens above.
~
Later reporters gathered at the tent that was being used as a nursery. But instead of being greeted by the parents. Michelet came out. They were disappointed but still greeted her warmly.

Mrs. Joassaint what do you think happened. The reporter handed her the mike.

She merely smiled and said. This wasn’t the way the lord wanted the baby to die. She paused. Everyone knew the baby was dead except the lord.

The end.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 1:46 pm


omg thats an amazing story rlly amazing you r an amazing writer biggrin

sexy-goth-chick-1551


esperanato

Shirtless Ladykiller

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 1:50 pm


The story made me cry =] It truly touched my heart.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 05, 2011 2:14 pm


The story is good, though there's definitely room for improvement.

The ending, I didn't understand completely. I understand what you are trying to state, but the statement "everyone knew the baby was dead except the lord" makes me slightly confused as to whether or not the baby is actually dead or not, since "knew" to me implies a kind of truth, so for a second there I thought the baby was actually dead and the mother delusional.

Overall, it's a good try. It's a very emotional story, so you could perhaps carry in more of the emotion of the characters - the terror of the earthquake, the fear of losing her baby, the dogged determination of finding her lost child, and the immense relief of finding her miraculously still alive. For a newborn to survive that long without food and water under a pile of rubbles is truly a miracle, and it is the climax of the story, so do play it up a bit more!

Sophisticated Simplicity

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11. ✿ - - - Poems And Writing

 
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