They’d been walking for what seemed like forever. Nyeusi was growing eternally tired of staring at the a**-end of a hyena – the a**-end of a hyena that enjoyed passing the most rancid of gas. The first few times Nye assumed that it was merely an accidental slip of flatulence, but after the sixth or eighth time he caught a whiff of foul air, Nyeusi had to stop and wait for the stale scent of hyena gas to pass before he could continue on. It burned in his chest and made him feel as if his nostrils were being singed. It was awful. After the tenth or so time that left Nye gasping for breathable air, he gave an indignant snarl and stopped in his tracks.
Bekeli had been happily yapping as he led the way to fresh water, so when Nye sat down with a thud Bekeli didn’t notice. It wasn’t until Nyeusi gave a rather harsh cough that Bekeli stopped, turned and found Nyeusi gasping for air a hundred or so feet behind him. He awkwardly galloped back towards his companion, a worried look on his face. “Is everything okay? We should be almost there. Can’t you smell it?”
Can’t he smell it? Can’t he SMELL it?! All Nyeusi could smell was the fetid expulsions of air that emanated from Bekeli’s rump. After one more pathetic, choking gasp, Nye rose to his feet and merely shook his head. “No. All I can smell are the foul vapors seeping from your rear end. From here on out we will walk shoulder to shoulder, and if you feel a flatulent eruption drawing close all I ask is that you warn me so that I might prepare myself for the onslaught.” His poor nostrils, they could take no more abuse. Maybe his olfactory organs had been burned to death by Bekeli’s noxious emissions.
Well, what fancy words. Bekeli narrowed his eyes. It wasn’t his fault that his stomach was so delicate and responsive to the carcasses he’d been forced to make meals from. Still, he’d had the misfortune of smelling his own gas and it hadn’t been pleasant. Well, usually it wasn’t pleasant. Huffily Bekeli dipped his head in a nod before turning around and once more picking up the pace. They were close now. Bekeli could smell the crisp cool water that pooled nearby. They would be there within an hour.
Four hours later they still trudged blearily on. The conversation had gone from idle chit-chat to yawning silence. Bekeli could tell that the leopard was growing impatient, and for that he was sorry. The last words that had been spoken between the two companions had been an apology from Bekeli and a strangled growl from Nyeusi. After that brief and awkward interaction the silence filled the space between the traveling companions.
Two hours after that Nyeusi had himself convinced that Bekeli had no Godly idea where he was going. For the past few minutes Bekeli had been idly humming to himself. Nye sent him sideways glances as they skulked along. He was getting more and more annoyed. The Gods truly were mocking him. He was their personal jester, a little toy for their amusement. Woe! Nyeusi was well and truly feeling sorry for himself. His luck had been laughable the past few days, ever since he’d come across this foul hyena he was being forced to travel with.
Bekeli had been enjoying their walk, in all honesty. Sure, the journey to water was taking a longer time than he had suspected, but it would be worth it in the end. Just think, all the cool, crisp water they could drink and all the prey beasts they could eat! It would be so great. Just Bekeli and Nyeusi, friends forever, palling around the savanna like they owned the place. Bekeli had never had a best friend before, but after spending the past six-plus hours with Nyeusi, he never wanted to leave the leopards side. There was something comforting about having someone at your side, looking out for you and warning you of trouble. Best friends forever, that’s what they were.
Bekeli’s reverie was broken by the sound of Nyeusi’s stomach grumbling. “I’m hungry too,” he soothed sympathetically. After all, it had been a long time since he’d eaten. This morning he’d made a meal of some rank-tasting dung beetles, but hey you had to take what you were given and Bekeli rather liked the taste of dung beetles. Of course, he’d never admit it to anyone. They’d probably think he was gross or something.
Nyeusi wouldn’t answer. He wouldn’t let his temper get the best of him. He wouldn’t lash out. He wouldn’t yell. He wouldn’t blame everything on Bekeli. All he could do now was hope that they found food and water before Nyeusi passed out from the lack of both of those. If he did end up blacking out, he could only hope that Bekeli didn’t eat him while he was still alive. He wouldn’t put it past the stupid creature, though.
“What do you want to do after we get food and water?” Bekeli was excited just thinking about their future together as bros. They would travel the savanna, swaggering hither and yon, picking up ladies and eating food together for the rest of their lives. On second thought, Bekeli didn’t want to pick up ladies. They kind of scared him with their brawny shapes. They were always so much bigger than him. Bossy, too. But he would help Nyeusi nab some ladies if he needed it, that’s what a good friend he was.
Nyeusi couldn’t believe his ears. Did the dense hyena really think that they were going to be friends after this? Nyeusi was going to eat, drink, rest a bit and then make a grand escape. He wasn’t going to be sticking around. He couldn’t stand another moment with this stupid hyena, and he was going to tell Bekeli off right now.
“I swear you,” Nyeusi started before Bekeli interrupted him.
“We’re here,” the hyena chimed, hopping from foot to foot. Nyeusi drew closer to the ledge that he’d been led to by the hyena and peered over the side.
“You… have got to be kidding me.”
Fifty or so feet down the gentle slope there was indeed a deliciously clean source of water that glittered flirtatiously from its rocky lakebed. The cool crisp water called to Nyeusi…
“All we have to do is scare away the lions,” Bekeli said matter-of-factly.
Nearly a dozen or so lions lazed about the waters edge. Big, muscled lions. Mean-looking lions.
“And how,” Nyeusi asked, “do we do that?” He couldn’t wait to hear this great idea. Really, could today get any worse? Could his LIFE get any worse? Nyeusi had a feeling that the answer would be a succinct and definitive, “YES.”
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