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Demon's Blood (Edited)

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BriarOfTheAsh

PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 7:02 pm


Yes, this is my original work. At least, as far as I know. I haven't really read or seen anything like this. Constructive criticism welcome! Send a PM please, don't post. But anyways, onto the story!



Prologue


Darkness.

That was all that surrounded me. There was no light, no sound, just...darkness. I think I tried to talk, to scream, to shout, but I wasn't sure. It seemed as if nothing penetrated this shroud. I took a step forward, then stopped. Where was I going? More importantly, where was I?

Just as I asked myself these questions, there was a sudden burst of sound from behind me. I spun to find that just one color broke through the darkness. Red orbs seemed to be staring down at a puddle of the color that was slowly spreading. Then, a sickening smell reached my nose.

Blood.

Someone had been killed.

Those red eyes turned toward me as I realized this, and the cold hatred that reached me made me want to turn and run. But I was frozen in fear. A fear that whatever held those eyes would come after me. A fear that I would die. The thought of death unfroze me, and I turned and ran back through the darkness, trying to get away. My own pounding footsteps slowly faded away, as I immersed myself back into the dark shroud, the soundless, scentless shroud.

But no matter how far I ran, those eyes followed me. They were always at the corner of my vision, cold yet burning at the same time. Haunting. Then I saw light. It was only a pinpoint at first, but it slowly grew, and surrounded me. I slowed, panting, smiling. Here, it was safe and warm. I would be protected from those haunting eyes.

“Alyssa.” I heard a familiar voice call my name, and I spun around to see a silhouette standing there. I felt my mouth move to call out a name, but I couldn't hear anything. It didn't matter though. I knew that voice, and I knew that person. I would be safe with them. Running into his arms, I wrapped my arms around his chest.

“I was so scared! Where have you been? I was trapped in darkness and these red eyes were following me! Why didn't you come?” My voice cracked with fear, and I looked up into the face, the face still hidden in shadow for some reason.

“I'm sorry. I was busy. But Alyssa, will you tell me something?”

“Yes?”

“Did you see the person the red eyes belonged to?” My eyebrows furrowed together at the question, and I looked up, about to voice my own question. But I froze when I saw what had appeared.

Red eyes. Cold and haunting. Staring down at me.

I backed away, shaking, my eyes wide. “W-who are you?” I asked, before shaking my head and turning away. For the second time, I went running back into the darkness.

All I heard before darkness completely took over my vision was, “You're personal demon, who else?” His laugh faded into the background, leaving me as I lost consciousness.
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 3:58 pm


It's pretty good, I'd keep writing, and maybe add some more suspenseful details near the end, like how happy and at home she felt in the man's arms of the cold feeling of abandonment and dread and formed in her gut as she looked up at him. Or something of the sort sweatdrop

Momo1013

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