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 Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 1:36 pm
It had been weeks, and Ladon was still no closer to a reasonable answer to what had happened between The Third Date incident. He still had plans to go out with Billy, that was certain, but Ladon had a different view of his boyfriend now, and it wasn't a pleasant one. While it hurt, he wasn't the type to give up and quit. No. That was not Ladon Shepard. If he wanted to keep something and make it work, he worked hard to keep it that way. In the end, he knew two things. He loved Billy, and he loved being friends with Paris. He didn't want to decide, and if he kept letting things continue as they were, the window of making up would close shut and be enforced with a cement wall. Open wounds did fester, and he wanted to heal instead.
That meant they had to talk. Talking was the only solution he had now, and while he was working on summoning the courage, he only managed to text. Maybe he had been hoping Paris wasn't awake as it was late, but Ladon couldn't sleep – hadn't been sleeping well for some time. He couldn't go on like this.
He just hoped he wasn't blocked. At least he could say he made the attempt.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 1:52 pm
It hadn't even crossed Paris's mind to block him. Sure, he was angry at him, and he didn't like to think about him or what had happened any more than necessary, but he still had hope that one day Ladon would see reason and realize what he'd done. He couldn't remember doing anything to make Ladon think he didn't care or didn't want to be friends with him. Well... there had been that night at his house, when he'd said and alluded to all those things, but he'd been angry then, so was it really all that surprising that he'd reacted like that?
He didn't think so.
Paris felt his phone vibrating in the pocket of his tight jeans. He was curious as to who could be trying to get in contact with him this late at night, but didn't immediately retrieve it to view the screen, too distracted by a pair of lips on his neck. He only paid attention to it when it didn't continue to vibrate, signaling a text and not a phone call. The only person who'd been trying to get in touch with him recently had been his mother, but she never texted; she preferred to hound him vocally.
Slightly annoyed, but also intrigued, Paris pushed his current companion aside with an apologetic smile. "Just a second," he said, and wedged a hand into his pocket to pull out his phone, flipping it open to see who the text was from.
He stared at it for a few longs moment. In some ways, he'd expected it. He'd doubted Ladon would go very long without wanting to at least try talking to one another, but at the same time he'd wondered exactly how long it would take him to come to that conclusion, and whether or not he himself would want to respond if and when it came about. He had every right to ignore it, he thought, every right to continue being angry with him. For all he knew, Ladon simply wanted to tell him, again, how wrong he was, not bridge whatever differences had come between them.
He considered the text for a few more moments before deciding on an appropriate response.
Text from Paris Depends on what you want to talk about.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 2:21 pm
If Ladon knew what Paris was up to, he probably would have had a snarky comeback in return, but instead he received the message with apprehension and read the message. It wasn't a positive or negative response entirely, but it wasn't Paris opening his arms and wanting to forgive and forget. Neither one of them could go that far. Still, it was a response, with amounted to something. Paris wasn't entirely closing him off from speaking. Not yet anyways, and while he wasn't about to just side with Paris, he did want to work things out.
So, he had to be delicate with what he wanted to say. Any wrong word in his text could send off a repeat of that night and further burn down the rickety bridge of friendship they still, maybe, had.
He tested again, walking on eggshells as he thought a while, and slowly wrote. It wasn't a lot to write, but he was limited on what he could write, He wanted to stay away from the topic of Billy, but if it was addressed, he'd have to. He just didn't want to argue over the phone and just make things worse. Right now, he wanted to focus on their friendship. On what was going on and what they could do to work it out and be friends again. He hated not talking. He hated not being able to have Paris around. He hated that every time he heard a car door slam outside, he felt horrid at remembering Paris storming out of his house.
He laid in bed, in the dark, and stared at the ceiling, resting the phone on his chest as he waited for it to vibrate.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 2:38 pm
Paris didn't know whether he should expect a text back so soon, and so was unsure what to do in regards to his companion. He let him closer again, huddling together in a booth in a dimly lit bar, and though further kissing commenced, he was mentally distracted and not quite as responsive as he would have been otherwise. When his phone vibrated again not very long after, he pushed away to look at it.
"Sorry," he said, noting his companion becoming annoyed.
He frowned at the screen when he read the message, not all that impressed by it, nor was he all that surprised. Of course Ladon would want to talk. He wouldn't have bothered to text if he didn't, but Paris wasn't all that certain he was in the mood to talk himself. They would have to eventually, if they wanted to fix all this mess, but he'd spent so much time being angry in recent weeks and attempting to move on that he was no longer sure if it was worth it.
It still hurt, being cast aside in favor of another. It still made him feel angry, and perhaps even a bit jealous. The ease with which Ladon had ordered him out of his house stung, and the memory of Billy's arrogant face made it all the more embittering. He could bet they were still seeing one another, and until they stopped he wouldn't be happy.
He let some of his bitterness out as he typed back.Text from Paris I didn't realize you and I made an us.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 2:55 pm
It was like pulling nails with your teeth, and Ladon huffed at the message. "You just don't make this easy, do you?" he said to his phone, about to right a message right back that was equally bitter, but as he started out with a "Why are you being…" before he stopped and cleared the screen. He set the phone down on his stomach, screen down, and breathed out. He couldn't start up an argument all over again. "Bigger person. Bigger person. You want him as a friend, right? Well, suck it up and just go with it." It wasn't like he'd be bitting his tongue and gritting his teeth and he didn't feel it would stop anytime soon. It was bound to get worse before it got better, and considering how bad it already was, he wasn't very thrilled to push forward. Still, there was a reward, or so he hoped. There was a chance at getting his best friend back, and that's what he wanted. It was already 2 weeks since they walked, going on longer now and he didn't want to make it go into a month. That was just INSANE! He wasn't about to be those people who couldn't attempt to work things out and regret it later. At least if he tried, he could say he made an effort. That he gave it his best shot, and maybe just take what little chance he had in getting his friend back.
If he didn't, he'd have to face going back to the way things were and had been these past few weeks – which seemed lonelier now when compared to the time he spent knowing Paris might drop by for the hell of it.
When he composed himself, he flipped his phone open and typed. Text From Lady Please hear me out. I want to say I'm sorry.
Rising up, he sat at the edge of his bed. Maybe he should talk to him face to face. It all depended if Paris would be willing to see his face or claw it off. Ladon had seen his pristine nails. He was sure he could do it too.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 3:14 pm
The constant checking of his phone was making Paris's companion agitated and impatient. He smiled apologetically again, but when that didn't seem to work he said, "I'm thirsty. Would you mind getting me a drink?"
The other young man hardly seemed mollified. Instead, the question seemed to have only exasperated him further, though he did slide out of the booth to make his way to the bar. Paris sighed lightly and shifted to lean back against the wall, lifting his legs up to prop them on the seat as he waited for a response.
He wasn't sure what to say when he eventually received it -- not as quickly as he'd been hoping. Part of him wanted to continue to give Ladon a hard time, pretend as if he had no idea what he was talking about, or throw his betrayal into his face again, but then he'd risk the chance of ruining a reconciliation before it even had the chance to begin. He wasn't going to forget, and part of him didn't even want to forgive, but there were times when he missed his friend.
Before, he'd like knowing that there was somewhere he could go if he needed to, he'd liked knowing there was someone he could visit if he was ever feeling lonely. Ladon was different from most of the people he hung around, but that's what had made it so fun -- refreshing, in a way. Sure, Ladon tended to nag at him during those times, but at least he'd had someone who seemed to care enough to nag in the first place.
He sighed to himself as he typed back again.Text from Paris And are you going to do that over the phone or do you actually want to see my face after you kicked me out?
It would be interesting to see how much he meant to the other boy, how much renewing their friendship was worth, after what had happened.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 3:28 pm
The message was returned with delay, and Ladon wondered if Paris was weighing the pros and cons, and if the pros would win. That or the boy was thinking of his next attack. Looking over to the clock, he would think any normal person would be asleep. HE should be asleep, but he couldn't focus anymore. He was too tired to sleep and his brain was too active to let him. As for Paris – well, Ladon knew the boy kept peculiar hours. It was a wonder that Paris didn't come to his door when his mother was around, but even if she was, he could sneak the boy in. Well, he used to – when they were still friends.
His phone vibrated and he flipped it open, reading the message slowly. "Uh – Ouch Paris. Geez." It was a direct stab, but it was still an offer. Either Paris wanted to see him, or wanted to see if he HAD to see him to get this done and over with. He didn't want a phone call. It was too easy to hang up and escape if things got heated. He wanted to talk things out and, if Paris decided to storm off, he could at least follow and continue talking. There was no End Call in real life meet ups.
Deciding to chew on the response, he huffed and wrote back through gritting teeth. Text From Lady I would like to see you in person if you'll let me.
Standing up, he started to undress out of his pajamas and get some actual clothes on. It would be no problem to change into some street clothes, leave the house, and maybe teleport wherever Paris wanted to meet. He could say he had been out too, walking the streets. Paris didn't have to think he was a good boy and at home all the times. Seeing as Paris seemed to THINK he was all stupid and goodie all the times. Oh! How badly he wanted to pull out the Nega card right now, but he couldn't, and was left with his sheltered image. Stupid image. If he and Paris became friends again, that was something he was going to work to fix. He wanted to show he was more mature than Paris thought.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 3:43 pm
The knowledge that Ladon was expecting to meet him somewhere flashed up at him on the screen of his phone, and Paris tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling and the light fixture above him to decide what he wanted to do. He could always hold the meeting off, pretend like he was busy -- he had been, but it didn't seem as if the night were going to go according to plan. His companion didn't look like he was in any hurry to get back to him, flirting heavily with another young looking male at the bar. Of course, he only had himself to blame for that. He could have ignored the first text.
If he went to see Ladon, what would happen? He expected they would argue. He knew he was incapable of holding his tongue, and Ladon's nerves were probably just as fried. This could end no better than the incident at Ladon's house had. Maybe Ladon would decide it wasn't worth the effort once they got to talking, or push him away again and go back to Billy. Were the two even still talking to one another? Paris assumed so. After all, Billy hadn't been the one to be kicked out.
The next question was where should they meet? He doubted very many places that weren't bars or clubs would be open at this hour, and though he remained bitter and resentful, he was at least nice enough not to force Ladon into a seedy place like that. The idea crossed his mind, and he was tempted to simply wait where he was and make Ladon come to him, but he doubted Ladon would even be able to get inside. Paris could only because of his fake ID. He knew Ladon wouldn't have one of those.
Just dropping by Ladon's house was also out of the question. He didn't really feel like going back there when they hadn't even solved their problems, not when he remembered being so easily kicked out. Not only that, but he could guess that Ladon's mother would be there, probably sleeping, and any potential arguments they had upon meeting would surely wake her up.
Finally, he decided to let Ladon make that call. Ladon had been the one to contact him, so it should be his decision where they inevitably met up.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 4:10 pm
He breathed a sigh of relief before looking up. "Thank you." Paris was willing to meet. That was something. Something big considering how badly all of this could go and might. For now, it was a chance, and he just needed that. Already in the process of getting dressed, he went scrambling around for his shoes with renewed vigor, finding a pair of quiet sneakers he used when sneaking out of the house. They didn't squeak on the tiles or wood.
Shoving those on, he thought of where they could go as he fought with the laces. Where to go? Where to go? Certainly not his place, and he wasn’t sure that Paris was at Hillworth. Best bet was he wasn't. Paris could be in any part of the city, but he was sure he wasn't near his house. Probably downtown if he had a guess considering how often Paris used to talk to him about clubs he went to and people he met. Most stores were closed and he didn't know of too many places that would stick. Then one came to mind.
Paris phone flashed with a response.
Text From Lady The place you and I first met.
He went down two blocks before, feeling safe, he changed into his uniform and teleported a block away from the courtyard they both met. The place where, a while ago, Ladon dragged Paris from two fighting boyfriends. Walking the block in the dark, he entered the open space lined with café tables and chairs, some litter floating past in the light wind, and took a seat at the exact spot he first spotted the girl he came to know as his friend.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 4:29 pm
Paris was tempted to be a smart-a** and type back "What, home ec class?" just to be difficult, but he held the compulsion back and sent a quick "Okay" instead. He knew which place Ladon was referring to. While they'd encountered one another before, neither of them had really given the other much notice, and so the courtyard in which Ladon had pulled him away from his dueling lovers was, more or less, the placed they'd first met, in that they actually gave one another the time of day and spoke at length.
He glanced over at the bar again to see if his evening partner intended to return to him soon, but he was still flirting with someone else. Frowning, Paris didn't even bother to tell him he was leaving. He slid out of the booth, pulled on his previously discarded coat, pocketed his phone again, and headed out the door into the cool night.
He walked slowly, not wanting it to seem as if he were in any rush. If Ladon happened to get there before him, that was fine. Let him sit there and wait, hanging on the edge of his seat, wondering if Paris would show or if he intended to stand him up. Half of his mind urged him to; he thought Ladon would deserve it after what he did to him, but Paris wasn't the sort to renege on a commitment. If he said he was going to do something, he did it.
He saw Ladon immediately upon approaching the area of café tables. Aside from Ladon's slight figure, the area seemed deserted. He didn't spy anyone else, which was probably a good thing -- less witnesses for a potentially disastrous situation. Paris shuffled along slowly, scuffing his feet along the ground as he went, not wanting to seem exited for the confrontation or concerned about what they may have to talk about. He did his best to appear nonchalant, though inside his stomach twisted uneasily.
Simply looking at Ladon was painful. He hadn't thought it would be. He liked to think he'd healed enough since then to be able to handle it, but perhaps that was all bravado.
"Well," he began once he finished his approach. He remained standing, not sure he wanted to sit. He liked being able to look down at Ladon instead of more or less viewing him eye-to-eye. It made him feel safer in a way, more in control. He almost wished he'd decided to wear some heels that evening instead of flats, if only to have an increased height advantage. "You can start apologizing now."
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 4:44 pm
And he waited, taking in the steady silence and the deep feeling of being alone. It might have been peaceful and calming if he wasn't trying to think of what he would say. He was more or less winging it at this point as he had only worked up the courage to get this far in his imagination. Part of his brain felt it wouldn't have gone this far at all. The same feelings that made him feel unworthy to be with anyone romantically went hand in hand with the same that didn't think he was worth the trouble to be friends with. The display from that night had given Paris enough reason to find an easier, better friend. That or continue on his happy existence of boyfriend after boyfriend until he ripened into a pampered, loveless retirement – or whatever a boy with no plans wound up doing.
He hadn't worked up much in the way of pre-planning for this talk by the time Paris showed up, and in the end, it was probably best not to sound rehearsed and just stay sincere. The blonde approached dressed up for a club, which Ladon wasn't too surprised at. It wasn't as cold as it had been and Paris was a night-life sort of person. He was fun. He went out and screwed other people, taking their virginities. – He tried not to think of that bitter note. He tried hard.
Swallow down that hard lump that continued to plague him, he looked up and only got a disinterested, demand for an apology. Ladon was insulted, but he had promised for something. The bait that lured him here and away from whatever temporary fun he was having. It must have sucked to come here and have to deal with someone was boring as he was.
"I'm sorry – for not telling you. I'm also sorry that things turned out the way they did. I was just …overwhelmed by a lot. I didn't mean for it to get that bad, but a lot of things came out at once I wasn't ready for…" And he held up his hand before Paris could start. "…and I know that you were taken by surprise by a lot you weren't ready for. I know. I know. Part of that was my fault." …but only part of it. "….but I wanted to say that I still want to be your friend. I know your upset, but I want to say that this isn't all my fault either. The only way this is going to work is if we….figure out something." He felt himself get riled up but only because of past frustration. "……I'm not going to take all the blame, but I DO want to talk this out and find a way we can make this work. I miss being friends with you. – but that's on you too. If you don't want to ever see me again, can we at least talk to get to some sort of conclusion, even if it's not one I want to see?" It was all he could offer. Talk everything out, lay their cards on the table, and see if Paris even still wanted to be his friend. If yes, they walked and worked things out. If no, they talked enough to feel that the book was closed and leave – as if the meeting they had here never took place.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 5:08 pm
As he stood there waiting for whatever it was Ladon had to say to him, Paris didn't know what to do with his hands. Should he just let them hang at his sides? But what if he ended up balling his fists in frustration and looking unintentionally intimidating? He could hide them behind himself, stand there with his arms behind his back, hands clasped together, unthreatening. But that would be too childish, wouldn't it? He might not seem as if he were taking this meeting seriously.
In the end, he lifted his arms to cross them over his chest, partly to show how angry he still was, and partly to defend himself. From what? He didn't know. It wasn't as if a simple pair of crossed arms was going to protect him from whatever it was Ladon had to say.
He narrowed his eyes a bit when it seemed as if Ladon was done with his initial statement, not sure how to feel about it. "You say all that as if it's somehow my fault," he began, unable to keep himself from sounding accusatory. "I don't think I did anything to deserve that. You're the one who decided not to tell me anything. You and Billy. I don't know what made you think keeping something like that a secret was a good idea. I thought I knew you, Ladon," he said, reverting back to the use of his name for the time being.
"I thought you liked girls, and then suddenly you're dating Billy of all people? And you didn't even bother to let me know anything about it, when you should have known I might have at least heard about him, whether or not I knew him at all. Don't you think I could have, I don't know, helped you or something? It's not every day you decide you like boys. Just because I was born in high heels and never really questioned it doesn't mean it's just as easy for everyone."
He didn't even know where he was going with this tangent. He was rambling about things they hadn't even come to yet. There would be time enough for that once they sorted out the major problem.
"I was only trying to help you. You started a relationship with him without even knowing the whole story, and then you hid it from me. You lied to me, you let me keep thinking things about you that weren't true. I was supposed to be your friend," Paris said, unable to keep the hurt out of his voice. "Why do you keep doing this to me? Pretending and hiding things and keeping me in the dark?"
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 5:28 pm
It was Ladon's turn to get to his feet, and unlike Paris, he didn't keep his hands over his chest. He was still hit by the fact that Paris made it sound he just up and decided to hide things from as if he intentionally knew everything and decided it was none of his business, not that that wasn't a bit true. What made him think he was this hateful, mean person that went around saying lies to him each and every time he opened his mouth? ONE lie. He had ONE lie the entire time he was with him, and that was to keep him from knowing about his eye. A BIG issue. One he didn't even know Paris wanted to know about seeing as they JUST met!
"I - I can't believe you! You make it sound like I just up and decided to be like this! It wasn't just a sudden decision and I didn't decide at that very moment that I was going to keep it from you. I didn't KNOW! For ******** – " He paused, turning around and holding his head. Geez this was going to send him to an early grave.
He turned back. "I didn't think it would last, okay?! I didn't know. I just thought – ya, know – to just accept the date. You can't tell me you didn't do things just because you wanted to see. He asked. I said yes. It wasn't even a sure thing at the time. How was I suppose to tell you I was going out with Billy when ONE - I didn't even know if I felt that way about him yet, and TWO – I didn't even think he would want to go with me after the first date. I mean honestly – I still didn't think it would go that far. Not that didn't want to – it just …" He didn't want to go into it. He just didn't want to tell and prove Paris right that he never dated.
This was all bringing up stuff he didn't even figure out yet, and now Paris was drilling him on it. He felt more attacked than anything. "I wasn't lying to you. I didn't decide to keep it from you when I was still trying to figure it out myself. How was I suppose to confess anything to you when I wasn't even sure what it was I was saying. I sorta – maybe – might- kinda like guys now? How the hell does that make sense. I still needed to see about this and - …" he looked down, moving his hands as if he was holding something he wasn't sure what it was. "….make sense of it. I wasn't ready yet."
He breathed out, not even sure why he just exploded, but damn it all, Paris just kept making him out that he went around hurting people on purpose. Like that was his single existence in life. Hurt Paris and piss him off.
Oh, and he wasn't about to let him get off easy. "And you! How can you say you were not mean. You just showed up and started yelling at everyone. You didn't even GIVE me a chance to explain. You walked in, shouted at me, said every decision I was making was stupid as if I can't think for myself, and before I even knew about you two, and then expected me to make sense of it all. At least I didn't enjoy any part of that argument." The way Paris had moved in, smiled, and told him how he screwed Billy like it was the greatest achievement he ever had.
Okay, so they didn't avoid any of these topics. They were bringing it ALL out now.
"I lied to you once and made a promise. I know, but how could I promise to tell the truth when I wasn't sure what to say? That I liked being with him or that I was just figuring things out and realized it wasn't going to work. I couldn't tell you the truth until I knew what I was even going to tell you…." He paused, his voice leveling. "……I started a relationship with him just like you and everyone else does. I come in not knowing the whole story and learn about the person as I go along. I don’t need to know each and every person he went out with. That's in the past. You don't ask your boyfriends everything about their history and I'm sure they don't ask about who you all went out with. Why did I need to get permission from you beforehand?" He was just dating. He was just testing the waters at the time, and if he had to go to Paris for each person he wanted to meet to make sure he hadn't slept with him, then that was just crazy.
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 6:08 pm
"I don't remember ever saying you needed my permission!" Paris shouted, eventually uncrossing his arms and balling his hands into fists anyway. "You think I give a s**t who you go out with?"
Okay, so that hadn't come out sounding the way he'd wanted it to. He ignored the cursing. He didn't do it normally, but this was an emotional situation, and so it was only to be expected. He hadn't meant it to sound as if he didn't care at all, though. Of course he cared. Regardless of whether Ladon liked boys or girls, he didn't want him going out with someone who just... wasn't good for him. Boys were assholes and girls were moody and fickle. He just wanted to make sure Ladon wasn't getting himself in over his head.
"Whatever," he said, trying to rethink and rework his statements. It was harder than he'd thought it would be when he was on the spot like this and already emotional enough as it was. "You don't need my permission, okay? But I'd still like to know. I don't see why you couldn't have told me, 'Hey, I'm going to try going on a date with this guy,' or 'Hey, I think I might like him.' Don't you think I might have been able to help you figure it out? Isn't that what friends are for?"
Unless Ladon didn't think he was worth that much. Maybe he thought he wouldn't understand, because he slept with so many guys and didn't develop any attachments to anyone. If that was the case, Paris only had himself to blame, though he would hope Ladon saw more in him than that.
"How did you expect me to feel when I found out about it? Why shouldn't I be angry? I come into your house and I see you and Billy nearly kissing, when I had no idea you even knew each other. How do you think it feels to be in my position? Billy used me and then he thinks he can go after you? What, because I'm not good enough for Mr. High-and-Mighty? I was a mistake?"
Nothing pissed him off so much as people making him out to be worthless. His mother had done it before and he still hadn't forgiven her for it, so what made Ladon think he'd be so keen to let it go when he received similar treatment from his friend and one-time lover?
"Do you even hear half the s**t that comes out of his mouth? Do you even realize how he thinks of people? What he probably thinks of me?" That smug a*****e probably thought he was better than both of them, whatever he said to Ladon on the contrary. "Unless you think the same things. You didn't seem all that opposed to letting me know how much of a slut you think I am. Why do I get made out to be the bad guy just because I happened to sleep with Billy before you met him? Why is that my fault? It takes two, and I can promise you he wanted it just as much as I did."
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Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 6:45 pm
"Okay. Okay. OKAY! JUST…..Just stop." He made a motion to cover his ears to keep the conversation from going there. He…he still didn't want to talk about him and Billy being together, but he had to. As much as he wanted to hold his stomach at the thought, he had to. He just…needed a moment. He needed Paris stop for just a moment for his brain to speed back up and take everything in segments. There were just going into a streaming rant at this point and he wasn't sure how quickly all the yelling and shouting would escalate into them storming off and saying things that couldn't be forgiven. It had gone bad enough before. He wanted to keep them on track.
He breathed, staring down as he thought, hands lightly cupped over his ears as he thought, then, slowly, he dropped them and looked back up. "You can't say you don't care about who I go with when you do. I know you do. I know you hate Billy, but you can't shout at me like I was the one who did that to you. This is something for you and Billy to talk about, but in the end, if you wanted to be with him, wouldn't you two be dating now and we wouldn't even have this conversation? You say Billy used you, but don't YOU use people too? You always tell me how you go out with people – and NO, I'm not saying you're a sl – easy – but you love having a good time. You said you didn't care about love, so why do you care if Billy went out with you once and why are you shouting at me because of the time you two were together?" It wasn't like he was there and could have done something about it. If Paris had a problem and wanted to know why Billy didn't want to be with him at the time, then Paris had to ask Billy. Ladon didn't know the answers. He also didn't like the subject. The fact that Paris more or less admitted he still wanted to be with his boyfriend, or at least liked to know he was still wanted. How was he supposed to take that without starting a fight?
Moving on. There was plenty more to address.
"I like Billy, Paris, but I don't want to choose between him or you. I like being with both of you. I want to keep seeing both of you. You don't like each other. Okay. You don't HAVE to see each other. I thought it would be nice, but finding out all this, I know it's not going to happen, but can't we still be friends? I'm not forcing you to see him or even like him, but I'm still going to go out with him." That point was clear. He would continue dating Billy, but he still wanted to go out and be with Paris. "….and this goes for Billy too. I'll tell him that. I'm not picking him or you if it comes to it. I don't want to have to sacrifice one of you for the other. I want and need both of you." He was pleading with Paris to just meet him at some middle ground. Some place they could settle on and pick up the pieces.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I was confused and overwhelmed about a lot of things. I'm not good with having a friend because I never had one before. It's still new to me and I'm not sure what is it and what is I'm not supposed to tell you right away. I thought I have to be sure about things first before I tell you. If you want to know everything, I can try my best to tell you, but you have to give me a little bit of slack here, Paris. When I don't know something and I'm figuring it out, when I'm used to figuring things out on my own because I had no one else to talk to, you have to get why I just don't suddenly think to text you about everything." He wasn't good with boyfriends. He wasn't good with friends. He had to learn a lot and get used to a lot. It wasn't like he had a list of things he should tell Paris right away. He didn’t think he should keep texting him about all the things that went on with his life, and he wasn't sure about a lot right now. If he had to apologize to keep trying and figuring out how to be a friend, he would. He'd do it a million times over until he reached the point he didn't have to a say any more sorries to Paris.
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