Pomona had been told that Senshi could visit their home planets. She had also heard that those Senshi that had gone home had been greeted by planets in various states of decay. What research she had done had revealed that Pomona was an asteroid, so she hadn’t been too keen to visit a decrepit, abandoned asteroid. Was there gravity? How would she breathe? So many question.
After the Christmas Eve debacle, Pomona wanted to do something new, something to take her mind off things. It seemed like a good time to go on an intergalactic vacation. Finished with her patrol – walking from her house to dorm could be considered a patrol – Pomona fished out a piece of paper and left her roommate a note.
“ E.T. phone home.”
Figuring that would have to do, she pulled out her red cell phone and punched some numbers into the little device. She closed her eyes when she saw sparkles, held her breath when felt a disconcerting sensation….
… and was hot. Really hot. The unexpected heat caused her to let out her breath in a whoosh. It felt like she had stepped into a hothouse or something. Granted, she certainly preferred heat to cold, but this was a bit ridiculous. She had been there for less then a minute and she was already sweating. Wasn’t space supposed to be cold?
She opened her eyes and blinked, squinting her eyes against the sun. When she could finally see, her jaw dropped in disbelief. She was standing on rock road that sported a generous ruts, holes, and weeds. It was skinny, so skinny that she could reach her arms out and touch the towering plantlife that lined it. In an experiment she did just that, wincing when something pricked her finger; stupid plants had thorns!
Quickly retracting her arms, she stood on her toes, trying to see over the weeds-on-space-steroids, but could only see the wooden tip of something about the sea of green. A roof, maybe? Pomona hurried down the path, carefully keeping her arms tucked at her sides.
As she got closer to whatever it was she had seen, the plants gradually grew shorter and less dense. The path led up the gentle slope of a small hill, and when Pomona got to the top, she laughed. She laughed and laughed, clutching her sides as she doubled over. Surely not! It was a joke!
Ahead was a collection of rolling hills, little worn paths meandering between them. The plants were – well, not tame, but certainly not as obnoxious and weedy here. It was pretty, in a leafy, overgrown sort of way. The first hill was nearly covered in crawling vines, obscuring everything except the partially collapsed roof of what looked suspiciously like a gazebo. But the other hills, those not covered in ivy, they were what had caused Pomona’s mirth.
Several of the hills had neat, round little windows peering out from there sides. Some of them had little arched doorways visible from where she stood, each door having what looked like a little round knob stuck in the middle. If the doors had been round, it would have been perfect. Putting aside the rotting fences, crumbling paving stones, and overgrown monstrosities that may or may not have once been hedges, Pomona would have sworn she had stepped onto the set for The Shire from The Lord of the Rings. Her mother would have kittens if she could see this place.
Eager to get closer to the little alien-Hobbit homes, Pomona broke into a run, tripped on a root, and tumbled down the path. Landing on her back, she stared dazedly at the sky, trying to figure out was wrong. Well, you know, other then realizing that Tolkien clearly had been a Pomonian. Pomonese? Whatever.
The weeds were weed-like enough, and the ground was ground-like enough, and the sky was a nice, normal blue, with the exceptions of those annoying reflections and- ah. Yes, well, that was odd. The sky was crisscrossed by a latticework of steel, holding up panes of glass. This structure in the sky was curved slightly, and it was then that things clicked into place. Planet Pomona was a hothouse. A giant freakin’ hothouse that grew Space Hobbits and monster weeds, and- peppers!
Ah ha, peppers! Pomona scrabbled to her hands and knees, crawling over to investigate the familiar looking red fruits growing on a nearby shrub. The peppers were surprisingly small, but smooth and bright, bright red. This pleased Pomona; as the Senshi of Peppers, her planet damn well better have peppers. Reaching out, she plucked one off and nibbled on the end. It was almost sweet, which was surprising. Eyeing the pepper with suspicion, she tossed it aside and was standing to continue on to the little Hobbit homes when she felt her hands begin to burn.
Uh-oh.
Pomona whimpered, then gasped and began to pant. The heat had been delayed, and damn, that was a one hot pepper! Vision obscured by tears, she grabbled with her cell phone, desperately punching in numbers. She remembered whining, then feeling that push-pull sensation…
And the next thing she remembered was desperately chugging away at a half gallon of milk. It had been full, so where the other half gallon of milk had gone she didn’t know, but Pomona found she didn’t particularly care either. Jalapeños, even freshly grown, had nothing on that Planet Pomona Pepper. Nothing.
In the Name of the Moon!
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