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 Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:30 am
No stealing this material! evil
I am creating a story and critic please:
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Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 11:36 am
The First Chapter: A First Degrading Speech.
If only the crate hadn’t fallen. If only he had watched where he was stepping. But the book he was engrossed in caught his attention more than the outside world, and now he flailed his arms helplessly as he tumbled to the ground with the crate and the other person that he managed to crash into. The person was hooded in a rather strange cloak, and Osiris had a quick glance at him or her, he couldn’t tell, before picking himself up and wiping off the dust. The crate still had the lid connected to it, thankfully, because whatever could have spilled out could have made a mess. And the Sweepers didn’t like messes, especially Banks. (But being a Sweeper himself, I find that simply ironic)
The cloaked person mumbled a “sorry”, and ,before I could even try to help them, quickly went to receive the crate, and went away in a hurry. I was still on the ground, puzzled over that person and why they were just simply…alien.
I mean, you don’t have a weird cloak like that in Dwelling. The people here wear simple, light garments and when it gets cold, we just add a layer. The only ones dressed different are the guards and perhaps the richer type. I, Osiris, wear a light red tunic, with my weightless pants and grey padded sandals.
The person I bumped into donned a cape and cloak, the color of the night sky. Their shoes were armored, but also padded. So this person I managed to crash into was of noble status? I felt bad because I did not help them pick up. After all, it was my fault, and one should always, always serve their upper class. I noticed there was a parchment on the floor, and yelled out,” Oi! You forgot something!” But I could no longer see any sign of that person over the crowds. I shoved the parchment into my book, which I closed in order not to become distracted once more and cause another interruption. Maybe I will see them again… and give them this paper back…
…But what’s this? Osiris turned the parchment over. He arrived home an hour ago, the dog greeting him with a wagging tail, his little sister gurgling excitingly, his mother was cooking something, but he’d finally made into the solitude of his room. He sat at his desk, on which were solid shapes and sparkling crystals and cool rocks, and the page he fingered. Osiris was confused, he had no idea of the inscription, the language it presented. He grew a little cautious over the cloaked person, What if they are a spy or a evil-worshipper? Or worse, a murderer?! He could find no answers in the writing, so he slapped it back inside his book, just before someone stumbled into his room.
Normally it would have been his mother, telling him it was time to eat, his little sister invading his privacy, the dog wanting to go outside, or even his father coming to say “Hello” from a long day’s work. But the “someone” who entered was neither of these cherished things. In fact, the “someone” didn’t even come through the door!
Broken glass, wooden frame, and Osiris lay on the floor from the impact. The window in front of the desk was shattered, the book with the note inside was askew on the floor. A slender, gloved hand gently picked the parchment up. Osiris moaned, he was bleeding from small cuts and hurting from the force that knocked him down. He could hear the dog barking and someone rushing towards the steps to his room.
“ Don’t steal my stuff you stupid fool,” The voice spoke, it was a low-feminine tone, but Osiris still wasn’t sure who it was, besides the hooded person from earlier. There was a knock on the door,” Osiris!? Are you okay? What was that noise?” He groaned. The door, he locked it, he remembered.
He was about to speak up, and yell for help, but the hooded person’s hand covered his mouth, had his throat. Osiris struggled, trying to free himself. Then he was staring into the face of the “someone”, they had forced him to. He almost died when he caught sight of the eyes. They were so blue, but the yellow flecks had a design in them-
The door handle violently shook, his mother definitely wanting to enter the room. The dog was barking hysterically, Yams was babbling away in her baby language on why what was happening.
“Blue eyes” put a finger to her lips, “quiet”, it read, and the flecks moved. Osiris’s own eyes widened. This has never happened before! What’s going on! !
Black-out went Osiris.
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Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 10:26 am
hmmm....ineresting although id say you add more of a setting or something cause i have no idea where/time this takes place
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Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 1:46 pm
M i s t a M i a c h i hmmm....ineresting although id say you add more of a setting or something cause i have no idea where/time this takes place It makes you want to read more^^
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Posted: Tue Jan 11, 2011 4:29 pm
Kitty_the_Shadow M i s t a M i a c h i hmmm....ineresting although id say you add more of a setting or something cause i have no idea where/time this takes place It makes you want to read more^^ eh not really, although i would like to read more for another reason though
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Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 3:07 pm
M i s t a M i a c h i Kitty_the_Shadow M i s t a M i a c h i hmmm....ineresting although id say you add more of a setting or something cause i have no idea where/time this takes place It makes you want to read more^^ eh not really, although i would like to read more for another reason though And what reason is that?^^ ?
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Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 6:20 pm
Kitty_the_Shadow M i s t a M i a c h i Kitty_the_Shadow M i s t a M i a c h i hmmm....ineresting although id say you add more of a setting or something cause i have no idea where/time this takes place It makes you want to read more^^ eh not really, although i would like to read more for another reason though And what reason is that?^^ ? nanannanana
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Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:53 pm
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Posted: Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:44 pm
aah i have no idea what you just said !
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