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 Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 9:07 am
...or if they're a child? i mean, if they do something really terrible, are they accountable for it?
don't read this if you don't want to, but this is just to explain my specific situation...
throughout my childhood, i was molested by my older brother. i completely avoided him for 5 years after it stopped--never said a word to him, never looked at him, nothing. i'd told my mom about it when i was 11, and she told me to "get over it," so the summer before last, i tried to. (i was then 15.) i thought we could be friends again like we were when we were little. he just molested me again, but he was drunk.
i don't know if i can or should do anything about this. i told my parents this past week and they said they might kick him out, but... i don't know what to do. i don't know what i'm supposed to do. maybe i can't even do anything at all.
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 9:12 am
I don't think the fact that he was drunk makes it better. I'd say it was more of a reason to stay away from him. Your brother is supposed to protect you from people that would do that.
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 9:23 am
Ϧʊɍɳ Ϧʊɍɳ ʈɧɛ Ϩʈαʈɨʘɳ
ϖɛ’ɭɭ Ϧʊɍɳ ɨʈ ɖʘϖɳ
If your parents aren't willing to do anything, then they showing their blatant inability to care and parent.
You CAN do something about it. Social Services, Police... They are there to help you. They can see he is punished for it.
But, I digress from the first question. If he even knows how to do such a thing at a young age, then it isn't ENITRELY his fault, because he must have been exposed to it in some form or another. But yes, he can be held accountable for it, because it was a crime. Please, don't let it happen again. Take a stand and phone social services or the police. That is what they are there for. If your parents won't do jack s**t, then it's all down to you.
ʄʘɍ ʊϨ, ʄʘɍ ʈɧɛɱ, ʄʘɍ Ɏʘʊ
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 10:31 am
Being drunk is not an excuse for anything in my opinion. If someone commits crimes while drunk, then they have a responsibility to not get drunk. And even if getting drunk was an excuse, he probably wasn't drunk every time he did it when you were younger. What you should do next (in my opinion) depends on the age difference and whether you said no. I mean, if we're talking about a 13 year old boy touching a 2 year old girl, for example, that's a serious issue. Or if you said no when you were 15 and he held you down and kept at it anyway, that would also be a serious issue. In that case you should go to the police or Social Services if your parents won't do anything. But if you were 5 and 6 years old when he touched you, on the other hand, that could be just normal experimentation. A lot of kids touch other kids at that age. Or if you didn't make it clear that you didn't want to be touched when you were 15 and he thought you two were just fooling around, you can't really blame him for that either. Karall Esuritio If he even knows how to do such a thing at a young age, then it isn't ENITRELY his fault, because he must have been exposed to it in some form or another. Most people don't need to be taught that touching certain parts of their body feels good. Some babies even masturbate in the womb! And most people don't need to be taught that touching or being touched by another person in certain spots feels even better. So just because he touched another child doesn't necessarily mean he was taught to or exposed to anything improper as a kid.
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 11:00 am
As well it isn't long after you find out that it feels good that it is wrong to force it upon someone else. Child, drunk or otherwise it isn't something that should happen. In this case (though it's only now that your parents give a damn) you should let your family take care of it.
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 11:04 am
There is no excuse for doing that. Even if they're drunk. They should be punished for it, even if you're drunk OR a child! Something like that is terrible. I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you, and the fact that your mother told you to "get over it" is just sad to me.
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:04 pm
Your situation is an upsetting one, and I don't think I can offer a simple solution, nor did you ask for it. I can--aside from saying that I am sorry--answer your question only with my own personal opinion, and with the reminder that everything is different on a case-by-case basis.
I believe that young children can be at least partially absolved from their actions, assuming they do not possess a well-developed sense of morality (and most often, they do not).
I do believe, however, that as long as a person willingly chooses to drink, he must be held accountable for the things he does while under the influence.
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:21 pm
of course you can hold them accountable for it! o.O you should hold them responsible!
I wouldn't use the word "blame", myself... that denotes something entirely different. but just because someone is Drunk doesn't mean that they can just get away with their actions.
Alchahol doesn't give someone stupid ideas; it takes away their ability to tell themselves that their stupid ideas are stupid.
besides which, they are the ones hat decided to get Drink. they are responsible for that decision, as well as anything they did under the influence.
for example, I have nobody to hold accountable but myself for all the cuts and bruises and scrapes on my body, or anything I broke at Nick's House 3 weeks ago. I'm the one who had 8 cups of Beer, 5 shots of Whiskey, a Valium, a bottle of Woodchuck Green, and smoked Hookah solo for an hour and a half. I can't blame Brian for the Valium, or Nick for the Alchahol and Hookah. that's my own decision to take it.
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:23 pm
Spiced Nuts Your situation is an upsetting one, and I don't think I can offer a simple solution, nor did you ask for it. I can--aside from saying that I am sorry--answer your question only with my own personal opinion, and with the reminder that everything is different on a case-by-case basis. I believe that young children can be at least partially absolved from their actions, assuming they do not possess a well-developed sense of morality (and most often, they do not). I do believe, however, that as long as a person willingly chooses to drink, he must be held accountable for the things he does while under the influence. whether someone knows better or not, doesn't mean they shouldn't be held accountable. confused you don't nessesarilly have to be angry at them (they didn't know better), but not teaching them the consequences for their actions essentially teaches them that they can keep getting away with it.
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:52 pm
You are the apple...
i'm with Chieftain on this. Depending on how old your brother was when you were younger should denote the punishment. If he was young too and just didnt know better, he shouldve been taught that it was wrong. The fact that your mother said to "get over it" was totally wrong and shows a lack of concern and parenting skills. As for him being drunk and doing it again, he is still responsible for his actions and that should be even more of an incentive to stay away from him.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, but you really should go to the authorities about this, especially if it happens again.
and I am your core.
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Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:57 pm
the police won't be any help in this... the law only matters if you can enforce it, and I highly doubt her folks are gonna let their son go to jail. they won't testify against him. she'd be alone in court on this, unless she can hire a lawyer who will take the case, and even then she doesn't have a whole lot of evidence.
the best bet is for her to avoid him, and keep telling her parents if it happens again. get more and more worked up each time, and if they are real parents they will kick him out, possibly even cut him off. he'll have to learn the hard way that his actions aren't acceptable, drunk or not.
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Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 11:51 am
I hate the authorities also chieftain but in any case of illegal stuff like that it is best to go to them cause then you start getting a case built and if he does it again they can rape kit her and then the brother is screwed.
Cheri i am sorry to hear about this my gf had the same issue and her mom told her she was a lier except it wasnt her brother it was her grandfather and no matter wat if the kid is old enough to know that it is wrong they should be punished in some form or manner
and yes kids do experiment and that is why i said old enough to know better and even if she didnt say know and just layed back and let it happen it is still wrong cause for one its family. two if he is old enough to drink legally and she is 15 then that is a huge age difference he would have known better. three if he isnt old enough to drink then that is also illegal. four she could have been afraid to say no cause of wat he could do to her. and the list goes on for quite some time so i will stop here with just saying yes it is wrong and cheri you should go to authorities of some sort
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Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 12:24 pm
If the person is a child, I think it depends on both age and how they were raised. For instance, we have to be open with my step-sister who has recently come to live with us. Because of the way her mother raised her, sometimes she does things that astonish us...but we have to let it go and explain why that action is unnacceptable in our house.
If a person is drunk, I believe they are perfectly accountable for their own actions...simply because it is very probable that no one tied them down and forced them to get drunk. Everyone knows that alcohol messes up your mind: if you want a clear head, don't drink so much.
In your case, I don't think either changes the standing about what is going on. I'm sorry that you had to go through this. It shouldn't happen to anyone. I'm also sorry to say that I don't think your parents are taking it seriously enough.....and maybe it would be a good idea to get someone higher on the foor chain involved. If it didn't quit after five years of absence, I don't think it ever will.
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Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 7:18 pm
majorspiker101 I hate the authorities also chieftain but in any case of illegal stuff like that it is best to go to them cause then you start getting a case built and if he does it again they can rape kit her and then the brother is screwed. Cheri i am sorry to hear about this my gf had the same issue and her mom told her she was a lier except it wasnt her brother it was her grandfather and no matter wat if the kid is old enough to know that it is wrong they should be punished in some form or manner and yes kids do experiment and that is why i said old enough to know better and even if she didnt say know and just layed back and let it happen it is still wrong cause for one its family. two if he is old enough to drink legally and she is 15 then that is a huge age difference he would have known better. three if he isnt old enough to drink then that is also illegal. four she could have been afraid to say no cause of wat he could do to her. and the list goes on for quite some time so i will stop here with just saying yes it is wrong and cheri you should go to authorities of some sort your talking to someone who got away with it. =_= I think I know better the system than you. I've dealt with it for 6 years. my Best Friend was murdered by gangsters, and the cops are focusing on cracking down on gangs in this town. but still aren't even looking for Mal's Body. there kept the whole case covered up, told me they were working on it, and ignored it. you can't prove a rape with any less evidence than a video tape recording. the only way they'd realy be able to nail this on him is if he admitted to it, or if there were unanimous testimony against him and no defense. the cops don't give a s**t.
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Posted: Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:02 pm
majorspiker101 and if he does it again they can rape kit her and then the brother is screwed. Well, it's not quite that simple. She said he molested her. That's not the same as rape. Molestation usually refers to inappropriate touching. That means there would be little to no evidence, and a rape kit probably wouldn't pick up anything. Rape kits are meant more for when a woman is raped by a man and there is semen left behind as evidence. And even when there is semen, it's still not proof that the sexual encounter wasn't consensual. It's extremely difficult to prove rape and even more difficult to prove molestation. And that's especially true if the brother is/was underage or if she didn't say no. So while I agree that the police should be alerted so that complaints are at least recorded, it doesn't necessarily mean the brother will get into any legal trouble.
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![!~[x] Cheri [x]~!'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/83/4e/4e4391fe294e83_flip.png?t=1639794084_6.00_01&pl=288)
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