|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2010 8:16 pm
Name: Allaxon
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Straight
Craft/Rank: Farmercraft/ Journeyman
History: Allaxon was born to a farming family and quickly showed great aptitude for the craft. His family pushed him a little with a lot of support and he walked the tables to journeyman at the age of 16. His masters and family were relieved when he walked the tables, for more than one reason. Not only was Allaxon good with plants, growing, germinating, and transplanting, he was also good with girls, flirting, kissing, whispering, hugging, and this worried his masters and his family. He was constantly getting chased by fathers with large sticks and his masters were tired of the complaints. Allaxon was lucky he was good with plants. And he was also lucky he was a fast runner. His mother shook her head, his father rolled his eyes and his masters sent him off into the wilderness to collect samples and stay far away from the girls. He loved the work and the hot sun but missed the girls. It's a real adventure to him and he loves that farmcraft offered him the opportunity. At home he liked to shirk chores occasionally to go tease the local girls.
But in the wilderness he matured a little as there were no distractions and buckled down to his plant work. You had to keep on your toes in the wild and after a few close calls with wild wherries, (which were not pleasant even when they were domesticated), and even closer ones with the wild and toothy felines, (which no one had tried to domesticate), he had decided to sleep in the trees for the month and two sevendays he was there. Exhausted he went home for a while to recuperate and visit his family. It was while visiting his home hold Aquor that he got searched by a visiting Trine dragon and her rider.
Description: Allaxon is of average height, a little stocky, but has a leanly muscled build with darkly tanned skin, tousled brown hair with lighter highlights that catch the sun. He has large working man's hands and a bright smile. He has blue eyes and a slightly larger than normal nose.
Personality: Allaxon is crafty, witty and can be extremely jealous. He likes the occasional fight, and loves adventure, gathers and exploring. He also enjoys discovering new plants and charming women. He loves nature, animals and plants. Allaxon prides himself on his chivalry towards women but men are not so lucky. He takes great pride in his few small discoveries at the Southern Continent. He gets sad when any life is lost but is really sad when a plant under his care dies. He is tenacious and will pursue a job he is interested in with vigor until he is either pulling his hair out or the job is done.
Allaxon has dreams of his own a small farm by the ocean one day, specializing in exotic and harder to grow plants, although dragons have been distracting him lately and he wonders if the two worlds could ever merge. If not he would be happy with either. Allaxon is an awful cook and through many attempts he still makes people choke almost every time and politely excuse themselves from anything food related that he may have been involved in. He hates klah with passion and wont touch the stuff if he can politely avoid it. And when he has too drink it the wincing and facial expressions alert people to his dislike.
Other: He decorates his room with plants, flowers and small trees, it makes him feel more at home. He also has a small fish in a blown glass bowl in his room.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 12:05 pm
There's a few things that need some attention before this profile can be approved.
Firstly, his history seems off. Where is he from, specifically, that he was sent to the Southern Continent to search for plants? Remember that news and the like has only happened recently. And, he would be a member of whatever Weyr's territory he'd come from, thus not elligible for Search from Trine. Secondly, riders were sent to the Southern Continent from Benden Weyr in the metaplot, no other dragons were mentioned... and the riders were sent because they could make the trip easily and not take a very long time to get anywhere.
The last bit for his history is highly unlikely. An overflying green wouldn't have landed just for a chat with a random person - there is a specific rank for Searching and they generally search Holds and the communities in the Weyr's territories, rather then out in the bush.
If you could take this information into account and change his history to suit, that would be awesome.
His personality is too short. Two solid paragraphs would be nice - just a take your time and explain the character~ What makes him tick? What brings joy, or causes sorrow for him? What are his quirks? Dreams? Insecurities and strengths? Answer those sorts of questions when building a character personality!
Hopefully that helps! If you can make these changes I'll be glad to look over the profile once more!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 4:07 pm
The personality looks good now, his history still needs a bit of work, however.
You say his home hold is Aquor but that's in Trine's territory so it's a little confusing to read that he was sent south when he is from the south. The south is also very dangerous, even now when things have been 'settled'... so him spending a large amount of time in the wilderness is unlikely, especially if he's alone. Could you describe how long he's been out? And why it's matured him?
Additionally, Farmcraft is one of those crafts that doesn't have a Hall - it's a hold craft, aka the individual learns it as he grows up and doesn't need to go to school for it. So he could skip chores and whatnot to go pester the girls or something similar if you'd prefer.
And just one note - remember to proof read your applications. Lots of spelling and grammar issues makes it difficult to read them and get the meaning you're intending to put forth. So make sure to take a critical look over okay?
Thanks! You're almost there!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
