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Somewhat recently, I came to the realization that I’m getting old. It’s not death I fear, but rather the fact that I’m about to leave college and jump into the very boring real world. But before I depart, I need to pull off my ultimate idea!

I’ll need to test it first…

… so you all will be my guinea pigs.

Let me explain what the ******** this is: it’s an interactive story. Somewhat. The idea came from a hilarious webcomic called Problem Sleuth. The author would let the players/readers comment after each comic he drew on what to do next. Essentially, a classic text-based adventure game, but drawn out and now the player had complete control over what happened.

Of course, knowing the nature of those who reside on the internet, it ended up being completely ridiculous. And full of plot holes and randomness. But he found clever ways to tie nonsense into other nonsense, and actually weave an entertaining tale out of it all.

I wanted to do something like this, but I was quickly confronted with an issue: I can’t draw.

So, I’m going to write instead. Of course, to create something remotely resembling a story, the author has to retain some control; at the end of each post I’ll ask two (or perhaps three) questions. These could range from “What lies on the other side of the door?”, or “What was this character like?” or “DAMMIT STOP TYPING SO MUCH NICK GARY, START THE STORY, GOSH.”

But it probably won’t be that last one.

Let the experiment begin!

--- CHAPTER ONE ---
Untitled

The boy is getting very impatient.

He’s been sitting in this blank white room for hours now, and hasn’t a clue as to what the heck is going on! It’s been silent, empty and, most importantly, boring. He’s twiddled his thumbs, he’s thoroughly examined his shoes, and he would have made an attempt to braid his hair if he knew how.

The only thing somewhat holding his interest is a door against the wall on the far side of the room. It’s your standard door, to be honest; normal height, width, slick wood paneling, iron knob.

While the boy is humming Katy Perry’s latest and greatest to himself, a knocking comes from the door. The descriptors of said knock would be quick, brisk, and to the point.

The boy leaps to his feet (after putting his shoes back on, of course) and stares down the door. There is obviously someone, or thing, on the other side. But he ponders if he should have a name first. If he were to respond to this knocking without one, it would be rather awkward to say “Why hello, this is [NAME HERE].”

What is this boy’s name? And what should he do?

The boy's name is Alexander, never Alex.
He opens the door and mock-bows.
((Random... But I couldn't think of anything else...))

On the other side of the door is a cliff.
This is no rocky and dry cliff out in the desert--it's a naturally upheaved cliff surrounded by forest. The IRS guy is standing on a dilapidated sidewalk that goes off down the slope. Thick yellow-green grass surrounds, and the sky is spectacularly green-blue. Everything is awash with yellow-ish light.

Alexander is wearing wizard robes.


(Too much Dark Dawn? Too much Dark Dawn.)

At the bottom of the cliff is a very pretty witch in white and pink frills. A sun medallion hangs from her overly large hat. She wears too many belts and out-of-place zippers. She looks sweet and kind as sugar, and holds a large bound book in one hand, and a tall broom in the other.

Alexander better keep that wand. Maybe it could be useful later. He should slip it into a gay pocket.

Sorry for the delay; my computer harddrive completely died yesterday, and I lost everything... including the chapter for this I'd already written crying



Serenity Reed --> A very pretty witch in white and pink frills. A sun medallion hangs from her overly large hat. She wears too many belts and out-of-place zippers. She looks sweet and kind as sugar, and holds a large bound book in one hand.

Alexander puts a hand up to shield his eyes from the blaring sun and get a better view of the girl. She really is an oddity out here in the woods, nothing about her seeming appropriate for an outdoors venture. But her neat clothes and eccentric smile could surely turn any frown upside down.

And... oh. No wonder he can see her bright smile so clearly; she's staring right at him. And waving furiously.

Not wasting any time, Alexander leaps to his feet and starts running down the sidewalk towards her. He quickly changes this to a brisk walk when he realizes running in full wizard robes (gay ones, mind you) doesn't go over so well.

The girl is clutching her huge spell book and grinning from ear to ear as Alexander approaches. He clears his throat and issues what seems to be his standard greeting "... um, hi."

Alexander jumps back as the girl explodes with excitement, dropping her book in the process "Alexander! Oh yay, I'm so happy you're finally awake! I've waited for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever, but you're finally here!"

Our gay wizard hero raises an eyebrow at all of this. "Well that's... great. And who are you? And why are you waiting for me?"

"EEP!" She squeaks, "I'm sorry! My name is Lilt." She finishes picking up her large book and extends a hand. "And I've been waiting for you under orders of the Agent, of course! Hopefully you know that!"

Alexander completes the handshake exchange, the same confused expression still covering his face. "Nice to meet you, Lilt... who is this Agent? And I'm also confused on this wizard business." He reaches into the robe pocket to withdraw the shitty wand. "I've been swinging this wand around like every wizard I know, yet I'm not getting great results."

Lilt breaks out in a laughing fit so intense that she drops her book all over again. After a moment of this, she walks up to Alexander and takes the stick from him, holding it horizontal out in front of her. "Well, your first issue here is that your wand,

Ninja Baby Blues ---> He uses the wand as a walking stick.

is actually a walking stick."

Her fingers press in on three notches in the worn wood, fitting neatly into each grove. Slowly, the left end of the stick starts to grow. It was like watching the time-lapse of a tree growing over time, a branch reaching out further and further. Lilt releases the three notches as the stick reaches a good four-feet long, giggling and handing it back over.

Alexander takes it and looks over the the walking stick; it looked completely natural, as if she had just ripped it off a tree and carved it up a bit for perfect walking stick parameters. He grips the top portion and plants it on the ground.

"Wow... um, thanks! That mystery was giving me a headache. And who is this Agent guy, again? The IRS agent that just visited me?"

It was Lilt's turn to be confused now. "... what? IRS?"

"Yeah, the International Rhinosc- ... Internal Revenue Service." He needs to stop making this silly error.

"Alexander, there has been nobody at your door in a very long time." She opens her large book and flips to a certain page, landing her finger on what she's looking for. "Yup! Nobody at all."

He scratches his head. There had definitely been someone at his doorstep a few minutes ago... how had she not seen him?

"Whatever then... who IS your Agent?"

Lilt's eyes wander for a moment, trying to think of the best response, bouncing on her toes restlessly. "Well, he's the guy that's been planning how you'll save the world... that's the best way to describe him. For the rest, you should probably just meet face to face."

"Wait, save the world?" Alexander shrugs. "... I should probably just talk to this guy. Whatever. Shall we get going?"

The sound of lightning cracking off in the distance interrupts the conversation. They both turn their attention towards the deeper end of the forest, noticing a storm cloud approaching and covering the sky. And the quick speed it was moving at was anything but normal.

"In a bit." Lilt sighs, glaring at the approaching storm. "But first, we may have to deal with our visitors."

Alexander grips his thin walking stick tighter, nervously scooting closer to Lilt "Um-um, visitors?"

The storm will soon arrive and bring people and/or creatures filled with darkness. What are they? And what type of spells should Lilt use for the upcoming encounter?