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 Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 7:18 pm
He'd wrapped the gifts carefully, though he had already started to doubt if they would be any good. Tie-dyed shirt... a book on simple guitar songs to further practice...because damned if he wasn't getting that band underway....and a large collection of glow sticks from the dollar store. (of course)
But Dem had been smoking last time he'd seen him...Zac crinkled his nose and stared at the package. He hated the smell...HATED it...but should he have gotten a lighter instead? He tsk'ed to himself and kicked the door of their appointed meeting place rather than knocking. More out of frustration at himself than anyone else or even the cigarettes.
He hated this holiday...too much doubt, too many forced smiles. "Alright! I'm here...and I brought you something... put OUT your cigarette before you open this door!" He demanded through it choosing that lighters were not and would never be an acceptable gift.
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 7:32 pm
"You act as though I do nothing BUT smoke, which by the way I -don't-."
The door opened, revealing the smiling blonde behind it. No cigarette! Not even a trace of the smell! But..he did look like he got into a fight with Christmas lights. And lost.
"Where's your bow Zee? No worries, I got one!"
As promised he had a bow in his hand, which soon found it's way onto Zee's head. There! Much better!
"Soooo, come on in!"
Which he assisted with by ushering the other boy in. Once Zee (reluctantly?) made his way in he shut the door behind him.
"Merry Christmas Zee-man, it's a shame we don't get together more often...but I'm glad you came to meet me for this! I have stuff for you too!"
And just like that he was bounding away, rustling around the room to dig up the things he had gathered for his partner.
Just like old times.
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Posted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 7:43 pm
Zack pulled the bow off with irritation and stuck it to the side of the paper on Demy's bundle of gifts, it had come out irritatingly lopsided and had squishy parts because he hadn't found a box big enough to fit it all neatly...he hated it... and had so covered it in ribbons and tape to keep it from tearing or falling apart that it might take a small saw to get to the contents.
"Please...tell me why you wrapped your head in christmas lights..." he said with a cautious air that said he wasn't at all sure he wanted to know... probably the answer was 'holiday spirit' he thought...but you just never knew.
"And you know I have school AND homework to take care of, not to mention training my team, who i'm determined to see go Captain at -least-...I'm sure we share that ambition though..." He said carefully knowing that Demy was rooming with one of his own lieutenants. "AND... " he added pointedly. "You were smoking last time, that was more than enough to make me warn you against it again...I hate how they smell."
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 2:36 am
"It seemed like it'd be an awesome idea!"
Demy had found one brightly wrapped box, which he set aside as he continued to rummage through the room. The rummaging continued until he had found two smaller (but just as bright!) boxes which he added to the bigger one and turned around.
Which was also around the time that Zac started listing off the things he'd been busy with.
"If...you have things you need to go do..."
It wasn't like he -wanted- Zac to leave. The tone of his voice was filled with sadness and not even the silly lights wrapped around his head could hide the defeated look. He wanted to see Zee, desperately even, but if the other boy had other things to be doing then Demy would let him go. He had his own homework to attend to (both from Zee himself and the things Heather had him do), his own team to train, his own...life really. Demy was just sure that even in the chaos of everything you were supposed to make time for the one you loved.
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 3:33 am
"YES, Dem, I have so many other things to do right at this VERY moment that I put aside time so that I could take time just to try and pretend things are just like they -were-." He said with a level of sarcasm so heavy it came with its own flashing neon sign.
"When DID you start smoking?" he asked to change the topic and dodge the 'wibbly guilt' face to something new.
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 12:24 pm
It might have been filled with sarcasm, but it still hurt. There were times he really really wished Zee could have been as open and caring as he himself was. Times all he really wanted was for his boyfriend to actually openly admit he cared. Just so he wouldn't have to sit and guess if the shorter boy really meant the things he said with as much venom as he filled them with, or it was just a defense for something else.
But then he remembered that Zee was Zee, and he loved Zee for who he was, even if it was harder to get the other to show how much he really cared.
"Years ago, before I ever met you, was when I had my first. Begged it off an older friend who thought he looked cool if he smoked. We were young and stupid."
The blonde shrugged it off.
"It is not something I do often and I'm sorry if it...offends you? I only occasionally do it out on a patrol, when I'm alone.."
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 3:20 pm
He had no time for guilt... intended or not his patience with the world was thin.
His eyes narrowed with the not so subtle but classic impatience of inaccuracies. "So meeting at the hotel room was alone and patrolling hmmmmm?"
They had known each other for the better part of a year, if Demy couldn't read even the start of Zink's intonations by now... something might be seriously wrong. Or maybe he didn't know Zac or Zink any better than it seemed Zink knew him...
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 3:38 pm
Ah, but there was an inaccuracy in Zac's own words!
"I wasn't smoking. I hadn't smoked at all that day. I had a cigarette, yes, but it was tucked in my ear and -not- being smoked. You tore it up before it could be smoked, and I wasn't intending on smoking around you either! It was for later, when I would be alone and on patrol."
Demy sighed, fidgeting just a bit under Zac's hard stare. Damnit it was the holiday season...
"So can we please change to a different subject? You wanna open your gifts? I got you some neat stuuuffff!"
He shook the boxes, trying to entice Zee into a better mood.
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 6:43 pm
"Oh so you just liked to SHOW case it... to be extra "cool" because lung cancer and dying is...awesome." Zink said drolly... the acid in his words as clear as day.these...changes in him, regardless of how deep they ran would effect his long time companion.
No amount of subtle passive aggression could change that.
There was a bile in the back of his mouth... little aggressions followed quickly my tiny guilt trips. This was no way to treat a friend, let alone a boyfriend holidays or not.
"Fine... but then I have to go..." He said, You know I have a month's dead line..." He said and tossed the box to Demy.
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Posted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:21 pm
"I know I know..."
Demy caught the box, and for a moment looked really hurt. He knew Zee had a deadline, he knew Zee had work to do, places to be, a team to train, and a sailor to corrupt. But still...it was Christmas! He just wanted to have some time with his boyfriend, and to actually feel like the other wanted to spend time with him too.
But soon enough it was gone, packed away with little lies that really, Zee did want to spend time with him! But work was coming between them, and once Lyra was corrupted to their side they'd have all the time in the world together.
Really, they would!
"Here!"
The blonde handed Zee his own boxes before setting about gently shaking his to guess what was inside.
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Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 7:46 am
If Dem assumed that Zac didn't want to spend any time with him, maybe he didn't know Zac at all, he knew so little about him and it seemed that Zac didn't know him either. What was there to believe in then? Zac hadn't addressed it till now... it wasn't an angry moment like before. It was a cold realization that he didn't have in him, the time to be a good General... and give Demy all the time he demanded. That he didn't know him at all... how much more had been nothing more than tiny lies and cover ups...the family... the happy home, now smoking had come out, had he drunk before that time together? Had he been drunk since? Maybe he just expected Zac to pretend nothing had changed but that was unrealistic.
Maybe... they needed time apart, what a thing to realize on today of all hated days.
He stared down at the boxes of bright paper with their far too perky ribbons and felt still inside... he almost wished he could have felt empty. Wasn't that what people always said they felt when they realized they didn't know the person they cared about?... or when they were suddenly uncertain of parts of their world?
"Thank's man..." He said quietly.
"Go ahead and open yours if you want..."
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Posted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 8:39 pm
Who could blame the assumption, when so far the encounter had been nothing but talk about cigarette hate and mention of how he had other places to be? These were not things someone did or said when they wanted to spend time with one another. Really, if Zee wanted to spend time...why make the constant digs about needing to leave, having a team to train, this that and the other. Was his team really more important than his boyfriend? It wasn't like Demy was demanding attention every waking moment, he really couldn't any more since they didn't live together. But wanting a bit of time near Christmas wasn't a big thing to ask in his book. At least they had a tiny bit of time, before the shorter boy left and the blonde wandered his way back to whoever would pay attention to him that moment. It was rather reminiscent of another time in his life...
Demy liked to pretend nothing had ever changed. He loved to live in his fantasy world where he still had a loving family and Zac was madly in love with him. It was a defense mechanism from when he was a kid, the world had grown in his imagination like with most kids. But unlike them he...never really grew out of it, and any attempts to yank him out of his dream to face the harsh reality of the world never really ended well.
So even as things seemingly crumbled between them, their loving relationship and former closeness withering into whatever it was now, Demy smiled on as though nothing was wrong, because in the safety of his mind everything was perfect.
"Of course I want to open mine, let's open em together yeah?"
Which led to Demy picking at the paper a bit, waiting to see if Zee would join him before going further in the unwrapping process. Zee's own boxes contained an assortment of little things to be expected from his boyfriend. Glowsticks (everyone needed them), a cute little panda, stuff like that. The bigger of the presents contained a book on starting up a band (he had hoped to study it together, so their and could be a real success!), and a new hoodie to assist Zee's poor older one.
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Posted: Sun Dec 26, 2010 5:54 am
Was this all it came down to? Demands for attention when they both had responsibilities. Demy crowing about how much he would do with his team... LEAVING... throwing away everything they had and then acting like nothing had changed when he had become increasingly violent and erratic.
Nothing more than Dem trying to lie to himself, to everyone around him about the condition of the world, the condition of their relationship. ANYTHING but to take responsibility for his life, their relationship...
Demy had changed... once upon a time Zac had been more than willing to keep scrificing time, bending himself contrary to his nature to 'cuddle' and kiss... he'd even gone -so- damned far in an attempt to find -that- place again where he had for a brief moment before Tartaros, been comfortable. None of it was good enough...perhaps it never would be.
Things like "lets do dual teams...changing at Dem's whim to I'm going to run my own team... going to the top rather than what they had spoken of when he had pulled zink INTO this. Blaming zac for 'taking credit' rather than being proud that he had pulled another valuable asset in for the greater good of their cause... no pride for Zac...just strutting, preening, wanting to hear how awesome he was. Sometimes 'Love' wasn't enough. Both sides had to sacrifice or sacrifice would cut through the ties that bound them...
Zac plucked half heartedly at the paper...
It was over...
He knew that deep in his chest. It was just over. The word was more crushing than the emotion... His life depended on his duties... it didn't need said... they would never be utterly appart...they were far too tied but they needed that distance perhaps.
Glow sticks and CD's lined Demy's... a track of songs from guitar hero, an audio tape with recordings of them played by violin, more personal perhaps than store bought. But it really didn't matter. All that and the bright t-shirts...one with the 'awesome' face ironed onto the tie die...somehow it was far too appropriate for him.
"Thanks Dem..." He said quietly but he did mean it.
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