Welcome to Gaia! ::

This is the first chapter, and if enough of you want, I'll post the second one ^^; Feel free to post *contructive* critisism. NOTE: Each chapter runs about two pages on size 12 Times New Roman font on a Word Processor.

Quintet of Destruction
Chapter One

The Mother Gaia had been shaken greatly with the chaotic
events that had befallen its children, and caused her pain as
well. The Final War, known to the children of Mother Gaia as
World War III, had resulted in a nuclear holocaust, and destroyed
near all of her beloved children. The world had found refuge in
monarchy, brainwashed by the ideas of one Daisuke Shinra.
Fortunately, the brute's plans to conquer his Mother Gaia had
been thwarted when the other countries had taken his ideas.
Gaia had had enough of her children's bickering and
misbehavior. Using all her might, she had summoned up a
terrestrial storm, known as the mighty Gaia Quake. Her anger
had skewed the continents about, forming completely new
continents; these continents were called Ravban, Lyresna,
Jaigan, and Kogaia. Not only had her anger shaken apart her
continents, but it had shaken and shattered the barrier she and
her sister, Terra, had created. Terra was a brutal and mystical
figure. Her children were allowed the powers of magic, which
Gaia had thought ridiculous and forbidden her own children from
it. Terra, against Gaia's wishes, released a fountain of magic
and fed it to Gaia's children. The children who accepted this
drink inherited the same magical attributes as Terra's own
children.
But with this break-down in separations came a terror known
only by the name of Usaky. The demon was born into a human
family from Gaia by an act of Terra, but Terra had done this
without consent from her dear sister. Gaia sensed this amazing
terror and felt that the universe was tearing apart. She begged
Terra to use her magic to aid, but Terra refused, still annoyed at
the way Gaia had been angry at her for releasing magic unto her.
Eventually, though, Gaia's plea invoked some sympathy within
Terra. Thus, Terra gave her sister a small tower with five bells in
the balcony. Each bell had a name and commanded one
attribute of life. The first Bell, Bell of Virtue, commanded the
power of Mercury; the ability to mend wounds and give relief to
those whose mind torments their soul, and the embodiment of
all good. The second bell, Bell of Sin, served only the purpose to
represent evil, and balance with the Bell of Virtue. The third bell,
Bell of Decisiveness, was the filter that determined when life had
expired and whether heaven or hell would be their final stop.
The fourth bell, Bell of Creation, was the bell that produced the
force of the elements: wind, water, fire, and earth.
Most importantly, though, was the fifth and final bell. It was the
Bell of Ragnorok, and its tales told only stories of disaster. It
was the only bell responsible for holding the delicate threads of
the universe together. If it were ever to be broken, Gaia, Terra,
their brothers and sisters, all of everything, would vanish within
six months. The only cure for this would be to spill the blood of
the one who had broken the bell.

"Mommy, why are we all the way out here?" said the little boy as
his mother sped into the forest, maneuvering around the trees
with her car.
"Jyso, I need you to be brave for mommy," she replied, "I need to
help protect the village tonight, and I need you to stay out here."
A soft, old woman's voice from next to her in the passenger seat
spoke out "Dear, must you really leave the poor child out here?
He is only six years old. I hardly think he can survive out here."
"Please, mother, stop. I know what I'm doing. After tonight, I'll
come back for him," she turned around and looked at her son,
"okay Jyso?"
The little boy nodded his head as the car came to a stop. The
three stepped out, and Jyso's mother pulled out a bag of food,
handing it to her son. As Jyso took it from her, she told him "This
is your dinner and breakfast. Now, go stay in that cave. Don't
worry about the dark, I put a flashlight in the bag with your
meals."
"Bye, mommy." Jyso said as he walked into the cave. His
mother and grandmother sat back down in the car and drove
back to their village. On the way back, Jyso's grandmother
turned to her daughter.
"This is ridiculous, Jiira. You know the December Moon
Nightmare is only a legend."
Jiira sighed. "I know, but I don't want my only son to be killed if it
is true."

Jyso sat down, and opened up the bag that contained his meals
and flashlight. He pulled out the flashlight, lit it, and stood it on
its butt to illuminate the cave. He pulled out the still-warm bowl
of soup and spoon, and began eating, staring out through the
forest. It had just started raining again, and now it was almost
twelve o'clock in the night. Looking up in the sky outside, he saw
a glowing star, that seemed to be moving. Taking it for a
shooting star, he wished for his mother to be safe. He heard the
village bell strike three times, and then a horrifying noise, and a
shattering earthquake.
He ran outside, and saw that the star was emitting a large ray of
bright light, shining down upon his village. At the end of this ray
was a swirling mass of energy, engulfing the entire village, and
spewing flames from all over. He stared in awe, his mouth
agape, his eyes swelling with tears.
The star then yelled. "Gaia's children! Those that are still alive
and can hear the sound of my voice! Cease the production of
machines! Machines will damn us all again, just like the fools in
2039! Heed my warning, and your village will be spared next
year!"
With the star's message clearly delivered, it disappeared,
leaving the village in burning ruins. Jyso foolishly ran through
the forest, running back to his beloved hometown to see his
mother. He ran around the flames, heading toward the northern
area of the village, where his mom, who was a soldier for the
kingdom they were apart of, was usually stationed. He cried as
he saw his mother's body sprawled underneath her car, but with
his grandmother nowhere in sight. He walked over and bent
down beside her, unable to say or do anything. She was already
dead, and was gripping a chain with a locket on the end in her
hand. Jyso pulled the locket from her hands, and opened it,
staring into a picture of his family. Yoake, his grandmother, Jiira,
his mother, Daito, his father, and himself. He held the locket in
his hand, and decided to keep it, so that he would never forget
his family.
As Jyso mourned, someone lurked about, hiding in the flames
and rubble. The man's long, silver hair slapped Jyso in the face
as he suddenly rushed out and bit into Jyso's neck. Jyso felt a
frigid emptiness rush through his body as the man drank away
every last bit of Jyso's blood. The man disappeared, his pale
face, blood-soaked lips and dark, red eyes the last thing Jyso
remembered before he woke up, seven years later.
(End Chapter 1)

Hmm... Somehow, I feel like I've read this before, base summary of my thoughts: Too many 'had's. This is a great example of telling and not showing. For example, you say "The Mother Gaia had been shaken greatly with the chaotic events that had befallen its children, and caused her pain as well." When you could say "The Mother Gaia shook with terrible pain when the terrible, chaotic events of the Final War devastated her children." etc. Over all, I think it was a good idea--not blatantly typical and definitely plot worthy, it was just difficult to read, given the repetitive formatting.

Chapter 2, plot starts to unfold... One thing that I want to tell you now that I kinda got angry at myself at... a natural part of Jyso's vampiricness is that when he gets hit hard, he sleeps for REALLY long periods of time. I kept wanting to say this in earlier and earlier chapters, but then it appeared as a random side-note in the chit-chat of another chapter ~_~;. And if you read the original version of this story, this version is a big imporvement from that.


Quintet of Destruction
Chapter 2

For months, headlines told of a destructive, young blonde
vampire roaming the world, attacking the innocent in the streets.
It was said that he had an almost elven-looking face. His nose
was pointed and his eyes were a light green. The police had
advised to stay away from such a person if ever they
encountered him. It was until a fateful day in 2221 that the
newspaper articles of this young vampire ceased...

Jyso woke up at three in the morning like he usually did daily.
He was a peculiar breed of vampire; unlike most vampires, he
could withstand the light of day, and he did not require to drink
the blood of the mortals. Yet, the need for blood was an
addiction. It was the only drink he craved, the only thing his
tongue would ever yearn for. Today was no different, and the
yearning for blood was just as great as ever. He jumped down
from the abandoned tree-house he had been lodging in for the
past fortnight. Once again, he roamed through the woods,
searching for a weary traveler who would be his next victim.
He came upon a large tower, a man standing in the single
doorway at the base. The bricks of the building were worn, but
still looked very sturdy. At the top, a hooded balcony reflected the
shimmering sunlight, as if some shiny object were up there.
Jyso did not care about any of the architectural features of this
tower though, all he cared for was the blood of this man in long,
purple robes. He lunged forward and tackled the man, digging
his fangs into the poor soul's neck. He sucked the blood from
the man, and swallowed it all. The warmth of this blood made
Jyso feel satisfied, and he began to walk off.
"Insolent young fool!" roared a voice from within the tower.
Jyso spun around to stare at the direction in which the voice
came.
It yelled once more. "How dare you kill my guardian! For this you
shall pay!"
Jyso's eyes widened as he ran off, but a strong gust of wind
pounded against him, throwing him right inside the tower. A
figure approached him and towered over Jyso as he scurried up
to his own feet. The man standing in front of Jyso was tall, with
long, purple hair that draped along his shoulders and parted into
two, long bangs on either side of his face. His deep blue eyes
showed no emotion, and oddly enough, he had no pupils. His
robe was a long, gray, priests robe, that had purple at the end of
each sleeve and traced along the bell of it at the bottom. His feet
only wore wooden, Japanese-style sandals.
"Hm... you are but a boy..." the man said, looking Jyso over.
Jyso stared at the ground, an odd feeling telling him not to bite
this man pulsating within him. He didn't know how or why he
had this feeling, but it was there, and it was strong.
"I think I have a better job for you." he continued, "You will be the
new guardian."
The young vamp felt it was time for him to ask a question.
"Excuse me, sir, but, what is this `guardian?' " Jyso queried
The man laughed lightly. "Of course, it would be foolish for me
to forget such an important detail such as that. The guardian of
the Sacred Bells."
At this point, Jyso was even more confused, and the man
sensed this.
"The Sacred Bells are five bells that keep the seams of the
universe held together. They each control one aspect of life, and
if broken will cause massive chaos. Which is precisely why they
need a guardian."
Cockiness took Jyso over. "Then why don't you just guard them
yourself?"
"Because I am frail and weak, and many people could overcome
me in a heartbeat."
"Then how did you summon up the strength to pull me in here?"
The man laughed once more. "It was one of the Bells. The Bell
of Creation controls elements, such as wind."
Jyso nodded, to disguise his continuing confusion.
"And of course, you look weak as well." the man added, "But no
fear, for I will train you to make you stronger."
Wanting to get off the topic of something so draining as training,
Jyso asked "Might I know your name," he then threw in
sarcastically, "o senseii."
"My name is Imdesy, and do not tell me yours, I know it already,
Jyso."
Jyso laughed "Another psychic?"
Imdesy smiled "So you have drained the life of many a psychic
then?"
Jyso laughed even more "Yeah."
They both laughed, until Imdesy suddenly stopped and
smacked Jyso in the back of the head, a slightly annoyed look on
his face.
The vamp's hands shot up and rubbed his head. "Ow! What
was that for!"
"Under my teaching, you will no longer drink the blood of the
innocent. Now, we shall begin your training immediately."

Far from the tower, within a large castle near the north of Jaigan,
four beings watched the events of Imdesy and Jyso through a
mystical pool of water in the center of the floor of the building they
were within. Their bodies were veiled in shadows, so nobody in
the village near the large building would know anyone was
inside.
"It seems Imdesy has taken the child as his student." said a
young man's voice.
A mature woman cackled. "Exactly as planned..."
"All that's next is for the Demon and his child to come in, then
we're that much closer to our goal." piped in a deep man's
voice.
A wispy, girl's voice echoed through the air. "But what of the
others that will join the vampire? Will they pose any threat to
us?"
The young man spoke once more. "That's all part of the plan,
they shouldn't pose any sort of threat. Now leave, all of you, so
that I may rest."
The other three figures bowed and disappeared into the
shadows.

"Eternity will endlessly tick away, and my mind shall be the only
proof of this. It is destiny, and destiny can never change, no
matter how hard one tries."




(****The random quote at the end will be re-visited at the end of the series.)