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 Posted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 6:59 am
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So, yeah. Everyone post any Christmas letters you get or send. Here's one I sent to a friend of mine:
Dear PigRabbit_Choban,
I'm writing this letter to wish you a colorful Xmas! I'm sure visions of hamburger-plums are already burning in your head, but there's still work to be done. Did you remember to deck your swords with boughs of steel? Have you spiked the cheese with plenty of mercury? Have you run your shirt by the chimney with care? Did you leave out cake and some whiskey for Santa and his reindeer?
Yours horribly,
The Lord of Pestilence
And to another friend:
Dear Alpha_Alien,
One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is getting warm and cozy when it's cold outside. Right now we are all huddled around a dragon for warmth drinking mercury. I'm reading a book on the history of axes-- really purple stuff. What''s the weather like where you are? I heard it might get pretty Jewish before the week's over. Oh well; rain or shine, you can always hop under a sheet and snuggle up with a wolf on your lap!
Yours Terribly,
The Lord of Pestilence
To Mei:
Dear Meiazure,
I'm writing this letter to wish you a destructive Xmas! I'm sure visions of cake-plums are already dying in your head, but there's still work to be done. Did you remember to deck your guns with boughs of copper? Have you spiked the vichysoisse with plenty of mecury? Have you run your socks by the chimney with care? Did you leave out cookies and some whiskey for Santa and his reindeer?
Yours Terribly,
The Lord of Pestilence
To Tilly:
Dear TillxGone,
Today we decorated our holiday boulder. I hung strings of red tacks all over it, and topped it with a doors. It's cold! Plus it smells like a flatulence, wafting holiday cheer throughout the house. Pretty soon I'm going to run some cookies to give to Pyro. I've got a few special ingredients I want to include: some cows, horses and blue berries. Doesn't that sound delicious?
Yours Oddly,
The Lord of Pestilence
From a friend:
Dear The Lord of Pestilence,
Merry Xmas, friend! I sure hope Santa brings you all the things you asked for this year. I know how badly you wanted that new bag of cough drops you saw in dollar thrifty-- I remember you telling me, "Boy, I sure would give my left big toe to have one of those, even if I had to commit a thousand holocausts to get it. I'd gladly throw my childhood hero, Jim Henson, out of a moving bus to get my hands on one. I''d punch Santa Christ in the nose for just one moment with that thing."
Well, I hope it doesn't come to that. May all your holiday wishes come true!
Yours malicously,
Alpha_Alien
And from Mei:
Dear The Lord of Pestilence,
Looks like winter's here--apes have been falling all night and now the ground is completely covered! I almost couldn't get out of the house; this stuff is up to my esophagus. So I got out a laser pointer and leapt them into a pile. !$#% and I have been jumping in it all day. I'm hoping that the weather changes, though; before Christmas I really want to make sodium angels.
Yours breaking,
Meiazure
From Tilly:
Dear The Lord of Pestilence,
Merry Xmas, friend! I sure hope Santa brings you all the things you asked for this year. I know how badly you wanted that new Penguin Plush you saw in Build a Bear-- I remember you telling me, "Boy, I sure would give my left half of brain to have one of those, even if I had to commit a thousand Cuddlingss to get it. I'd gladly throw my childhood hero, Emma Watson, out of a moving bus to get my hands on one. I''d punch Harry Potter in the Scar for just one moment with that thing."
Well, I hope it doesn't come to that. May all your holiday wishes come true!
Yours Happily,
TillxGone
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Posted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 8:44 am
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