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 Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 9:02 pm
As we each follow our own walks of life, we experience different things and ---if we're smart--- learn from them.
I now call upon each of you to impart your worldly wisdom, whether it's knowledge on how to build up the best lint collection or giving guidance on how to avoid a mob of angry mongooses...--geese.
As usual, your posts can be comical or completely serious, just have some fun while learning us grasshoppas with your masterful techniques (or at least the ones you pretend to have)!
The Guidelines to Making Guidelines for This Thread:
- Title your guide. (I think that's pretty self-explanatory.)
- Try to make at least 3 points in your list/guides; thoroughness is appreciated!
- Feel free to add to other people's guides, but always be polite. ;3
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Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 9:18 pm
How Not to Be Mauled By a Very Angry Tiger
- Avoid regions with significant tiger populations.
- Do not jump onto a tiger's back while yelling, "Look, Ma! No hands!" That will be a self-fufilling prophecy.
- Do not refer to a nearby tiger as "Jim".
- Do not try to go on a date with the tiger's sister.
- Offer the enraged tiger a can of Campbell's Tomato Soup and proceed to climbing the nearest flagpole.
- Avoid golf courses while discussing things such as cheating on one's own wife.
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Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 10:22 am
How to survive a walk in the run-down side of town
- Make a random friend -fast. (lone walker = getting stalked or worse)
-details: -Don't introduce yourself (like where you live and such) (duh)
-Say you're from south central, but don't say LA (joking biggrin )
-details: -If they say they grew up there, just say you didn't get out much (trust me on this one) (truth)
- Tag along, but know where you are. Chances are you'll meet some of their friends on your tour.
- Say where you've got to be early on -you'll look like a dumb(word) if you just bring it up when they decide to go where you don't want to go. -better yet, say you've got to catch a bus. Works every time. Just say it EARLY ON. (chances are they'll excuse you)
- Don't argue. Just do. If you gotta go, go. It's not negotiable, just march. (negotiation's what gets you in a mess.)
- Don't share your thoughts explicitly. Just nod or go on a tangent. In some cases you might end up having to do a lot of talking. >.> can't say what to do in this case.
- Use your head and know why you're there. To explore. Do it right the first time, cause coming back another day is not advisable. You were probably watched by a few of the dozen people might confront you as to why you're there in the first place. In which case you ask where your friend is. (lol)
-Finally. Most of this I've done, some of it I wouldn't advice, and the rest is up to you. Adapt, don't be a panzy, and look through people like they're not even there biggrin (lol) -and you'll be ok biggrin
(disclaimer: Shadowmanxp and/or affiliates take no responsibility if you botch this scheme and get in a pickle. )
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Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:25 pm
How to successfully make a cat happy
- let it do whatever it wants.
- feed it until its fatter then Garfield.
- pet it 24/7.
- let it sleep on you until it wants to get up.
(warning if none of these work we at alma inc. owe no responsibly for whatever happens...)
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Wistful Conversationalist
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Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 5:27 am
How to NOT paint badly
-Don't paint
-Take a painting class
-Learn from a master painter
-Steal the secrets of a master painter
-Destroy all other works of paint so your crappy a** paints are the best in the WORLD!
-Or cheat by getting possessed by that Leonardo De-whats his face guy....
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Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 4:00 pm
lol XD
How to properly visualize gravity's effect on space
you=1 unit of space
object=an object with mass
-Stand perfectly straight
-Pick something light and hold it farthest away from you
-Pick something heavier and hold it as close to arm's length as you can
-Keep repeating this: eventually the only way to lift the object would be if you're directly beneath it.
-When it takes more than one unit of space (more than one person) to lift the object, you've pretty much divided by zero biggrin (kidding)
-actually you've reached a singularity cause you have more than one unit of space within one unit of space :/
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Posted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 2:54 pm
How to Plow Snow on a Country Road
1. Acquire a working snow plow
2. Assure said snow plow is in top notch order
3. Ensure you know how to drive a stick shift (if not now would be the time to learn)
4. Enter plow (this usually requires a step stool unless you can jump well or are very tall)
5. Start plow, this could involve playing with the throttle depending on the age of the beast
6. Make sure the monster is pointed downhill at the start of the road you want to plow
7. Lift plow to the point that you feel the weight of it shift from the ground to the truck, this is quite noticeable
8. Put the monster into 1st, take your foot off the break and enjoy the ride!
9. Remember to plow the snow to the side of the road the wind blows the snow to anyway
10. On the way back up find a WIDE place to turn around
And don't forget to enjoy yourself! Go fast!
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Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 7:36 am
How to keep your sanity if you live for a REALLY long time
- Get stingy about what you let into your life (or install a revolving door)
- Let the young ones screw up (seriously; they'll learn, but you'll just get a migrane)
- Try to build something that will outlast you (trying to make something with redundancies that aren't similar in function in case one fails is VERY tricky. -and it gives you a reason to get your butt out of bed)
- Go far away and learn other things.
- Don't play games -seriously, you're (supposedly) past that.
- Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see. (I mean.. if your senses are failing you, you pretty much won't have a choice :/ -or if you just happen to be naive. The con-men will just get more cunning.)
- Bing pizza every now and then. It's good stuff.
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Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 2:27 pm
is this intended as a comical thread or can we make serious guides too?
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Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 9:49 pm
I understand it to be both
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Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 9:54 pm
How to Properly Relax at the End of a Stressful Day
1. As soon as you walk in the door take off anything that is uncomfortable i.e. shoes, hat, tie, shirt
2. Give love to your live in companion (hopefully you have one even if it's furry)
3. Make an easy dinner wine drinking a good wine (or hot chocolate for you non-alcoholics wink )
4. After enjoying dinner ignore the dishes
5. Run a hot bath with soothing bubble bath or scent (shea is a good alternative to Lavender for all you guys out there)
6. While bath is running make a cup of chamomile tea
7. Enjoy bath, tea, and a good book until water is no longer comfortable
8. Change into comfy pajamas, crawl into bed and continue to read until the words no longer make sense (usually about 10 minutes)
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Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 4:50 pm
Heh, I really like that last one Awen. mrgreen
The Guide to the best Movie Going Experience
1. Go with more than one person, really, the energy will be so much better and you'll remember the movie better if your enjoying it with someone you like hanging around with. You can go with one close friend or a gaggle of them, but I'd suggest someone you wouldn't mind whispering to during the film.
2. Arrive early: No seriously, like with the credits from the last film still playing, you get first pick of seat, and if you followed step 1 will have someone to chat and enjoy company with while you wait for those opening trailers.
3. Bring refreshment. Either from the ridiculously overpriced theater food, or something you snuck in, its going to be a long movie, you'll get thristy and/or hungry, just trust me on this one. wink
4. Cell phone OFF. Just OFF. If you MUST (as in will get fired from work or lose a important account or something if you dont) keep the Cell Phone on, put it on silent with vibrate. Here I would remind you your there to enjoy the film, so limit your distractions.
5. Don't be afraid to change location. See item 2, if your there early you'll have time to find the best seat in the house, fourth row center is usually the best at most regularly sized theaters, but hey, try a couple of other perspectives.
6. Dont be nervous, if you want to laugh at the film laugh, if it moves you feel free to cry, just dont be obnoxious and rude, remember, your in the middle of a enduring, and incredible ceremony, the cinema is full of people wanting to have as much fun as you, enjoy yourself, but be courteous.
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Malevolent Conversationalist
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Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 2:34 pm
How to get your work done on time
1. Get an overview of what needs to be done.
2. Stare at the clock for about 30 seconds to give yourself a sense of time.
3. Gauge how long each part is SUPPOSED to take
4. Root out any show stoppers/postpone factors
5. You're home free D:
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Posted: Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:34 pm
How to Complete Waste a Day...And Enjoy It
1. Determine what you have to do that day
2. Determine what your other options are, preferably enjoyable ones
3. Decide which you would rather be doing, this usually doesn't take very long
4. Totally ignore what needs to be done in favor of what you want to do
5. Enjoy! Before you know it the day will be over and you will have accomplished absolutely nothing! mrgreen
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:22 pm
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Reply
