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Ramellow

PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 12:37 am


Trying to write a story with a friend of mine. It is about a character that was bonded with a dragon (as in the dragon is a part of him and lives inside of him) when he was born and anyway. Long story short..his village is attacked and he is put into a basket and sent out to sea to protect him and he lands on a different land and he is mistaken as the baby of one of the villagers and taken in to be raised by the girls grandfather. So anyway.. he goes on to do something important and as he grows he develops more and more traits of a dragon.

So.. what do you guys think.. obviously I am lacking a lot of detail.. but I'm really just shooting for ideas right now and I am pretty much just voicing myself about my story.
PostPosted: Thu Nov 25, 2010 12:45 am


Anyway.. this is a rough intro. I typed this out on my mobile phone.. so it has grammar/spelling issues.


Running down the stairs in his nightshirt and britches, Talon, youngest son of the village innkeeper stumbled and stubbed his toe against the floorboard. crying out in pain he grimaced and kept running. He heard the voices clearer from down here but he still could not quite make out what they were shouting about, the same voices that had awaken him. He nearly tripped over the family dog. a great shabby white thing that was as old as his own 8 years. The dog yelped and moved away from the door.

Outside he saw people running down towards the small dock where the fishermen tied their boats at night and in rough weather. he watched, trying to figure out what the commotion was when he heard a familiar voice yeling at him. "Talon! They said they found a washed up body down by the boats. C'mon!" Talon looked up to see Otter come running by him. Talon ran after him and fell in beside him. They ran together down to the dock. Talon was always amazed by how clean the water was. the weather was warm all year and most of the villagers earned a livng through the sea. A crowd had formed around the longest pier, ducking under the throngs of people, talon and otter made their way to the front hoping but scared to see their first body, instead, they saw a baby in a basket. The bundled baby was not moving and his eyes were closed, someone stepped forward and the baby's eyes shot open.. Talon was shocked, the baby had eyes the color of pure silver.

Ramellow


lyle rire

PostPosted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:27 am


hmm not bad ramellow, for an introduction it was allright, a little too much emphasis on the running downstairs part, but thats just imho, it would work though (the running downstairs) if you went threw a day in the life of talon, and end it with that
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Million Worlds

 
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