Welcome to Gaia! ::

Try as she might to resist the tutelage of her subconscious, Bell was playing directly into her other self's hands - her patrols were bolder. Bell actually looked for a fight now, where as used to she dreaded it. Bell had been fighting through her issues with about equal amounts of getting her a** kicked, and kicking a**. Exactly what Bellatrix wanted. This change, Bell would not admit to. Of all the times for youthful rebellion, this was perhaps not the best time. However, such was life. Life didn't always spring its traps at the opportune time.

They both seemed to be having their issues - things that it was up to themselves to work out. Misery, however, loved company. She didn't ask Xavier why he didn't feel like going home. She didn't feel like being entirely alone either. She just nodded.
"Any time you want."

"Works for me," Bell said.

That meeting earlier had been a headache. Too much too fast, even for someone who had been a senshi for as long as her. She wasn't sure what to think of some of the information. It was very draining. Nothing like the Basterd meetings. Perhaps it had to do with the size of the group, but that didn't make much sense - Bell had been in large casts before. These large senshi meetings always seemed to be chaotic, though.. Maybe it had to do with some of the people. Bell had definitely experienced an immediate distaste for one Sailor Rosalind. The Basterd meetings at least to hold some respect for one another.

Some might have asked first, 'Is something wrong?' Others still would have asked 'What is wrong?' Bell simply leaned over a little behind where Xavier sat and draped her arms over his shoulders in a lose hug and rested her cheek on the top of his head.
"I'm not sure, really, what to say." Because so much was either better left unsaid, or cliche. Some was simply understood without a word being spoken.

She could say, 'you're new, it's okay to have doubts early on in the game,' but that would be her opinion. After tonight it was obvious that others wouldn't agree. Bell often wondered where people's compassion went. That reminded her though of Bellatrix's words, and 'compassion for evil.' Hypocritical? Maybe. Complex? Diffidently.

"Do what you need to do. I won't question one bit of it. And if anyone does say one word about it they'd better take it up with me. It's easy for them-" The other senshi- "to say what needs to happen, what we need to do, or how we ought to act. But how many of them have ever served in a real war? How many of them were in the army, air force, navy, or whatnot before this? We are not experienced in war. And you can pretty much spin any theory to sound good."

Bell sighed, "Not that I'm one to talk...." and with that, she took a seat in the chair beside him. "My worldly experience is....next to nil."

"You are not the reason why our side failed to get that crystal, or the first." Bell said matter-of-factly. "You might have been the first to go, but there were others who also failed. Imagine how those who got to the last round felt - all that effort, wasted. Left beaten, bruised, and hurting with nothing to show for it." Bell would have hated that. And her house couldn't take another rage cleaning.

"I'm confident that you'll learn. It takes time. You have to choose your own battles when you can. There will be failures, and losses, but each is something to learn from. To spur you on to do better next time. It all depends on how you let what happens effect you." There was a sad smile, "But again,...all good words in theory. Even I find it hard to apply."

Bell's own confidence in her abilities had been growing over the last few patrols she'd been on. She was learning, but it had taken a few good beatings that had left her less than happy at the time.

Bell once wondered if they were really the right side. The Negaverse's methods were horrible, yes, but did they really know what the Negaverse hoped to accomplish? They'd never had the chance to choose sides. What did the Negaverse believe? The Negaverse was strong, both in battle and in their will to achieve their goal...whatever that was. But who was to say that goal was evil? Simply because she happened to be a Senshi, and they happened to be Negaverse?

It had been a rather crippling dilemma. It had been to Bell what this battle with the concept of time was to Xavier.

Bell couldn't remember what had prompted her to embrace her senshi-dom. Maybe it was the incident with Tisiphone and Serandite, maybe it was something else. She knew though, that the answer to their battle depended on them self. The answer was individual. There was no magical cover-all answer.

"I guess we just have to make the most of the time we are given, and accept in the end that, win or lose, we've done out best. Given our all. Without any regrets."

Bell nodded with a smile, "That'd be great. And a wonderful help to so many." She was sincere. The real battle wasn't always won with fighting, but with intelligence, organization. The senshi didn't have a lot of organization or information. The database might level the playing field. Or it very well could give them an edge. Who knew?

She believed in Xavier. Believed in Themis. She believed he could succeed in whatever he endeavored to do, even when he didn't believe it himself. And she wanted to be there to try and pick him back up again when he was down on himself. But she knew such dependence was not good. Maybe one day they'd both learn to pick themselves up, assured by the thought that, if nothing else, they had each other. Even if the world became their enemy.
There was no rhyme or reason for such dedication. And there was no sense in questioning it. Some things just are.

The pizza, was indeed growing cold. But hey, cold pizza was supposedly better for you than warm, greasy, hot pizza, right?