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 Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 6:20 pm
((this is just a littl peice of the story. im gonna do this differently than othr ppl, im gonna giv u all the character's name and everything. if u guys like it plz comment below and let me kno if i shud keep going or not. oh and some constructive critisism wud b nice too smile ))
Characters
deceased father: Elijah Ryan-died in a car accident when Hillary was 4yrs and Stephanie was 2yrs old.
step father: Gregory Evergreen
mother: Anya Ryan-Evergreen (decided to keep her first husbands last name)
oldest sister: Hillary Ryan
younger sister: Stephanie Ryan
step brother: Aaron Evergreen
Ages
Gregory: 45
Anya: 39
Hillary: 18
Stephanie16:
Aaron: 16
Extra
The Grey family has lived with them for about 10years now in their guest house. they have not yet gotten back on their feet so the Evergreen family has taken them in.
Hillary becomes a famous actress and the Grey and Evergreen family move from their small hometown in Deadwood, South Carolina to the big bad city of Beverly hills, California. Hillary's friends and family are happy for her dream coming true except for her younger sister Stephanie. Stephanie has always hated her sister. She hates her because of all the attention everyone gives her. Hillary gets the hottest guys, the best clothes, she's the pretty, popular girl at school that she's always wanted to be. Stephanie has always had Hillary's sloppy seconds of evrythng except the guys. Stephanie isnt all that thrilled when she finds out that theyr moving all the way out to CA, but she's happy enough to find out that her best friend Luke Grey and his family still get to live with them. Stephanie vows revenge on her sister for everything bad that she's caused in her life.
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 7:15 pm
Is this a description of your plot, or the beginning of the story? Either way, I suggest re-reading your summary paragraph and altering your pronoun usage.
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Priestess of Neptune Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 7:24 pm
description of the polt of the story.
but do u think its good enough to continue writing with?
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 7:40 pm
Whether or not this is a valid or good plot to start with is not as relevant as how you intend to handle the construction of the narrative. What message would you like your story to convey?
However, I feel that your plot is a decent starting point for whatever you intend to write about.
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Priestess of Neptune Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 7:47 pm
i havnt gotten that far yet..iv been thinking about the different ways i cud go with this story wen i hav free time for 'bout 2weeks now.
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 7:56 pm
Would you please use correct grammar, spelling, and capitalization in your posts? It is not a race to post your comment, so please take your time to make certain that the rest of us can read it.
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Priestess of Neptune Vice Captain
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ContrabassClarinetist Crew
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 9:00 pm
I think your story idea has potential, go for it if you want. As you write it, ideas will change and you can edit it and work on it. Good luck and if you need editors for punctuation and stuff people here will be happy to nitpick for commas. (I think.)
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 11:45 pm
I can't wait for your story!!!!!!!!! I wanna read it when it's done! LALALA!
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 2:57 pm
Priestess of Neptune Would you please use correct grammar, spelling, and capitalization in your posts? It is not a race to post your comment, so please take your time to make certain that the rest of us can read it. Well sorry. I was kinda in a hurry to post and then get off because I had to leave. Grammar and correct spelling wasn't really the first thing that came to mind as i tried to hurry off the computer.
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Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2010 2:59 pm
ContrabassClarinetist I think your story idea has potential, go for it if you want. As you write it, ideas will change and you can edit it and work on it. Good luck and if you need editors for punctuation and stuff people here will be happy to nitpick for commas. (I think.) Thanks! I'll have more of the story posted within the next couple of days!
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Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 8:48 pm
Both families walked into their new Beverly Hills home. All of their belongings were already in the house and ready by the time they arrived. "Well, what do you guys think?" Anya asked once everybody came back to the living room from taking a look around. everyone nodded and said that they love it except for Stephanie.
"I hate it. I want to go home."
"Steph, this is our home now. You know that. You're just gonna have to get used to this." Anya said, walking over to her and kissed her forehead and walked out of the room. Everyone left the room and went about their business but Luke stayed with her. "Aw come on, you know you like it here." he teased and smiled at her. she looked down at the floor and smiled, "Yeah..it's..nice I guess but I want to go back home to our small town."
(sorry this is all i can think of at the moment, im still workin on it smile )
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Posted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 10:59 pm
Filled with potential indeed...
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