Your rhyme pattern lends a natural sort of rhythm to the piece. However, you have not included any sort of modulation to this rhythm - have you considered adding in-line punctuation, or adding a meter (whether partial or for the entire piece)?

Additionally, I feel as if you have spent the majority of your time working on making certain that this rhymes, which seems to have overridden both the emotional and rational flow of the piece. By this, I mean that your thoughts are mildly disjointed, in that transitions are abrupt. (ex. first stanza, fourth stanza, fifth stanza).

As a corollary to this, your diction and euphony works well for this piece, but again, the poem seems to be a non-sequitur which is only for the ears, and not the brain.


I feel that with a description of your program for this poem, I might be able to analyze this more effectively.