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I know I posted something before but my self esteem is literally so low right now. And I think partially it's from my mother.

I get the feeling from her that I really disappoint her, and that she thinks I'm an awful excuse for a human being.

For example, I was really ill on Monday. I couldn't speak, my throat was so sore. I had a horrible fever and several migraines through the day. And you know what she said when I told her I couldn't go into school? She just shouted at me and said I was lazy and bitched about how for that one day, she now had to drive my brother to school (which I usually do every day).

Which is why I didn't take any more days off school even though I'm really regretting it now because I've felt like a ghost these last few days and I was just miserable and ill and being a downer on everyone.

And today I talked about going away on holiday with my friends next summer, which I expected she'd be okay with because she's always let me make my own decisions and take on my own responsibility. But this time she said categorically no and her reasons were because she didn't trust me and she said I'd be irresponsible and she'd end up having to bail me out of trouble.

She keeps accusing me of spending too much money even though it's all my own money, which I earned. I'm a little low on money right now, it's true, but that's partially because I paid for groceries/living expenses for my brother and I for over a month whilst she was away on holiday.

When we were talking about my university interviews, she says that I wouldn't get in because firstly, I'm not smart enough and secondly, my character is flawed. She hates my choice of degree subject (philosophy) not because of conventional reasons like oh I'm never going to get a job...but because the subject is "too hard for me". She thinks I should pick an easier or softer subject because that's all I'm good for.

She says I've shown no reason for her to trust me. And I just don't understand that, because I haven't done anything to violate her trust. It's just such a complete reversal from how she's been in the past. She's always trusted me, and as a result, I've never let her down. I can't think of anything I could have done recently that suddenly changed me into an irresponsible monster. And you know what, she wasn't even here for the entire month of October, I don't know what she's basing this on.

I tried to talk to my mum about it and how depressed she makes me feel...but every time I talk about it, she just drums in the points she's made even more and I end up feeling worse.

I just don't know what to do any more.

she sounds like a t**t. tell her to suck six dicks and get over it.

Damn, she needs some meds or something.

From what I know you're a pretty damn responsible kid. (Yeah, I lurk and see stuff you post. You're responsible in my eyes.)

Anyway, she's being stupid. :/