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Looking For Sherlock Vice Captain
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 Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2010 7:52 pm
Dear Wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
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Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my SISTER had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for $ 35 million, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my SISTER Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 12:08 am
I found this in another guild I'm in called: ( guildy)╬[The Empire of Gaia]╬
Hetu: *walks up to you in the school lunch room* "We cant see each other anymore...im not the hero, im the bad guy!! *turns head away dramatically* I will leave you now...*Walks away, put then appears on the other side of you* "so...you understand right?
Stay away from me...*Walks away*
Chief:
Bu-u-u-t I'm an emotionally unstable teenage girl that can't find the love and support I need from my parents so I have to look to the first boy that makes me hot in my pants to smother with my undying affections. *clings to your freezing cold hard body* Your turning me down only makes me want you more.
Hetu: Well...you do smell like marijuana and pretentiousness. and everyone knows that no vampire...ehem i mean normal human school boy can resist the smell of illegal drugs... and pretentious girls *takes a big wiff of your hair* If you stay with me you will be in danger, are you sure you want to be with me? *stares at you until you give me an answer*
Chief:
*Grabs your face between my hands, pulling your eyes to mine, no blinking* Even though we just met and I don't know you from the awaiting rapist around the corner. There is no doubt in my mind that I would die without your ever watchful eyes upon my twenty-four seven. We were meant to be together....*whispers lowly in your ear* forever.
Hetu: *sees you about to get squashed by a car*..............[1 minute later]..........2 minutes later]........*grits teeth* well..i guess she does smell like my favorite drug *run towards you and puts my hand out stopping the car dead in its tracks.sniffs you once more then vanishes*
*Some where a couple miles away from you, i sit in a tree and shudder from the high i just received. eyes roll to the back of my head* mmmmm....
Chief:
*Looks at the dent in the car, then back to you, looks at the dent, then back to you, dent, you , dent you, dent...*
Your super fast....and your strong...I know what you are. *Dramatically looks away from you, my eyes lingering towards the ground*
Hetu:
*Eyes you and stares at you some more for a good 5 minutes*
What am I? Say it Loud!!!!
Chief:
*Turns towards you, meeting your gaze*
......
Ten minutes later
.......
*Says breathless*....... Superman!
Hetu: God!!! damn how slow are you!!! The freakin computer you where using....yes i admit i was stocking you in your house >> but thats not the point:
Pale skin, Drinks Blood
Creature of the Night
Nosferatu, Do i have to spell it out for you IM A VAMPIRE!!!!! *Arms flail in the air* *rolls eyes then flings you on my back,* come i must show you something!!! *thinks to self, if she is a girl her breast must be small, i cant feel s**t on my back!!*
*lets you down off of my back and then starts to unbutton my shirt*
Chief:
*Looks at you my eyes coming alive*
Oh yes, yes, I've waited freaking books for this. I am so really be your mate and bare your cool sparkly seed within me. *holds arms out for you to take me here and now*
Hetu: *turns away from you and looks to the ground, then turns around and gives you a deep kiss and hopes you shut up whiles in taking long wiff of your drug scented aroma* "Ohhh i love you Marij...ehrem Bella"
*but then pulls away* How can you love me Im a lethal killing predator Diamond studded Undead Creature Vampire!!! No one can ever love me. *runs to a tree behind you* Im faster than you can blink" * punches the wall next to you and it shatters* Im stronger than the military!!!" *Jumps to the highest branch* I can jump higher than any Kangaroo!!!
Chief:
*Sucks in a deep breath, your show of power making my nipples grow hard and round*
Yes yes, I know this, all of this. Yet still I can not deny you, my diamond studded prince of the night. Take me, now before its too late, every second I grow more old and wrinkly. Before I can no longer enjoy the sight of you as my eye sight grows faint, my core shrivels and drys up like two week old casserole. My once perky breasts, sag and hang low to my knees. I say again, nah I beg! take me from my mortal curse. *falls heavily into your arms*
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Looking For Sherlock Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 12:53 am
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Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 6:59 am
hahahahahahahaha thats funny
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Ookami-Mibu- Vice Captain
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