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 Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 1:03 am
♥ the REASON: I got bored and decided on writing this short/longish poem of mine that i practically made up with ' Paul Reveres ride' as my inspiration on a few parts i think but, i still very much hope you enjoy and love it or hate it (which ever makes you happy). Just tell me what you think so far. ♥
far away from town,
The little boy sleeps on a mound,
startling the cows and sheep with some sharp sound.
By the time the boy dreams,
he smiles and looks upon a girl so bright,
who points out a good sight.
They played and ran almost every rock in order to pass it's harsh sock of rolled plots.
When the boy tired he only smiled at her again, enjoying every moment before a crashing noise crumbled above them, throwing the little boy and girl off the cliff onto the wave of horror.
After all of this, the boy snaps awake,
shaken and beaten up,
only to finally remember he was one of the dead who was forgotten like the broken down bed!
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Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 5:57 am
I'm slow, so bear with me xd .
First of all, I didn't really get the poem. Not sure what it was about, and the last stanza was really confusing.
And secondly, I think if you add a few words here and take out a few words there, the flow of the poem will be much better.
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Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2011 8:44 am
The construction/form is unbalanced and I don't think it works to further the concept.
You say this is it so far... so maybe you intend on fixing it or adding more that will balance make this less awkward to look at and read. That's my biggest issue, and probably the only important one. c:
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