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 Posted: Thu Nov 11, 2010 7:25 pm
The blade looks friendly like it did in the beginning
Where the only escape is blood to keep the world from spinning
The only way out is to pursue the pain
To grab the knife and slice a vein
Or two or three or five or ten
Cut out the faces of all the men
Every boy that broke my heart
Another, another, I can’t seem to stop after I start
It feels so good compared to the latter of the pains
And enjoyment of the slicing is the only thing that keeps the gun from my brain
The only thing that keeps me from tying that noose and putting it around my neck
Nowadays I hope there are killers behind my doors I hope and pray and check
But maybe I can drown myself in my tub
Filled to overflowing with my tears and crimson blood
Maybe once im gone he will finally ******** see.
The perfect girlfriend was all I was trying to be.
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Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 6:33 am
I am hoping the narrator and the writer aren't one and the same! Feel free to PM me if it is. I've gone through similar pains.
Very morbid, but good rhyming scheme. The best critique I could give would be to split the lines up a bit more... Do a "1, 2, 1, 3" type of scheme. Yes, it'd be longer, but I think it'd flow so much better. Great job though!
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Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 8:34 pm
Satsenu I am hoping the narrator and the writer aren't one and the same! Feel free to PM me if it is. I've gone through similar pains. Very morbid, but good rhyming scheme. The best critique I could give would be to split the lines up a bit more... Do a "1, 2, 1, 3" type of scheme. Yes, it'd be longer, but I think it'd flow so much better. Great job though! I was just upset and seriously thinking about all that stuff but i was just venting so no worries haha and thank you for the comment(:
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