Likes - Enjoyed the story. Great attention to detail and story plot.

Dislikes - Your introduction of the characters. It's alright if you leave characters nameless for a time until someone talks to them and calls them by name.
Like when you named all the characters that were sitting around the room, it would have been fine if they joined the conversation later at some point, but many of the characters didn't seem to answer.

Fixes-
There were a few too many commas. I don't think that all of them were completely necessary.

On the first speech part did you mean "what time is it?" or did you mean to have it as "what time is this?"?

Your first beeped out line it says "came her response". Who is her because it sounds like Jeremy and Cora are talking so Jeremy would talk next.

Hope's ". . ." sounds almost like hesitation and I didn't like it. I think that just announcing "We are drunk and enjoying nicotine!" would play a little more into your joking and "enjoyable" scenery.

"starting toward the staircase that let to the bunk level." I think you meant led to the bunk level.