Sethunya was happy today, as she often had been since their settling down in their new home. Mak was happy, he was almost always happy which was really delightful considering that Ten was almost always serious. And Ten, who had been even more serious of late, seemed to be relaxing, just a bit. It was so slight as to hardly be there, but she could see it and it made her happy to think that he too might be settling down to fit into their new home.
That didn’t mean he might not be worried still, poor love. He had told her why, and she had done her best to make him feel better. She was just pretty sure he’d wound up being the one to make her feel better… which made no sense whatsoever given that he was the one who had been unhappy. Sethunya’s bright red tail smacked agaist the ground, raising a small puff of dirt. She just wanted both her boys to by happy, and no matter what she tried to do it never seemed to work out the way she hoped. But what else could she do? She knew what they wanted but, unfortunately, it was something she just couldn’t do.
If she made Makena’s dreams come true, if she promised herself to be his mate and his mate alone, then what would happen to Ten? Sure, Mak would be thrilled, exuberant, probably bursting with even more joy than he ever had before. They would be happy together, oh so happy. Makena was always so full of joy, he never failed to life her spirits no matter how down she might be. Yes, together they could be happy.
But what about Tendaji? If she picked Makena over him, what would he do? Would he stay, even though every day of seeing the two of them together broke his heart a little more? She could see the way his serious expression would grow more and more grim with each passing day, until even those who did not know him as well as she did could see the feigned attempts at holding together the shattered pieces of his heart. She couldn’t do that to him, couldn’t watch him fall to pieces. Or leave. Sethunya bit her lip, her deep red-brown eyes welling with tears at the thought alone. Ten had always been there, always. She couldn’t imagine life without him beside her.
Which led her to the flip choice. The one where she chose Tendaji over Makena. He would be there for her, through thick and thin, and she had no doubts that he would protect and look after her. No harm would ever befall her or their pups, and through Tendaji’s stories the memories of their old bloodlines would live on. She would spend her days working hard, her life filled with the satisfaction of a job well done, of being a part of the world, and every night she would curl up safe and warm against his muscular flank and know, though his heart was his most closely guarded weak point, that she was loved and cherished more than anything in the world.
Ah, but with this choice…with this choice she would lose her Makena. The very thought of him being unhappy was so contrary to the way everything about the world had ever worked. Makena’s bright golden eyes brimming with heartbreak as she told Tendaji that she would love him and him alone… she did not need to allow her mind to wander further than that. She already knew the end of that path was one she did not wish to see. Not now, not ever. Not even in her imagination.
No, she could not choose one and loose one. She loved them both. Both! And the idea of watching one of them walk away or wither and die inside was easily the most horrible thing the wild dog could even imagine. It was the stuff of nightmares for this loving heart, nightmares she would not, could not, allow to become real. Not ever. Not her boys.
And they seemed happy enough! She loved them both equally, equally but differently. Because how could she ever choose one over the other? How could she even begin to compare them when they were such utter opposites? And yet…and yet when they were together, when she was with them both… indescribable. She was so utterly happy, so beyond content, so enthralled with the knowledge that these two, these two wonderfully amazing, talented, brilliant, brave people were hers. That they loved her, that they would stay with her forever. How could anyone have ever wanted more?
…well. Except for that one thing.
Sethunya felt her face grow warm and was instantly very grateful for the white fur that his the blush bathing her skin from the group of visitors being escorted to one of the shrines. Smiling, she nodded at them politely, trying to nudge the thoughts from her mind. But she so wanted a family! Little ones that looked like they belonged with her and Ten, or with her and Mak. More precious tiny lives to love and to cherish. Little lives that would warm the stern expression that buried Ten’s smile, little lives that would add an edge of much-needed responsibility to Mak’s playfulness. So very, very many little ones. Darling pups for all they would be too small to travel and too numerous to carry everywhere. Of course they’d needed a place to stay, and a pride like this one…
She couldn’t think of a single better place to raise little ones than here, among the stories that Tendaji used to tell her when she could not sleep at night. Safe within the watchful eyes of the shrines’ gods and goddesses. Surely, surely there could be no better place than this? No safer place than this?
Sethunya sighed heavily, her heart squeezing painfully at the memory of that stricken look in Ten’s dark eyes when she announced that she wished to stay. Buried so quickly…he could hide his hurt in less than an instant’s flicker, hide it from the world, but no matter how he tried he could never seem to keep it entirely from her. She always found out in the end, there was nothing he could deny her, not even the deepest, darkest, most hidden secret in his fragile heart. But he said he would try. He said he wanted to stay, that he would teach his worry that there was nothing to fear her. And she would help, she would help prove to him that what haunted his memories, memories she and Mak were too young to hold, would never happen again. Never ever, not ever.
“Not here,” she muttered, then called a sweet greeting to one of the guides, leading yet more strangers through their pride to one of the various shrines. So many visitors, it was a wonderful thing, truly. And no harm would come to them, not here. Not under the watchful eyes of so many great beings. Rising to her feet, giving herself a shake to dislodge the dust from her white fur, Sethunya rose and padded off. She wanted to pay a visit to one of the shrines herself. Her favorite shrine…the one dedicated to the goddess of love. After all, who better to speak to regarding the problems of the heart?
(1255 words counted)
