Mu'sha sat slumped over a rock, the very picture of tiredness. A day watching over the grandkids had taken a lot out of her - they were really getting big now and that meant they were also able to get into places and things they shouldn't. She had been glad to hand them back to their mother, almost gleeful at seeing the look in Cora's eyes and remembering when her daughter had been giving her as much trouble. A soft smile crept over her face as she reminisced about those seemingly long ago days when all of her own young were little.
She wondered which of them would next come to tell her they had a mate and then, hopefully, children. Maybe Orion? He seemed to be getting on well with that girl of Maia and Yujiang's, unfortunately but she could hope that was just friendship. Ithil was so quiet, same with Tolero and Var? Ahh, he was a different bird entirely.
She worried about Var's predicament, wondering if she'd been inattentive as a mother. With five little ones beneath her feet she may not have given him the time he needed... He soft smile turned to a frown and she sighed softly. Kids, eh?
Kalain watched Mu'sha and let her muse away to herself as he padded softly about the shrine, checking that no weeds were trying to encroach on the area Gaias had planted the little bulbs in. He'd said they'd come up beautifully in the spring if the ground was kept clear for them and so Kalain had taken it upon himself to check each time he was here.
He'd hadn't been completely surprised when Mu'sha turned up, back from hunting lessons with the little ones. She hadn't often come to the shrine in the past but nowadays she was here more often, relaxing or just musing. Perhaps because here no-one would disturb her and she needed some quiet time. She never seemed to mind him being around, though, and so when he was done he came to sit beside her.
"What's on your mind?" he asked softly, when he noticed her expression turn sad.
"Ahhh.... nothing" she harrumphed, looking off to one side. A moment later she turned back. "Just... Var" her eyes appealed to Kalain, as if asking him to tell her that their son's predicament were untrue. They'd had many conversations since his adulthood ceremony but usually they'd not ended well. Mu'sha thought Kalain should be able to do something but all he'd done was say 'give it time'. Predictably, he gave her the same long-suffering look as always.
"I know I know..." she murmured, looking off towards the tree, where she'd put a little token for him - the most she could really do for an issue so personal to him. The silence between them stretched taut, each trying not to get into an old argument. "They're really getting big" Mu'sha offered by way of a peace settlement - a change of subject.
"Cora's mob?" he asked, grinning. "Yes, next thing we know we'll be grandparents twice over - lets hope none of them are quite as precocious as their mother". He was only half joking - the shaman had been horribly worried for his daughter when she gave birth at such a young age - barely an adult herself. She'd looked fit to burst near the end, despite having her mother's stature and he'd worried that the family predisposition to birthing problems had not carried along to her.
Cyana had been young, too...
He closed his eyes for a moment, not wishing to think about that, not letting himself dwell on the bloody past which had propelled him into the present situation. He forced himself back onto more pleasant thoughts.
"Did you hear? Iris is with pup? She came to see me to make sure"
"Ely's? He worked fast" she grinned. She and the spotted male had been in a short, amicable and fun relationship back when the pack was just beginning but it had been more about physical needs and friendship than anything serious. The male had confided in her his infatuation with their new member not long after Iris had arrived and so she wasn't surprised to see the rascal had already gotten himself a family started already.
He was a wonderful mix of rugged, athletic, a good hunter but with a gentleness of soul which came out only when you got close to him. She was glad he'd finally found a mate and was having a family, she knew he'd wanted that, someday - knew that, to him, family meant a lot since he'd lost almost all of his own.
"Yes, Ely's. You two used to be close, I wasn't sure you'd be entirely happy to hear he'd nested" Kalain said with a soft smile and a twinkle in his eyes. He did love to tease Mu'sha just a little, like old times.
"And I'd have a bet that Jove is already counting them as warriors" the small male harrumphed, pretending to be put out. He and the master of the hunt didn't entirely get on and Jove had as much as accused him of poaching would-be-hunters to be acolytes. Kalain, of course, did nothing of the sort - it seemed to him as though something in these southern lands predisposed many to want to be acolytes - there certainly hadn't been quite as many at home! Of course, despite the numbers, there really were few, yet, who'd shown any real aptitude... Ah well, time yet!
Mu'sha mostly ignored his jibe, giving him a playful condescending look. "Well, to be fair, we were pretty short on hunters this summer and you were rather lacking in space with all the hopeful young acolytes hanging around". She often sided with the hunters point of view - being the alpha she had to worry more about food and making sure the pack could last through winter and spring and she had never even had an inkling towards being an acolyte herself, so felt slightly distanced from the practice.
Of course, she knew that without them the pack would not be whole, but she left Kalain to his own devices in running such things and expected him to organise the important occasions and tell her when to turn up and preside - it had worked well that way the last few years. "Maybe encourage a few more of them to become acolytes of Toghelac?" she grinned.
"Heh, I often thought Cora'd go that way. Maybe, once her young have grown up, she'll have more time to hone her talents - she's a good tracker when she remembers to concentrate on where her body is as much as her mind. It would be nice to have a teacher close by for acolytes who want to specialise more towards other spirits - I've only ever learned what I was born to learn" his expression was complex. He'd always felt pushed into his current niche - being marked and named for a spirit was a burden as much as a blessing and he'd only come to terms with it once he was grown.
Mu'sha had never heard Kalain as he was now - she'd always assumed that he had enjoyed his role, had wanted to be as he was and had, at times, envied his status when she was young. As the daughter of the alpha, and quite an accomplished hunter, she would normally have been rated above him but his odd marking and his abilities as an acolyte meant he'd always outshone her and had been part of the root of her resentment in him and, at least partially, why she'd, at first, misliked those who dealt with the spiritual side of the pack's life.
She'd grown out of the jealousy as she'd become stronger in her faith in her own abilities, but she realised how much Kalain had affected her life even before he'd come to be her sister's mate.
It was different now, of course. Since this pack had begun, since they'd cried over their sorrows together... since they'd given vessels to reborn spirits in giving birth to their first litter the pair had come to an understanding. They didn't love each other like mates, but like family. They were close. The bond between them of shared loss had matured into a close bond of fealty and trust.
She gave him a soft nudge in the side as if to nudge him away from painful subjects and leaned against him. A funny manoeuvre if simply because he was so much smaller than she, and Mu'sha could rest her head on his from above.
"Cora's little ones all seem eager hunters... except maybe Nashira, she always seems to be daydreaming, and Dia... or is it Kuri? I still have a hard time telling those two apart, especially when they're running about at my feet!"
Kalain harrumphed as she leaned on him, but it allowed him to let go of the small touch of tension which had begun to creep into him. His life was as it was and if it had not been as such then much of the good would not have come of it. There was good and bad in every life, the spirits liked balance, afterall, and he would not throw away his children, his place her, his current contentedness just because of weary misgivings about his youth.
"Yes, I think Jove has managed to get to them early" he joked "and Hazel seems more as though she takes after her father. I think it's Kuri who likely isn't as keen on hunting - I notice she's always following her sister's lead rather than choosing her own way". Kalain was worried about her, a little - as he'd been worried about Cora and Tolero. Twins happened when one spirit was split between two bodies and if that spirit had not been strong in their previous lifetime they could easily leave one twin with too little of their own spirit. He'd made sure to keep a close eye on her, which is why he'd noticed her habit of following rather than leading.
Nashira, too, concerned him as she was always off in a world of her own. Instead of the happy dreamy look which those children with great imaginative meanderings had, though, Nashira often looked annoyed, puzzled or... something else Kalain couldn't quite understand. Perhaps it was just the consequence of so big a litter. He made a note to bring the girls to his den sometime - separate Kuri from her twin and give both some time to develop away from the 'herd' of brothers and sisters.
As if she knew what he was thinking, Mu'sha snorted "If Cora is a split spirit, I don't want to know how stubborn the wolf was who gave her only half... do you think Kuri might have gotten too little, though? There are always quiet ones and she might just be late in developing her own tastes". Hopefully not late in the way Var was... "I agree about Nashira, though - it can be hard to get her to concentrate - and you might be right about Hazel - there's always one Daddy's girl" she smiled at him, knowing full well that Kalain had enjoyed more than one of their kids doting on him.
"I wonder why splitting spirits are drawn to my family" she mused "my aunt had twins too, and my grandfather was one, though his other-half died before I was born".
"Mmm perhaps it's because you come from a long line of leaders? Alpha's such as yourself usually have have er... strength of character?" he snickered just a little, looking up at her from below. "Though, truthfully, I'm not sure. It does seem to travel within families and not always those you'd expect to have strong ancestors" he mused on this for a while, silently.
His speciality, that of his spirit's, was birth and rebirth - the connection between this life, the one before it and the next. Questions like this were things he liked to think on even though he was never sure to find an answer. He could conjecture, within his knowledge, but he wouldn't be sure whilst he was still in physical form. Eternal rebirth meant eternal learning with only moments of full knowing in between.
Mu'sha broke through his thoughts, her voice soft, questioning. "Hmm, what was that?"
"I said I wonder if I'd have twins next time". Her tone was carefully neutral - not trying to provoke his usual response of drawing away. She knew that, for some reason, he was wary of having more pups with her. Surely it wasn't such an onerous job? Despite what many had snidely hinted when he was younger, she knew his tastes ran to females and she wasn't that old or ugly yet. Lingering guilt, maybe?
Either way, Mu'sha admitted to herself, it was odd for her to be pushing this but... there wasn't anyone else whom she trust, noone else whom she felt was so close to allow that intimacy with. She'd been lucky, really, that none of her other flings had brought her pups and surely that she'd been brought to pregnancy in one single liason with him that it was a sign that they were meant to be? She knew he didn't love her and she didn't love him but they respected and cared for one another and some pups were brought up with less than that, right?
It wasn't uncommon, even, for the Aves to bring up pups with two parents who were not mates - often when a mate had been lost. The Aves believed strongly in a child having more than one parent to allow for a balance in how the world was represented to them. When she thought of that, Mu'sha realised that she and Kalain had almost perfect balance in that sense - she the hunter and he the spirit-talker, she the tall and he the small. That last thought would have brought her smile back if Kalain hadn't moved and begun to look at her in 'that way'. The way which meant 'I'm sorry' before he'd even tried to convince her it wasn't a great idea.
"'Sha..." he began, seeing her face already set with disappointment. They'd had this same conversation at least once a week since she'd mentioned it when Cora and Gaias had first become mates. He' on the other hand, had been studiously avoiding the topic. For a start, he felt guilty but he knew that was more excuse than anything else. He was always going to feel guilty about Cyana and he was pretty sure, now that his mate, Mu'sha's sister, had sent her blessings down upon their first litter. She wouldn't have been mad, she'd have understood - that's just how she was.
But... to repeat what had been a mistake? That one liason born out of shared grief had brought forth such joy but 'Sha should be finding a mate of her own. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy her company and he was certainly capable... but the idea itself made him feel awkward. It was such an unusual situation, really, and he felt most of it was motivated by Mu'sha feeling she was getting 'too old' to have more children - a maternity race which all wolves of a certain age seemed to want to beat. He thought she was too young to be worrying about it yet but, as the wolf who usually dealt with the other end of this cycle, he was also aware that time did 'run out' for female wolves in a way it never did for males.
He often wondered if the spirits had deliberately made that so - if Jaitain cut the tie between mothers and the spirit world so that they could both not overproduce and, more kindly, so they did not give birth when they were too old to look after little ones. Jaitain was wise, he thought.
"Sha, we've been through this before - why not find another male? A proper mate who can be at your side always?"
"Yes, we have been through this before, so you should know my answer by now" she complained, doggedly. He was one of the few people against whom she could rarely 'win' in an argument. He was too calm, co assured of himself, to even rile up and mis-speak his words. She, on the other hand, always felt the annoyance building into a petty rage at such times. Few others brought her to that point but he always could infuriate her when he'd wanted to just by being his usual calm self.
She was putting her feelings on the line, it would be her duty to bring them into this world and she didn't ask for his help though she knew, of course, he'd give it and she knew he'd loved having the little ones - or she'd thought so.
"I could find another to co-parent with me, if you didn't want to - I'm sure Sati would love to, she adores puppies after all..." Kalain's returning look told her what he thought of that idea.
Kalain sighed, looked around, stood up. "This isn't the place to be having this argument anyway" he said softly, firmly. He knew it was just stalling, really, but he didn't want to get into it further right now. "I'm sorry, 'Sha. Really. I just... it doesn't feel right."
"No, I guess I'm sorry, I shouldn't push you so much..." she said, wanting to keep the peace, but not really feeling her words. She wanted to push him, wanted to make him agree, but she couldn't exactly force this on him.
Standing up she sighed and nuzzled against him as they both made their way out of the shrine. She'd get him to agree eventually - she just had to find the right approach - a better one than this, obviously.
