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 Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 6:25 pm
they all believe in nature's lies, green grass and blue skies,
a blooming canvas, painted far and wide with the colors of existence,
they believe in the myths and legends their children read from the history books,
heads spinning, imaginations filled with bedtime stories and nursery rhymes,
a place where love fills the brimming oceans, courses through the river's veins as blood.
but me? i haven't got the guts to love someone
and love comes and goes
plenty of people to waste my time with,
faking friendships, making momentary memories,
then they retreat,
i have overstayed my welcome,
i have overstepped my boundaries,
and alone again i face the paper and pen,
writing of things i cannot comprehend,
yet still i pretend.
I haven't the guts to love someone,
I fight my demons alone, with cheap liquor and cigarettes,
wrestling myself to sleep, tossing and turning, head and heart locked in constant contrast,
dreams come to me in fragments, shards of glass to put together, slicing at my fingertips,
only to find the broken image of a boy, lost and lonely, staring blankly back through the reflection
treading water, fading fast, trying not to drown
growing weary of the loveless days, got to find a way to settle down
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Posted: Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:32 am
Loved it, you do a very good job at having a variation of words and ideas floating around.
The last half of the last line "got to find a way to settle down" felt a little out of place to me, but I couldn't tell you why so it's probably just my imagination smile
If I had to make a complaint about this, I would say that I wish the last stanza connected with your first stanza just a little more. At the end of your last stanza you mentioned water and drowning and I was like, that matches up with the river of blood and tried to look for more connections and was a little disappointed that I didn't find as many as I thought I would.
But I love it the way that it is.
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Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2010 7:34 pm
biggrin thank you. lol dont be shy with the critiques, rip it apart haha. im glad you enjoyed it though
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