Tsubame had everything she ever wanted, family, and yet as the day progressed Tsu became more and more restless. The cubs that were playing around the den grated on her nerves while normally she would have joined in or at least just relaxed contently in the shade of a near by tree. The lake side was no better because not only did it have half a dozen cubs playing there were other banu's there chating amongst themselves as they kept an eye on the cubs. She could have joined the other cub watchers yet she had no urge to. Tsu didn't have to go hunting nor watch the cubs so she only had her thoughts to keep her company and those were decidedly absent as well.
At loose ends with no desire for any company Tsu wandered away from the heavily populated areas of the pride lands and soon found herself close to the border. As an adult that was raised in the rouge lands she had no fear of it, caution of course but no fear, so it was with that caution that she slowly approached the edge of the pride's land. A few feet from the official border she found a tall flat bolder that she climbed. The rock was sun warmed and felt good against her tense muscles so the petite lioness soon stretched out. She watched the rouge lands as her mind slowly wandered and a lethargic feeling settled into her bones.
Like Tsubame, Farrah had becoming increasingly absent in the dens of her parents. With so many in Faiz's harem, she had moved to her brother's so Faiz would not have to worry about her. Though she belonged to Ilyas's harem now, however temporarily, she had spent the majority of her time in the den of her parents' to help with her sisters. But that had gotten old relatively quickly, and now Farrah only wanted to be alone for a little while. Her prior attempts at loneliness hadn't gotten her very far; there was no shortage in the pride of lions to interrupt your solitude and she had no den of her own to hide in.
More and more, Farrah had found herself walking to the edge of the Ukuucha'wafalme lands. It was no desire to run; the pride ran in her deeply, she couldn't survive out there and wouldn't want to. But Naim'Namir was still out there somewhere, learning all the rogue lands had to offer about healing, finding his banu (or beybanu, she thought to herself), and though he promised to return home soon... Well, it was hard to know when 'soon' was, wasn't it? Sighing as her paws treaded the ground, bringing her ever closer to that imaginary boundary between the pride and the rogue lands, Farrah didn't at first see anyone around.
She began to climb towards a tall, flat rock where the sun would certainly calm her erratic thoughts, but froze. Someone was perched atop that rock, someone with a familiar pelt. "Naim--" No, no that wasn't Namir. Though she looked like him, she was decidedly different. Only one other lion could have a pelt like that, Naim'Namir's mother Tsubame.
Farrah stepped back from the rock, ears perking up a little. "I'm sorry, Beybanu Tsubame." She smiled sheepishly. "I thought, well.... I saw your fur first, I thought you were Namir." She wished he would just come home already.
Tsubame was so into her thoughts, even though there were no real thoughts, that when someone came up behind her she was startled. It was even worse because that someone first said the name of her son, the one who said he would be back soon and yet was not back yet. She looked up and over at her company and saw a lioness standing sheepishly a few steps back from the rock. "Farrah, what a pleasant surprise!" It really was a pleasant surprise. Tsu liked Farrah and knew that Achal approved of the young banu as well and hoped Achal's idea was correct. Farrah would be the perfect banu for Namir. "Please dear dont worry about formalities, come join me." She gestured to the rest of the space of the top of the rock. With a slightly sad smile Tsu gazed back out into the rouge lands, "Yes Namir did pick up most of my coloring although I would like to think that he got his personality from his father. He certainly didn't get his promptness from me." She laughed lightly at her poor joke.
Farrah cringed a little sheepishly when poor Tsubame jumped. "My apologies." She said without thinking, then looked even more sheepish. "I mean... Yeah." She snorted a little, climbing onto the rock beside Tsubame. "Formalities are all I know in the face of others; I've been well trained, as it were." She said in good humor, for she had been. Formalities within the pride were something Farrah had honed to a keen skill. She was proud of it, though it did make her a bit of an awkward conversationalist.
"Or lack thereof," she replied at her joke, laughing a little. "I wish he'd return home." She said candidly, finding herself looking down at her paws sheepishly as she spoke. Being so blunt was new to Farrah. "He owes me a hare-hunting contest." She looked over, smiling a little. "Though... I'm certain you want him home all the more." She couldn't imagine having a son off in the rogue lands. She knew it happen sooner or later, but for now she liked to pretend she would never have to deal with the heartache of letting a son wander off into the unknown.
Tsu smiled at the younger lioness. "I still get something wrong, I find that by just smiling and not saying anything I don't have to worry about any issues." She laughed slightly knowing that while she knew the formalities it still took her a bit to remember them. "It's all about how one is raised and I still don't know where that boy got his understanding of time." She smiled as only a mother could and was quite pleased when it seemed that Achal was right, Farrah was waiting for her son. "A hare-hunting contest? You mean you don't want him home for another reason?" Tsu couldn't help but try her paw at a little match making, all of her other boys didn't need her help in that department but Namir was her little tumble bug and what he didn't know couldn't hurt him. "I just want to know he is happy and safe. I guess that's the wish of all mothers. I think it is just harder for me since Achal and our family is all I have."
Farrah returned Tsu's smile, nodding her head in agreement. "I try to, but..." She had inherited Faiz's way of advising, and unfortunately that was not one of her requirements as a banu. She spoke out of turn, she knew, but most of the lions in the pride didn't mind. And those who did... She was especially cautious around them. Farrah would not be put in a position of punishment if she could avoid it. "I am my father's daughter." She said finally, laughing a little.
"W-well..." Farrah trailed off, her face heating up beneath her fur and most assuredly not from the warmth of the son. It was true: She missed Namir for another reason entirely. Their last meeting had ended on an unusual note, and Farrah longed to see Namir's face when he returned home knowing full and well she belonged to no other male except her father and, now, her dear brother Ilyas. She was grateful when Tsubame spoke again, smiling. "When I saw him last, he was alive and well. Excited for Ban'ma's litter, too." She smiled a little, but it was sadder than before.
She couldn't assure Tsubame that Namir was okay; she hadn't seen him herself, and Farrah was a logical lioness. The likelihood of Namir returning home safely was big, of course, but there was the tiniest of odds that something would happen, and Farrah couldn't help but think on it with a deep sense of dread. She smiled a little for Tsu's sake, though. "I'm sure when he comes home you'll have all the grandcubs you can spoil." She said coyly, amused.
"That you are Farrah. Its a good thing you are much like Faiz and will make a great Beybanu." Tsu smiled. To know you are like your parents, when its a good thing, is something that Tsu wished she could say although ever since meeting the goddess she realized that she misjudged her own mother. She laughed at Farrah's avoidance of her question about her son, it appeared that Namir had only to ask to and he would find love. "Oh yes Achal did say that you were the one to pass on the message. I am glad that he is excited for more siblings. I just hope that he comes home soon so he can play with them while they are still little. It is always quite amusing playing the games young ones come up with." Tsu glanced at Farrah and noticed that she seemed a bit worried, "He will be back you know. He might be a bit clumsy but he has never been seriously hurt. Luck seems to be something he has always had. After all he is lucky to have a banu like you waiting for him." Tsu smiled and hesitated slightly before giving the young lion a quick nuzzle, trying to calm any worries both seemed to harbor. "Ahh yes to be a grandma again, it shall make me feel old." She knew that Namir's twin was now a mother and has yet to meet her grandcubs something she truly regretted.
Farrah found herself smiling shyly at the comment, though she grew a bit at the mention of the coveted role of Beybanu. It was the honor of a lifetime, being a Pad's beybanu. She prided herself on being like Faiz, coveting her father above all else, even the Sultan. He was the sun in her sky, and the one lion she would turn to above all else when she was troubled.
She nodded a little as she spoke, and smiled. "I hope so, too. I'm sure Namir would love playing with the cubs." She remembered playing with her younger siblings all too well, and had fun with them. Now that they were growing older, it was odd to not come into the den and be dragged immediately into some game of Hide and Seek. She lifted her head when Tsu leaned over, and returned the nuzzle with a small, sheepish smile. "Thank you, Tsu." She mumbled, sighing a little.
"I remember being terrified when Ilyas left." She laughed weakly. "I thought he would never come home." Ilyas had been the favored brother to Farrah; she loved him the best of her siblings. It wasn't fair, she knew, but she couldn't help it. Ilyas had been there for her so much that he immediately became her favorite. The banu comment, however, made her laugh. "I'm not his banu yet," she pointed out with an innocent smile. "He has to come home first." Though she had no doubt in her mind that the answer would be a loud resounding 'yes'. When it had happened, she wasn't sure, but somehow Farrah had fallen for the clumsy Namir.
She grinned a little at Tsu, shaking her head. "I can't wait to have cubs." She said after a minute, ears flattening against her head. "It's weird, not having cubs in my family's den. Everyone is growing up so quickly..."
"He always did enjoy games." Tsu smiled remembering the games her young son always got into. "I guess all of us are afraid for our brothers or sons no matter how much we know they will be fine. Speaking of Ilyas I have heard rumors that you have shifted to his den so your father can have a bit more room." Tsu was curious about that and wanted to make sure after all when Namir came home she wanted to tell him who he needed to go to to 'officially' ask for Farrah. "You might not be his banu yet but I'm sure you will be, even if I have to push him into the lake first." She laughed so Farrah new it was a joke after all Tsu knew her son and she had a feeling that everything would just be fine. "Being a mother is such a great feeling and yet sometimes it hurts so much seeing your little ones growing up and getting in trouble and of course living their own lives." Tsu turned her gaze back to the rouge lands. "Life is always changing and yet sometimes you wish you can stop time and just savor it."
She nodded in agreement, frowning. "I was thrilled when he returned, but I remember the first few weeks all I could do was worry about Ilyas." She smiled sheepishly, shaking her head. "I am hopeful it gets easier with time, but I doubt it." She snorted a little, and then nodded again. "Yes, Ilyas invited me to join his harem for the time being." She smiled. "My father has many daughters, and it is hard to keep watch of them all on his own, so Ilyas offered to take care of me until Namir returns home." Really, neither Faiz nor Ilyas knew of Farrah's secret love. It wasn't something she was hiding, but she hadn't yet had the opportunity to inform them. She was certain they'd be thrilled, especially Ilyas, but she wanted the timing to be right.
Farrah grinned at her joke, laughing a little. "If you don't push him into the lake, I'll have to beat you to it." She said, laughing. She had little doubt that Namir would ask her, and looked forward to his return. She followed Tsu's gaze into the rogue lands, and smiled a little. "I hope that as a mother I am as... Good, as mine were." She said after a minute, smiling. "And the strength to let them live their lives without wanting to control every aspect." She was something of a perfectionist, after all, and running her own children's lives... She didn't want to be that mother.
"I think that once you are a mother and you watch your sons go off you at least know that you are not alone in your worry and in my case I focused on my girls and Maua's cubs." Tsubame knew that all cubs had to grow up someday but it was still hard to think of her little fluff balls as pads in their own right. "That is understandable after all a den can only hold so many." She smiled at Farrah, "although the help of an older lioness can be useful when watching over a den full of cubs. I bet the silence or at least the relative quite is a relief though." Tsu laughed softly knowing full well how much noise a dozen cubs can make. She laughed harder when Farrah said that she would be inline to push Namir in the lake, she would do just fine. "I'm sure you will do fine dear. I was terrified that I would turn out like my own mother when I learned of being pregnant but as the cubs were born and grew I slipped into the role of Mother quite easily and I'm sure you will to. And trying to control a cub's life is like trying to count the stars, its possible but it would be a never ending struggle."
Farrah nodded as she spoke, frowning thoughtfully. She hadn't thought of that, worrying with others. Farrah liked to keep her emotions in check, to keep herself from feeling too vulnerable due to her weaknesses. Though she knew, deep down, that worrying was not a weakness, she had conditioned it to feel as such and didn't like showing it often. She wanted to be the rock that others turned to; not a crumbling boulder the moment her boys left to find love.
"Oh, I know." She snorted at the comment about dens, nodding her head. After the first two litters had been born, it felt as though the den was caving in and would never empty out. "I'm glad that some of my siblings are gone, and my father hasn't yet given a litter to his other two banus because of how busy he's been, so there's no new cubs yet, but even so, living with my sisters as they grow older is...annoying?" She offered, sheepish. "I see a bit of foolishness I know I had as a cub and just want to tell them to knock it off." She snorted.
She grinned a little at Tsu's advice, nodding thoughtfully. "As long as they're healthy and happy, I... don't care how they end up." She wouldn't go as far as to say she'd let them find happiness in the rogue lands, but she probably would: Happiness was not a patch of land surrounded by family to all. To some, it was the freedom to leave as they chose. Farrah hoped none of her cubs turned out that way, but she wouldn't fight it unnecessarily if that came to be. "My Mamas were, well... They were good. I can only hope to be like them, to a point." Farrah wasn't trying to fool herself into thinking she'd be carbon copies of her mothers, but they had a lot of wisdom she was lacking. Their advice would be crucial.
Tsu smiled and laughed a bit at Farrah's comment. "I wish I could say 'I know' but I can I can only suggest warning them about the really bad things and just being there for when the little things go wrong. 'I told you so' while not appropriate is sometimes needed." She grinned and nodded, agreeing with Farrah's comment about happy and healthy. "I like to think that that is what all parents essentially want for their offspring. You know it never really hurts to ask for advice and when it comes to mother's like yours its likely to be good advice. But just being your self would likely be enough for you."
Farrah nodded in agreement, 'hmm'ing thoughtfully. Her sisters would likely ignore her advice now, anyway. Though they were all good kids, she herself remembered resenting some advice given to her as an ambitious juvenile. She didn't want a repeat of her own past, having snapped at others when she oughtn't have. She flushed beneath her fur, and smiled wider, nodding. "Thank you, Tsu." She smiled at her. "Between my Mamas, and you, I'm sure I'll do fine." She grinned at Tsubame.
"I'm sure you will dear, I'm sure you will." With really nothing else to say Tsu turned back to the rouge lands, content with the silence and with the company. Farrah would be just fine and Namir would be extremely lucky. A better daughter-in-law Tsu could not ask for.