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 Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 7:21 pm
My Clown It was the night before Halloween and of course, I was stuck at home. My parents had decided to ruin the night for me and force me to stay home and watch the dog while they went out and partied. “Oh honey. You’ll be fine. We’ll only be gone a few hours. You can go out when we come back,” My voice was high and obnoxious- perfect for mocking someone. And right now, that someone was my mother. My phone read ten o’clock. They’ve been out since seven. Doesn’t seem like they’ll be back anytime soon. I settled down into the couch, wrapping my arms protectively around the bowl of candy corn I had. Mother had specifically told me not to eat them, that they were for tomorrow, but I never was one for following directions. That’s what they get for leaving me alone in our dark, two story house. Layce jumped up onto the couch and laid down, taking up the other two sections of the couch. She was an adorable German shepherd, Australian Shepherd mix with blue-ish black spots all over her off white fur. Dad had offered to call her Spots, because of her spots, but he was over-ruled by both my mom and I, who said she looked more like a Layce. Her light brown eyes stared at me, begging for a candy corn. I gave her two, just for being such an awesome dog. When a high-pitched scream rippled through the air, my heart kicked into adrenaline mode and my head snapped up. But it was only the Tv. I had forgotten I had been watching a horror movie. Lace growled at the scream, causing me to giggle. “It’s alright girl. Nothing to worry about,” The words seemed to calm her down, but I think it was me scratching her between the ears that did the trick. Either way. Everyone had settled down and my heart had gone back to its regular pace, only to jump again when my phone buzzed, jumping around on the coffee table in front of me. I sat up and grabbed my phone, thinking it was that cute boy from History class I’d been texting all night. But my phone told me it wasn’t. Instead, it was someone calling me from a restricted number. ‘That’s funny. I don’t know anyone with a restricted number.’ I thought about putting it down, but my curiosity kept me from that. The voice on the other end of the phone was a mere murmur, and it took me a minute to realize what the person was saying. “Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me. Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me. Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me,” And then dial tone. It had obviously been male, but that was as much as I got. I took my phone away from my ear and stared at it for a moment. Catching Layce’s concerned look, I smiled, shrugged, and put my phone back on the coffee table, convincing myself it had simply been a prank call and nothing more. The words stuck with me, though, echoing in the back of my head all the way through the night. Through the rest of the horror movie and into the middle of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Up until the point where they were chased out of my head by a blood-curdling scream. One just like one out of a scary movie. Except this one was far more real and a ton more terrifying. Layce sprang from the couch and bolted to the stairs. She stood at the bottom of them, her lip curled back and her ears pinned to her head. Had she been allowed upstairs, she probably would’ve already been up there, checking things out. But she wasn’t, and Layce always followed the rules. No matter what happened. I placed my bowl of candy corn on the table and slowly got up. “Stay,” I ordered Layce, using the hand motion for emphasis, before climbing up the stairs to scope things out. Hesitantly, I opened all of the doors, afraid I would find something waiting for me. But nothing had come up by the time I had reached my door. It was slightly ajar, and I distinctly remembered closing it all the way. I didn’t see anything through the crack. The sight I saw when I pushed the door open was something out of a horror movie. Someone slouched in the corner of my room, right by my closet, while another person crouched in front of her. The one crouching was wearing a clown costume. The back of his shirt was made of patches of colored fabrics but the person’s pants were a darker red. On his head was a fake looking, rainbow colored afro. Whoever the clown was crouching over looked like a woman, but I couldn’t be sure because the person crouching was blocking my view. The clown stood up and took a couple of steps back and to the side, making it possible for me to see the whole body. And suddenly, the horror movie turned into a nightmare It was a woman dressed as Alice from Alice in Wonderland. She even had the blonde hair. The girl’s eyes were rolled back into her head and there was a slit across her through that was oozing blood. I swallowed hard and rolled my eyes over to the clown thing that still hadn’t turned to face me. Terror had frozen me in place. When the creature turned around, I wished it hadn’t. Its face was ghost white except for the blood red inch thick outline of his mouth. I decided it was best if I didn’t know if it was real blood. His eyes bothered me the most. They were pitch black. A pit of darkness. The whole eye was black. Drawn onto its cheeks were black tears, three on each cheek. The thing took a couple steps towards me and my body screamed at me to run. But I couldn’t. And the smile that monster gave me told me it knew it too. Its mouth was filled with a series of over-lapping, razor sharp teeth. Exactly like a sharks. They were the teeth of the predator. I was obviously the prey. A short scream managed to squeeze through my constricted through before I fell forward, into the clown. It caught me and I could feel things poking me in the back as it wrapped its arms around me. The last things I heard was the sound of Layce growling and the clowns whispered promise he’d be back. And then there was only darkness. Comments, Questions, and Critique are appreciated. ^.^
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 7:43 pm
Cliffhanger much? What happened to your parents afterwards? They go home to find you drained of all blood?
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 7:50 pm
X3 The end is for you to decide. That's how I write most of the time. With open endings.
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Posted: Wed Oct 27, 2010 12:14 pm
There's no paragraphs! It's just a big block of text! It turns me off right away to it.
Also, cliffhangers are no good for endings unless you already have the sequel in mind. To have the reader make up the ending is sheer laziness on your part. It's important to learn how to end your story. It takes practice, just like writing a beginning and middle takes practice.
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Irako of the Desert Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:47 pm
I know. The no paragraphs things pissed me off too. I just copied it off of facebook because I didn't have time x.x
There's not really a sequel to this xD It's just a short story. My signature story, actually. And I can end it. In fact, in one of the drafts on my computer I have ended it, in one or two different ways. I find it more interesting to see what the other writers out there do with the ending. Sometimes it gives me ideas =3
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Posted: Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:49 pm
Don’t be Afraid
Hi. My name is Elliss Mary Crook and I am currently a nineteen-year-old girl in my first year of college. I am five foot six with dark brown hair and dark blue, almost purple eyes I inherited from my mother. My hair has light brown highlights and comes down to my shoulders, curling near the bottom. You might see me around and think I’m a totally normal nineteen-year old. But I’m not. I was sixteen when my life became a living nightmare. Three years ago I was recruited into his game without a say and I have yet to get out of it. So let my story be a warning to all of you out there. Stay in packs. Never stay home alone. And most of all; don’t be afraid.
It was the night before Halloween and of course, I was stuck at home. My parents had decided to ruin the night for me by making me stay home and watch the dog while they went out and partied like I should have been doing.
“Oh Elly. You’ll be fine. We’ll only be gone a few hours. You can go out when we come back,” My voice was high and obnoxious; perfect for mocking someone. I checked my phone. It read ten o’clock. They’ve been out since seven. Doesn’t seem like they’ll be back anytime soon. I settled down into the couch, wrapping my arms protectively around the bowl of candy corn I had. Mother had specifically told me not to eat them, that they were for tomorrow, but following my moms’ directions frustrated me. See what they get for leaving me alone in out dark, two-story house? They get a rebellious daughter. Our adorable German Shepherd, Australian Shepherd mix Layce jumped up onto the couch, cuddling next to me. She had an off white under coat with blue-black spots all over her. Dad had offered to call her Spots but mom and I disagreed. After an hour of arguing, we settled for Layce. Her golden brown eyes stared at me, begging for a candy corn. I gave her two, just for being such an awesome dog. When a high-pitched scream rippled through the air, my heart kicked into adrenaline mode and my head snapped up. But it was only the television. I had forgotten I had been watching a horror movie. Lace growled at the scream, causing me to giggle.
“Sh girl. Nothing to worry about,” The words seemed to calm her down, but I think me scratching her between the ears what did the trick. Either way. Everyone had settled down and my heart had lowered back to its regular pace, only to jump again when my phone buzzed, jumping around on the coffee table in front of me. I sat up and grabbed my phone, thinking it was that cute boy from History class I’d been texting all night. But my phone indicated otherwise. Instead, it was someone calling me from a restricted number. ‘Funny. I don’t know anyone with a restricted number.’ I thought about putting it down, but my curiosity kept me from that. The voice on the other end of the phone was a mere murmur and it took me a minute to understand the man on the other end.
“Can’t sleep, clowns will get me. Can’t sleep, clowns will get me. Can’t sleep, clowns will get me,” Dial tone. I took my phone away from my ear and stared at it for a moment. Catching Layce’s look, I smiled, shrugged, and put my phone back on the coffee table, convincing myself it had simply been a prank call and nothing more. The words stuck with me, though, echoing in the back of my head all the way through the night. Through the rest of the horror movie and into the middle of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Up until the point when they sprinted out of my head because of a blood-curdling scream. Just like one from a scary movie. Except this one was far more real. Layce sprang from the couch and bolted to the stairs. She stood at the bottom of them, her lip curled back and her ears pinned to her head. If we had allowed her upstairs, she probably would’ve already cantered up there, checking things out. But we didn’t, and Layce always followed the rules. No matter what happened. I placed my bowl of candy corn on the table and slowly got up.
“Stay,” I ordered Layce, using the hand motion for emphasis before climbing up the stairs to scope things out. Hesitantly, I opened all of the doors; afraid I would find something waiting for me. But nothing had come up by the time I had reached my door. I didn’t see anything through the crack, and I took this as a sign I could leave. But something bothered me. Just to prove myself that nothing was wrong, I pushed my door open without hesitation. I had enough time to take a step inside before my mind registered the situation. Someone slouched in the corner of my room, right by my closet, while another person crouched in front of her. The one crouching was wearing a clown costume. The back of his shirt was made of patches of colored fabrics but the person’s pants were a solid dark red. On his head was a rainbow colored afro, obviously fake. Whoever the clown was crouching over looked like a woman, but I couldn’t be sure. The clown person shifted his weight, allowing me to see whom he was crouching over. An Alice slouched there, dead. She only looked about twenty, twenty-one. My eyes were drawn to her arm, which was laying face-up. On it she bore five recent scratches, each oozing fresh blood. I didn’t know what to think. My mind was completely blank. It had stopped trying to comprehend a situation that didn’t seem to be real. This was the stuff of nightmares, not real life. I lifted my eyes, startled by the clown thing that happened to be right there, about a foot from me. ‘But he was crouching and now he’s there…?’ It didn’t add up. I ruled this as a dream and told myself I couldn’t be afraid of a simple dream. It wasn’t real. But I was so wrong. The things face was ghost white except for the blood red inch thick outline of his mouth. Black tears were drawn onto his cheeks, three on each. His eyes bothered me the most. They were pitch black. The whole eye was black. A pit of darkness, capturing my stare and luring me in. My body screamed at me to run. But I couldn’t. And the monster knew it, too. He gave me a large, unreal smile, and I broke. A short scream managed to squeeze through my constricted throat before I fell forward, into the clown. It caught me and I could feel claws poking me in the back as it wrapped its arms around me. The last things I heard was the sound of Layce growling and the clowns whispered promise he’d be back. And that’s when the darkness set in.
I wasn’t dead. No, death taunted me, laughing in my face as I wished for it to come and save me. For it to come and take me away, out of this clowns game of torture. I’ve gotten better; I’ve learned to deal with it. To accept that I am now his pawn. But it’s still taken its toll. I hardly eat and I don’t sleep because the clown will come get me. But I’m not afraid. This will end sometime
THIS WON'T INDENT AND IT'S MAKING ME ANGRY!!!! -deep breaths- Okay. I'm fine. But this is the revised version. Just fixing the things I thought were wrong.
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Posted: Sat Oct 30, 2010 12:37 pm
Quote: My Clown ----------It was the night before Halloween and of course, I was stuck at home. My parents had decided to ruin the night for me and force me to stay home and watch the dog while they went out and partied. ----------“Oh honey. You’ll be fine. We’ll only be gone a few hours. You can go out when we come back,” My voice was high and obnoxious- perfect for mocking someone. And right now, that someone was my mother. My phone read ten o’clock. They’ve been out since seven. Doesn’t seem like they’ll be back anytime soon. I settled down into the couch, wrapping my arms protectively around the bowl of candy corn I had. Mother had specifically told me not to eat them, that they were for tomorrow, but I never was one for following directions. That’s what they get for leaving me alone in our dark, two story house. Layce jumped up onto the couch and laid down, taking up the other two sections of the couch. She was an adorable German shepherd, Australian Shepherd mix with blue-ish black spots all over her off white fur. Dad had offered to call her Spots, because of her spots, but he was over-ruled by both my mom and I, who said she looked more like a Layce. Her light brown eyes stared at me, begging for a candy corn. I gave her two, just for being such an awesome dog. When a high-pitched scream rippled through the air, my heart kicked into adrenaline mode and my head snapped up. But it was only the Tv. I had forgotten I had been watching a horror movie. Lace growled at the scream, causing me to giggle. ----------“It’s alright girl. Nothing to worry about,” The words seemed to calm her down, but I think it was me scratching her between the ears that did the trick. Either way. Everyone had settled down and my heart had gone back to its regular pace, only to jump again when my phone buzzed, jumping around on the coffee table in front of me. I sat up and grabbed my phone, thinking it was that cute boy from History class I’d been texting all night. But my phone told me it wasn’t. Instead, it was someone calling me from a restricted number. ‘That’s funny. I don’t know anyone with a restricted number.’ I thought about putting it down, but my curiosity kept me from that. The voice on the other end of the phone was a mere murmur, and it took me a minute to realize what the person was saying. ----------“Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me. Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me. Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me,” And then dial tone. It had obviously been male, but that was as much as I got. I took my phone away from my ear and stared at it for a moment. Catching Layce’s concerned look, I smiled, shrugged, and put my phone back on the coffee table, convincing myself it had simply been a prank call and nothing more. The words stuck with me, though, echoing in the back of my head all the way through the night. Through the rest of the horror movie and into the middle of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Up until the point where they were chased out of my head by a blood-curdling scream. One just like one out of a scary movie. Except this one was far more real and a ton more terrifying. Layce sprang from the couch and bolted to the stairs. She stood at the bottom of them, her lip curled back and her ears pinned to her head. Had she been allowed upstairs, she probably would’ve already been up there, checking things out. But she wasn’t, and Layce always followed the rules. No matter what happened. I placed my bowl of candy corn on the table and slowly got up. ----------“Stay,” I ordered Layce, using the hand motion for emphasis, before climbing up the stairs to scope things out. Hesitantly, I opened all of the doors, afraid I would find something waiting for me. But nothing had come up by the time I had reached my door. It was slightly ajar, and I distinctly remembered closing it all the way. I didn’t see anything through the crack. The sight I saw when I pushed the door open was something out of a horror movie. Someone slouched in the corner of my room, right by my closet, while another person crouched in front of her. The one crouching was wearing a clown costume. The back of his shirt was made of patches of colored fabrics but the person’s pants were a darker red. On his head was a fake looking, rainbow colored afro. Whoever the clown was crouching over looked like a woman, but I couldn’t be sure because the person crouching was blocking my view. The clown stood up and took a couple of steps back and to the side, making it possible for me to see the whole body. And suddenly, the horror movie turned into a nightmare It was a woman dressed as Alice from Alice in Wonderland. She even had the blonde hair. The girl’s eyes were rolled back into her head and there was a slit across her through that was oozing blood. I swallowed hard and rolled my eyes over to the clown thing that still hadn’t turned to face me. Terror had frozen me in place. When the creature turned around, I wished it hadn’t. Its face was ghost white except for the blood red inch thick outline of his mouth. I decided it was best if I didn’t know if it was real blood. His eyes bothered me the most. They were pitch black. A pit of darkness. The whole eye was black. Drawn onto its cheeks were black tears, three on each cheek. The thing took a couple steps towards me and my body screamed at me to run. But I couldn’t. And the smile that monster gave me told me it knew it too. Its mouth was filled with a series of over-lapping, razor sharp teeth. Exactly like a sharks. They were the teeth of the predator. I was obviously the prey. A short scream managed to squeeze through my constricted through before I fell forward, into the clown. It caught me and I could feel things poking me in the back as it wrapped its arms around me. The last things I heard was the sound of Layce growling and the clowns whispered promise he’d be back. And then there was only darkness. ~~~~ I'm not being helpful here in feedback; I did not read it except for the title. However, about y our intent problem... Gaia has an interesting way of indenting. Quote or edit this post to see if this is what you're looking for.
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