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 Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:29 pm
 Kichaa had returned early today to the den in which she slept night after night and left from early in the morning. It was very hot outside at the moment and she wanted to get into some shade, even if that meant she would be forced to have to interact with her sister, and the brats of the male she had the unfortunate obligation in which to cal 'Pad'.
Kichaa could feel the sweat dripping down the side of her fur as she trudged quietly towards the den's entrance. She sat herself just inside the mouth of the den, where the was shade and went no further inside. She wasn't going to deal with anything she was able to avoid, after all.
Giving off a sigh, she looked up at the blue sky and laid her head onto her paws, "Chacha wishes she was a bird."
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:36 pm
 Amara felt like she was a terrible mother. Ever since the arrival of Thuraya in the den, and then the surprisingly swift succession of Thuraya and Kifa's labors, Amara hadn't done much visiting with her own children. As Kwea's Beybanu, she found herself in charge of the vast majority of the hunting while the other lionesses could not do so. She was also in charge of making sure the den was well-taken care of; her daughter, Koko, could not be considered much help.. and Kichaa was rarely around during daylight hours. It bothered her that Kwea thought Kichaa might be capable of harming the new cubs. Her brightly-colored daughter wouldn't be able to do that. A flash of crimson caught her gaze as she moved towards the entrance of the den. A swift smile drew the corners of Amara's mouth upward as she caught the tail end of Kichaa's comment. "Daughter! I have scarcely seen you these past few weeks." Drawing closer to her juvenile daughter, Amara sat next to Kichaa for a few moments of respite. "Why do you wish you were a bird?"
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:50 pm
Kichaa was caught off guard by her mother, causing her hackles to raise and her ears to go flat. When she noticed it was her mother and only her mother, her fur smoothed out, but her ears remained flat, shamed by the fact that her mother's words were true and that it was apparent her mother had missed her. She gave her mother a small, sad smile when she sat down next to her and leaned over a little onto her, missing the attention her mother once had time to give her.
"Chacha wishes she was a bird so she could see the world. Mommy, did you know that on the outside girls can be whatever they want to be? I want to be whatever I want to be," Kichaa commented, the strain of attempting to correct her speech evident each time she spoke. She had been trying hard not to refer to herself as Chacha anymore. It got her funny looks every time she spoke to someone and she was sick of those looks. If she could, she'd smack them with the back side of her paw and tell them that their eyes would stick that way one day, but she wouldn't dare.
"...How are you, Mommy?" Kichaa had kept her distance since the birth of all those little brats. She dislike the majority of them. Kwea was corrupting her brothers, her sister and those babies into being like him. Foul beasts that beat up their Banu. She looked at her mother quietly, trying to find new wounds from the beast she called her Pad.
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:58 pm
Amara listened to her sweet Kichaa as she spoke, her grin fading into a ghost of a smile. She was quiet for a long moment, and in the time before she spoke she leaned forward and began to idly groom her daughter's ears and pristine white mane. Kichaa would grow into a striking lioness, and Amara was a bit saddened by the fact that she would not be able to see her daughter mature. Deep down, Amara knew that her daughter would not -- could not -- thrive here.
Her voice was quiet when she spoke, "A long time ago, back when you were still in my belly, I lived in the outside world. As wondrous as it sounds, it was a frightening place to be. I was all alone before I met Kwea, and he brought me here so that I could give birth to you and raise you and your brothers and sisters without being in fear of something harming us all."
Quiet once more, she fell to grooming Kichaa again, purring softly. "I am happy. My beautiful daughters and strong sons are getting older right before my very eyes, and it pleases me." She got a faraway look in her eyes; most of them pleased her. Koko was a different story, but Amara hoped in time they could come to an understanding.
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 3:24 pm
Kichaa missed the attention greatly and couldn't help but let out a purr as her mother groomed her. This was how things should be, except minus Kwea and his brats. Thuraya and Kifa could stay in her perfect world if they wanted, after all, neither had ever been mean to her; yet anyway. Nesrin too, especially Nesrin. She kinda wished she could run away and bring Nesrin with her. She looked so lonely in the pride, no matter where she went.
When her mother spoke, Kichaa's ears perked up at the fact that her mom had not always lived here. She didn't know her mom had come from the outside world, and always figured that their father, while knowing he was just a passing fancy, had either left to find his own Banu and never returned, or had died and that her mother hadn't wanted to break her heart. She wanted to know where her father was, and what he was like. Hearing her reasons for why he mother came her, she understood to some extent, but staying here? Even after Kwea hit her? Why?
"I please you, Mommy?" Kichaa asked, looking up to her, a small sense of joy in her eyes, "Do I really? Everyone says I'm bad... Because I don't want to be like everyone else. Am I bad?"
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 4:09 pm
Amara laughed at Kichaa's question. "Of course you please me, love. You're so vibrant with life, so sweet. I don't think there is a mean bone in your little body." Grinning, Amara nuzzled Kichaa's ear gently, motherly, before leaning back a bit. "There are many things in this world that we cannot understand, Kichaa. There are even more things in the minds of others that we cannot understand." It was hard to explain, especially for Amara. She wanted to give Kichaa clarity about her mother's history and how they'd been conceived, and the reasons why Kwea had scarred her. She was just afraid that it would be too much for her sweet daughter to handle.
"You are special because you are different. Do not let anyone take that away from you, love." Amara gave Kichaa a pained smile. "You are not bad. Never forget that."
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 4:34 pm
Kichaa felt guilty that her mother believed she was nothing but sweetness and love. Usually, her mother would be right, but there were times, terrible times, where she felt this anger in herself that just came out of nowhere. It would grow over hours to days and would just last and last. It made Kichaa feel terrible. Somedays she wondered if maybe the fact that she was mean to Koko turned Koko mean and not Kwea. She had been mean to Koko before, but she always apologized, and she even told her what she felt during those times.
"But there is..." Kichaa murmured sadly, "There is mean in me. And I was mean to Koko when we were little, even though I tried my best not to be, and now Koko caught the mean that I had and now she's being mean. Mommy, it's all my fault."
Kichaa looked to her mom, tears in her eyes. That could be the only real explanation as to why Koko was mean. Koko caught the mean from Kichaa. Kichaa was to blame for how her sister was now, and even though she tried her best it wasn't enough.
"I tried to tell Koko that I couldn't keep myself from feeling mean and sad. I told her I was sorry, and that I didn't mean it and that I loved Koko, but Koko still caught the mean from me. It's all my fault..."
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 4:43 pm
Amara sighed. It had been too much to hope that her own cubs would be able to live their lives with all the normalcy that Amara had not had growing up. It broke Amara's heart that her daughter was feeling this way, and tried to find the words to make the pain and anguish go away.
"All of us have some mean inside of us. Some of us have more mean inside of us than others, and some of us are better at hiding our mean. Sometimes..." Amara trailed off with a sigh, "sometimes the mean inside of us takes control and makes us do things we normally wouldn't do, Kichaa. And sometimes it helps if we give our meanness a name. It helps us deal with the mean when it steals our life away... or gives us a gift."
It was hard to explain, and Amara felt like she was failing. Deciding to go all out, she continued. "My mean had control of me when I got pregnant with you, but how could I resent that? How could I resent my mean for giving me my beloved children?"
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 5:09 pm
Amara had broken Kichaa's brain quite a bit there, as her daughter looked at her slack jawed. That was absolute nonsense and impossibility. Her mom was FAR from mean, ever. She was sweet and loving, and sure she was the Banu of a horrid monster who didn't deserve her, but she remained sweet and honorable. Kichaa couldn't fathom her mother ever being mean. In fact, she was pretty sure she was being lied to right now to be made to feel better.
"No, no, no, no," Kichaa said, scowling and shaking her head, "There is no mean in my Mommy anywhere. She is the nicest, sweetest, bestest person I know. How could there ever be any mean in her?"
Kichaa shifted herself onto her back legs and sat up, leaning over and draping her arms around her mother in comfort, "There isn't any mean in my Mommy."
Kichaa did understand what her mother meant though, and wondered if maybe that's how her mean was. But if this was true, how come she felt so sad after feeling so mean and continued in that sadness? Emotions were really complicated. She wished she could make those disappear too, living in just blissful happiness. Maybe if she didn't have them, than being what everyone wanted would be easier.
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 5:20 pm
Amara laughed softly, taking comfort in her small daughter's embrace. She didn't want to delve into it any further because she... well, she liked how Kichaa looked at her, as if she could do no wrong.
But part of Amara felt that if she could make her point, if she could make Kichaa understand, perhaps it could help her daughter get herself figured out.
"Do you remember," Amara began, brushing her paw over Kichaa's mane, "what Kwea hurt mommy? It wasn't because he is mean. It was because mommy's mean took control and tried to make mommy leave you and your brothers and sister, and Kwea." She hoped her daughter would understand.
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 6:10 pm
"He didn't have to hit you," Kichaa said flatly, giving her mother a stern look at the mention that anything could even justify what he had done. There wasn't anything to justify what he had done to her mother, nor to Nesrin. Nesrin hadn't even done anything other than be traded off into his harem, and what did she get? She got used for target practice by the boys.
Kichaa pulled away from her mother, a nasty look on her face. Something she had never shown anyone before, not even Koko. She spat on the ground in front of her mother before looking back to her, Kichaa's voice a low hiss barely audible between the two lionesses, "That is what I think of Kwea, Mommy. He is evil. He hits you. He hits Nesrin. He is evil."
"Real men don't hit girls." She said, fire in her eyes. "Real men don't have to."
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Posted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 6:38 pm
Well, that hadn't been a good approach. Amara was silent for a long moment, deciding that Kwea wouldn't be a good way to explain to Kichaa why things were the way they were. All she could do was smile gently at her daughter.
"You mustn't say that kind of thing out loud, Kichaa." She wouldn't scold her daughter, but she didn't want her to get in trouble by speaking in ways that were entirely looked down on in the pride. "Kwea has been a good Pad to me; he's kept us all safe, and I do love him."
Amara sighed, hugging Kichaa close with her forearms.
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Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:24 am
Kichaa struggled a little, still upset at her mother defending the demon that would dare hit her, but she stopped after a few moments. Visibly upset, she looked up to her mother with tears in her eyes and concern in her voice, "He was teaching Egemen how to hit girls, Mommy. I saw it. He shoved Nesrin out of the den and took the boys with him and than he showed them all how to hit girls!"
It was obvious the opinion Amara's daughter had on this practice. She found it wrong and appalling. She found the majority of this pride wrong and appalling. Shoving her face in her paws Kichaa cried, "I don't want a Pad! I don't want to be some pretty thing sitting in a Pesar or Pad's harem where I'm expected to have cubs and take care of them. I want to do something more."
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