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 Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 1:44 pm
Hello everyone,
I've decided to consolidate the PRAISE and CRITICISM into a 'Praise/criticism/comments' thread to make it easier for critics to post, and for authors to check.
All old posts from the old Praise and Criticism threads have been deleted because I'll assume that you've checked those comments months ago.
Happy writing!
-Reina AKA Fullmoon_sagashite123
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Posted: Fri Oct 15, 2010 1:54 pm
To the author of That Little Lie :
Lol. To turn a rant into a poem...COOL!
I think your sentence "It just makes my feeling even more hurt" is ungrammatical. It should be feelingS and you might have to rephrase it because 'even more hurt' sounds a bit awkward. biggrin
The beginning of your poem may have turned out a bit awkward, but it's ok because as I kept on reading it got better and better probably because you were just warming up. People can definitely relate to this poem but I think you might have to fix up one more thing. The part where you say that love is black and white, maybe it shouldn't be "love" because I think "love" is different concept from what your character is going through. I'm not sure... You can keep that part if you like though, just my opinion.
Overall it was a good poem. I should turn a rant into a poem one day! Good idea!
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