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 Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:25 pm
 Her little heart was crushed.
Partly because she was worried about both of her sisters. But mostly because of the way Jani had spoken with her before her temper caused her to pass out, leaving Toki to stand in befuddled, wounded silence.
She had left the shaman's den with a somewhat more wilted attitude than normal. She was usually quite the happy-go-lucky pup and, though shyer than many of the other pups, it was rare to see a frown. Which was what she was doing right then. She plodded with a rather downtrodden air and her tail was almost tucked. She had left the yellow flower sitting in front of Jani's maw, in the hopes that it would cheer her upon waking, but took the white one with her. She had half a mind to show her emotions, a mingling of anger and sadness, by crushing it. Yet she resisted.
Instead, she flopped down a good distance from the den, hiding herself in the underbrush.
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 10:07 am
 Rock had considered going straight back to Hollow Earth without looking for his father. Jani had been cruel, crushing even, and he didn't know if he could go on any further in his own family without his heart exploding with sadness.
But he had to, he couldn't just leave. He had spoken to his mother, and that had had the most terrifying consequences he could have imagined. After his tearful visit with the mothering alpha of Hollow Earth, he had been prompted to see how Jani was healing, and that had been crushing as well. He had to at least give his father a chance. To Rock, he was the last great problem in this pack.
As he drew closer to the family den, he began calling softly for him. "Papa? Can you hear me?" he pawed his way gingerly through the underbrush, frightened to death of awaking his mother.
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 2:37 pm
Toki's white ringed ears twitched slightly at the sound of her brother's voice. She hadn't seen Rock in some time and part of her had been worried for him, as well. So many things going on... And for a moment, she hesitated to respond. Would he want to talk to her, even?
Agh, not else could really go wrong, could it?
"I haven't seen him, Rock..." She called out after her moment's hesitation. She pushed herself slowly to a sitting position, turning her golden eyes in search of him. He was close, she could tell by his voice, and she found him after a moment. He was so fluffy in comparison to her and, for a moment, she wondered what it must feel like to be that furry.
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 4:52 pm
Rock flinched at the voice that came suddenly, and from very close to him. He had to pause a moment and think of who the voice belonged to, and when he realized the source, he felt ashamed of himself. He was so caught up with the bad members of his family that he had left little time to get to know the good.
He sniffed Toki out relatively easily after he knew she was there, and crawled on his belly closer to her. "Are you ok?" he asked when he saw the pain in her eyes. He wondered if she, too, was under duress over the state of their family. Was he really not alone after all in his feelings?
He was frightened, and slightly angered at the thought that Jani had been mean to poor Toki, but at least someone else understood now. It felt wrong of him to want that, but it was all he could do under the circumstances.
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 5:22 pm
"Yeah..."
Her voice trailed off as she watched Rock squirm nearer to her stubby, little body. He seemed relatively unhappy, as well, and she wondered just what the reason was. Was it Jani? She had no idea about what her mother had tried to do to her brother and her young, naive brain might not even have the capacity to wrap around it. And then it occurred to her that if he was hurting and she was hurting, what was the point in keeping such things from him. She didn't want to admit to knowing there was something deeply wrong with her family, but she knew it was true, and Rock seemed relatively normal...
"No, actually. I think there is something wrong with her... Jani, I mean."
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 6:09 pm
Rock wasn't actually convinced that Toki was alright, and he was relieved when she decided to tell him the truth. Jani.
"I know... there is." he answered carefully. He didn't know how to explain it, but there was something wrong with her. He was fearful about telling the whole story finally, but felt like he could trust Toki.
"When Kona was scarred by lightning... Jani went mad because they were no longer the same." he decided to leave his mushrooms out of the story, because there was no reason for him to share the knowledge of them with Toki. She was so sweet and innocent, and he knew what they had caused Jani to do. He didn't need the same happening to Toki.
"She tried to chew her legs and paws, to give herself the same scars. That's why she's at the healer... I went to visit her early this morning and she was so mean to me. She thinks everything different in the world should... should die." he sniffled a bit, remembering the cold cruel words his sister had said to him on his visit.
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:15 pm
She had known Kona had been hurt and that was why she was at the healers. She had assumed Jani following had to have something to do with their strange sameness, but she didn't know that Jani had given those scars to herself. She should have guessed it... But at this day and age, her mind didn't quite work that way. She sat silently, absorbing the words that left his maw as best she could and letting them take root in her thoughts. They were unpleasant and she didn't like it, but the only outward expression of that was her frown growing slightly larger.
"Why? I don't u-u-understand it. Why is she so mean, now? I-I-I just tried to give her flowers to help her feel better and she said so many not nice things... It's like she's a different wolf. Or maybe not like a wolf at all." Her thoughts drifted, for just a moment, to the make believe thoughts that often occupied her when she was lonely or amusing herself. Jani reminded her of the bad things. The things that lurked in the dark to spook her. That couldn't be wolf...
If Jani reminded her of those things, was she really wolf after all? Or did that make the haunts in her mind real? She chilled at the observations from her own fantasies and her fur bristled slightly with apprehension. She didn't like it. Didn't like it at all. And while she wanted to run, to hide, to turn to someone strong, she wasn't exactly sure who to turn to in the end. She hadn't seen her father much lately and her mother... Well, her mother unsettled her, but she couldn't quite put a claw on it. That and she hadn't truly connected with many of her siblings, opting, instead, to live in the make believe worlds that she preferred.
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Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:40 pm
Rock lay helplessly watching his sister try to understand, but he knew she wouldn't be able to. He didn't fully understand it himself.
"I don't know... I don't understand either." he whispered to her, still afraid of being so close to the den that his mother occupied. He truly wished for someone strong to protect him and tell him why Jani was the way she was. "If only the healer could heal her mind." he wondered out loud to the darker of all the siblings.
The idea was an interesting one, and he silently vowed to look into the possibility a soon as he could, before Jani could hurt anyone. He feared her coming home, being near the family, and he feared leaving, now. The feeling that he was leaving Toki to fend for herself was unbecoming, and he scooted closer to her to comfort her whirling mind.
"It'll be alright someday..." he promised.
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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 1:11 am
After a moment, the darker pup wedged herself closer to her brother, taking solace in his mere presence. Yes, he was sane. At least saner than most the rest of their family, and she took comfort in that. She had at least someone to turn to, even if he didn't know much more than she did. They had some sort of connection and though she was small and not much of a fighter, she would do what she could for him, that much she did know.
"Can they do that? Heal the mind, I mean?" She had been told that the shaman could heal the body, but she had never given it much more thought than that. He could make the sick better, at least sometimes, and he had done a good job with Kona. But could he fix Jani? Maybe she wasn't fixable... But then again, maybe she was wolf and fixable, after all? She hoped so.
"I mean... He fixed Kona, right? Maybe he can make Jani all better, too. I hope." She turned her gaze towards the single flower that she had left, it's white petals looking so delicate between her paws. She was a bit torn. She wanted to give it to her mother, to try to connect on some level, but at the same time... At the same time, she wished to give it to her brother. It would probably hold more meaning to him, anyways. She feared a similar rejection from the one who brought them into this world, but he might appreciate it.
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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:54 am
Rock very suddenly felt like hyperventilating, but he managed to keep his breathing normal while he was with Toki. He needed to be strong for her, if for nothing else in their tiny lives.
He shook his head at her question. "I don't think so. Wouldn't everyone be fine then?" he questioned back. He figured if the healer could fix the mind, then his family would be all normal, and there would be no scary times like these, or frightening visits like the one he had walked into with his mother.
He wouldn't have to talk to his father about leaving the pack and going to Hollow Earth. Wouldn't have to leave Toki alone.
Of course, he would still visit. The alphas there didn't seem to strict. It wasn't like he was putting himself in prison or anything... right?
"He did fix Kona..." but Rock wasn't sure. Was Kona's mind right again? Or did she still wander in a fog, as though incapable of relating to anything or anyone around her? He hadn't spoken with her since before she was hurt, and now he feared seeking her out after his visit with Jani.
"It's pretty." he breathed softly, noticing Toki's gaze wander to the white flower resting on her paws. He smiled at it, knowing that it was a distant cousin of the mushroom he loved so much. He wanted to ask who it was for, but maybe it was simply Toki's flower. He could understand that better than anything else.
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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:12 pm
"That's... True." She gave a deflated sigh, none too thrilled with the fact that he had a valid point. If Ket could fix the mind, then none of them would be broken. Everything would be normal. Then again, she had hardly anything to compare normal, too. This family was all she knew, but even she knew that something was wrong, despite comforting herself by trying to stay in the fantasies in her mind.
Her mind was distracted at Rock's change in conversation and she glanced upwards. For a moment, she wasn't quite sure what he was talking about. And then it dawned on her and she glanced back towards the white petals. She nosed the flower slightly, still debating on whether she should give it to him or to save it. But she knew, in the back of her mind, that he was the only one who deserved it, even if it wouldn't last long.
"Y-you think so? I gave a yellow one to Jani..." After she passed out. She'll probably just crush it later. "But she said that th-they are ugly, like me."
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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 6:49 pm
Rock nodded, he was definitely sure. "What?" he asked, almost not believing. Jani had made him feel a lot of things, bad things. Bad about himself, his family, and even the world around him. Now, she had managed to make him feel angry, and she was nowhere around him.
"It's very pretty Toki, and so are you." he gave a lopsided grin. He almost said "And so am I." but left that part out, not wanting his sister to laugh at him for the comment.
He almost wished someone had ever thought to bring something pretty to cheer him up, but that was his job, right? To bring others pretty things? It should be his mother now, to gain her smile... and later in life, a girl he liked, or even loved. But Rock wasn't sure of anything anymore.
"Don't listen to her, Toki. Not anymore."
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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 7:00 pm
"I know I shouldn't..." She sighed as she listened to her brother's comforting words. Had a wolf the ability to blush, she would have been turning colors beneath her dark pelt, thanks to her brother's kind words. She had never thought of herself particularly pretty, what with her drab, natural colors, when comparing herself to the bright splashes of pink within her own family. But maybe she was? Rock said it, so it had to be true, right?
"I just wish she was... You know. I wish everything was alright." She glanced down to the petals once more, so perfect and pristine. If only life was that simple and clean, but it wasn't. Without another moment's hesitation, she gingerly picked it up by it's stem and dropped it at Rock's paws. He deserved it more than anyone she could think of.
"You should have it, Rock." She offered him a weak smile and her tail shifted in a slow wag.
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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 7:10 pm
The anger drained away at Toki's kind gesture, and Rock found himself instantly happy again. As his body eased a bit, he playfully nipped at his sister's ear, his own fluffy tail wagging behind him.
"Toki..." he sobered up, thinking seriously about changing his plans - at least slightly, anyway. "The reason I was lookin' for papa is that I'm leavin'." he admitted. "The lady alpha at our sister pack invited me to live with them since..." he trailed off, not wanting to badmouth his family, though it was the truth.
"I don't wanna talk to papa anymore. I already talked to mama and that was a mistake, and I talked to Jani and that was a mistake too." he frowned, but knew in his heart he could trust Toki.
"If you wanna... come with me. They're real nice and there are puppies comin' soon and they live in a cool cave underground with pretty dens and... and..." he had exhausted the best selling points of it. "And they're so nice." he finalized, draping a single paw gently over the stem of the flower that lay on other paw.
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Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2010 7:26 pm
His playful n** brought a genuine grin to her features.
And then he began speaking. The words were tumbling out of his maw and her golden eyes widened slightly as she let them sink in. She had noticed him missing, but thought little of it, as she didn't see her siblings that often, anyways, seeing as she chose to occupy herself within her own imagination. What he spoke of felt almost taboo.
And it also felt like an adventure.
A very promising adventure with a good chance at normalcy. She liked it. It felt wrong, wanting and wishing to abandon her dysfunctional family and she realized that she really had no desire to find out just what happened between her mother and Rock. That felt even more taboo and though she tended to be naive and unaware, she did get the sense that it was too personal to pester him about.
Leaving sounded even better than the fantasies she made up in her mind.
"I-I-I wanna go with you."
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