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[ENROLLMENT] Daisuke the ghost wisp Accepted

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Candle Wick Ghost


Romantic Lunatic

11,600 Points
  • The Wolf Within 100
  • Demonic Associate 100
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 12:18 pm


AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLMENT FORM

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Name: Daisuke
Nicknames: Dai.
Gender: Male
Age: 15

Faction/Race Ghost / Wisp

Personality:

Daisuke is pretty simple from a glance, just that dorky guy sitting on his own in the cafeteria, table by the corner. So he isn't popular but honestly he doesn't mind, one but. He loves his space and his freedom to work on school work, projects, his own things but apart of him does yearn for that easy sweep in to the crowd. To be wanted but it never bothers him... Ok, maybe a little sometimes. His most featured emotion is passion, which is a key in getting those top grades and being a teachers pet. When he puts his mind to something, he puts everything in to it. This and he is very well organized, good at keeping on top of things.

Run away with his homework, his books then you're a brave soul. Dai doesn't like his things touched, he is very picky about certain things and his work, since he has to pass each year to the best he can means, if all his hard work goes to waste, he will be after you. This makes him mad and damn right annoyed, he will be plotting his own back, whether it's just tripping them up in the hallway or putting them in a tight situation. He will get them back! Unless he fails which he will just have a spazz attack and try avoiding that student as much as possible.

He is a cool guy really. He likes music, festivals, bugs and anything creepy crawly, unique and interesting finds, items. He collects random junk, if it doesn't appeal to anyone it will be a reminder or a comfort device for the past life that has some familiarity to it.

If hes noticed, or if anyone is in need of an ear, he will listen generally because it is someone talking to him. He is friendly, easy to get a long with however he is still a ghost and the scare factor still abides to him in a playful way. He likes to work on tricks, or other scaring methods just to make whatever friends he has jump. Even battle strategies since his form is a shiny distraction device that's like an automatic bleeper in the darkness. No escaping that.

Another note, he isn't easy on the personal information spilling. He believes if someone really wants to know, then they will stick around long enough to get to know him, not like there is much chance of that happening in Halloween since he is already deemed rarely noticeable.

He isn't quiet either, strangely. Can be but not often. He is always up for conversation and any in depth topic that can lead to a debate. He likes pushing his opinions forward and keeping his beliefs strictly the way they already are, unless it's a rather good point, that will gain anyone respect from him. Demons he is rather fond of because through them causes links and the higher the status of a friend, acquaintance or business partner means keep on their sweet side and you'll get far. So he does have a sly side to him he would just never let on.

Sometimes he can be rendered completely lost, anywhere without notice. One moment he will know what his doing, where he is going the next; nothing. He has memory blanks, like temporary memory loss. The information does come back to him after a short while to the point he will know what he was going to do but, he will still be directionally lost and under a dazed impressed. It's something everyone in his family falls victim to. (Wisp description reference) This can make getting to class on time very troublesome...

He can be easily embarrassed too through mistakes to being severely clumsy. He is very clumsy. From tripping over chairs and even his own feet! Or over... Nothing. It is cute to watch him fumble around but his form will start to wisp in to nothingness depending on the level of it.

Sensitive. The one thing Dai can't stand is being insulted and offended or over hearing conversations about him that he'd rather not. He isn't amused and finds it rather immature. He does get mad and annoyed, he is like any other but mainly he just sulks, away from other people. He is self conscious and can't find any other way to be. It's just who he is, looks and all but hey, what can he expect? After all he is just your typical geek. Right?

Why did they enroll at the academy?

His family has high expectations of him and Daisuke wants to show them he is capable of their standards by whatever possible means.

Fear: Nothing special, he can create several mini balls of light to stray their attention. They're bright and looking at them directly can hurt the eyes of the opponent. As he focuses on this further, eventually he will be able to create multiples of these balls of light, the size of a tennis ball.

• Natural ability:
Entice: Wisps entice and dazzle, distract and confuse, leading people off their set path or muddling their minds.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 02, 2010 4:12 pm


Crit~

So, the first thing I want to talk about is: How do you define "passion" with Daisuke? He seems like a really mellow character, if hard-working, but when you attribute a word like passion to his motivations, I want to know how it changes his behavior and why. Is he passionate about learning, or is it making the grade that he's passionate about? What does he do when someone interferes with his passion (say, Grier takes Daisuke's homework in the hall and puts his own name at the top, or breaks a jar containing a really rare bug specimen that Daisuke spent weeks trying to capture alive) - does Daisuke get angry, become helplessly confused, break into tears? What are the negative sides of this passion, and how do they manifest?

Right now, I really feel that this character lacks negative traits. You've done a lot to develop a well-rounded character, but it seems like everything is either positive or has a positive spin. Work in some contradictions with the character! Or find some points that make him look stupid (I don't mean geeky, but honest-to-God stupid) that will be worth a laugh in RP. Think about what ways might other characters get an upper hand over him, either in combat or just in the halls. Give him some strong weaknesses and develop them; the few lines at the end of the personality section just don't have enough meat to make them feel like real drawbacks!

The FEAR ability, I think, works for the character. I can see some really clever ways of using this, especially when he can create bigger lights that might look like his natural form (thus forcing character to try and guess which one is his), but the way it's written might need to be beefed up a bit more. Right now, it reads like the effect is passive - it doesn't sound like the light would cause someone's attention to stray, just that it might happen to distract them the same way a waving flashlight would. Consider rewriting this to be more direct.

There you go, then! Congrats so much on Daisuke - he's a really adorable character, and he looks like he'll be so much fun to play. <3 I hope my crit helped!

Arrien



Candle Wick Ghost


Romantic Lunatic

11,600 Points
  • The Wolf Within 100
  • Demonic Associate 100
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 2:59 am


Ok updated some stuff, I hope that flaws him out some. >.>;

Passion pretty much explains itself. Work, challenged ect. Anything that gets his brain ticking. He will be over enthusiastic about getting it done or achieving something.

He will panic, if his homework is stolen. Get mad, plot their doom, try to embarrass them and if all that fails he will run away and hide in an abyss somewhere he hopes they will never find him. He doesn't want a butt kicking. XD

Flaws. Sensitive, self conscious. Easily embarrassed. Clumsy. Over protective of his stuff. I guess he has a temper, considering a lot of things get him mad/annoyed. Plus, teachers pet that's not gonna do him any good.

Hope it sums him up better.

Thank you for the crit! It helped me out a lot and gave me some interesting ideas. c:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:12 am


Added more to personality regarding his race.


Candle Wick Ghost


Romantic Lunatic

11,600 Points
  • The Wolf Within 100
  • Demonic Associate 100
  • Flatterer 200


Candle Wick Ghost


Romantic Lunatic

11,600 Points
  • The Wolf Within 100
  • Demonic Associate 100
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Tue Oct 05, 2010 12:28 pm


heart
PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 12:33 am


Getting this ~

lizbot
Vice Captain

No Faun


lizbot
Vice Captain

No Faun

PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 3:28 pm


The sound of enthusiastic clapping filled the Headmistress's office, and a voice happily grumbled, "Yez got et Bin! Good boy." Obviously, there was something a bit out of the normal today, and if one was to take a peek they'd see a large glowing ball instead on the Acceptance Bin. This was actually pretty normal. But the large, muscled person with the afro and apron? Not so much.

It seemed Hellma was out for the day, and that Lunchlady Ginger has decided to help feed the bin. "Oh, yer quite tha enticin' one, aren't cha?"

The Bin bobbed proudly, and clapping could be heard once more.

"Oh my, I bet tha filin' cabinet would follow ya for a walk iffin' ya asked it. Ya bein' all handsome an enticin' as ya are."

Could a glowing orb of light blush? Why yes, yes it could.
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