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 Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 9:41 pm
  This is a private roleplay between Jianyu [Kuro-Mizuki] and Yue Lao [Face Your Demons].
Setting:
Jianyu's home.
Jianyu hasn't been showing up at the bar for way longer than Yue Lao can tolerate. She's grown so worried she's willing to march right over to his house and find out what's going on, and whether or not he's okay; after all, he is pretty much her closest friend, now.
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Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 9:46 pm
Maybe it was the soft glow of the lanterns, or maybe it was the pervasive worry, but Yue Lao couldn't help but feel as though she was in some kind of fever dream: Jianyu's courtyard seemed to stretch forever. By now, she wasn't as in awe of his house, but the first time she had been there, it had been like a castle. Yue lived in a home with only three rooms, so to experience something like Jianyu's quarters was intense for her. Yue wished that Jianyu lived on the second floor, so she could just climb up the side of the house like a heathen and look for him that way. She was worried; he hadn't been to the bar, like he normally was. She hadn't heard a word from him in quite some time. Jianyu just wasn't like that, as far as she'd experienced.
What had made Yue care? Somehow, Jianyu had grown on her. The honesty he ellicited from her that first night at the bar had continued in all their meetings, until Yue wasn't sure if she was keeping her threads untangled. Although she felt like she had no threads of her own, was it possible to build a thread? Or was it there all along, and it had only to be uncovered? Yue wasn't sure. She was trying to blame this nighttime trip on curiosity, on learning what was up with Jianyu. Maybe he was just done going to the bar, and nothing was wrong. However, if Yue considered what she knew of him, that was an aberrant trait, if so. He wasn't a quitter, he wasn't going to just stop talking to her because he had better things to do. That wasn't what he seemed to be like. So maybe, in the end, Yue really was curious if she had just been wrong about him. More likely, that was her excuse for caring so much about whether or not he was okay, and missing his presence. She refused to acknowledge that, though. It was rare for Yue to have close friends, or friends at all, really.
The lanterns swayed lightly, making the pools of light shift with every step Yue took. She exhaled, and flipped her braid off her shoulder, rubbing her upper arms and shoulders against the cold. She really should look into heavier outer wear for the night time. Yue reached the front door, and was about to call out to be let in, but paused. It was kind of late, and she needed to see Jianyu. She couldn't risk being turned away. So, instead, Yue snuck in as quietly as she was able, and beelined for Jianyu's room. The path was clear in her mind, one of many details about Jianyu she had kept safe in her memory.
When she got to the door, she pursed her lips, and shut her eyes, and opened the door. "My eyes are closed! If you're doing something weird, or awkward, and I won't open them until you tell me to, but I had to know how you are, and where you were, and why you've been missing--" Yue took a deep breath, and she resisted the urge to let her shoulders slump. "I can't drink all the Ichi-koi's alcohol on my own, you know! Well, I could, if I had enough time, but that's not nearly as fun. My card skills are getting rusty, too!" Yue Lao took another deep breath, pursed her lips, and tried not to peek from around her closed hands. "So... can I open my eyes yet, by the way?" She had moved into the room and was standing there, facing where she imagined he might be, but unable to actually determine that.
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Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 11:22 pm
"I’d kill you if I had to, Jianyu. We’re in the middle of a f***ing war."
"I never wanted this to happen! But I wanted...I wanted to stay with you, even though we're on opposite sides, even though I knew it would be hard."
"I’m against you, Jianyu. You and I both knew there was no way to go on."
"I'm sorry. But I can't do this anymore."
"I don’t want to see you again, Jianyu. Just let me leave this place."
"I did love you, you know...I...do...love you."
"I love you too."
"I...love you too."
It was the unexpected tap on his door that aroused Jianyu from his state of half sleep, half awake. He'd been drifting in between the two for quite some time, dragging his muddled thoughts from one to the other. His head was spinning slightly, his eyes barely open, but he could hardly work up the strength to get up, nor did he have the desire to do so. It was most likely one of his siblings anyway, though it was somewhat later and everyone should have been asleep as it was.
I don't want to hear those words, Jianyu thought, closing his eyes again. He could almost always hear them, ricocheting within his mind, along with the pain that was still raw, still new.
The door slid open abruptly, startling Jianyu out of his daze. Surprise clattered through him as the slender form of a familiar young woman came slipping in, closing the door quickly behind her.
Out of all the people he had expected to see come walking into his room, Yue Lao was not one of them. Jianyu had met her almost a month before, and since then he had gone to visit the Ichi Koi Inn and Bar nearly every day just to visit with her. She had rapidly grown to be one of his closest friends - if not his closest - and he had grown to respect and care for her quite a bit.
However...certain circumstances being what they were ...Jianyu had not felt the desire to be in public company. Since that day he had spent his time secluded away in his room, ignoring the advice and the pleadings of his parents and siblings, preferring to keep entirely to himself. He did not need their pitying looks, nor did he want them.
"Put your hand down." Jianyu said irritably as he forced himself to sit up. He tugged at the sleeve of his robe, resisting the urge to throw something at the wall. His hair was loose over his shoulders, trailing down his back, and Jianyu could feel the pressure inside of his head building.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, and his voice was weary, filled with a mixture of exhaustion, pain, and a frustration that he could not seem to shake, no matter how much he tried. "How did you get in? I'm...I'm fine."
Far from the truth, but since Jianyu did not want to face the truth, it was plausible.
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 12:32 am
Yue was all too happy to oblige his command, lowering her hand and searching him out. "Gladly," Yue said, pursing her lips. Jianyu did not look like his usual, immaculate self. Not that it was all there was to him; Yue had been learning, contentedly, the intricacies of his behaviour. His smile hadn't lessened in value since that first day. Yue collected them with an almost religious fervour, relishing each time he felt comfortable enough to smile or laugh with her.
Those days were nothing like the day Yue Lao was experiencing at the moment. Or, more accurately, the night. Jianyu was in a state of disarray, and wearing the robe he wore for sleeping. "I like your outfit. Very casual meets wild warrior. You remind me of the plush toy I used to take everywhere. Maybe it's because you both had the same colour cloth," Yue said, crossing the room to sit down next to him. Her thigh was against his, and she was abnormally warm, though that was nothing new for Yue. She was babbling while she tried to gather her thoughts. What had happened to upset her closest friend so much? Yue thought back over the patterns of his life, and began to pluck at the elements which would draw such a reaction from him. She didn't dare predict which of the horrible possibilities had really occurred, but it was reassuring to go over her facts and information that way. Removed from the situation. Until Jianyu, Yue Lao hadn't really needed to care for anyone but herself. As such, she was still a little rough around the edges as far as showing her worry went.
In fact, she was quite tactless. Yue leaned over and sniffed at his shoulder, wrinkling her nose, "When was the last time you bathed? Or left the room? Or even checked what time of day it was?" Yue asked, leaning her head on his shoulder briefly and sighing. "What I'm doing here is investigating my missing best friend, that's what. What are you doing here? Surely not looking for me, that's what," Yue said, arching her brows at him and pursing her lips.
"I used the door. How else? Haven't perfected my flexibility, so I couldn't cut out the shoji pannel and sneak in. But this is second-best, I guess," Yue grinned and winked at him, though she was fairly sure he wouldn't even look up at her, or acknowledge her teasing. She turned to look at him, then, shifting on his bed so that one leg dangled off the side and the other was crossed in front of her, propped up on Jianyu. "Yu, clearly you're not fine, so do you want to lie better, or start telling the truth? I'll chain myself to your bed, if I have to, but you are going to end up leaving this room, one way or another."
Yue wanted to take him outside, get him into some less stale air. She wanted to know what had started this, but for once, that desire was, if not secondary, at least parallel with her desire to help him somehow. Yue was trying to put her knowledge of him to use, but she had never seen him devastated like this, so it was hard to decide which action would be appropriate. In the end, she resorted to the unnerving strategy she had employed the first meeting with Jianyu: sincerity.
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:12 am
"I do not look like a 'wild warrior.'" Jianyu mumbled as Yue crossed the room towards him. His protests died in his throat as she sat down beside him, close enough that their legs were touching, and Jianyu could feel the warmth from her skin against the fabric of his robes. It was somewhat soothing, though he felt the headache inside of his skull growing, refusing to dissipate. That man's voice was still there, echoing dully in his mind. Jianyu closed his eyes briefly, turning his head away from Yue.
"I bathed yesterday, for your information." he said, somewhat irritatedly. It was true as well, for he had hoped that the hot water would help to clear his mind and shake the raging headache, but to his disappointment it had not. If anything, he felt worse today than he had the day before, though at least it was not as bad as it had been that first day, and the day right after. "And I'm not missing. I've just been here, that's all."
Yue moved her head against his shoulder, and Jianyu let out a small sigh, his irritation with the girl slowly ebbing away. As always, she had a way of relaxing him, even when he did not know he was tense. She shifted, swinging a leg over his lap, and Jianyu's hands rested atop automatically, absently brushing his fingers over her calf.
"I told you, I'm...fin - " Jianyu started to say again, but his voice broke halfway through and he stopped abruptly, turning his face away from her. There was a burning sensation at the back of his head, and his throat felt thick, his chest tight. It was somewhat difficult to breathe, and Jianyu's eyes fell shut as he tried to get air into his lungs, focusing only on that and the warmth of Yue next to him. Despite his best interests, despite their differences, she was by far his closest friend, and Jianyu did not quite have the heart to push her away.
It took him a few moments to gather his wits together, to clear his vision. Finally he said "I...had a lover...for the past few months. But he...I...we were on...that is to say...he is a Noble, and I am a Legion. It...did not end well."
"I’d kill you if I had to, Jianyu. We’re in the middle of a f***ing war."
Jianyu closed his eyes again as the memories rushed back. He could feel the pain, as deep and cutting as if it were yesterday. Angrily he pushed away from the bed, standing up to cross the room, his hands pressed against the sides of his head.
"I’m against you, Jianyu. You and I both knew there was no way to go on."
"Stop it." Jianyu whispered. "I don't want to hear this."
It shouldn't have hurt this much. After all, he had been the one to break it off. He was moving forward with his life. But despite everything, despite all of the past, the fact remained that he had loved Bataar, even if it had not been a romantic sort of love, and he was still unsure of that. The pain was deepest when he thought of how they would probably never be friends again, and how he, quite possibly, might never see that man again.
Jianyu's fist shot out, and he slammed it against the wall, cracking into the wood before doing it a second time. Blood trickled down his fingertips, and Jianyu pressed his fists against the wall, his forehead touching the cool wood.
"Why?" he whispered, closing his eyes. "Why is this so hard? Why can't I just...move forward?
Why can't I do what I want to do?"
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 5:51 pm
Jianyu looked like he was in a considerable amount of pain, and that it increased as she sat with him. Some part of Yue wanted terribly to reach out and wrap her arms around him, but she wasn't sure if that was her concern or her craving for contact. Caring for Jianyu tore Yue Lao in half, separating her desire to take care of her own needs from her new desire to easy his pain. Yue Lao took a deep breath, and tried to let her natural reactions guide her. "Just because you know what room you're in doesn't mean you aren't missing, Yu," Yue said, watching him carefully, despite his obvious determination to avoid eye contact. He kept turning his head from her. Yue wanted to find the threads that tangled them together and tug, pull him back. She meant what she'd said; just because he was physically sitting there, and he'd known it, didn't mean he wasn't missing. He was, in a way: his face, when she could see it, was so far away. Distant. Somewhere she couldn't find, nor go to. He would have to come back alone, but like a story she'd heard when she was little, she would try and find a way to bring him a light. If nothing else, her seemingly endless patience would serve her well in this endeavour. She'd keep shining long before he was even willing to find a way out, and long after.
Yue smiled when Jianyu brushed his fingers over her calf. The physical touch sent little ripples of excitement across her nerves, like it always did. She couldn't help that, but she wouldn't do anything but flirt harmlessly. It was Jianyu she sat next to, after all, not some stranger she could tease and tug whatever way she wanted. Her throat burned when Jianyu tried to tell her that he was fine. Of course, she knew it wasn't true. She would have to be completely without senses to think that Jianyu was alright. Yue brushed her hand across Jianyu's back, rubbing lightly, before letting her hand fall behind him. Breathe, Yu, she thought to herself, her lips pursed, eyebrows knitted in worry.
Alliances. Legion and Noble. Yue Lao's heart failed to offer her comfort, for a moment; it seemed to pause in her chest. Of course, she was Legion. It was something she shared in common with Yu, though she was just a student, and thus rather uninvolved in the actual being of war. The beast that seemed to stand between the students who were Legion and the students who were Nobles. Even if they were not at odds yet, they would be one day; it was a brutal inevitability. How could they ignore their allegiances when they had to meet on the battlefield? Yue would derive no pleasure from that experience. And here was her closest friend, talking about an allegiance, and how it had hurt him, however indirectly. His lover was gone? The thought could barely sink in. Yue, herself, didn't have anything similar to that. She kept a careful distance, romantically, because she believed both that she was separate from the tangled strings of others, and that romantic relationships could only skew her perspective. If this was the result of a romantic relationship, Yue couldn't understand why anyone would wish it upon even their enemies. Had it made him happy once? Well, it must have. Of course it had.
Yue could only watch as Jianyu pushed up off the bed, her hand on the bed shifting as if she would reach out and take hold of him, but he was already moving. The way he held his head looked like there was something inside it, tearing, trying to escape. Yue wished she could read his mind, then, in a conventional sense. Not by his facial expressions, the words he chose, the truth or lies. She wanted to understand, implicitly, what he held inside, what was causing him so much pain. And she couldn't. She couldn't tell him Everything will be okay, because right now, it wasn't okay, and she had to deal with the present, not some future possibility. She got up off the bed, worried, and followed just behind him.
She didn't flinch when he punched the wall, nor when he punched it again. She heard him whisper to himself, barely caught the jist of what he was saying. "What monsters do you have in there, Yu? What do you want to do, that you can't?" Yue answered softly. She walked over to him and took his hands in hers lightly, standing up on the tips of her toes to see them properly. Yue got his blood all over her hands, and seemed to have smeared it on her over robe, trying to check for damage. "Yu... Can't break the demons out, sweetheart," she murmured, and kissed his bloody knuckles gently: it was more a gesture of care, than any kind of flirting. Jianyu would hopefully recognize the intent; with her dear friend, Yue was seldom selfish when it came to his physical well being, even if it meant she couldn't get as much physical affection as she would typically steal. Were his hands alright? She cradled his hands gently, if he'd let her, and looked them over, checking for his well being. They would probably be bruised, but she doubted he had, or hoped that he hadn't, shattered anything. Silently, she let go of his hands, and retreated to where she thought she remembered the clean bandages; she had hurt herself once, cut her foot on a sharp rock outside Jianyu's house, and hadn't realized how much blood she was tracking around. Jianyu had given her bandages. She went back to that same place, as fast as she could, and tore off a small length of the cloth bandages. She hoped no one would mind, but this was important. She hurried back to Jianyu, although she seemed calm enough, and used the basin of water on his nightstand to soak some of the bandages, enough that she could clean his wounds off. She tore the damp bandages in half, after considerable effort, and walked over to him, the try bandages left next to the basin until needed. She tried to take his hands in hers again, tried to clean the blood off with half the damp bandages
."Yu, now we have to patch a hole in the wall. You should let me take you to the bar, next time; we can take it out on some stranger, or a table, or I can set up a cloth dummy somewhere in here that you can beat up to your heart's content." Yue Lao tried to look up at himm, used the damp bandages that were not bloody, pressed the cool cloth to his cheek. He was warm to the touch, and Yue Lao's eyes were almost tearing up. She cradled his hand in her free hand, with more tenderness than she had ever shown anyone, even Yu.
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 7:10 pm
Jianyu let Yue take his hand, flinching slightly at the kiss she pressed to his bruised and bloodied fingers. It didn't bother him, nor faze him really, but it did remind him that she was actually there, with him. In his anger and frustration he had almost forgotten that his best friend was in the room. Either way, he didn't move while she left, letting her leave to retrieve some bandages, but when she tried to take his hand again to wrap it, he jerked away abruptly, bringing the back of his hand up to press against his mouth, closing his eyes briefly. The cloth she pressed to his cheek was cool, soft, and Yue's eyes were uncharacteristically bright, her expression one of worry. Her touch was too gentle, too caring, and Jianyu was too angry to handle it. He did not want to hurt Yue, so he bit down on his finger, hard enough to draw blood.
"If I can't break out the demons inside, they will eat me from the inside out." he said and pushed away from Yue, grabbing the nearest thing to him; namely his desk chair. With a roar of anger, he threw it against the wall, where it let out a satisfying crack, splintering into pieces. His foot lashed out, catching the edge of the nighstand, and with a quick jerk he flipped it over. The basin of water shattered against the floor, spilling liquid across the carpet, and Jianyu let out a scream of frustration. His legs lost their strength, and he sank to his knees slowly, his bloody fists clenched against the side of his head.
"Why can't I move on?!" Jianyu cried out. His head was throbbing, his chest so tight he could hardly breathe, and his words were coming out in short gasps. "I gave that part of me up. I said I was moving on. This isn't a choice anymore; it's a fact. I can't be with someone who is on the wrong side. It was never meant to work out."
But that's not what really hurts, Jianyu's mind whispered. That's not it at all. What hurts is that you've lost someone you care for, that you loved, romantically or not. It's not that you can't move on without him; it's that you don't want to face the fact that you've lost him.
That I've lost a dear friend, not a lover, Jianyu thought, gritting his teeth. His fingers clenched tighter, his knuckles turning white. Blood was smearing in his hair now, across his cheeks and down his wrists, and he suddenly had the impression that he looked somewhat mad. All of the fight went out of him in an instant and Jianyu felt his muscles relax as his shoulders dropped, his hands falling to his lap. He let out a soft sigh, keeping his head down, not daring to look at Yue.
"I don't want to remember that I can't see him again." Jianyu murmured hoarsely, his voice barely audible. "Even if I were to, we're on different sides. I don't want to remember that because of this damned war, I keep losing those that are important to me."
I don't want to remember anything.
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Posted: Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:45 pm
Jianyu's flinch made Yue's heart stop, afraid of what he was thinking, but he didn't pull away. She could almost taste it, mixed in with his blood, the grief he felt. She couldn't relate to it, as much as she wanted to: Yue always kept such careful boundaries with everyone. She knew what love could do, and wanted none of it. And yet, she had never had a best friend before Jianyu. The idea of him leaving was enough to make her realize that she had become close to someone, when she had never meant to. It was too late, so now she would just follow through, and hope that their threads weren't too tangled for her own good. When Jianyu bit down on his own finger, Yue's eyes welled up.
She kept herself from crying, unforgiving as she swiped the forming tears off as soon as Jianyu pushed away, talking about his demons. She wasn't scared, not of him. She rose to her feet and stood still enough to be some kind of statue though one covered in Yu's blood. Yue still clutched the damp cloth in her hand, refusing to let go. She watched as he sank to his knees, and she went to him, without hesitation, kneeling in front of him, watching him as he cried out. At first, she couldn't say anything. She reached out for one of his hands, tried to take it gently, tried to clean his wounds again. Calmly, slowly, gently. Always the balance. "When we get tangled together, logic doesn't matter. Facts, wars, obligations; none of them matter to the ties that bind us," Yue whispered, her voice soft, reminiscent of a summer breeze.
"I could go fetch some more furniture to break?" She offered, her smile tenuous. Gently, carefully, she set about trying to clean the blood out of his hair and off his wrists, off his cheeks, after he relaxed. He didn't seem to want to look at her, so instead, Yue leaned in and pressed her clean, warm forehead very lightly against his damp one. "Well... I'll always be here, I think," Yue murmured. It sounded so much like a promise, and yet... she meant it. The thought that she promised him something so important, and meant it, terrified her. Yue pressed her forehead a little more firmly into his, and said, "Give me your memories, then; we can trade. Quick, before the link is broken!..." She smiled, though her eyes were still red and too-bright from tears. She reached out an brushed her fingertips across Yu's cheek, then found his hand, and held it gently, swabbing at it a little more with the damp cloth. She stopped, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, holding it.
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 12:17 am
Jianyu let his breath out slowly, the tightness in his chest easing slightly as he felt Yue kneel down in front of him. Her hands were gentle and warm as she wiped the blood from his face, smoothing back his hair to bring the cloth along his cheekbone. The movements were surprisingly soothing, and Jianyu closed his eyes trying not to let the unnatural brightness in them show. He felt like a fool to feel the wetness on his face, taste the salt on his tongue, and he did not want to show that face to Yue, to see her pitying expression. However, he couldn't help the low, choking laugh he managed to get out at her light words.
"I think I have broken enough of my mother's furniture, but I appreciate the offer." he said, his voice hoarse. He almost pulled back when Yue leaned closer, his body stiffening automatically as she touched her forehead to his, but after a few moments he found himself relaxing, the tension leaving his back and shoulders. He was not used to being this close to someone. He had, at one point, felt this close to Bataar, but it had been such a long time since then and even then, Bataar had not had the calming effect that Yue seemed to have on him. Then again, Bataar had always seemed to rile him up, rather than calm him down.
Jianyu linked his fingers with Yue, then pulled back, sighing. Twisting his body, he lay back onto the spare futon he kept on the floor, pulling Yue to lie with him. Staring up at the ceiling, he ran a hand through his sweat-dampened hair, looking up as if he might be able to see through the roof to the stars above. It had been a long time since he had set foot outside, after all.
"I would not wish my memories on you." he said softly, letting his fingers drift absently through Yue's hair. "They are...somewhat too painful for someone such as yourself. I do not want you to see what I have seen."
Flashes of the night he'd been blinded cascaded into Jianyu's mind, and he reached up, his fingers brushing against the black cloth over his left eye. "You do not want to see what I have seen, at least." he murmured quietly. "Though...not all of my memories have been so dark."
Jianyu let out a low, gentle laugh. "For instance," he said. "There was this time that I came across Bataar...that is to say, my l...my former lover; tied upside down to a tree. It was quite possibly the most entertaining thing I have seen in a long time."
And it had been. That had also been the one time Jianyu had managed to successfully defeat Bataar in a fight. Jianyu closed his eye again, then opened it, staring back up at the ceiling.
"We fought often," he said. "But it was not antagonistic. On the contrary, it was...quite strangely, our way of showing affection for one another. At least it was that way with Bataar. I always...lost to him. Except for that one time. But every other time, he won against me."
Jianyu stopped for a moment, his eye tracing the patterns on the ceiling.
"Is it the same now?" he wondered aloud, almost to himself. "Did he also defeat me when it comes to matters of the heart?"
Is that why I can't move on?
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:08 pm
Yue would have to be blind to notice that Jianyu didn't want to look her in the eye. She wiped the concern and worry from her face, and let the light she had beneath it show: she smiled, taking in the angle of his jaw, the arrangement of his features. She had never really been this close, physically, to Jianyu, and since he wasn't looking at her, she took the opportunity to really look at him. His laughter, however strangled, reassured her further, and her smile became more tangible. Less fragile, less of a question.
"I'm glad you don't want to break anything else; I was making a list of which furniture was least useful, just in case. I think on the top of the list is probably the wash stand, but you already broke that," Yue said. She felt him tense, and she chewed her lip so that it almost drew blood. She stopped, because she could feel Yu relaxing. "I'll just put all the furniture back together while you sleep," Yue reassured him, grinning.
Her face grew warmer as Jianyu linked his fingers with hers. All this physical contact was intoxicating, especially from someone she cared about so much. When he pulled back, it was like being hit with a wave of cold air: Yue almost did a double-take. She was immediately comforted when Yu pulled her onto the futon with him. She settled against him, her face flushed. She hoped it looked like it was just from her near-crying. Really, she was just about drunk, settled in against him. She was glad he had relaxed a little, but Yue still thought it would be good to go outside, get some fresh air. Small steps, though.
Jianyu's fingers drifting through her hair calmed her even more, until she had relaxed even muscles she handn't known were tense. It was nearly unbearably cozy. "Someone such as myself?" Yue mumbled, amused. She was generally lucky, happy. She didn't draw sorrowful events to her. In fact, it was more like she deflected them, but it might have something to do with her general caution when making any kind of ties to another lunarian. "Well, here, I won't look at them, I'll just keep them safe for you. So you don't have to remember them all the time," Yue offered, quietly, a sleepy smile across her face.
Yue had never seen Bataar, but she laughed when she heard about the situation Jianyu had found him in. "Must have been quite a sight, Yu," she said, tracing whorls and spirals across his chest lightly, without really thinking about it. She wondered about what dark memories Jianyu hid inside himself.
"No better way to fight than that, maybe," Yue said, smiling. It sounded like they had fun together, once. She was sorry it seemed as though that couldn't continue, at least not how it had been. "If you lost to him, I never would have won!" Yue said, settling into the futon a little better, so that she was nestled against Yu. He would have to move her when he wanted personal space, because he had been spoiling her, and she was probably not about to get off the futon any time soon.
"I don't think I would call this a victory on his part, Yu. If anything, he just lost the fight which might have meant the most," Yue said. "So I guess you've beat him twice, now?" Yue took in a deep, slow breath and let it out, resting her hand on Yu, listening to his breathing and the relative silence of the house. Maybe it didn't feel like he had beaten Bataar, but Yue knew Jianyu, she respected him as well as loved to tease him. She couldn't even imagine having to say goodbye to him. That was why, though Jianyu seemed so devastated, she believed that it was Bataar who had lost in their conflict.
Yue looked up at Jianyu as best as she could, sneaking a glance. She smiled lightly to herself and ducked her face back down. Idly, she wondered if it was still nice outside, still balmy, the stars competing with lanterns for their glow. Maybe it was selfish, but her apprehension was melting away, now that she had found Jianyu. She wished she had come sooner, instead of assuming he was just busy and would be back.
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:30 pm
Jianyu laughed, the sound low and quiet. The house around them was still and silent, no thumping footsteps from the servants, no bickering and squabbling from his brothers and sisters, no exasperated sighs from his mother, no good-natured laughing from his father...no, it was almost eerily silent, the only sounds that of his own breathing.
"He is...was...quite a character." he said, dropping his voice almost to a whisper. "Despite some of his...shall we say...rather...outrageous tendencies...Bataar had...has...a good heart, and a strong mind."
It was true. Jianyu could not remember a time when Bataar had been malicious simply for the intent of causing harm to another. No. That was wrong. There had been...one time. The image of him stabbing the Legion flashed into his mind abruptly, and Jianyu flinched visibly, turning his face away from Yue, breathing in and out slowly. It was necessary, Jianyu could hear Bataar saying, but Jianyu forced the thoughts from his mind, instead focusing on Yue's words.
Have I...beaten him twice? he wondered. Is that why I feel this way? The victory is not a pleasant one.
Gently pushing Yue away from him, Jianyu stood up, getting to his feet. He pulled Yue up after him and took her hand, guiding her from the room as he silently padded down the darkened hallway. The Qian Household was enormous, but Jianyu knew his way around it better than any It was his sanctuary, his place of rest when he needed it, and the one place he could always count on to be there. His legs were unsteady, and Jianyu did not quite know exactly what he was doing, but he made his way towards the the door he knew the most, sliding it open silently and stepping outside.
The Qian House was octagonal in shape, with its center carved out to reveal a small, outdoor garden set in the middle. It was Jianyu's sanctuary, his place of rest when he needed it, and the one place he could always count on to be there. It was where he had first picked up his bow, where he had taught Huang the importance of trust, where he came to mediate.
The cool night air rushed to meet his face, and Jianyu inhaled deeply, dropping Yue's hand to walk slowly across the garden, his bare feet making shuffling noises in the lush green grass. He let his head fall back, staring up at the wide, open sky, at the millions of stars that dotted the inky blackness. It had been such a long time since he had been outside; too long. He had forgotten what it was like to breathe in the crisp scents and tastes of night.
"Did you ever think we are just small pieces in a very large puzzle, Yue?" Jianyu said without moving to look at her. "That we move according to where we shall fit best?"
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:59 pm
His laughter was, again, comforting. It restored the light in Yue so that she could offer it back in return. His house was eerily quiet, then; where was the chaotic din of her previous visits? She grinned, realizing that it must end when they slept, as impossible as that seemed during the waking hours.
"Outrageous?" Yue stifled a giggle. "I wonder what those might be. All of those qualities together sound like someone who could be quite powerful, and quite sweet if so inclined. But it depends which is stronger: his good heart, or his strong mind. And if there is no easy victor, then it would be a constant battle," Yue murmured quietly, musing and weighing his personality out of habit. She was already collecting information on him, of course. That was one quality she'd never be able to help.
When Yu flinched away, worry flickered across Yue Lao's face. She rubbed his shoulder, and simply waited for him to be ready to look at her again. Instead of turning back to look at her again, though, he pushed away and stood up. For a moment, she thought he was about to ask her to leave. Instead, he helped her up and led her through his house.
In the dark, nothing was familiar. The hallways seemed so clean and endless, it was as if she was walking through the twisted halls of a dream world. Holding Jianyu's hand was the only thing that made her feel like she wouldn't get lost. What if he got lost? And then she thought about how silly that idea was, because it was his own home, after all. But who knew what changed in the night? Which walls rearranged, which corridors became dead ends? Yue smiled to herself in the darkness, watching her own feet and those of her dear friend in order to make sure she didn't trip on herself. Or him.
The relief of light when he opened the door was almost instant: the stars above them seemed to weave in and out of one another, offering Yue a welcome. Welcome home, sister, they seemed to say, as she searched for mother moon. Jianyu had brought her into a garden at the center of the house, and she could not be more thrilled. She had only been entertaining ideas of taking him out front, down the walkway, to where they could see the stars. She had never expected something like this. Again, Jianyu broke their contact, and Yue stood just inside the garden, watching him walk away. She didn't move, but looked all around her, and up at the stars. She removed her sandals and set them down, shivering as she walked barefoot through the grass. She approached him, and hesitated, leaving him a bubble of space, until he spoke.
"That's a good way to put it, Yu... Except puzzle pieces have to be moved into place, and I think we have more agency in what we do. I mean..." Yue Lao paused, and her voice was soft. She stepped up beside him, either in his periphery, or just out of sight. Her presence, nevertheless, was insistant and warm, her skin barely a hair's breadth from his. She was about to explain something about her very nature, in a way; the threads that wove and tugged, bobbed and twisted, and ran through all things. "Yes, I feel like we're constantly in motion to the place where we'll fit best, but... I feel the threads that tie us all, the words and promises and emotions. The red threads that, although they may be tangled around another... eventually lead to the one place we are meant to be. No amount of twisting nor tangling will ever change that, Yu. That's what I live by, though I see the threads and tug at them, for my own amusement I guess." Yue Lao took a step forward and stood next to him, looking down from the stars to admire her dearest friend, briefly. She looked back up again, tilting her head. Was the moon in sight? Its full body, soft glow. Always watching, though it could not always be seen.
Without thinking about it, Yue's hand moved the extra space. She rested her palm lightly against his, her fingertips against his fingertips. It was as if she would have held his hand, but never made it that far. She had grown cold, standing outside; she really did need to find some sort of heavier outer robe. But, thinking about it, she realized it was less from the temperature than the fact she had been in such close contact with Yu after being starved of it for so long.
Yue often stared at the stars through the window cut into the wall of her lair. In inclement weather, it had to be covered with a wooden panel, but on nice, warm days, she would watch until the moon made her sleepy with is soft light. However, standing here with Jianyu gave her a new context for the night sky. "Yu?" Yue Lao started to ask, quietly. Instead of finishing her question, though, she said, "Mmm, not now, I think. Your family should adopt me, I would sleep in this garden," she said, her heart beating a little faster than it should have. The night air must have been getting to her, the rich scents of the garden and the world asleep. Of course, that was what it must have been.
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 10:01 pm
Jianyu's eyes traced the lines of the stars above, not moving his gaze from the inky blackness above him. His breath was visible in the brisk night air, and closed his eye briefly, simply breathing in the cold, letting it chill his lungs, letting it fill his heart and his body with the taste of night. It was almost exhilarating, being able to stand out here in the darkness with his closest friend. The world around him felt alive and asleep simultaneously, his heart beating slowly and rhythmically in tandem with the soft sounds of his breath.
"My thread is tangled, is it?" Jianyu said quietly, feeling Yue's palm against his own, and he moved to interlink his fingers with hers. Her skin was cold, evidence of the night, but Jianyu didn't move to warm her. He needed the space, needed the rush of the night and of the moonlight that splintered out from behind the clouds that smeared faintly across the clear sky. "Is my life a single tangled thread?"
Lowering his gaze finally, Jianyu's eyes moved across the nearly silent garden, the only sounds that of the tiny waterfall dropping into the pond he had built when he was younger. Tiny white flowers dotted around the rocks that surrounded it, clusters of bright orange and yellow blossoms that looked almost blue tinted by the moonlight. And off in the corner was a long, wooden object that was so familiar it almost made Jianyu's heart ache.
Letting go of Yue's hand, Jianyu made his way across the garden, stopping when he came in front of the object. Hesitantly, he reached down, letting his fingertips drift across the cold wood, stroking down the smooth mahogany, the taut wire.
Constantly in motion are we? Am I moving forward now?
Jianyu's fingers closed around the wood and he straightened, the weapon automatically slipping into his hands as if it were made to be there. It was a satisfying weight on his palms, each groove, each nick in the wood familiar. Jianyu reached down again, finding the second piece to the puzzle, and it slid neatly against the wire like it had been waiting to be set there.
Turning around, Jianyu raised the bow in his hands. His ungloved fingers gripped the metal string and with a quick jerk, he pulled it back. If he did it just right, pulled it back far enough, the wire would give way just the slightest bit, making it easier to hold. He pulled harder, ignoring the sharp pain in his fingers, disregarding the spots of blood forming where his skin met the wire. And with a silent twang, Jianyu felt the string jerk, settling into place. He held it high, his hand brushing against his face as he moved into position. Careful to direct the arrow in the opposite direction of Yue, Jianyu slid his feet into position.
Breathe. Just breathe. Calm your mind.
Calm your heart.
Jianyu closed his eye. And let the arrow fly.
There was a hiss as it whistled past his ear, rifling his undone hair, followed by a sharp thwack as the arrow embedded itself into its target. Jianyu opened his eyes slowly, his breath leaving him, and he stood for a moment, staring at the arrow in the center of the tree trunk. The bow fell to his side.
Jianyu turned to look at Yue. And smiled.
Calm my heart.
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Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 11:59 pm
Was that how easy it was? Yue Lao had met Jianyu through a series of coincidences, and somehow it had led to this, standing in his garden and watching the stars in the sky. It had led to her becoming more tangled in someone's life than she ever thought she would, and no matter how many times she marvelled at its intricacies, she couldn't help but think over it again, and again.
"Who can keep their thread completely laid out in front of them?" Yue answered, smiling when he linked their fingers together. "Even I can't figure out where mine goes, and all I think about is string all day! String, sake, string, sake, string..." Yue laughed, trying to keep quiet. Still, her laughter seemed too bright in the garden, too loud. She watched the pond and thought about how sometimes Jianyu reminded her of that, of water whose surface rippled until calm again. Whose depths held secrets and darkness, where few rays of light could reach. She hoped, in the end, that what would matter was the sun that did reach. She believed in Jianyu, and in his heart; if anyone could keep going, it was Yu. "Not your whole life, silly. Other threads are tangled with yours. I think at times... it's impossible to tell whose thread is which. They just knot there, in the middle." And then you feel like you can't move from the person, as if leaving is impossible.
Yue didn't reach out, when he let go. She watched him cross the garden and pick his bow up. It was almost with tenderness that he did so; no, it was tenderness, and familiarity. Yue was useless with bows. She could barely draw one, much less aim. Her strength in her training manifested primarily in close combat. Lately, she had been favouring a fan with iron ribs. It was nothing like Jianyu with his bow, though.
In the moonlight, Jianyu looked like a warrior from legends. He looked like he had descended from the stars, a hunter and formiddable fighter, ready to battle whatever evil there might be. If a man like Jianyu was fighting for the Legion, how could she choose any other side, even had it been in question? His unbound hair, as he loosed the arrow, was beautiful in a way that made Yue wish she was a poet. What could she do, to express the sight? Brew a drink called Warrior in Moonlight? And she almost laughed, thinking about how she ought to. She might do that, then... a drink with white blossoms, and very little spice. If she wasn't a poet, at least she could do what she knew how to.
"Jianyu, slayer of trees," Yue said, as he turned around. Her teasing fell short, when he smiled. It was the kind of memory she wanted to sear into her brain. The kind of memory she wanted to never forget, no matter how far away Jianyu might get, or how distant the feeling of the night air against her skin. She couldn't feel the cold as much, though she rubbed her shoulder with one hand.
Yue gave him one, true smile in return. It was a smile that she gave with no ulterior motives, and no desire to manipulate any outcome. Maybe her thread had, somehow, become tangled with the others. If Jianyu was part of that tangle, in whatever way, she could only be grateful. Her hand slipped up, over her heart, and she walked through the grass, towards him, her feet cool and coated with the slick moisture of night grass. She felt like she was in a dream, walking towards Yu. It felt so much like a dream that she stopped, and stood still, smiling at him, still too far to reach him. She pushed her braid behind her shoulder, tilted her head, and asked, "May I approach, oh fierce one? To pay homage to your excellent archery, and your stunning hair," Yue giggled, her smile distant, like there was something pressing on her mind.
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Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 12:40 am
Jianyu didn't wait for Yue to come closer, and he strode towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist to lift her up off her feet, spinning her around in a circle as he let out a laugh, the sound reverberating in his chest. After a few dizzying seconds he stopped, stumbling to a halt, his arms still wrapped around Yue as he looked down at her. His exhilarated expression softened and he reached a hand up, gently brushing his fingers down the side of her face. In the moonlight, she seemed almost ethereal, dreamlike. Yue was several years younger than him, but she was by far more mature than those of the same age. Her calming effect on him was something that no one had yet to do, and it was unusual and satisfying all at once.
"Yue Lao," Jianyu said quietly, smiling down at her. "You are...quite a girl."
Jianyu's smile faded and he looked back up at the night sky, his expression turning serious, almost bittersweet. How small he felt, standing here in the courtyard with Yue, underneath the neverending sky. How minute and fragile they both seemed, when the world around them was so incredibly spacious, so wide and all encompassing. His heartbeat slowed down as his heart and his mind also calmed, and Jianyu breathed in the scents once more, tasting the intoxicating tastes of night on his tongue. He dropped his head, turning his gaze back to Yue now.
"You know..." he said softly. "For these past few weeks, I have thought of nothing but the pain in my own heart. I have...found it difficult to cope with losing someone that I care for...that I love. And though I knew I would go back to my life eventually, I did not know when that "eventually" was. But you, Yue Lao. Your heart is big."
Jianyu stopped, a wry smile curving his lips upwards slightly. "A little hard to understand sometimes, as well as wild and flirtatious." he added, somewhat teasingly, but his expression grew serious once more after a moment. "But you have a good heart. And you...seem to make me relaxed, which is something I appreciate greatly."
Ducking his head, Jianyu leaned forward, gently pressing his lips to Yue's forehead. He lingered there for a moment before pulling back, his expression unchanging.
"Thank you." he said. "For tonight. For caring enough to come and find me. And for untangling my thread."
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