Welcome to Gaia! ::

hmmm. i should prolly title these with my name somewhere, but alas, i enjoy the creativity behind my actual ones. oh well.

so, before i get into the present problem, allow me to backtrack and tell you how i wound up in this stupid predicament of self-inflicted mental torture.

last year, i dated the girl that i'd liked since 8th grade. sadly, we were never able to hang out, and (as always) my fear of inadequacy drove me to breaking up with her. (that makes the 3rd girl i broke up with for that stupid reason. the second girl i broke up with cuz she actually didn't really like me) well, turns out i was (once again) over-thinking things and that she really did like me. the reason i was worried mostly, though,was that she has a tendecy to--not trying to call her a slut or anything--say yes to everyone who asks. so i was worried i was just another phase or something.

but of course i was wrong, and now i never get to see her cuz she goes to a high school on the other side of town (funny story. her mom actually moved her to the other high school because she absolutely hated me and my friend and wanted to get her daughter the hell away from us! despite both of us being half mexican, we're apparently white trash in her mom's eyes.) well, my friend and i were missing her, so we spontaneously showed up at her front door. and waited til she got home (no, we aren't stalkers. we were trying to write on her drive way that we had visited and tell her to call us, but as we were writing they pulled into the drive way) and we were able to talk for about ten minutes. never did i realize how much i could miss an ex. she's just so pretty and bubbly and sweet and i dunno how i could've given her up! but she never answers her phone (for anyone; it's nothing personal against me, i found out) and she might be dating someone else. and i'm dying to ask her to homecoming and kiss her once more. i want... yeah, i'm not gonna go into detail. keep it nice and PG in here. but i really miss her. and i know that none of you guys can help me, but i feel the need to write this and know that someone reads it and understands me and is listening, cuz i can't keep it in my head anymore and i don't wanna tell my real-life friends about it cuz they'll just tell me i was dumb for leaving her or they'll be just as excited for me and just as let down if it doesn't happen and i don't wanna put them through my pain.

i've been getting all sappy and pathetic and drawing hearts and looking at pictures of rain, because i always go back to kissing her in the rain (yeah, i live in a desert, so it was pretty epic) and. i dunno. i'm pathetic.

sorry for all the parenthesis. i know they're annoying, but i figure they'd help comprehension, ya know?

haha, thanks for the reassurance. and to think, i had finally gotten used to the idea that no one would read this. haha